what the fuck am I doing with my life, anyhow?
15 Years Ago, I:
1. was seven.
2. had a really bad side spike haircut.
3. was really tiny and nerdy.
4. got picked on a lot.
5. started playing drums.
10 Years Ago, I:
1. was 12.
2. still had a really bad side spike haircut.
3. was still really tiny/got picked on a lot.
4. started skateboarding.
5. plated a new kids on the block song on drums, along with a tape, for my grandmothers birthday.
5 Years Ago, I:
1.was 17.
2. was straight edge.
3. was in a ska band.
4. had a huge growth spurt.
5. had my first girlfriend.
3 Years Ago, I:
1. was 19.
2. met an amazing girl.
3. fell in love with said girl.
4. freaked out about everything and broke up with said girl.
5. went on tour with hyde.
6. got back together with said amazing girl.
1 Year Ago, I:
1. was 21.
2. lived in ottawa.
3. was in love.
4. got broken up with.
5. had the worst summer ever, and got cheated on.
4 months ago, I:
1. was preparing for tour.
2. was dating a history major.
3. was working 70 hours a week.
4. still wasn't over said amazing girl.
5. thought everything was fine.
Yesterday, I:
1. got up at 11am.
2. took back a movie.
3. got cigarettes.
4. ate pizza.
5. worked.
Today, I:
1. got up at 4pm.
2. finished watching the house of sand and fog.
3. put on pants.
4. fed the dog.
5. am making myself really sad.
Tomorrow, I:
1. will work.
2. will sit around the house until I work.
3. will eat.
4. will be sad.
5. will poop.
you know, I should be done with all of this by now, and I am disgusted with myself. you would think you hating me would be enough, but it isn't. you would think those first 2 months of sitting in my room, doing nothing, smoking a lot of cigarettes, getting really drunk, smoking a lot of pot, and being depressed would be enough, but they weren't. I have no fucking closure. and I thrive on closure. I am sick and tired of all this fucking bullshit, and being enthralled in it. I am sick of pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. not just on this topic, but on nearly every topic. I have no idea how to fix myself, or how to just snap out of this. and everyday I die a little more. one month and two days and I will probably be completely dead inside. sweet.
1. was seven.
2. had a really bad side spike haircut.
3. was really tiny and nerdy.
4. got picked on a lot.
5. started playing drums.
10 Years Ago, I:
1. was 12.
2. still had a really bad side spike haircut.
3. was still really tiny/got picked on a lot.
4. started skateboarding.
5. plated a new kids on the block song on drums, along with a tape, for my grandmothers birthday.
5 Years Ago, I:
1.was 17.
2. was straight edge.
3. was in a ska band.
4. had a huge growth spurt.
5. had my first girlfriend.
3 Years Ago, I:
1. was 19.
2. met an amazing girl.
3. fell in love with said girl.
4. freaked out about everything and broke up with said girl.
5. went on tour with hyde.
6. got back together with said amazing girl.
1 Year Ago, I:
1. was 21.
2. lived in ottawa.
3. was in love.
4. got broken up with.
5. had the worst summer ever, and got cheated on.
4 months ago, I:
1. was preparing for tour.
2. was dating a history major.
3. was working 70 hours a week.
4. still wasn't over said amazing girl.
5. thought everything was fine.
Yesterday, I:
1. got up at 11am.
2. took back a movie.
3. got cigarettes.
4. ate pizza.
5. worked.
Today, I:
1. got up at 4pm.
2. finished watching the house of sand and fog.
3. put on pants.
4. fed the dog.
5. am making myself really sad.
Tomorrow, I:
1. will work.
2. will sit around the house until I work.
3. will eat.
4. will be sad.
5. will poop.
you know, I should be done with all of this by now, and I am disgusted with myself. you would think you hating me would be enough, but it isn't. you would think those first 2 months of sitting in my room, doing nothing, smoking a lot of cigarettes, getting really drunk, smoking a lot of pot, and being depressed would be enough, but they weren't. I have no fucking closure. and I thrive on closure. I am sick and tired of all this fucking bullshit, and being enthralled in it. I am sick of pretending that everything is fine when it isn't. not just on this topic, but on nearly every topic. I have no idea how to fix myself, or how to just snap out of this. and everyday I die a little more. one month and two days and I will probably be completely dead inside. sweet.