I learned a new word: Limerence

[game_byrd]

It has a Wikipedia article here. It's all about how people fall in love. I especially liked the part about the physical effects of it. I don't know what it means, but when I visualize and mentally write out/storytell some of the love scenes in the stories I write, I get a surge of that feeling. I've ... um ... figured out how to trigger it semi-

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[game_byrd]

Hey there!

My usual Saturday morning involves me making pancakes for the kids and while I do that, I listen to TED Talks. This morning my theme was mental illness. They were good films and if you're interested, I'd suggest them:

This one is about a surgeon who fell into depression around age 40 and couldn't get out, couldn't be cured, until the eventual recommendation was prefrontal lobotomy. A last minute suggestion was made to try electroshock therapy, which cured him. I didn't know electroshock had any good outcomes. Here's his story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEZrAGdZ1i8&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_778144

This is another personal story, this time by a woman who has chronic schizophrenia: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6CILJA110Y&feature=plcp . She's also a law professor.

And this is a personal story of a suicide survivor talking about the need to break the silence and shame for suicide survivors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy4yby7ZAd0&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_170835

Part of why I don't friends-lock very much of my personal stuff on my journal is an ongoing attempt to not be silent. Not that I'm in any of those situations, but I stayed married for many years longer than I should have and endured domestic abuse because of society's view of such things. That I needed to put up with it for the kids' sake; that the marriage, my life, I, was a failure; that I was breaking up the home; that he wasn't beating me, so it couldn't be that bad; that I was a drama queen; that I was just wanting attention; that I was being selfish; that I just wanted to whore around and slut it up; that I needed to grow a thicker skin; that I'd already stayed with him for years, so I didn't deserve to be allowed to leave him ... and so on. Society has a script. I see it on TV. I hear it on the radio. It's in the lyrics of songs and the careless comments of people lucky enough not to have faced a similar situation. I have been making my situation public so it's not hidden and so maybe I can do a small part to break down that script and rewrite it.

[cheetobuzz]

ick,I know electroshock can work for some,but it's a process forcing a brain to change without offering any direction as to how and where(for the mind). I've been on several things to help with depression and mood stabilizing,but it became very clear to me early on it wouldn't have the results my mother and many around me were looking for,because I couldn't be drugged into accepting what was around me and fooled into thinking things will be o.k.I do know many people have needs for these things without being fooled or lazy in some way.One of the gaming guys that was at my house until 3am yesterday had his phone timer go off to take a few of his meds.I made no deal,and mentioned I don't judge and have had times where I've been on them too.
I've dabbled in battling with several illegal drugs(though not near as bad as many I knew got)because there's times where someone needs change.Even if it's a matter of fooling yourself for a while or tearing yourself up,there are times when people will go to such extents because any of their wishes to get help are turned away,or they fall into feeling they don't deserve help.

I've had times where I tried to make it clear to my family like the end of high school that I needed help.I had just recently(at the time)moved back to Texas from Oregon and was put back in an environment where the only way anyone dealt with me was to keep me locked up and monitored at all times at my grandmothers house.Even now(I'm 26)my mother still never brings up and shows no hint of ever knowing I was living at a friends house in Oregon.(I stopped by every other weekend to see my dog,because I couldn't take her to my friends place and my ex-step-dad was cruel to her.Something my mother was aware of,but never stepped in to help with)I did a lot of walking and hiking living with my best friend(at the time)and we made several trips to Salem off and on,but getting back to living at my grandmothers house(my mom was never interested in keeping up with me throughout my life,always trying to hand me off for someone else to look after me.Her having me when she was 19 has nothing to do with it I'm sure..),no one even saw a reason to let me learn how to drive(at 17?)or get a job(again,at 17?)they just wanted me closely monitored and staying inside of a trailer at all times.
I told them they would regret how they were treating me and expecting nothing of me.I went to school and took a bottle of Valium and a handful of pills a drug dealer wanted me to hang into.I obviously survived,but have since went to two colleges and seen more of the 'outside world' than many others seem to be up to handling.Even when I was given to my family to watch over after my latest incident(with many people in many places not expecting any type of results to come from me)I arranged my own kidnapping and set things the way I wanted.
I like what you're doing.I don't ever like being pushy(because there always seems to be too many of those types around)but there are many things I feel no need to be quiet about.Too many truths many live through that no one seems to take seriously.Too many of the 'oddest' things seem to really network with people and get them to open up.Some of the wisest and most level people I've met have lived through,and are still living through levels of hell and not having that many would not know what to do with.This is not coincidence.Even though there are so many of them,hell has ways of killing off the foolish.(they either wise up or die,unfortunately as me and my friends joke about,the very stupid seem to breed in swarms while the smart have only 1 or 2,or none)
If there is so much that there is never a reason to bring up,then often why is it those same subjects that draw the others that can relate?(No reason to stay quiet..)