More explorations in kink
I had my evening out, interacting with real people instead of usernames. Much as I like you guys, there's nothing to replace the joy of putting my hands on someone and hearing their voice. I went to the BDSM club as I don't have the kids this weekend. The club is now at a new location, much larger, which is a big add. There's a larger and nicer socializing area and a larger and nicer "play space". The socializing area is where you sit around and talk, generally in street clothes, and just hang out. There's nothing sexual going on. The play space is where all the stuff happens.
There was another good-sized crowd of 30 or so people, but the place didn't feel packed. The little person was there again (I'm still not sure if female or not. I think female.) The really big, burly woman whom I had thought was a man dressed as a woman was there, and now my opinion swings over to 'big, burly woman' rather than 'man dressed as a woman'. She had a bustier on and a more form-fitting/revealing dress, so I could see the outline of her body and tell how much of that silhouette was based on clothing and how much was natural. Women have a certain hip structure that's a lot more rare in men. That, plus the very real-looking boobs, makes me think woman. It's interesting though how something like sheer size can change my perception of gender.
Speaking of which, I had a disagreement with one of my massage victims about why women were more often indirect in relationships than men were. He said that women were complicated and would do annoying things like decline to explain their true feelings in a situation. I reminded him that women were usually in relationships with people who were 1) larger than they were, 2) stronger pound for pound, 3) more experienced in fighting, 4) more frequently the breadwinner or the one with financial control, and 5) not as emotionally entangled with the kids (or with the relationship). As a result, women who were unhappy with their partners found themselves in a position where it is often unwise to blurt out negative feelings. There are a lot of incentives to keeping one's mouth shut and hoping something will blow over. There's a power dynamic going on with that stewing. It's not because women *like* to stew.
He rebutted by telling me that no, women were capable of delivering a lot of verbal abuse and had no problem with telling a guy how they felt. At the time I didn't see the direct contradiction like I do now, writing it up. Instead I (typical woman) blew it off and went back to the massage. I hadn't gone there to argue with people. But it reminds me a bit of a Fetlife thread (it's a posting board for people in the sexual fetish lifestyle - it's where they announce when and where the parties are) I read last week. In it, the guy originally posting asked if women had ever considered having sex for money, or doing an overt sex-for-stuff trade. I can't be sure of people's genders from their screen names, but out of the ten or so responses he had, there were three women who said no, they hadn't, and one who jokingly said she'd been married so obviously. Which I figure is another 'no'. There was one post from a woman who said that any woman who hadn't made that trade, at least indirectly, was a liar. The other posts were about whether the thread was in poor taste or good humor. The guy who had posted the thread in the first place said that he was sure that 99% of women had considered or done it, which flies in the face of the responses on the thread. It was something else I took offense to. Mansplaining. Guy says he doesn't understand woman's experience. Woman explains experience. Guy denies that woman's explanation is true. ::sigh:: No wonder guy doesn't understand if he won't freaking LISTEN!
And brings me back to my thought that the 'man simple; woman complicated' trope is sexist and privileged, representing men's failure to understand the often nuanced and sometimes delicate situation women are in, compared to men.
Well, as for my situation last night, I gave massages to three men and a shoulder rub to one woman. I kissed one of the men. Another attendee had brought massage oil (I was told she uses it on hand jobs) and she let me borrow it for the evening. It helped. I really need to get some of my own! One of the men (the one I kissed) asked for a hand job. I declined. I'm still trying to work out why I declined, other than "didn't want to". That's a perfectly valid reason, but I want to know *why*, because getting some dick is part of why I'm going to these things. But - presented with dick, I didn't want it. Odd.
A new thing I saw was fire cupping. There were two tables set up for this. I went over and watched for a while. From where I was standing, I saw a guy finger off a woman nearby. On the other side of the room someone was using a "violet wand" (or maybe "violent wand") which involved some kind of electrical stimulation. I didn't get over to see that. In other areas around the room there was the usual three or four couples where a guy was flogging or spanking a woman. Speaking of spanking, I found out I have a strongly negative reaction to that, which is something I suspected last year when I started to write a spanking scene with Gabriel in it and he attacked Peter. I was so freaked out that I stopped writing and deleted it, something I almost never do. (Oddly, Peter didn't mind getting spanked or not, so I couldn't tell if this was a muse issue or me issue.) At the club, there was a woman who turned 37 and was having a birthday party. There is a custom I've heard of (which was never practiced in our family) of giving the birthday person spankings. The glee and eagerness with which guys lined up to hit her bothered me deeply. I left the room, then went outside to get some air when I could still hear it. It upset me a lot more than the flogging, which I'm not real wild about either, but whatever. I still have my issues to work out. Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever really gets past them.
The seminar at the start, which I was late for, was S&M 101. The guy was selling books, too, so I bought one to be supportive. It's basic stuff, but that's cool. Much of what he said was the same stuff that a different presenter had gone over last month about dungeon etiquette. It's worth repeating, especially the part about not interrupting an f'ing scene. I had a guy interrupt a massage twice and I really could have done without that. It got my back up to the point that I (and the person I was massaging) ignored him the second time, until I turned to snap at him, "Are you trying to talk to us?" He seemed to get the point and left. My tone of voice was pretty unmistakable.
I stayed until 1. Something unrelated to the sex that I noticed was that three people there had vapor cigarettes. Those are fascinating to me, because if I understand the mechanism right, they eliminate second hand smoke (and eliminate the smoke smell entirely), while continuing to deliver nicotine. They also do away with all the other crap in cigarettes, which is mostly what gives you cancer and decreased lung performance anyway. What struck me is that although the area was no-smoking, people could "smoke" their vapor cigs inside without issue. I think we'll see a lot more vapor cigs if that becomes widespread in restaurants and bars. I've been trying to get my mother to try them, because she smokes and it seems to be a much healthier alternative.
So - good time, had some irritating points, but that's life.