(Untitled)

[gammerus]

I am going to have trouble disassociating things with Per. A song came on from BSG that Noah showed me years ago when we were dating. I still feel a small swell of regret and remorse when I hear it. This is what I do, why i like what I like. I imprint emotions, memories, feelings into the things that I like, music, movies, games, places, anything.

Comments

[flavia_sneech]

I do the same thing. And it is tough, because I often do wish that the things that have painful connections would just lay off a bit. But ultimately, somewhat like you said, it is worth it to be able to do that - to associate events/things/music/memories with an emotion or a person. The good outweighs the bad of it.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said something that always sticks with me when I'm in situations like this. It is from a religious point of view and speaks more directly to death, but I think that there is more truth in it than could restrict it to either of those realities alone. I don't have the exact wording, but he basically says that when we lose someone, there is a hole in our spirit created by their absence. And often, we try to make it smaller right away, so that it hurts less. But God keeps it open, and puts Godself in that space, because that pain is a result of how much that person means/meant to us. It's not that it stays open forever, but I think it speaks to the fact that we often need to be reminded that the emotional pain of loss is directly related to how important the person was when we had them.

It doesn't so much make things feel 'better', but they make more sense and have more context when I think about them this way.

And needless to say, Bonhoeffer is far more eloquent than I am. :)