(no subject)
So talking with a friend at work, we've worked down my biggest issue, the one that is causing all my other ones, practically. I've always known it, but to have someone else recognize it helps me acknowledge it.
The fear of failure.
My inner demon of terrible strength. It's what causes me to chicken out of Circus and Taiko, what makes me afraid of getting close to people, of even talking to people, what has squashed my drawing skills and caused me to give up on being a game designer... it's what makes me the failure I am to day.
It is so terrifying, failure, and so scaring for me... I remember days in high school when I got the answer wrong...days with nothing else remarkable besides that small failure. I think that's why I took Per's dumping me so hard, not only did I fail him, fail to be a good boyfriend and to keep him happy, I also failed to realize it, to see it coming...
I know what caused this extreme fear of failure too, though I probably shouldn't talk about it here. It's in the past, what's done is done, but the after effects ripple on....
How does a person get over a fear of failure?
I think I know, but it won't happen... I know I feel best, trying something new, if I get compliments and reassurances. I need to be told I am doing well, so I don't get scared and quit. I need that in love too... tell me you love me, compliment my appearance, let me know I'm wanted. Make me believe I am good at something, or worth something. Help me get over the thought that I am a failure...
But, unfortunately, compliments aren't common place any more, and if you need that much support you are seen as weak and needy... and I may be, but it could help me to not be...
The fear of failure.
My inner demon of terrible strength. It's what causes me to chicken out of Circus and Taiko, what makes me afraid of getting close to people, of even talking to people, what has squashed my drawing skills and caused me to give up on being a game designer... it's what makes me the failure I am to day.
It is so terrifying, failure, and so scaring for me... I remember days in high school when I got the answer wrong...days with nothing else remarkable besides that small failure. I think that's why I took Per's dumping me so hard, not only did I fail him, fail to be a good boyfriend and to keep him happy, I also failed to realize it, to see it coming...
I know what caused this extreme fear of failure too, though I probably shouldn't talk about it here. It's in the past, what's done is done, but the after effects ripple on....
How does a person get over a fear of failure?
I think I know, but it won't happen... I know I feel best, trying something new, if I get compliments and reassurances. I need to be told I am doing well, so I don't get scared and quit. I need that in love too... tell me you love me, compliment my appearance, let me know I'm wanted. Make me believe I am good at something, or worth something. Help me get over the thought that I am a failure...
But, unfortunately, compliments aren't common place any more, and if you need that much support you are seen as weak and needy... and I may be, but it could help me to not be...