Bricks in the Wall, Chapter 15: Click
Title: Click
Characters: Peter, Sylar
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Words: 400
Setting: The Wall
Notes:Peter and Sylar are sitting on a park bench. An idle discussion about parks leads to pigeons and then to birds in general, flocking habits and finally to mate selection. Also, I am experimenting with using pure dialogue, as much as possible. Let me know ( Read more... )
Exactly.
I am a bit fuzzy here because I didn't get the connection: Sylar is like his clocks, complex yet miraculous and special even if you know why it 'ticks', so Sylar is special? That's how he gets to that conclusion?
Peter is saying that even after you strip all the mystery away from something, it can still be fascinating, intriguing and special. If you know how the human body works, it doesn't make it any less lovely to look on. Sylar knows clocks inside and out, yet they're still endlessly interesting to him. Peter's saying that love, people, life - they don't lose their specialness just because they're understood or become predictable. A discovered country is just as beloved (by Peter) as virgin territory.
I'm so glad you liked it. What did you think of the dialogue without much description of body language or thoughts?
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I don't know that I can answer it real well (which totally bums me out because I'd love to weigh in) because you told me up front what I was going to be reading. You told me I was on the placebo and it ruined the experiment. If you'd have said as an A/N at the bottom, after the fic: "I experimented with using dialogue and skimped on the body language and inner thoughts. What do you think?" Then I would have been "Oh, really?" and re-read it or noticed immediately or something. As it was I had it too much on my mind and it detracted from reading.
Like I said, your voices are so good I didn't get lost - I usually get lose quickly with the who's who if there's no indicators or names used, you know? I followed it really well, to my own surprise. Not getting lost is a *big* deal. Then again, it may have been because there were no indicators otherwise, I was forced to pay attention to the voices...Interesting.
For this piece: pure(-ish) dialogue is not wrong or out of place. Layering on detail may have killed the purer form of....moment you have going here. I can't say. I will say it worked here. I got sucked into the words, the meaning, the intent and I didn't particularly care that there was no physical back-up (although I prefer there be some/more - that's just my preference). I think I read deeper into your meaning and I noticed more things like that, or so I felt. I can't imagine a whole lot is going on with their body language in this scene, not much with their voices and certainly no movements. Its very deconstructed and minimalistic. I liked it, but I don't know if I'd prefer it; that's my two cents.
That said there were two things I would have liked to have seen (in constructive criticism): "Peter laughed uneasily." -- This needed, IMO, to have been explained somehow, it kind of comes out of left field and gets left there. Unless it was intended as "take this, reader, how you will"... Reading your replies to my comments helped explain it - Peter thinks he's the frog and the fish is wrong for him and this is the usual "instinct" his heart/brain makes for love. Peter's not thrilled with it. What we get from the piece is...well, Peter could be uneasy about anything, hell, picturing a frog and fish going at it or something gross, who knows?
And I would have liked to have seen Peter making a grabbing/holding motion while he tells about the frog, just to add more empathy, I guess. Peter's telling a serious story that has meaning to him (meaning that, like I said, isn't immediately apparent), I imagine he'd articulate that physically a little.
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Wow, I'm going to be confused about that now!
I agree there would have been a little hand-talk there with the frog 'grabbing on'.
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