[FIC] Your world within me (4/6)

[beastattackmod]

Title: Your world within me
Pairing: Kiseob, Dongseob
Rating: R
Word count: 61,206
Summary: Son Dongwoon is a writer who hardly ever goes outside. But even within the safety of his own home Dongwoon witnesses horrible happenings through the thin walls of his apartment. When he starts writing down his thoughts they feel like they're someone else's. This is a story about a windowsill, a black paperweight and horrors that can only happen in fiction...or not?

Yoseob blows against his fist to warm his icy fingers. Dongwoon turns his head to look at him worriedly. They are walking through the city at night. The air is cool and Yoseob’s fingers are too exposed to the chilly breeze.

“It’ll only result in your fingers being even colder afterward,” Dongwoon murmurs and carefully reaches for Yoseob’s hand, pulling it away from Yoseob’s mouth. Dongwoon hastily looks straight ahead again.

“It would do better if we’d…” His fingers entwine with Yoseob’s very hesitantly. For one second Yoseob thinks he can let it pass but then again, he knows what holding hands means. He tries to wind his hand out of Dongwoon’s gentle grasp.

Dongwoon catches him before they completely lose contact. “I didn’t mean to…I just didn’t want you to be cold,” Dongwoon murmurs and very carefully curls his fingers around Yoseob’s hand again. Dongwoon’s skin is so warm that Yoseob finds himself more than willingly allowing the touch. He nods. He doesn’t want to be cold either.

It has become awkwardly silent between them and it makes Yoseob nervous how excited he feels about holding hands with Dongwoon. The street lamps, the shop windows, the night sky, everything is so romantic. Yoseob inhales sharply.

“I’m fine again,” he murmurs with an insecure smile at Dongwoon and pulls his hand away from Dongwoon. Dongwoon looks down.

“It’s because of the kiss, isn’t it?”

Yoseob’s smile disappears. “Dongwoon...I thought you’d understand me. The kiss was nice, but I want to leave it at this. You know why I can’t…love you.”

Dongwoon heaves a sigh. “I’m not asking you to love me,” he says and finally looks at Yoseob again. Dongwoon has such beautiful eyes. His hand touches Yoseob’s arm and slides down to Yoseob’s hand. “I’m asking you to just give it a try.”

“Dongwoon…” Yoseob whispers and pleadingly shakes his head.

“Please,” Dongwoon breathes. He squeezes Yoseob’s hand firmly. “I would be content with holding your hand right now,” Dongwoon adds hurriedly and his lips break into a smile. “Would that be alright with you?”

Yoseob really, really wants to tell Dongwoon no. He knows it can’t be. He knows it will hurt so much eventually if he lets this happen. But he can’t resist Dongwoon. He nods very faintly but Dongwoon’s whole being seems to light up.

They walk on, neither of them saying a word but Dongwoon is grinning from ear to ear. And maybe Yoseob is smiling too. Just a little bit.

“So…how long have you been a writer?” Yoseob finally asks when they step around a corner and into a smaller street where trees are flanking both sides. He just wants the silence to be filled by Dongwoon’s voice.

“I started writing when I was a little boy,” Dongwoon answers. He sounds amused. A lot of memories must be attached to these words.

“Did you publish anything yet?”

Dongwoon nods. “Wasn’t a huge success though.”

“Give it some time. Try it again. Your writing is so beautiful. Everyone should be able to read it.”

Dongwoon’s smile is so warm when their eyes meet. For just a moment Yoseob thinks that he really doesn’t care about any consequences. He really just wants to wrap his arms around Dongwoon’s neck and maybe kiss him again.

Dongwoon seems to feel it too, that tension that makes their steps slow down because his smile fades until it’s nothing but a spark in his eyes. “Please stop being so wonderful,” he says.

Yoseob bursts into laughter. It’s such a ridiculous thing to say and yet it makes Yoseob incredibly happy.

They walk on. Yoseob heaves a sigh but his smile remains on his lips. The night is so chilly that his breath forms a little cloud in front of his mouth. Just then he notices something out of the corner of his eye.

He turns his head to make sure he hasn’t been imagining things. Just before they turn around another corner Yoseob clearly sees two persons sitting next to each other on one of the benches between the trees. They are holding a smoking cup of coffee each. Doojoon’s head is bobbing to some music. He looks happy. His cheeks are red from the cold. Hyunseung switches to another song on his iPod to make Doojoon listen to it. And just the second before Yoseob finally loses sight of them Hyunseung looks up at him as if he knew he was there all along. He smiles so brightly when he looks down at their connected hands that Yoseob blushes nervously. Then they are gone. Like a memory from a dream.

Yoseob’s palm gets sweaty. He pulls it away from Dongwoon’s.

“It’s getting too warm,” he whispers but all he can think of is Hyunseung’s smile when he saw them together. Yoseob suddenly begins dreading the meaning of this smile. As if Hyunseung knew something Yoseob doesn’t admit himself. He shakes his head. Dongwoon looks at him questioningly.

“Oh it’s nothing. I was just thinking,” Yoseob hastily tries to explain himself. Dongwoon doesn’t ask any further and silently walks on. Yoseob pushes his hands down the pockets of his jacket to warm them.

But what if Hyunseung really approves of this? What if there was a slight chance that, whatever it is between him and Dongwoon, would work? What if he wanted this?

He glances at Dongwoon carefully but Dongwoon notices nevertheless. Yoseob lowers his head hurriedly.

“What?” Dongwoon laughs.

Yoseob shrugs. “Nothing,” he chuckles. Dongwoon really is a kind person and really funny too. And he is so handsome and gentle.

“You don’t stare at people for nothing,” Dongwoon teases him. Yoseob wants to reply something witty but the words get stuck in his throat.

“What was that?” he gasps.

Dongwoon grins. “Don’t try to change the topic,” he says but Yoseob shakes his head and stops walking. He heard something very close by.

“Listen,” he whispers.

Dongwoon holds his breath when Yoseob grabs his arm all of a sudden. “Do you hear that?” Yoseob whispers and Dongwoon nods slowly.

There is a very faint sound coming from around the next corner. It isn’t regular and sounds very muffled. Someone is crying.

“Come on,“ Yoseob whispers and pulls at Dongwoon’s sleeve. He sneaks closer to the source of the noise. The bitter sobs sound so unreal out here. Yoseob carefully steps around the corner.

Restless fingers run through dark hair, clenching, ripping at the strands and trying to comfort the moment after. The person sitting on the floor has their face buried in a nest of arms and knees. Yoseob knows him. A sigh leaves his lips and he crouches down to touch the man’s shoulder.

“Junhyung.”

Junhyung’s head darts up when Yoseob touches him. He needs a moment until he recognizes Yoseob. In a new rush of pain Junhyung turns his head away, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth. He is holding a cellphone.

“Junhyung, what’s wrong?”

Junhyung wordlessly shakes his head, gestures Yoseob away with his free hand before he hides his eyes from him with his palm.

“What happened?”

Junhyung sobs breathlessly and wipes his hand over his eyes. “J-just leave me alone,” he mumbles.

Yoseob frowns at Junhyung angrily. He wants to know what is going on. He looks at the cellphone in Junhyung’s clenched fist. “What happened?” he asks again and reaches for Junhyung’s hand.

“Do you need help?”

Junhyung looks up at the sound of Dongwoon’s voice and stops fighting against Yoseob who is trying to get Junhyung’s cellphone. Junhyung doesn’t say a word. His expression is like stone when he glares up at Dongwoon.

But Yoseob doesn’t notice. He has gotten hold of Junhyung’s phone and stares at the opened text message. It doesn’t make any sense to him. All he knows is that it’s been sent by Kikwang.

‘I changed my mind. I’m decided.’

“What is this about?” Yoseob asks when Junhyung snatches the phone away from him.

Junhyung scowls at him, face scrunched up in pain and new tears welling up inside his eyes. “Nothing,” he croaks and stands up, about to walk away.

“Junhyung what is this all about?” Yoseob calls much louder this time. All these secrets and riddles annoy him so much.

Junhyung spins around. His hand darts forwards. His index finger points at Dongwoon. “Him!” Junhyung spits and stomps away, leaving them standing there when the rain starts to fall. Yoseob turns around to look at Dongwoon who seems just as confused as he feels.

--

“Sleep,” Dongwoon whispered and rolled to his side, facing the wall. He was so tired but he just couldn’t stop thinking about what he had just written, what he had just experienced like he had been there. Because you were there, a small voice inside his head told him. Dongwoon sighed and rolled to his back, staring at the ceiling.

Yoseob had a beautiful smile. Yoseob had liked it too, right? He had enjoyed their meeting. He must have. He had looked so content for some time. And he had begun to ask questions about Dongwoon. Dongwoon smiled. He wanted to tell him everything. His chest heaving with another sigh Dongwoon closed his eyes.

“Good night, Yoseob,” he whispered and tried to empty his mind at least for a few minutes so he could finally sleep after two days of insomnia in a row.

“I love you.”

--

Yoseob unfolded the letter while speed-walking into the kitchen. Like a little boy, reading his first criminal story with a torch under the blanket, Yoseob now crouched down between the kitchen counter and table. He pulled his knees to his chest and looked around inside his little, not so undiscoverable hideout before he started reading.

‘There is something you should know about me.’

Yoseob smiled and didn’t really know why. It felt good to smile. It felt good to have Dongwoon talking to him through that letter.

‘I sometimes feel lonely when I write. And then I wish someone was there so I could stand up, stretch my aching muscles and walk away into another room where this someone would be so I could hug this someone to recharge me like a battery.’

Yoseob bit his lips. Dongwoon’s writing once again was luring him in so easily that he could vividly see Dongwoon entering the kitchen, rubbing his aching nape and searching for that certain someone. Only that Yoseob caught himself imagining himself to be the one standing there with Dongwoon’s arms sliding around him from behind. Yoseob breathed in sharply and fought the urge to close his eyes and just let the scene unfold inside of his head.

His stomach made a funny twist. He tried to cool his heated cheeks with the back of his hand. Hastily he continued reading.

‘That would be me in another situation. But I want to show you everything I really am. I want to give you a little tour through my own little world which I now open up to you because I have so bluntly burst into yours. Therefore I’m here now, inside my office. You are standing in front of my door. I’m awaiting you but I can’t know you are so hesitant. You let a whole minute pass before you finally knock on the door.’

Yoseob holds his breath and waits for Dongwoon’s voice to answer the timid sound of his knuckles knocking on the dark door. Yoseob looks left and right along the wooden corridor. Dust is dancing through the air inside the old house.

“Come in.” Dongwoon’s voice is very soft and yet it makes Yoseob jump. He turns the cold doorknob carefully and pushes the door open just a tiny gap as if waiting for Dongwoon to tell him to leave again.

He sees Dongwoon in the middle of the room.

“I wasn’t talking to myself when I told you to come in, you know?” Dongwoon chuckles and Yoseob scurries inside with a sheepish grin and closes the door behind him very cautiously as if entering a sanctuary.

Yoseob can’t help but take a look around before he does anything else. The office’s walls seem to consist of nothing but shelves. They start at one end of the wall and spread over the whole length and from the floor to the ceiling. The window is very dirty. Outside lies an ancient looking city, with sooty, warped rooftops and loamy streets.

The shelves are stuffed with various objects, mostly books but there are picture frames, figurines, vases, candlesticks and other strange things too. The real chaos seems to be starting on top of Dongwoon’s desk though. It is like a miracle that the black wood isn’t bending and breaking under the weight of big bulky books and the tons of paper and maps lying spread all over the tabletop. There is barely enough space for the ancient looking typewriter Dongwoon has squeezed in between two towers of books.

Dongwoon waits patiently until Yoseob finally looks at him. He is smiling. His clothes are all black and look very smart.

“Hello”, Yoseob murmurs. He feels a little awkward. Dongwoon’s grin widens.

“You could come a little closer,” he suggests amusedly. Yoseob hastily complies and walks towards Dongwoon. The floor creaks under his steps.

“What are you working on?” Yoseob asks.

There is a fresh, white piece of paper inside the typewriter. Dongwoon hasn’t written a single word yet. Yoseob casually rests his hand upon Dongwoon’s shoulder. He just felt like it when standing behind Dongwoon like this.

“Where do you want to go?” Dongwoon asks cheerfully and places his fingers on top of the golden keys of his typewriter. Yoseob frowns. The ‘H’ has been replaced by a black key instead.

“Everything alright?” Dongwoon asks worriedly and turns his head to look up at Yoseob. Yoseob hurries to nod with a smile. He’ll have to talk to Doojoon again.

“Would you like to go somewhere warm?” Dongwoon smiles at him.

Yoseob tilts his head curiously. “How?” he asks.

“I just have to write it. Have you ever been to the sea?” Dongwoon eagerly starts typing when Yoseob shakes his head. But Yoseob doesn’t really pay attention. His eyes have found something strange between all the books and paper.

He reaches for the small picture frame and looks at his own face on the photo. He is staring directly into the camera, a faint smile on his lips. Yoseob doesn’t remember ever taking a photo like this.

“Dongwoon…where did you get this from?” He shows Dongwoon the picture but Dongwoon simply nods and places it down onto the desk again.

“Oh that…” he says. “They are from my stories. Ideas I have or things I want to remember. I have…several more of them.” Dongwoon says it like it’s not a big deal but Yoseob’s heart suddenly pounds painfully hard against his chest.

Only now he really notices what all these picture frames are showing. He stumbles closer towards the shelves.

“Yoseob, are you okay?” Dongwoon asks carefully. Yoseob doesn’t hear him. His eyes are widened and his fingers shake badly when he touches the cool glass shielding another picture of him from the dust.

There are pictures of his friends too. Yoseob remembers some of the scenes shown on the pictures. But he knows that Dongwoon can’t know about them. Some of those happened years ago.

Yoseob pulls out one of the books and opens it. It’s a photo album. There is his first day of school. A much younger Yoseob is smiling at him brightly. His face is stained with chocolate cake on the day of his ninth birthday.

“Dongwoon what is all this?” Yoseob lets out hysterically. The album drops to the floor. There is his name written on the back of one of the books.

He hears the sound of a chair scratching over the wooden floor. “Dongwoon!” he calls. He is panicking. Why does Dongwoon know so much about him? Where did he get all those pictures from?

“Yoseob, calm down. I told you that…”

“Where did you get these from?” Yoseob yells and grabs a few sheets of paper from the shelves.

“Yoseob, please…”

“Oh my god. What the hell is…” Yoseob stares at the title of each piece of paper. These are music sheets. These are songs he tried to write when he was still in high school. They don’t even exist anymore.

“Yoseob, I told you I didn’t understand myself. This is just…these things come to me when I…”

“What the hell are you!” Yoseob shouts and stumbles a step away from Dongwoon.

“Yoseob, listen to me for a moment,” Dongwoon tries and lifts his hands carefully, telling Yoseob wordlessly that he doesn’t mean any harm.

“Don’t come closer!” Yoseob screams and drops the sheets of music to the floor. “You are sick! What…what were you doing with these? T-this isn’t normal!”

He rushes for the door. Dongwoon is after him. Yoseob is panicking. His fingers miss the doorknob by inches. This is everything about his life. These are things nobody but him can know about. He has accepted that Dongwoon somehow manages to write the persons from his mind. But this freaks him out.

“Stay away from me!” he yells. Dongwoon presses his hand against the door and stops him from ripping it open.

“Yoseob, please wait. I can explain.”

Yoseob shakes his head. “This is sick! Leave me alone! This…what are you?”

“Yoseob…” Dongwoon reaches for Yoseob’s hand but Yoseob cringes away. “You scare me!”

Dongwoon’s expression goes blank. He steps away from the door, doing nothing but staring at Yoseob. Yoseob lets out a panicked gasp and rips the door open.

He runs away as fast as he can. Dongwoon isn’t following him.

Yoseob threw the letter under the dining table as if it had just burned his fingers. He pressed his fist against his racing heart. This wasn’t possible. Dongwoon couldn’t know so much about him. These pictures had never been taken.

Everything revolving Dongwoon had been strange from the beginning but this was too much. Yoseob was shivering all over. A dry sob escaped his lips. This wasn’t natural. He couldn’t understand this.

Using the kitchen counter to support his weight, Yoseob picked himself up and rushed towards the sink. The water that came out of the pipe was ice cold. Yoseob splashed his face with it.

“Oh god,” he breathed. He just couldn’t calm down. His mind was reeling. He felt so dizzy. Slowly he turned around and looked at the letter still lying under the dining table. Very carefully, as if it could attack him Yoseob got down on all fours and picked it up. He folded it immediately without looking at it. He didn’t want to read a single word again.

His movements were so uncoordinated and hasty that he almost knocked over the chair when he pulled it towards him to sit down. When he had retrieved Dongwoon’s letter he had prepared at pen to answer immediately.

His handwriting was barely readable due to his trembling fingers.

--

‘Do not contact me again. I don’t want to read anything you have written anymore. I’m afraid of you. I trusted you. But you are more dangerous than him. Leave me alone. I want this to end. This isn’t normal. Make it stop. I don’t understand. It frightens me. Just stop.’

“No. No, wait,” Dongwoon gasped as if Yoseob was indeed standing in front of him. He hissed. There was a throbbing pain inside his head. He pressed his hand against his temple.

“Oh no…no.”

His world was collapsing. His sweat broke. This couldn’t happen. Yoseob couldn’t leave him. He had tried to explain it to him. He had tried to understand it himself. It wasn’t him doing this. Something wanted this to happen. Dongwoon didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was faith.

He knew it wasn’t normal. He knew there was no proper explanation but he had never wanted to scare Yoseob. How could he frighten someone like Yoseob who was suffering so much already?

The pain inside his head became so strong it made him trip and fall against the wall. There were so many pictures inside his head. He would never get them out. It made him panic.

He rushed over towards his typewriter and let himself fall down onto his chair. He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t just forget about Yoseob.

--

But Yoseob didn’t accept his letters anymore. Whenever Dongwoon placed a new one onto Yoseob’s windowsill, after having soaked it with salty tears he just couldn’t keep from falling, it always returned to his window, unopened, unread.

In the middle of the night Dongwoon was standing in front of Yoseob’s apartment but he didn’t dare to ring the bell. He waited there for hours before he dragged himself into his own apartment again. There was no doubt. He was losing his mind. The relationship with Yoseob, if he could even call it that, had never been healthy from the start.

Dongwoon had fallen much too quickly, much too recklessly and now he had hit the ground much too hard.

And yet, every day more than once, he wrote Yoseob a new story, a new letter until there weren’t any tears left to smear the fresh ink.

Four days passed. Dongwoon emotionlessly picked up the eighth story he had written for Yoseob from his own windowsill. There was a single word written on the back.

‘Stop’

--

Yoseob didn’t know what he had been doing when he hadn’t yet been waiting for Dongwoon’s letters every day. Had it all been this meaningless, this empty before?

He felt betrayed. Dongwoon had been just another person playing with his heart, turning out to be just as cruel as the ones before. Yoseob was scared of that wall now. Yoseob was scared of Dongwoon.

The TV screen he was staring at was black. He wasn’t in the mood for anything right now.

His boyfriend entered with some energy drink in his hand.

“I hate it when you’re moping,” he said. Yoseob lifted his head and sent him a smile.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I was just spacing out for a moment, that’s all.”

His lover dropped onto the couch next to him. “Puppy,” he sighed and leant back, pulling Yoseob against him like he was a blanket. “You are thinking too much. One would think you are trying to be clever.”

“Mhm,” Yoseob agreed monotonously. He wondered if it was hate he was feeling for this man. He had always thought it was love but it tasted far too bitter for that.

“I don’t want you to be moping around me. When I come home from a shitty day at work, I don’t need to see that pathetic expression, do you understand me?”

“Yes, I do,” Yoseob said as kindly as he could while biting back a tear. He would never get away from this man. Yes it was hate. But his hate wasn’t directed at his boyfriend. He hated himself. It was disgusting.

At night he found a plate Yoseob had forgotten to put away after dinner. Yoseob was only slapped once in the face for it. It wasn’t that bad. He really didn’t want to cry. It was just a single tear that escaped him when his boyfriend was already asleep.

--

Yoseob carefully placed the black bunny back onto Dongwoon’s windowsill. Dongwoon just wouldn’t stop. It hurt Yoseob. Something inside of him was dying to read what Dongwoon had written but he was too scared of going into Dongwoon’s world again.

He walked into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. There was work to do. He had to prepare dinner. He wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing. His mind was drifting off as he watched the leafless branches of the tree outside the window sway in the wind while he washed some vegetables in the sink.

Where had he gone wrong? Had it been the day he met his boyfriend? Or later? Had he done something wrong to deserve this treatment? It had to be this way since a long time ago he had felt loved by that man. And then he must’ve made a severe mistake because then everything had changed.

Maybe his lover was just really frustrated with him because he had become lazy. Maybe he had wanted too much. It probably was because he was useless and pathetic and too weak.

Yoseob placed the vegetables onto a cutting board. He let out an amused snort. How long had it been since he had last thought something like that? Dongwoon had made him forget how ridiculous he was only to show it to him so clearly again.

Maybe he just had a talent of doing everything wrong. And it would continue for the rest of his life. He would continue to embarrassingly search for any affection from the man who had vowed to love him and he would do everything to please that man. But he would fail like he always did. And then there was still the pain. But he could cope with pain pretty well by now.

He felt so lonely. Yoseob’s movements slowed down. He hadn’t really noticed when he had taken out the knife. He looked at his reflection in the silvery blade. Was that really him?

His index finger touched the tip of the knife. He furrowed his eyebrows. It didn’t hurt so much. A clean drop of blood ran down his finger. He rolled the shaft of the knife in his hand.

A cold hand touches his wrist.

“You better leave this.”

“I don’t need a hero, Doojoon,” Yoseob whispers and stares down at the rose he is holding in his hand. A thorn must’ve pierced his skin.

Doojoon carefully touches his injured finger as if to examine it. Yoseob sighs and turns around.

“I’m not a hero. I would be in better shape if I was one,” Doojoon murmurs and brings his lips against Yoseob’s finger.

Yoseob watches him closely. Doojoon’s brow is sweaty. There is no warmth in his lips and no color in his cheeks. Dark circles beneath Doojoon’s eyes look as if Doojoon hasn’t seen a bed in days.

“You shouldn’t worry so much about me. You don’t look so good yourself,” Yoseob says. Doojoon wraps a tissue around his finger and doesn’t answer.

“You’ve been very uncommunicative lately.” Doojoon gives him a quick glance but once again doesn’t say anything for a long time. He smiles at him and releases Yoseob’s hand. Yoseob looks down at Doojoon’s work before he finally takes his time to look around.

The air seems to be filled with vapor which refracts the light in all directions. They are inside a greenhouse. Long rows of low tables carry pots with various roses of all colors. But something doesn’t seem to be right.

“They are all dying,” Yoseob states and turns his head to see where Doojoon went. Doojoon very carefully waters a white rose tree with petals that are slowly turning yellow.

“They didn’t get much attention for a while,” Doojoon finally speaks and wipes the sweat off his forehead.

“Doojoon?” Yoseob asks after a while. Doojoon hums softly to tell Yoseob he is listening.

“That typewriter key you gave me…” He is so sure that it’s from Dongwoon’s typewriter and he needs to know how Doojoon got it. He needs to know what it means.

“You are still asking me about this?” Doojoon chuckles but it turns into coughing. He holds on to the edge of the table in front of him. Yoseob rushes over to him. Doojoon seems to be choking.

“Doojoon...are you okay? Are you sick?” When Yoseob touches him Doojoon tries to shove him away and shakes his head. Somehow he manages to regain control over his breathing. His smile is weary but he acts as if nothing happened just now.

“I told you, I can’t tell you anything about it.”

“Then who can?” Yoseob whines. He has enough of this. When even his friends, the world inside his mind don’t make sense anymore and confuse him, then what should he do? Where should he go? Right now his secret world is starting to be affected by his reality. It’s his sole hideout. When it collapses he won’t be able to carry on anymore. Then it will be too late. He needs Doojoon to answer now.

But Doojoon doesn’t seem fit to say anything right now. With heavy feet he drags himself through the greenhouse to sit down on a chair next to a cupboard with various tools inside.

“Doojoon, what is happening to you?” Yoseob asks.

His question seems to bother Doojoon a lot. He doesn’t look at Yoseob at all. There is something really worrying that he doesn’t tell Yoseob. Yoseob hates how wet Doojoon’s eyes look. And still Doojoon tries to smile as if everything was just fine. It suddenly reminds Yoseob of something. It’s a memory he can barely access anymore because it seems so far away, from another time and another place.

There was a story where Doojoon had downplayed his condition. In the end of that story Doojoon had…

Yoseob draws in a sharp breath. “Doojoon, what aren’t you telling me?” he nearly yells at him.

Doojoon’s smile falls but his eyes just won’t see Yoseob. He stares at the sky through the glass of the roof.

Energetically Yoseob wipes away the tear that rolls down his cheek. It is answer enough. “Y-you are dying, aren’t you?”

Doojoon doesn’t move nor does he do anything else to tell Yoseob that he understood his whisper or that he isn’t right. Yoseob stands in the middle of millions of wilting roses and listens to his blood rushing past his ears. He waits for Doojoon’s answer as if he is waiting for the impact with the ground after tripping.

The silence seems to grow infinitely with every heartbeat that passes.

“Yes.”

Yoseob feels like for a moment the world stops turning. Doojoon looks at him with his expression both helpless and angry at Yoseob for asking that question in the first place. Yoseob is in shock. Although he expected this answer it feels like a punch to his stomach.

“N-no,” he whispers and stumbles forwards as if he only now has learned how to walk. “There must be something we can do.” Each blink brings new tears to his eyes until finally they start falling.

“Doojoon,” he croaks. He can’t stand Doojoon not answering and being so indifferent about it. If Doojoon dies…then he will be gone and Yoseob can’t bear that thought. “I need you. There must be a way!”

Doojoon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “There is only one thing you can do.”

“What? What is it?” Yoseob yells desperately.

“Hope,” Doojoon whispers.

Yoseob’s world collapses beneath his feet. “No!” he screams. “That is not good enough! There has to be something! Y-you can’t die!”

There is incredibly much pain in Doojoon’s eyes when he hears Yoseob saying this. Yoseob angrily shakes his head. This can’t be all he has to say!

“I’m sorry. I guess I won’t be able to protect you anymore.”

Yoseob sniffs and wipes the back of his hand over his nose. “What are you even protecting me from? Doojoon!”

“Maybe yourself?”

Yoseob swirls around and stares at Kikwang standing in an aisle of dying roses with his hands down the pockets of his suit. He misses his smile.

“What do you mean?” Yoseob sobs and tries to dry his face with his sleeve.

“What happened to your finger?” Kikwang asks instead. For a moment Yoseob is confused. He forgot everything about the incident in the kitchen and only slowly remembers it now.

“I was careless,” he says. There is a sting in his heart when Kikwang shakes his head in disappointment. He comes closer.

“Don’t you love yourself anymore, Yoseob?” he asks and reaches for Yoseob’s hand. It’s funny that Kikwang is asking this very question just now when only a few minutes earlier Yoseob came to the conclusion that he doesn’t. He hates himself.

“What is there to love?”

Kikwang furrows his eyebrows and lowers his head. He is hurt by Yoseob’s words. Yoseob can see it all too clearly. But he can’t take them back and he can’t lie to Kikwang. What is there to love about him?

“Then how would you still be able to love me?” Kikwang asks and it’s barely a broken whisper. He turns to leave but Yoseob catches his arm before he even notices that he moved.

“I still love you, Kikwang,” he pleads. “D-don’t you love me anymore?”

Kikwang tries to smile but can’t. “If you want me here, then I will love you because only then there is still something worth loving you for.”

Yoseob tries to understand what Kikwang means by that but since his mind can’t comprehend he stops thinking eventually and just wraps his arms around Kikwang. “I want you here,” he mumbles against Kikwang’s shoulder and the moment he finishes talking he feels Kikwang’s hand soothingly stroking his back.

“W-we need to find something to cure Doojoon,” he whimpers against Kikwang’s warm body. Kikwang doesn’t answer immediately. Yoseob can feel him sigh.

“Yoseob, would you follow me?” he then asks and takes Yoseob’s hand. Yoseob quickly turns his head to see Doojoon closing his eyes and letting his chin fall against his chest weakly.

“What about Doojoon?” Yoseob gasps when Kikwang attempts to pull him away.

“He will be fine for now,” Kikwang answers. “There is something very important to do.”

The back of the greenhouse has disappeared. Kikwang and Yoseob step onto a pavement. Cars are rushing past them.

“Yoseob, you really want to know what is going on, right? It really upsets you because you know something is happening and it has something to do with you, am I right?” Kikwang asks while he leads Yoseob down the street. There are many people outside. Everyone seems really busy and stressed.

“Yes,” Yoseob gasps. Kikwang is finally going to tell him something.

“I know how smart you are. I know you are so close to finding the answers you’re searching for.”

“How can you know?” Yoseob calls.

Kikwang is speeding up and Yoseob has to hurry to keep up with him. People keep getting into his way. His heart begins to beat faster. Kikwang doesn’t seem to have any difficulties maneuvering his path through the crowd while Yoseob bumps into someone several times. He breaks into a run because he is afraid to lose Kikwang.

“Kikwang! Not so fast!” But Kikwang doesn’t listen.

“I just know. And I know you need to find out very soon. Or else everything is lost,” he says and walks on as if he doesn’t notice Yoseob is struggling hard against the faceless crowd.

“You mean Doojoon?” Yoseob shouts and pushes someone out of his way roughly to jog to Kikwang’s side.

“I mean all of us,” Kikwang states and stops so abruptly that Yoseob just runs past him and has to turn around. They are standing at a bus stop. A bus is just opening its doors in front of them. Kikwang gets in. Yoseob follows just in time before the doors close again.

“Where are we going?” he asks breathlessly. His side stings from running after Kikwang. Also he suddenly feels terribly nervous.

“We’re going to pay someone a visit,” Kikwang says while flattening the legs of his dress pants. “I’m afraid it won’t be a pleasant stay. He is not himself lately.”

“Who?” The bus stops and Yoseob almost loses his balance. He jumps out of the bus after Kikwang. Kikwang stops and looks at him.

“Junhyung.”

“Junhyung?” Yoseob repeats in shock. “What’s wrong with him? Where is he?”

Kikwang bites his lip. “In there.”

Yoseob looks at the building in front of them and his heart drops. He stumbles back a step, head thrown back as he tries to see the top of the gigantic house. There is a large entrance and just above the door it reads in big, peeling letters:

‘HOSPITAL’

Yoseob swallows hard. “Is he hurt?”

Kikwang shakes his head sadly. “Come on,” he mutters and drags Yoseob inside. There is no one at the reception. They are all alone. The entrance hall is very small judging by the size of the building. There is a single elevator and a very dirty looking staircase.

“This is a hospital?” Yoseob asks.

Kikwang sighs. “Sort of.”

He walks towards the elevator with Yoseob and pushes the feebly glowing button to call it. Yoseob clenches his fist. This is not a normal hospital. Normal hospitals don’t have bars in front of their windows.

Yoseob doesn’t have any time to ask Kikwang about it though because the doors of the elevator slide open.

“It’s the seventh floor. You can’t miss him,” Kikwang says.

Yoseob’s heart crashes hard against his ribcage. “Aren’t you coming with me?” he asks. His voice cracks in fear.

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea,” Kikwang answers with a smile that is anything but happy. “We have our differences and I really don’t want to upset him anymore.”

“Kikwang, I’m scared,” Yoseob stammers hurriedly. He really doesn’t want Kikwang to leave. This place is creepy and all the talk about Junhyung’s condition frightens him even more.

“You have to go. Trust me. It is the only way. If you really want answers, you have to allow your mind to investigate. And that is only possible here. If you are scared of the answers then come with me,” Kikwang says but his eyes bore into Yoseob’s like a warning. “But then you will never find out.”

Yoseob swallows and looks into the shabby, old elevator and then back at Kikwang.

“What if I don’t find him?” he asks.

“You will find him,” Kikwang replies immediately. Yoseob takes a deep breath. He needs to know what is going on. Hesitantly he steps into the elevator. Kikwang smiles at him and nods when Yoseob presses the button for the seventh floor.

With a loud rattling sound the doors slide shut. Yoseob lets out a strangled breath. He grips on to the wall of the elevator as it begins to climb higher. The numbers over the door change very slowly. Yoseob squeezes his eyes shut. His heart beats like crazy and his stomach feels as if there is something moving inside.

He almost screams when the elevator comes to a halt with a rough shaking of the cubicle. The doors slide open. Yoseob doesn’t dare to move for a moment. Only when the doors threaten to close again he quickly stumbles out of the elevator and into the scarcely lit corridor.

There are no windows at all. All Yoseob can see are doors leading away from the corridor at each side. They are all bearing different numbers. The only source of light is the one shining through a gap from the door at the very end of the narrow corridor.

Yoseob tries to regulate his breath. His feet don’t seem to move properly. He wants to leave this corridor very quickly but instead he sneaks through it so slowly it’s like he isn’t coming closer at all. It takes him several minutes to reach the partially opened door. He cranes his neck and carefully peeks into the room behind it.

“Just knock.”

Yoseob jumps when he hears the voice coming from inside. He presses his hand against his heart. He closes his eyes and swallows the big lump in his throat when his breath finally slows down again. With shaking fingers he knocks against the door.

“Come in,” the same voice from before answers immediately. Yoseob stumbles inside.

“Close the door.”

Yoseob obeys immediately, staring at the person sitting inside a wheelchair with his back facing him. Tears spring to his eyes and at the same time his throat feels like constricted. Junhyung is looking out of the barred window, not even turning his head when Yoseob enters.

There is a small bed standing at the wall to his right and a sink and a toilet at the other side. The floor is of grey, wooden planks. A heavy padlock is securing a large cupboard next to the bed. Yoseob’s lips tremble.

“Junhyung?” he asks but his voice won’t make it out of his throat. He carefully steps closer to the man at the window.

Junhyung doesn’t react but still Yoseob can feel that he is waiting for him. Slowly he walks towards the single chair standing next to the bed and pulls it over to the window. His knees seem weak and so he just drops down onto the chair next to Junhyung.

Junhyung is very pale. He is still staring out of the window with empty eyes. Yoseob presses his lips together when he looks at him a little closer.

Barefooted and dressed in a white hospital gown Junhyung looks so different from his usual self. But what really disturbs Yoseob is the fact that Junhyung’s hands and feet are strapped to the wheelchair he is sitting in.

This is no ordinary hospital and Junhyung isn’t an ordinary patient. This place is a mental institution.

“What happened?” Yoseob whispers weakly while he tries to blink some tears away.

“Did Kikwang bring you here?” is all Junhyung says with a low voice.

“Yeah,” Yoseob breathes.

Junhyung frowns and nods very slowly. He still doesn’t look at Yoseob. It looks like Junhyung wants to say something else but he remains silent. Yoseob grows impatient.

“Why are you here?”

Junhyung lets out something close to a chuckle but it sounds too bitter and hoarse in Yoseob’s ears. “Because apparently…I am crazy.” He smiles to himself sourly.

“But that is nonsense,” Yoseob lets out and vehemently shakes his head. “Why would you be crazy? You are sane.”

Junhyung’s smirk widens and becomes a distorted grimace. “Well, look who’s talking.”

Yoseob feels strangely hurt by his words. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because if you were still sane then I wouldn’t be here, would I?” Junhyung snickers and finally glances at Yoseob who glares at him angrily.

“You can’t blame me for being here”, he snaps at Junhyung who seems thoroughly amused by his little outburst.

“Oh, you have no idea. I can blame everything on you,” Junhyung sneers.

Yoseob has enough. He jumps to his feet. “Then fucking tell me what I have no idea about because I really wanna know!”

Junhyung stares up at him curiously but his smile is slowly fading.

“Everyone is talking in riddles!” Yoseob lets out and drops back onto his chair. “I just want to know what this is all about…what you are all about!”

He buries his face in his hands. The artificial darkness is somehow soothing.

“It feels as if you are going insane, right?”

Junhyung’s voice makes him look up. The meaning of his words slowly makes itself understood inside his head. “I am not insane,” he whimpers.

Junhyung shakes his head. “But you are going to be sooner or later. I tried to warn you so many times. And you never listened to me.”

Yoseob doesn’t know what to say. His head hurts from frowning and thinking so much. He just waits for Junhyung to go on because right now there is nothing processing right inside his brain.

“I told you to leave him. But Kikwang kept you distracted. And you ignored me. You ignored me even when I was screaming at you to stop hurting yourself like that.” Junhyung’s expression is like stone. Yoseob feels terribly weak under his stare. There is guilt creeping through his chest already although he has no idea how this caused Junhyung to end up here.

“You kept listening to Kikwang. But Kikwang, he…he was wrong. And when he noticed…it was too late, because I started believing him too. Dongwoon is gone now too…” Junhyung trails off and slowly turns his head to look out of the window again. He clenches his teeth. “But it was my fault this time.”

Yoseob shakes his head and grabs Junhyung’s head. “Junhyung…please, please, no more. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I want to understand.”

Junhyung looks down at their connected hands before his eyes find Yoseob’s.

“Ask a precise question then. If you know the question then I can tell you the answer,” Junhyung murmurs. He sounds terribly resigned and somehow like he is begging Yoseob.

Yoseob straightens his shoulders and takes a deep breath.

“Who are you? I know you are somehow inside my head…but…why?” His voice breaks away at the end of the sentence. It is such a scary question. What if he wouldn’t like the answer? What if finding the answer would make his friends disappear?

But Junhyung smiles and it is a genuine smile this time. It helps Yoseob to calm down a little bit.

“I assume you aren’t solely referring to me?” Junhyung asks and tilts his head to the side in anticipation. Yoseob nods. That is all he can do.

“It really took you quite some time to finally come to me with this question,” Junhyung sighs. Yoseob doesn’t say anything. He isn’t in the mood for Junhyung’s teasing. He just wants his answer now.

“You know we are a part of you. Each and every one of us. Doojoon, Kikwang, Hyunseung and me,” Junhyung states. It’s not a question. Yoseob nods nevertheless.

“Let’s begin with myself, shall we?” Junhyung smirks. Yoseob digs the nails of his fingers into the palm of his own hand. He is scared.

“Actually I think you can find the answer yourself with a little help. Let’s see…” Junhyung dampens his lips and looks up at the ceiling as if he is searching for words.

“Firstly I seem to know the answers to your questions although nobody who isn’t you can know them. Then I tell you to don’t do things that would only lead to hurting yourself. Oh, I’d really like to call myself the voice of reason, here.” Junhyung smirks mischievously but Yoseob just can’t smile with him right now. He still doesn’t understand. He shakes his head perplexedly.

“And then…I am inside this mental hospital when you seem to be slowly losing it. Now give it your best shot,” Junhyung says and raises an eyebrow at Yoseob. Yoseob is still shaking his head. His mind is full of ridiculous answers, too ridiculous to say them out loud.

“Come on, we’re inside nut house, you can say whatever you like,” Junhyung grins.

Yoseob sighs. “You are the projection of my…subconsciousness.”

Junhyung nods thoughtfully. “Not that bad. In some way that is correct.”

Yoseob massages his temple with his fingers. “So I am just talking to myself right now?”

Junhyung bursts out laughing. Yoseob doesn’t find this funny one bit.

“No,” Junhyung gasps breathlessly and shakes his head. He just doesn’t stop smiling. “It’s a little more complicated than that. I am someone you thought of and made up to keep you company and to protect you. I am your friend who represents not only your subconsciousness but also your consciousness.”

Junhyung licks his lips and shrugs. “I’m afraid I am your conscience. In general you could say I was your mind.” He is really amused by his own choice of words but Yoseob is close to crying.

“But…that means none of you is real. I mean…I knew that but…” He has no one. It hits him unexpectedly hard.

Junhyung’s smile grows softer immediately and he gently shakes his head. “Just because we exist in a different world than yours, doesn’t mean we can’t be real.”

Yoseob sniffs loudly. “I don’t understand.”

“There are things that aren’t supposed to be understood by anyone. Like what happened between you and Dongwoon.”

Yoseob stares at Junhyung with widened eyes. What does that mean?

“Did you really just meet inside those stories? You’ve never seen him. What if he turns out to look just the way you imagine him?”

“That can’t be,” Yoseob breathes but somehow Junhyung’s smile tells him that he is terribly wrong. “But that is impossible!” he protests.

“It’s just not common. Although you somehow made me up I am still not you. And I still exist. That isn’t common too,” Junhyung says tenderly.

Yoseob squeezes his eyes shut. That is insane. “But how?” he whines. He feels so dizzy.

Junhyung shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“B-but…” Yoseob tries again but this time Junhyung interrupts him.

“Don’t I feel real to you?” he asks and knows he will get the answer he wants to hear.

“Yes, but only because…” Yoseob murmurs but once again is cut off.

“And wouldn’t I know if I wasn’t real?”

“But I could still make all of this up because I want you to be real,” Yoseob whispers helplessly. This is even more confusing than before.

“Of course,” Junhyung agrees as if he really doesn’t care. “But do you want to believe that?”

Yoseob has run out of words. The information slowly begins to sink in. There is so much doubt. And still…

“Is it really so unlikely that there are things that no scientist will ever be able to explain? Wouldn’t it be nice to believe in things like magic?”

Yoseob doesn’t know how much time passes as he just sits there and stares down at his hands, trying to somehow get his thoughts sorted out. He really doesn’t know what he should believe or not. He really doesn’t know if it’s really just him going insane or something else.

Junhyung doesn’t say anything and doesn’t urge him to make a decision. Yoseob inhales very deeply and closes his eyes. When he opens them again he isn’t inside the mental hospital anymore. He is walking next to Junhyung inside a garden which appears to be surrounded by a huge wall. Junhyung isn’t strapped to any wheelchair anymore. He is wearing a cloak reaching his knees and a black pair of jeans along with a white shirt instead of the he hospital gown.

“So?” Junhyung makes after a while. Yoseob is still thinking hard about what Junhyung said.

“Then what about the others? Are they representing something too?” Yoseob asks. He really thinks it can’t do any more harm to his confused brain to hear some more unbelievable things.

“You can find out yourself. Tell me when you have figured it out,” Junhyung answers. Yoseob wants to be angry with him because once again he is left clueless but maybe it really is better that way.

“Okay. And what about Dongwoon?”

“What do you mean?” Junhyung asks and looks down at him.

“You were fighting with Kikwang about him. Why?” Yoseob feels his chest tighten when he thinks about Dongwoon. There have been a lot of strange things happening.

“I was glad Dongwoon came along at first,” Junhyung answered after a moment of hesitation. “But Kikwang had doubts and I guess they kinda affected me. Also…I wasn’t sure about Dongwoon’s intentions and I didn’t understand him. Kikwang however changed his mind. We fought a lot about it. I was confused. Kikwang had been so terribly wrong in the past and I wasn’t sure if I could believe him now.” Junhyung stuffs his hands down his pocket and looks up at the sky. He heaves a heavy sigh.

“I am still not sure about Dongwoon. I…I really don’t know. But Kikwang always seems to have an opinion different to mine,” Junhyung continues. “And I slowly start to believe that I might be wrong this time. I…there is just so much going on. But Dongwoon really was suspicious. But he can’t be lying to you all the time. And his stories…” Junhyung sighs again and gives Yoseob a tired smile.

“I’m talking nonsense. Forgive me. It just really upsets me…to fight with Kikwang so much. It shouldn’t be that way.”

Yoseob stares at the blue sky above their heads. Why is it all so confusing?

--

If there was something Yoseob possessed enough of it was time to think. Being mostly alone all day with nowhere to go to, thinking was often the only occupation Yoseob had. But he was sick of it. He wanted something to distract him because no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t come up with anything to allow him to understand what had happened to him.

The conversation with Junhyung was still stuck inside his head. In the past he had clearly differentiated between this world and that but right now his realty was mixing with the world inside of him and it just seemed to prove Junhyung’s point more and more.

But there was something else that made the endless hours of thinking for him unbearable. Son Dongwoon. Whenever he thought of him Yoseob felt a mixture of guilt, fear and pain welling up inside of him and making him sick.

And it was even worse because he knew Dongwoon was right there behind that wall, probably hearing every single step he took.

All of this seemed to push closer and closer towards an abyss he couldn’t see the bottom off. The more he thought about Dongwoon or Junhyung or Doojoon’s condition, the worse it got. He lost control. He made mistakes. And in the reality he lived in mistakes where something he just mustn’t allow himself.

When he was punished at night, when he was torn apart, when his soul bled and the rough hand against his mouth wasn’t enough to muffle his screams, he could only think about Dongwoon, how he would be able to hear him. But it hurt so much. It hurt so much more. He felt so sick and dirtied when he was inside of him. He cried and wished he hadn’t because his tears made it worse. His tears made his lover angry.

His lover left to take a shower. Yoseob lay on top of the bed, shivering but barely conscious anymore. He called for Kikwang desperately. Kikwang came to him and held him for the rest of the night because Yoseob just couldn’t fall asleep.

--

Dongwoon was shocked by his reflection when he looked into the mirror in the morning. His eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale and he really had to shave.

He had heard Yoseob. He always heard them. It was going to drive him mad. He had considered stopping to write stories. He had considered moving out but he knew he couldn’t leave Yoseob like this, not with this man.

It couldn’t go on like this. He needed to get a grip of himself. And the first step was to try and look less like a homeless person. But even half an hour later when he was shaved and properly dressed, Dongwoon didn’t feel any different.

At loss for anything else to do Dongwoon sat down in front of his typewriter. He really should stop this. This had become an addiction. But whenever he forced himself to stop writing his head felt like exploding. And secretly he had started to enjoy the self-torture he was making himself go through when he wrote all those stories. Because with Yoseob not reading them his stories didn’t seem to develop. The feeling didn’t change. Dongwoon suffered every night while writing them, while losing Yoseob over and over again.

But every day Dongwoon started writing again. And so he just started typing now because there was no sense in breaking with traditions.

When he finished his fingers hurt and his brain felt like pudding but he drew a bitter satisfaction from it. He wiped his hand over his burning eyes and was surprised to find he had been crying again.

Like a drunken person Dongwoon padded towards the window and opened it. At that very moment another window opened. The black bunny slipped out of his fingers, fell down several floors and shattered on the pavement.

--

Yoseob licked his bruised lips again. He was so tired. His whole body was aching. He just didn’t want anything anymore. He wanted to sleep, but not inside that bed.

The couch didn’t bring him any peace either. He felt awful. There wasn’t enough energy left inside of him to care about anything anymore. He just wanted to sleep. The living room was too stuffy and silent. He limped towards the window to open it and return to the couch again. His mind was in some mild state of delirium.

He ripped the window open. The cold breeze of air that hit his cheeks already felt like winter. Yoseob closed his eyes and held his head out of the window. It felt nice, like his thoughts were all blown away for a few seconds.

A sudden sound made him open his eyes just in time to see a black paperweight falling rapidly. Yoseob gasped and turned his head. All of his blood was drained from his veins at once. He couldn’t breathe.

Dongwoon didn’t look like the one he had imagined. Dongwoon was the one he had seen inside his head. Yoseob wanted to slam the window shut but he couldn’t move.

--

Dongwoon tried to say something, anything. He didn’t know why he was suddenly crying, he only felt the tear rolling down his cheek. Yoseob was exactly the same but so much more real. If he’d just stretch out his arm now, he would be able to touch him.

Suddenly Yoseob cringed and made an attempt to get back inside. “Yoseob!” Dongwoon let out. It was the first time he actually said his name out loud.

“I…I…” What was he supposed to say? He watched Yoseob breathing fast and helplessly looking around. Looking at Yoseob he felt so many different emotions inside of him. Yoseob was beautiful. So flawless because of every little flaw. Yoseob looked tired and his lips were bruised. It made Dongwoon so angry.

“I have to…” Yoseob whispered as if he was afraid somebody could hear them.

“No!” Dongwoon gasped and reached for him. In his hand he was still holding the story he had just finished before. Yoseob looked down at it and his expression became desperate. He shook his head.

“Please,” Dongwoon whimpered. “Please, I promise it’ll be the last one if you just read it. I promise.”

Hesitantly Yoseob grabbed the folded letter but was very careful not to touch Dongwoon.

Dongwoon swallowed hard. He didn’t want Yoseob to leave. He was so nervous, so excited and somehow it hurt so much to see Yoseob for real. “I...would you write me an answer?” he stammered.

There was a sound from inside the apartment. Yoseob’s expression changed abruptly. He was scared.

“I have to go,” he whispered hurriedly and was gone the next second, closing the window without a sound.

Dongwoon stumbled away from the window. The floor was swaying softly beneath his feet.

--

Hastily Yoseob let the letter disappear inside the back pocket of his jeans. There were no words of greeting when his boyfriend entered the living room.

“Why are you standing there? Do something useful.”

Yoseob nodded. “Of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would be home for lunch. Would you like something to eat?” he asked obediently because he just didn’t have the strength for anymore punishments or punches.

“I’m not staying,” his lover said as Yoseob hurried into the kitchen. “I was just going to change. I have another appointment at lunch.”

Yoseob followed him quickly into the bedroom. “Oh, alright. Will you be home for dinner?” The other seemed to be in quite a hurry when he pulled out a fresh shirt and took off the one he was wearing.

Yoseob’s eyes quickly rushed over his toned body. Just beneath his chest was a small dark bruise. Yoseob pressed his lips together. “D-did you hurt yourself?” he murmured.

His boyfriend simply slid into his fresh shirt and gave him an once-over with a raised eyebrow. “You should mind your own business, babe.”
He threw the old shirt at Yoseob. Yoseob caught it.

“That one needs to be washed.” Yoseob smelled a strong wave of an unfamiliar perfume. He didn’t say anything. There was no need to ask. He had been sort of waiting for it to happen. His boyfriend was seeing someone else and was absolutely nonchalant about it.

“Yes,” Yoseob murmured and dragged himself into the bathroom. He threw the shirt into the washing machine. “I hate you,” he mumbled and slammed it shut.

“Did you say something?”

Yoseob felt as if he had missed a stair. His boyfriend was just stepping into the bathroom behind him.

“I said, I’ll miss you.” He was an awful liar and so he only turned around after he said it. The other didn’t seem to have noticed anything.

“’Course you do,” he sneered and pulled Yoseob against him, his hands sliding down to Yoseob’s butt. “Because where would you be without me? There is no one else for you.” He grabbed Yoseob’s hair and made him look up at him.

“Don’t you worry,” he purred. Yoseob tried to keep his breath from speeding. The roots of his hair were protesting in pain. And he still wasn’t sure if the other had actually heard what he had really said before. “You’ll have me back in no time.”

His teeth abused Yoseob’s bruised lips on purpose. Yoseob stayed still although it hurt a lot.

“Have a nice day,” he croaked and cleared his throat. His boyfriend winked at him and left with a smirk crooking his lips. Only when the door fell shut and he heard the sound of a key turning and locking it from outside did the tension leave his body. He closed his eyes.

Carefully he sneaked out of the bathroom and searched the whole apartment. He had never done this before but he was slowly getting paranoid. This had been the first time he had been so careless and said something like that when his boyfriend was so close. Actually this was the first time he had been thinking something like this. But strangely enough it really didn’t upset him as much as he would’ve thought to be cheated on like that. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it anyways. It was just a dull kind of pain.

After he had made sure that his boyfriend had really left the apartment the rest of his fear fell off of him. He was finally alone again. At least for the next two hours he could finally rest. He dragged his tired body back into the living room and fell back down onto the couch. There was a rustling sound when he sat down. Only then he remembered.

What now already seemed like a dream to him had really happened. Dongwoon really had been there. Yoseob turned his head and looked at that suspicious wall. Just behind this wall was that complete stranger Yoseob knew so much about. Dongwoon was a stranger he’d recognize from afar by the way he walked. It was scary. But the more he thought about it the more peaceful he felt.

Wouldn’t it be nice to believe in things like magic?

Wouldn’t it be nice if this magic actually lay within Dongwoon and soaked through this wall this very moment?

Hyunseung sits on the floor in front of him with his legs crossed and his huge eyes staring up at him.
“Aren’t you going to read it?” he whispers excitedly. Yoseob frowns and shifts so he can pull Dongwoon’s letter out of his back pocket. A golden object falls to the floor. Yoseob looks at the carved letter.

‘H’

Hyunseung grins at him and picks it up.

“But Dongwoon could be…” Yoseob really doesn’t know what he wants to say. That Dongwoon could be playing with him. That he could be dangerous and nothing but another dead end in his life?

Hyunseung’s smile falls and is replaced by an expression of pain. “But we need him.”

Yoseob looks up when he hears his broken voice.

“I need him,” Hyunseung says. “There is barely anything left of me anymore.” His whisper is so faint that Yoseob thinks he must’ve misheard him. But Hyunseung’s face tells him otherwise.

“What do you mean?”

Hyunseung looks at him with trembling lips. “Just read the damn letter, please. Just give him a chance.”

Yoseob hesitates for a moment and just stares at Hyunseung. Hyunseung’s eyes are begging him to listen to him. Slowly Yoseob unfolds the piece of paper.

Hyunseung straightens up and takes a deep breath.

next part