My lastest Enlightenment
Oh god where do I start.
It all started when I finally threw my dad out of the house, The antagonistic bastard that was more concerned about his liquor and his drugs.
Coco and Josh were still living with me. There were many issues to asses. To control what I felt was more important in my life they had to leave. Was I happy about it? No. Did it make me feel relieved for reasons? Yes.
On the lighter side. I was doing really well at work. Or to better put I was being groomed for success. I was to become the dispatcher for Safelite Autoglass. Of course I asked for the sufficient raises right? I was making good money, but the headaches drew in. The biggest pain was the contradictions in my boss to make sure the job was done "his way." I always felt terrible putting people on the spot, but again this is what I was being groomed for. I knew already that I was being prepared for what was ahead. This revolution that the company was going through.
My old boss was under pressure, however she was pretty gross making all these complaints and dating a technician who "makes her angry" and filling these complaints.
I was to step in. Now, I have the patients of a god and the ambition of any man. But, I'm not prepared for this. I step out of the frying pan and into the fire of being Office Management. This isn't for the faint of heart. In these date and times people are so flustered, bitter and angry. If it was anything that I can reference it was a sign of the apocalypse on how
"customers" people reacted. You know, I've dealt with my mom all my life, but It really hurt when someone like me stood against the common people to take care of their problems and to lead. My mind literally felt like it was on a cheese grader on a perpetual grind.
On top of all this I finally found the perfect house that I wanted to buy. Guess what? I bought it. 2200sq ft 4bd 2 1/2 bath 3 car garage on a huge corner lot, with one neighbor. :) Oh joy, But its still a foreclosure. I know that I'm multi-talented and can turn this house into mine. The problem being was all the work that is behind it. It is so tough especially when my Job is interfering with my life. I wish I could show you progress, but my camera was stolen at work probably by some idiot technician. The whole thing is I'm so burnt out. The fire inside me right now was being reduced to a smolder. I really don't have much help If it wasn't for Rhys and Kaosu who helped me moved what would seem the impossible.
Oh on the lighter side I've been fluctuating with weight so much its probably not helping. I would loose a few pounds and gain it all back. I would think its the stress, but I don't think my bowls can carry up to 10lbs of shit.... Or could they. "Lol."
On top of all this I've felt a huge dive in happiness to my love life. After Albu-fur-que my satisfaction levels were raised for being desired. The thing is nothing really did happen. I think it was Kaosu's "handy" work. I just felt so at peace In that bed with someone I didn't know. If Rhys was ok with it so was I then, and probably visa versa. The problem is, it is never potential boyfriend material. I look and feel and then there is something wrong. I know what it is. I feel like I'm asking too much. I'm looking at standards of my other friend(s). In this case Rhys all the time and there's nothing to compare it to. If anything recently (the past years) I've been able to control myself better in these situations. Then again you always have to ask why would you do that to yourself. I feel like I'm always wearing that classic Looney Toons screw ball flag. You know life has its parabolic effects. I guess it doesn't matter if your rich or poor or if you feel rich or poor. There is something missing.
So after all this RMFC hit like a ton of bricks. I took it upon myself to make a pick of choice to pursuit of potential mates. I thought what the hell. I have nothing to loose at least. The pursuit was shallow, again I was aiming to high. I was looking for fish in a stagement pond of water. I kept pulling up lungfish. :( I turn the direction to someone that I thought was so random nothing could fail. A russian roulette. My mind is always a photographic dictionary of people and after I see all the data comes falling in. Too many Der'Grossies. I didn't see one person I wanted to make a move too. There was much to think about. I make it a common goal to rule out multiple situations. I actually made the move on an fox that we meet in the headless lounge. This was after the fact that I came back already. I always have that feeling that Rhys is knowing what I'm thinking. He asked him If he wanted the come back to the room to hang out with during that time but that fox was too Shy etc to do it. I only thought about that after. I find my ways to lure people. I was talking with that fox who's name I'm not going to put down, for quite a while. Finding out more and more unimpressive things and more and more disappointing stipulations he told to me. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him we should at least meet up sometime in the future. That doesn't seem like its going to work out. I have my ways of figuring out stuff and I know hes not interested. So therefore I'm not going to be interested either. I'm teetering on that decision to put it in the gutter (toilet flush).
After all this I still feel drained. I've felt a little better at work because my girl's are copping with these changes the GM set. However, I've been so stressed on the thought of returning to school with working 60+ hour shifts constantly. I have horrible headaches and it brings back bad memories of doing 2 jobs and school. This is more like 3 jobs, school and a house. I just can't do it all. The odd job out is going to be my job of course but I'm going to have to find a way to replace it. I feel bad thinking this way because I always care to much even for the employee's I'm going to be leaving behind Including my GM. I feel like he counts on me to keep it going. I feel like Tony Hayward "I want my life back!" I always feel like I have to push on so it can only get better? This is one of those cases where I feel only pushing on can only make me feel worse. I haven't gotten sick in like years, and recently the stress has overtaken me and that's how I know It has to stop.
After all this, It makes me wonder what someone like Obama feels like. All the crap he has to put up with. Is it supposed to make me feel better? No :)
Ugh, I finally had a real lazy day today but it was so hot, It didn't feel good enough. I must check that blower motor on the swamp cooler tomorrow morning. Rhys' house felt so nice the other night so crispy cold :). I generate heat like I have some plutonium core. I need a weekend vacation to myself. Where I can sit back and look up at the stars on a chill night and relax. Even if there Is nobody there to share it with, because I'm tired of waiting.
Oh on a more discovering matter. Bunny put a piece of a puzzle together for me last night when he blurted out something about diapers and baby furs that I've only heard from that POS (x-cock sucker)D. Balderson say. At least I know who started that shit. You should know better Bunny. I don't forget a damn thing.
It all started when I finally threw my dad out of the house, The antagonistic bastard that was more concerned about his liquor and his drugs.
Coco and Josh were still living with me. There were many issues to asses. To control what I felt was more important in my life they had to leave. Was I happy about it? No. Did it make me feel relieved for reasons? Yes.
On the lighter side. I was doing really well at work. Or to better put I was being groomed for success. I was to become the dispatcher for Safelite Autoglass. Of course I asked for the sufficient raises right? I was making good money, but the headaches drew in. The biggest pain was the contradictions in my boss to make sure the job was done "his way." I always felt terrible putting people on the spot, but again this is what I was being groomed for. I knew already that I was being prepared for what was ahead. This revolution that the company was going through.
My old boss was under pressure, however she was pretty gross making all these complaints and dating a technician who "makes her angry" and filling these complaints.
I was to step in. Now, I have the patients of a god and the ambition of any man. But, I'm not prepared for this. I step out of the frying pan and into the fire of being Office Management. This isn't for the faint of heart. In these date and times people are so flustered, bitter and angry. If it was anything that I can reference it was a sign of the apocalypse on how
"customers" people reacted. You know, I've dealt with my mom all my life, but It really hurt when someone like me stood against the common people to take care of their problems and to lead. My mind literally felt like it was on a cheese grader on a perpetual grind.
On top of all this I finally found the perfect house that I wanted to buy. Guess what? I bought it. 2200sq ft 4bd 2 1/2 bath 3 car garage on a huge corner lot, with one neighbor. :) Oh joy, But its still a foreclosure. I know that I'm multi-talented and can turn this house into mine. The problem being was all the work that is behind it. It is so tough especially when my Job is interfering with my life. I wish I could show you progress, but my camera was stolen at work probably by some idiot technician. The whole thing is I'm so burnt out. The fire inside me right now was being reduced to a smolder. I really don't have much help If it wasn't for Rhys and Kaosu who helped me moved what would seem the impossible.
Oh on the lighter side I've been fluctuating with weight so much its probably not helping. I would loose a few pounds and gain it all back. I would think its the stress, but I don't think my bowls can carry up to 10lbs of shit.... Or could they. "Lol."
On top of all this I've felt a huge dive in happiness to my love life. After Albu-fur-que my satisfaction levels were raised for being desired. The thing is nothing really did happen. I think it was Kaosu's "handy" work. I just felt so at peace In that bed with someone I didn't know. If Rhys was ok with it so was I then, and probably visa versa. The problem is, it is never potential boyfriend material. I look and feel and then there is something wrong. I know what it is. I feel like I'm asking too much. I'm looking at standards of my other friend(s). In this case Rhys all the time and there's nothing to compare it to. If anything recently (the past years) I've been able to control myself better in these situations. Then again you always have to ask why would you do that to yourself. I feel like I'm always wearing that classic Looney Toons screw ball flag. You know life has its parabolic effects. I guess it doesn't matter if your rich or poor or if you feel rich or poor. There is something missing.
So after all this RMFC hit like a ton of bricks. I took it upon myself to make a pick of choice to pursuit of potential mates. I thought what the hell. I have nothing to loose at least. The pursuit was shallow, again I was aiming to high. I was looking for fish in a stagement pond of water. I kept pulling up lungfish. :( I turn the direction to someone that I thought was so random nothing could fail. A russian roulette. My mind is always a photographic dictionary of people and after I see all the data comes falling in. Too many Der'Grossies. I didn't see one person I wanted to make a move too. There was much to think about. I make it a common goal to rule out multiple situations. I actually made the move on an fox that we meet in the headless lounge. This was after the fact that I came back already. I always have that feeling that Rhys is knowing what I'm thinking. He asked him If he wanted the come back to the room to hang out with during that time but that fox was too Shy etc to do it. I only thought about that after. I find my ways to lure people. I was talking with that fox who's name I'm not going to put down, for quite a while. Finding out more and more unimpressive things and more and more disappointing stipulations he told to me. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him we should at least meet up sometime in the future. That doesn't seem like its going to work out. I have my ways of figuring out stuff and I know hes not interested. So therefore I'm not going to be interested either. I'm teetering on that decision to put it in the gutter (toilet flush).
After all this I still feel drained. I've felt a little better at work because my girl's are copping with these changes the GM set. However, I've been so stressed on the thought of returning to school with working 60+ hour shifts constantly. I have horrible headaches and it brings back bad memories of doing 2 jobs and school. This is more like 3 jobs, school and a house. I just can't do it all. The odd job out is going to be my job of course but I'm going to have to find a way to replace it. I feel bad thinking this way because I always care to much even for the employee's I'm going to be leaving behind Including my GM. I feel like he counts on me to keep it going. I feel like Tony Hayward "I want my life back!" I always feel like I have to push on so it can only get better? This is one of those cases where I feel only pushing on can only make me feel worse. I haven't gotten sick in like years, and recently the stress has overtaken me and that's how I know It has to stop.
After all this, It makes me wonder what someone like Obama feels like. All the crap he has to put up with. Is it supposed to make me feel better? No :)
Ugh, I finally had a real lazy day today but it was so hot, It didn't feel good enough. I must check that blower motor on the swamp cooler tomorrow morning. Rhys' house felt so nice the other night so crispy cold :). I generate heat like I have some plutonium core. I need a weekend vacation to myself. Where I can sit back and look up at the stars on a chill night and relax. Even if there Is nobody there to share it with, because I'm tired of waiting.
Oh on a more discovering matter. Bunny put a piece of a puzzle together for me last night when he blurted out something about diapers and baby furs that I've only heard from that POS (x-cock sucker)D. Balderson say. At least I know who started that shit. You should know better Bunny. I don't forget a damn thing.