.....I will not break the way you did...

[gamer_x2]

Hey, hows everyone doing? I'm okay. I could be soo much better, well i'm okay. I suppose. I'm just really lonely. I know I have some friends, but that's not my significant other, as Matt says. I know I work all of the time, granted, nobody wants to hangout with me anyways. So about finding this right guy, what do I do? Just wait? It's hard, you know? I know i'm not the prettiest girl in the world or the skinniest, but I have something that neither of those girls have to offer. I have love to offer. I'm not all about looks. I want someone to hold at night, and cry because i'm so happy. I feel like i'm going nowhere most of the time.. I'm usually not this bad, with being upset..I'm not..I try really hard to not let it bother me. I konw that there are more important things in my life to worry about. While taking care of those, I might find that person along the way. I highly doubt it though. I think my problem is , is that i'm always lookin for someone. I can't help that. Part of me wants to cry, but I know crying is weakness. So I need to be strong and be happy. I know people care about me. It's just hard to see sometimes. I know I could easily get a boyfriend, and that's my problem. I date all sorts of wrong people. I look at them and think okay they'll do, but they aren't filling that emptiness anymore. It's not working. It was for a while, just dating someone random, and spending all of my time with them. No longer does that work. No longer am I immature. No longer do I play games. Now, I want someone mature. Someone who doesn't drink or smoke.. Maybe i'm asking way too much? Is everyone else lonely, like I am? I can't say i'm looking for "The One" on myspace. That's insane, you can't meet someone off of the internet, and marry them. Well then again, Impossible, is nothing. I wonder how people see me, say guys? I wonder what they think of me. See the thing is. I know a lot of guys want to date a girl and just have sex with them, truth is, i'm not a big sexual person at all. So when I get used, that hurts .. Yes, it's happened. ( I don't know where i'm going with this entry, sorry if i'm boring you =). ) .. Anyways.. I work at a movie theatre see, and I see all these people come in and they seem happy with who they're with , wether it be married to, dating, or whatever. They seem happy. It makes me happy , but at the same time i'm jealous, because I don't know what that feels like.. For example. One of my friends, "Danielle, is dating my ex Kenton" However, i'm not jealous about them being together. I'm happy for them, but i'm jealous because I don't feel what they feel for each other. Am I making any sense? ..

*Sigh* Yet, when I find a guy that does take interest in me, he isn't good enough, and I leave him. I feel as though, he doesn't have everything that I want in a guy, so I let him go. Is that too harsh? I'm soo confused right now.. I guess if someone has something to say, please respond..It would be greatly appreciated..

Have a good night everyone..