What I want in porn videos
Last night, I roamed around through porn videos, looking for something to my taste. It took a while. This morning, I woke thinking about what I want in a porn flick. Here's what I'm looking for:
- There needs to be a guy in it. I want to see his face. I want to see his whole body.
- There needs to be someone else, too. I don't care for masturbation scenes. The other person can be male or female, I don't care. All the points below on appearance apply to either gender.
- I want the guy to have hair on his head, two inches long or longer. I have no opinion on facial hair except as it tends to obscure expressions or might distract. This is not the time or place for a ZZ Top beard. Also, natural hair colors and mainstream styles only.
- Body hair is a plus, not a requirement. Genital shaving is not a plus. This applies to men and women.
- The guy should not be very overweight (some is fine; a lot is not). He also should not be ridiculously muscled. The bodybuilder look doesn't do it for me.
- I want a minimum of tattoos and piercings on his body and none of either on genitals or face.
- Above all, I want the people to be expressive. So many videos have the guy being stoic or concentrating the whole time. I'm sure that keeping an erection on set take after take is a tough job, but if we're talking about my wish instead of the actors, I'd like the actor to actually ACT. Convincingly. That means smiling, scowling, looking impressed, moved, stimulated, annoyed, etc. as appropriate.
- Speaking of keeping an erection, when the sex starts, or at least gets going, I want the guy's dick to be HARD. This is really important! Nothing kills my wide-on faster than watching a guy trying to stuff a floppy, flaccid dick into the other person. I know this is difficult for the actor to achieve, but I'm watching to see aroused people doing arousing things. Try a cock ring or a better fluffer or whatever, but if you can't manage a hard dick, don't air the porn.
- I want there to be plenty of touching, intimacy, and affection. I want there to be more kissing of lips and face than of genitals and anus, more stroking of the body than the privates. Make love to the whole person, not just the sex organs.
- I want some dialogue. It doesn't have to be elaborate, but a 'you're sexy', 'that's good', 'oh yeah', 'fuck me', 'harder', 'more', 'no, over here', is great! As I said before, I'm not really into the mute, stoic act. Good communication leads to good sex.
- Never slap or spank the partner, including butt slaps. I don't mind it much, but it's freaking everywhere! I can't seem to find any porn that doesn't feature the bottom getting hit.
- Speaking of getting hit, don't hit the bottom with the dick. Don't hit anyone with the dick. A dick is not for hitting people with! Don't wag it like a tail. Don't wave it like a huge foam #1 hand sign at a football game. Don't pat it against the other person like it's a tiny club. This whole 'waving and patting' routine with the dick always makes me roll my eyes.
- A little more about the dick - I want it to be average or larger than average, but not freakishly huge. I should not be worried about the health and safety of the bottom while they are getting fucked, so don't make that thing ginormous.
- If there is a woman involved, I want her breasts to not be enormous. I especially don't want them to be that inflated, perfectly round look I see sometimes. I don't know if those are fake or if some women actually have natural boobs like that, but I don't find them pleasing to look at. I also don't want her to look so thin that her body disturbs me and distracts me from the scene. It is okay if the woman has pubic hair! Really, I'm fine with that. Prefer it, actually. I'm okay with her having hair elsewhere, too, not that I've ever seen a female porn star who had any leg or pit hair.
- Condoms are fine; no condoms are fine. They both have their perks. What I don't like is the surprise!condom that shows up mysteriously right before penetration. Don't cut scene the prep! Go ahead and show me then rolling that thing on.
- And about that prep, I want there to be some. In porn, so often I see them go from sucking straight to fucking without the adjustment period. I want that period. It's the second most important after climax. I want to hear noises. I want to see expressions. If someone is sticking a dick in you for the first time, you're going to have a reaction! Actors must ACT. Act like it's the first time this particular dick has entered you in this scene. I want vocalization, touching, encouragement, signs of affection or dominance or submission or yearning. Sell it!
- This is very important - I don't want to see anyone spitting on anyone. I squicks me out and I hate it. If you need lube, USE LUBE! I love lube. I use it all the time. But I hardly ever see it in porn. It's not that I need to see lube in porn, but I have no problem with seeing it there. There's no reason to hide it.
- No one should ejaculate above the other person's collarbone. That means no cum in the mouth, no cum on the face. Maybe other people get off on that sort of thing, but this is MY wish list, not theirs.
- I want a lot of reactions. If the top speeds up, I want the bottom to react to it - groan, say something, speed up themselves, reach out and grasp the top's arm or the bed frame to steady yourself, something! Play out those reactions! Sell the scene!
- Wherever they're fucking, I want the setting not to distract me too much from the action. I should not be wondering about the scenery or if the table they're screwing on is going to collapse.
- There needs to be a climax. There does not need to be more than one per person, but I want each person to get there. The climax does not need to include exterior ejaculation. If the actor can convince me that he's coming inside his partner, that's fine. I don't need to see sperm to get it. One thing they do sometimes with women that annoys me is that she'll ramp up to sounding like she's coming (which is good) and then continue making the same sounds for the next five minutes (which is bad). Yes, she might be coming that whole time. Yes, that might be her normal sex sound. But it bugs me. I'd rather hear some variation, especially variation in response to what the guy is doing. Responsiveness is huge.
- I love it when there's affection and kissing after the climax. So often with porn, that's it, that's the end, might as well hit stop on the video. I like to see another minute or so of wind-down with expressions of respect, gratitude, lovey-dovey-ness, and so on.