Running on Thin
Ever feel that your stretched past the point
of breaking and you actually wish the band
would snap, that even the cold harsh truth
of that final thump in your chest as your
heart turns in for the long night would
at least be a surcrease from the toil of
this mortal coil?
How do you get past that, when your in
the darkest of places and the cold doesn't
seem to be so bad anymore, that the final
stutter before the quiet almost seems like
a good idea.
I am in a bad place and I don't see a way
out, but I can't throw in the towel, because
that would make me a quitter and god damn it
to hell I hate quitters, they make me sick,
people without the sack enough to push their
cap forward, take a deep breath, shove out their
chest and do that bulldog side to side strut
right into the teeth of the problem.
I have people depending on me, one who isn't even
old enough yet to understand the need of wearing
something other than a diaper, the other has become
a cornerstone on which my whole world, even when
its covered in shit, is resting on. Even when she
said It will be all right, it just doesn't seem to
be all right, I feel like those poor stupid grey
hounds at the track chasing that fucking mechanical
rabbit and its always just a few feet ahead.
I am even becoming a little hostile to people I
don't even know, some guy was arguing with his
girlfriend outside our apartment complex and
it set me off, I walked up to him and told
him if he didn't get his women hitting, chicken
shit ass inside his little apartment I was going
to fuck him up so badly that it would take a pair
of pliers and the Pope to unfuck him. He looked at
me like a second head had suddenly grown out of my
back, but he went inside, she went inside as soon as
I crossed the parking lot. I stood there for about
3 full minutes just shaking, some part of me wanted
him to jump, I was hoping just once, someone who
give me the sign to unload on them.
I was rereading a novel I like and the line in it,
My gods the blue is calling struck a chord with me
I understand what that guy is talking about, and
that really worries me sometimes.
of breaking and you actually wish the band
would snap, that even the cold harsh truth
of that final thump in your chest as your
heart turns in for the long night would
at least be a surcrease from the toil of
this mortal coil?
How do you get past that, when your in
the darkest of places and the cold doesn't
seem to be so bad anymore, that the final
stutter before the quiet almost seems like
a good idea.
I am in a bad place and I don't see a way
out, but I can't throw in the towel, because
that would make me a quitter and god damn it
to hell I hate quitters, they make me sick,
people without the sack enough to push their
cap forward, take a deep breath, shove out their
chest and do that bulldog side to side strut
right into the teeth of the problem.
I have people depending on me, one who isn't even
old enough yet to understand the need of wearing
something other than a diaper, the other has become
a cornerstone on which my whole world, even when
its covered in shit, is resting on. Even when she
said It will be all right, it just doesn't seem to
be all right, I feel like those poor stupid grey
hounds at the track chasing that fucking mechanical
rabbit and its always just a few feet ahead.
I am even becoming a little hostile to people I
don't even know, some guy was arguing with his
girlfriend outside our apartment complex and
it set me off, I walked up to him and told
him if he didn't get his women hitting, chicken
shit ass inside his little apartment I was going
to fuck him up so badly that it would take a pair
of pliers and the Pope to unfuck him. He looked at
me like a second head had suddenly grown out of my
back, but he went inside, she went inside as soon as
I crossed the parking lot. I stood there for about
3 full minutes just shaking, some part of me wanted
him to jump, I was hoping just once, someone who
give me the sign to unload on them.
I was rereading a novel I like and the line in it,
My gods the blue is calling struck a chord with me
I understand what that guy is talking about, and
that really worries me sometimes.