Some ramblings about my grandfather
I went fishing today with my grandfather. He's... I don't know, around 80 now? Step-grandfather, or at least the guy who married my grandmother after the first guy split. He's an interesting fellow, Korean war vet, used to work for American Airlines as a mechanic. He lives more or less alone now, as my grandmother had a stroke about ten years ago that paralyzed half her body. She lives in a nursing home and isn't all there upstairs, so he... continues. He visits her every day. He's caught in a limbo where he can't/won't desert her, but unable to see any future in their relationship. It's a much more sad version of my own position.
Don't get the impression that he's a saint. When I was a kid, I thought he touched me far too much in the swimming pool, putting his hand between my legs ostensibly to propel me through the water in great circles, groping me around the chest when he lifted me, just way too much touching and holding and wanting to play around with his hands under the water in weird ways that I didn't understand... I was only 10 or so at the time, but it bothered me. So I told my mother and she told me he would never touch me inappropriately and I was wrong to even accuse him. I didn't know what to do about it, but I quit going swimming over at their house. He never did anything else, but I was very careful about not giving him a chance, since I knew there would be no, or little, assistance from others.
I wouldn't say I've made peace with that incident, but I've put it behind me. Last year when I was unemployed a lot, I started going to church with him. It made him happy and I thought I might run into someone who could give me a job lead. At the least, it got me out of the house meeting people and at the worst I got to sit in church and think about what it meant to be a good or bad person. Fortunately it wasn't a church that required any kind of feedback from the parishioners, because I'm not a believer (though I do think there's a lot of value to introspection and thinking about how to lead a moral life, and what such a life involves). Anyway, we went fishing a half dozen times too and never caught much of anything. I was very wary of going on a boat alone with him even though I'm in my late 30s, but it turned out okay.
He's one of my sources for inspiration on the character of Maury Parkman in Shattered Salvation. There is so little about Maury in canon that he's virtually an OC and I've built him up as a composite of a couple people. My ambiguous, ambivalently-colored perception of my grandfather is one such source.
We caught 30 fish today and I took my son, who is 10, and he caught several on his own. He was thrilled. I got a little over-exposed to the sun. We had fish for dinner. It was great. But I watch my grandfather carefully when he's around my daughter. She's four. I'd never leave her alone with him, that's for sure.
Don't get the impression that he's a saint. When I was a kid, I thought he touched me far too much in the swimming pool, putting his hand between my legs ostensibly to propel me through the water in great circles, groping me around the chest when he lifted me, just way too much touching and holding and wanting to play around with his hands under the water in weird ways that I didn't understand... I was only 10 or so at the time, but it bothered me. So I told my mother and she told me he would never touch me inappropriately and I was wrong to even accuse him. I didn't know what to do about it, but I quit going swimming over at their house. He never did anything else, but I was very careful about not giving him a chance, since I knew there would be no, or little, assistance from others.
I wouldn't say I've made peace with that incident, but I've put it behind me. Last year when I was unemployed a lot, I started going to church with him. It made him happy and I thought I might run into someone who could give me a job lead. At the least, it got me out of the house meeting people and at the worst I got to sit in church and think about what it meant to be a good or bad person. Fortunately it wasn't a church that required any kind of feedback from the parishioners, because I'm not a believer (though I do think there's a lot of value to introspection and thinking about how to lead a moral life, and what such a life involves). Anyway, we went fishing a half dozen times too and never caught much of anything. I was very wary of going on a boat alone with him even though I'm in my late 30s, but it turned out okay.
He's one of my sources for inspiration on the character of Maury Parkman in Shattered Salvation. There is so little about Maury in canon that he's virtually an OC and I've built him up as a composite of a couple people. My ambiguous, ambivalently-colored perception of my grandfather is one such source.
We caught 30 fish today and I took my son, who is 10, and he caught several on his own. He was thrilled. I got a little over-exposed to the sun. We had fish for dinner. It was great. But I watch my grandfather carefully when he's around my daughter. She's four. I'd never leave her alone with him, that's for sure.