Slices of Life, Part V (Phase 2)
DREW: (Looking for a worksheet) "Where's my thing?"
ME: "Look down!"
(EMILY walks in and says something unintelligible.)
LEVI: "I'm sorry, I don't speak Housecleaner. What?"
KATIE ROWE: "I had SO much fun with my mom!"
ME: "That's what he said!"
KELLY: "Ew, someone [must have] stepped in dog shit. It smells."
THAYER: "Actually, Kelly, I crapped my pants. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier."
THAYER: "We're going to stretch our butts, but not the prison way."
CHRIS SMITH: "Jack Grif-'foul?'" (Everyone laughs.) "What, it isn't pronounced like 'fowl?'"
CHRIS: (Reading off the girls' roll list) "Uh, Taylor Nelson? Is she here?"
WYATT: "Hey, Jesse. I stole this pen from Bank of America."
ME: "How do you feel about that, Wyatt?"
WYATT: (With his patented smirk) "I robbed the bank."
KASHANI: "JP, I'm scared to call on you."
ME: "I wish you had said that starting at the beginning of the semester."
THAYER: (After LIBBY and JAMIE finally get back from their hour-and-a-half run they got lost on) "...Want a donut?"
ALYSSA: (Points to Piedmont Hairport) "I got my beard waxed there!"
CLAIRE: "Walkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalk,what'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyou--OHMYGOD,NO,YOU'RERECORDINGTHIS!!" (Hits my cell phone away)
JP: "According to, ahm, The Sims, and other research sources, coffee, um, gives you a, uh, minus one bladder."
KASHANI: "Can someone define marginal cost for me?"
AARON: "The cost that Cole Margen incurs?"
ME: (While we're running back from Lake Merritt) "Dude, wouldn't it be crazy if dung beetles could talk? I bet they would complain about how shitty their name is. No pun intended."
AARON: (Talking about my PR) "I could maybe run a mile in 4:40... if it was on an airplane and straight down."
KIM: "Don't write 'I think' in your essays -- all of it is what you think."
KUNZE: "But I always write what Jesse thinks."
DR. MARKS: "Modernists didn't care if you couldn't read their poetry [because it was too sophisticated]. It's like, 'You didn't study your Latin?! OH WELL!' Slap-slap-slap." (Pantomimes slapping)
SHARP: "I have epididymitis."
ME: "The hell is that?"
SHARP: "It means there's a bacterial infection in my sperm tubes. So, I'm gonna be down for a week or two."
ME: "Haha, in more ways than one, right?"
SHARP: "I... You get the fuck outta here."
KASHANI: "This [the way I did it] is actually the best way to get into the retail business--"
ME: "What, marry someone?"
ME: "Look down!"
(EMILY walks in and says something unintelligible.)
LEVI: "I'm sorry, I don't speak Housecleaner. What?"
KATIE ROWE: "I had SO much fun with my mom!"
ME: "That's what he said!"
KELLY: "Ew, someone [must have] stepped in dog shit. It smells."
THAYER: "Actually, Kelly, I crapped my pants. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier."
THAYER: "We're going to stretch our butts, but not the prison way."
CHRIS SMITH: "Jack Grif-'foul?'" (Everyone laughs.) "What, it isn't pronounced like 'fowl?'"
CHRIS: (Reading off the girls' roll list) "Uh, Taylor Nelson? Is she here?"
WYATT: "Hey, Jesse. I stole this pen from Bank of America."
ME: "How do you feel about that, Wyatt?"
WYATT: (With his patented smirk) "I robbed the bank."
KASHANI: "JP, I'm scared to call on you."
ME: "I wish you had said that starting at the beginning of the semester."
THAYER: (After LIBBY and JAMIE finally get back from their hour-and-a-half run they got lost on) "...Want a donut?"
ALYSSA: (Points to Piedmont Hairport) "I got my beard waxed there!"
CLAIRE: "Walkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalkwalk,what'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyoudoingwhat'reyou--OHMYGOD,NO,YOU'RERECORDINGTHIS!!" (Hits my cell phone away)
JP: "According to, ahm, The Sims, and other research sources, coffee, um, gives you a, uh, minus one bladder."
KASHANI: "Can someone define marginal cost for me?"
AARON: "The cost that Cole Margen incurs?"
ME: (While we're running back from Lake Merritt) "Dude, wouldn't it be crazy if dung beetles could talk? I bet they would complain about how shitty their name is. No pun intended."
AARON: (Talking about my PR) "I could maybe run a mile in 4:40... if it was on an airplane and straight down."
KIM: "Don't write 'I think' in your essays -- all of it is what you think."
KUNZE: "But I always write what Jesse thinks."
DR. MARKS: "Modernists didn't care if you couldn't read their poetry [because it was too sophisticated]. It's like, 'You didn't study your Latin?! OH WELL!' Slap-slap-slap." (Pantomimes slapping)
SHARP: "I have epididymitis."
ME: "The hell is that?"
SHARP: "It means there's a bacterial infection in my sperm tubes. So, I'm gonna be down for a week or two."
ME: "Haha, in more ways than one, right?"
SHARP: "I... You get the fuck outta here."
KASHANI: "This [the way I did it] is actually the best way to get into the retail business--"
ME: "What, marry someone?"