Book review: Mind/Body Health, Part 2
There’s not often that I read a book and wish that I’d read it earlier in my life, but Mind Body Health is such a book. Dubious about it at first, and put off by the triple digit price tag on the latest edition, I had originally purchased a second edition book. After reading the first hundred pages of it, I knew two things: 1) this was truly a book worth reading, and 2) the information would be even better if I had a more recent edition. I still wasn’t willing to spring for the most recent version, but the fourth edition came out in 2010 and the price wasn’t too steep. I bought it.
The 100 pages I’d read in the second edition was compressed to 59 pages in the fourth. To keep to roughly the same schedule of 100 pages per review, I read up to page 199 before this review. The chapters covered included:
More and more, they’re introducing CBT (which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy even if my dirty mind is absolutely determined to first present me with the meaning of cock-ball torture). Whatever it’s called, an LJ friend had mentioned it a few times as working for her and I’ve come across mentions of it in various other books I’ve read. I guess it’s all the rage right now in fashionable psychotherapy circles. What it boils down to is different ways of think-talking to yourself, evaluating your options, and telling yourself what you’re going to do. You’re the boss of you - and it’s your job to be a good boss.
So how do you get the fractious, easily distracted, hypersensitive human creature that you’re in charge of to do the work you want it to do? Well, you’ve got to get down on your own level, level with yourself, and collaborate with yourself to set some goals and then work towards them. What do you do if you’re mad all the time? Realize that your ego is defending itself against perceived attacks. Are they really attacks? Are they predictable? Are they things you can work around? Do you know how to work around them? If you don’t, is there someone you can ask for help? Can you take deep breaths or count to ten or cuddle your dog or whatever until your anger passes? Practice forgiveness. Smile. Play games for fun. Volunteer. All of these are oft-repeated, well-known bits of advice. They *are* the solution. You *can* implement the solution. It *is* within your ability. If you do not wish to be angry all the time, then perhaps you should act to prevent it.
Being angry all the time is not my problem. It was my ex’s. He would talk about how he liked being angry, anger made him happy, and quote whatever stupid movie line it was about how anger kept him warm inside and gave him purpose. I will say that when he was angry about something, he seemed to think more clearly and definitely acted more effectively. Which was one of the things I worried about in the divorce - when he got angry, he got smart. Not smart enough to value being a calm and rational being, but smart enough to execute his angry plans.
I am finally starting to understand the concept about how people are in charge of their feelings. Since mine are so far outside my daily experience (I noticed myself feeling stressed the other day and used a relaxation technique - go me!), I didn’t see them as being things I had influence over. They happened, or they didn’t, and no one consulted me about them. I doubt I’ll get any consultation now that I understand better, but like with the relaxation technique, when I catch myself having a feeling, there are things I can think about that to modify the progress of the emotion. The book showed me more the relationship between how a person thinks about something and how they feel. Person A thinks a new job would be exciting and challenging, so when they hear they’re getting transferred, they’re happy. Person B thinks a new job would be frightening and difficult, so when they get transferred, they’re grouchy. The example I used to use about people not choosing their emotions was the death of a loved one, but now that I’ve read this book, I see that my example was flawed. I lost my grandmother this year, but I regarded her passing as a good thing, a release from the miseries she’d endured since her stroke 15 years ago. How I felt about the death was based on my thoughts about it. It is the thoughts and preconceptions that shape the emotional response, not the event itself. I see that now.
In a happy coincidence, the book also talks about how having that sense of control over one's self and one's reactions is critical to good health and weathering stress effectively. The exact same bad things might happen to two different people, but if one of them thinks they have options on how to respond and the other thinks they are powerless in the face of disaster, then the one with an internal locus of control (ie, the one who thinks they have control over their own life) will do better than the one who can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground. It makes sense, but I'm not sure how much is cause and how much is effect. However, I've spent a lot of time and effort since the divorce putting into place mechanisms that give me control and options. I have savings. I have way less debt than I used to. I have slack at work and the good graces of my bosses. I have resources. For God's sake, I have two bottles of shampoo in case I run out of one unexpectedly!
I have been working on myself a lot, too, because I believe that making changes in myself will make changes in my life. So even if that whole 'internal locus of control' thing is reversed, in that it is people who correctly believe they have options who deal with stress better than those who correctly believe themselves to be powerless, I am becoming one of those people with options. Because I want to survive and be healthy. I want to be happy and in control. I want to be badass.
If you want those things, too, then you should read this book. Seriously.
The 100 pages I’d read in the second edition was compressed to 59 pages in the fourth. To keep to roughly the same schedule of 100 pages per review, I read up to page 199 before this review. The chapters covered included:
- 3 - The Disease-Prone Personality
- 4 - Anger, Hostility, and Health
- 5 - Worry, Anxiety, Fear, and Health
- 6 - Depression, Despair, and Health
- 7 - Insomnia and Sleep Deprivation: Health Effects and Treatment.
More and more, they’re introducing CBT (which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy even if my dirty mind is absolutely determined to first present me with the meaning of cock-ball torture). Whatever it’s called, an LJ friend had mentioned it a few times as working for her and I’ve come across mentions of it in various other books I’ve read. I guess it’s all the rage right now in fashionable psychotherapy circles. What it boils down to is different ways of think-talking to yourself, evaluating your options, and telling yourself what you’re going to do. You’re the boss of you - and it’s your job to be a good boss.
So how do you get the fractious, easily distracted, hypersensitive human creature that you’re in charge of to do the work you want it to do? Well, you’ve got to get down on your own level, level with yourself, and collaborate with yourself to set some goals and then work towards them. What do you do if you’re mad all the time? Realize that your ego is defending itself against perceived attacks. Are they really attacks? Are they predictable? Are they things you can work around? Do you know how to work around them? If you don’t, is there someone you can ask for help? Can you take deep breaths or count to ten or cuddle your dog or whatever until your anger passes? Practice forgiveness. Smile. Play games for fun. Volunteer. All of these are oft-repeated, well-known bits of advice. They *are* the solution. You *can* implement the solution. It *is* within your ability. If you do not wish to be angry all the time, then perhaps you should act to prevent it.
Being angry all the time is not my problem. It was my ex’s. He would talk about how he liked being angry, anger made him happy, and quote whatever stupid movie line it was about how anger kept him warm inside and gave him purpose. I will say that when he was angry about something, he seemed to think more clearly and definitely acted more effectively. Which was one of the things I worried about in the divorce - when he got angry, he got smart. Not smart enough to value being a calm and rational being, but smart enough to execute his angry plans.
I am finally starting to understand the concept about how people are in charge of their feelings. Since mine are so far outside my daily experience (I noticed myself feeling stressed the other day and used a relaxation technique - go me!), I didn’t see them as being things I had influence over. They happened, or they didn’t, and no one consulted me about them. I doubt I’ll get any consultation now that I understand better, but like with the relaxation technique, when I catch myself having a feeling, there are things I can think about that to modify the progress of the emotion. The book showed me more the relationship between how a person thinks about something and how they feel. Person A thinks a new job would be exciting and challenging, so when they hear they’re getting transferred, they’re happy. Person B thinks a new job would be frightening and difficult, so when they get transferred, they’re grouchy. The example I used to use about people not choosing their emotions was the death of a loved one, but now that I’ve read this book, I see that my example was flawed. I lost my grandmother this year, but I regarded her passing as a good thing, a release from the miseries she’d endured since her stroke 15 years ago. How I felt about the death was based on my thoughts about it. It is the thoughts and preconceptions that shape the emotional response, not the event itself. I see that now.
In a happy coincidence, the book also talks about how having that sense of control over one's self and one's reactions is critical to good health and weathering stress effectively. The exact same bad things might happen to two different people, but if one of them thinks they have options on how to respond and the other thinks they are powerless in the face of disaster, then the one with an internal locus of control (ie, the one who thinks they have control over their own life) will do better than the one who can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground. It makes sense, but I'm not sure how much is cause and how much is effect. However, I've spent a lot of time and effort since the divorce putting into place mechanisms that give me control and options. I have savings. I have way less debt than I used to. I have slack at work and the good graces of my bosses. I have resources. For God's sake, I have two bottles of shampoo in case I run out of one unexpectedly!
I have been working on myself a lot, too, because I believe that making changes in myself will make changes in my life. So even if that whole 'internal locus of control' thing is reversed, in that it is people who correctly believe they have options who deal with stress better than those who correctly believe themselves to be powerless, I am becoming one of those people with options. Because I want to survive and be healthy. I want to be happy and in control. I want to be badass.
If you want those things, too, then you should read this book. Seriously.