Seriously, last update ever, or until I decide I miss this thing.
I am actually okay.
Yesterday I felt so alone, and hopeless, and a million other terrible things.
I have finally managed to put the past away. Nearly a year of effort, and pain, and depression later. I have always meant it when I told you, "I just want you to be happy." But now I can actually feel happy for you. It's quite strange.
I still am alone, and hopeless, and a million other terrible things, but I have come to grips with it. It's just time to get on with it. I just want us to be able to talk and not feel the tension.
I really am sorry for all the discomfort I must have caused you.
Sunday I got a second chance. I should probably be dead right now, but my narrow ass literally saved me. I was in the passenger seat of a car that got broad sided and totaled. I really have no idea how I am completely unharmed by it. My leg was sore for about a day, and I have a small bruise. But otherwise, completely fine.
Watching a car smash into the exact spot you are sitting makes your mind work really quick, and helps you realize all of your failings. So many think I am a good person, and yet, I see myself as a terrible one. I will not delve into my faults, for it could be an incredibly long process, but I'm sure you all know of one I have.
I feel so lucky right now, almost invincible? I heard once that human beings, on the average, have several opportunities to die before it actually happens. I feel lucky to just have the one. It's time to turn around. It's time to do something with myself. It's time to really get to who I am.
I owe many apologies to many people. Those of you who know who you are, and what I owe you apologies for, consider this a down payment.
Goodbye LiveJournal.
Yesterday I felt so alone, and hopeless, and a million other terrible things.
I have finally managed to put the past away. Nearly a year of effort, and pain, and depression later. I have always meant it when I told you, "I just want you to be happy." But now I can actually feel happy for you. It's quite strange.
I still am alone, and hopeless, and a million other terrible things, but I have come to grips with it. It's just time to get on with it. I just want us to be able to talk and not feel the tension.
I really am sorry for all the discomfort I must have caused you.
Sunday I got a second chance. I should probably be dead right now, but my narrow ass literally saved me. I was in the passenger seat of a car that got broad sided and totaled. I really have no idea how I am completely unharmed by it. My leg was sore for about a day, and I have a small bruise. But otherwise, completely fine.
Watching a car smash into the exact spot you are sitting makes your mind work really quick, and helps you realize all of your failings. So many think I am a good person, and yet, I see myself as a terrible one. I will not delve into my faults, for it could be an incredibly long process, but I'm sure you all know of one I have.
I feel so lucky right now, almost invincible? I heard once that human beings, on the average, have several opportunities to die before it actually happens. I feel lucky to just have the one. It's time to turn around. It's time to do something with myself. It's time to really get to who I am.
I owe many apologies to many people. Those of you who know who you are, and what I owe you apologies for, consider this a down payment.
Goodbye LiveJournal.