teaching emotional understanding
I teach a daily social skills group to teenagers with severe communication challenges. I am autistic myself. I find this ironic at times. However, what I find most striking is the unwillingness of my students, on and off the spectrum, to identify negative emotions. I have come to believe it is the way that we teach this skill that is flawed, not our students' ability to acquire the concepts.
These are students who frequently also have complex behavior programs. My classroom is no exception. We use a positive behavior support program throughout the day, and at least one student has an individualized intervention plan. In a plan like that, negative behaviors are ignored whenever possible, and positive behaviors are constantly labeled and incentivized. It is no wonder then, that when they get to social skills class they refuse to give me any descriptions or labels for negative emotions or behaviors, instead substituting the positive behaviors and emotions that they are "supposed" to have: the ones that they are reinforced for turning their negative emotions and behaviors into.
Emotion suppression is a useful tool as far as it goes. The individual who is constantly overwhelmed by emotions does not know what it is like to not feel that way. That student needs to be taught what positive and comfortable emotions feel like, and need to be taught the value of putting in the effort in getting and staying there. The real danger is that so often our instruction stops there. The student has learned that only positive feelings are valued, so they do theirs best not to admit to the negative emotions But those emotions a still there, and when they rise to the surface the individual is ill-equipped to deal with them. Emotions are very intense and frequently overwhelming to those of us on the spectrum. Denying them only increases the intensity, because the individual still does not understand, but knows only that he should feel bad about feeling that way: that their behaviors (and by extraction they themselves) are undesirable.
I have to be in full-on meltdown mode in order to be willing to admit to really feeling a negative emotion (besides stress - stress has become socially acceptable.). My students are the same: that is the only time you do not get the response of the expected positive emotion. For both of us, that is because in that state there is no room for the expected. By definition, we are overcome by the negative emotion and so that is all there is.
No one actually enjoys being out of control (though I will admit, sometimes it is the only thing that brings relief from those emotions I don't recognize.) The real problem is not the student's age, size, or behavior intensity level, though those are frequently given as justifications for increased pressure to eradicate all negative behaviors. The real problem is that we have only taught the individual part of the skills he needs and, with that partial knowledge, are expecting him to be able to independently complete all the skills of emotional self-regulation. We are the ones being unreasonable.
This is the place that the students in my social skills class have been left. Use of Positive Behavior supports has dramatically decreased their interfering behaviors. When faced with a description of their remaining challenging behaviors, they respond with a description of the positive behaviors that they will be reinforced for showing. They get "stuck" on behavioral language. (which shouldn't be surprising - they don't have any way of knowing if they are following the rules or not, and are trying like mad to figure it out in order to reach the incentives put in place. If they weren't engaged in that struggle, positive behavior support plans wouldn't work.)
The way my classroom is currently set up, if a student's behavior is not interfering with his or others' ability to learn, then we do not address it. While this is generally effective in maintaining classroom decorum, it does not get at the root of the problem, which is this student's ability to self-regulate. Classroom decorum is important, even necessary for my students to access their academic curriculum. However, there is another, equally important, curriculum that is being sacrificed in the name of decorum: self-awareness, self-monitoring, and self-advocacy.
No one can successfully advocate for themselves if their behavior is constantly being reshaped to fit societal expectations - if they do not have the understanding or language for the parts of themselves that do not fit those expectations. Without that understanding one cannot choose to play by society's rules (and we are always more invested and more successful when we choose an outcome ourselves. Again, this is the reason positive behavior support programs are effective.) Without understanding, one cannot identify what help will be most effective, or even when to ask for help - there is no recourse for self-directed care. We need both the language AND the understanding in order to be successful.
I see four steps to productive intervention:
Identify the feeling (I.e acknowledge to myself that I really am upset.)
Identify the implications of the feeling (will this really interfere with my ability to continue productively?) the incredible 5 point scale seems an obvious tool to use here.
Decide what action (if any) needs to be taken based on 1 and 2. Do I need a minute to regroup? Should we reschedule for another time after I have had the opportunity to process the information being given? Do I have access to the tools I need to address this situation professionally? If not, where can I get them or from whom?
Take the appropriate action and inform (self-advocate to) the other members of my team what my needs are.
Focusing on the entire process (instead of just the first or third steps, which is where the instruction is usually targeted) will help the students access their positive behavior support strategies (working for incentives, etc.) while deepening their understanding and self-knowledge so they can develop the skills to respond independently.
To do this right will require modeling, labeling, and other direct instruction strategies. Not only that, but it will require a change in classroom philosophy regarding behavior. We must eliminate the notion that only positive or so-called appropriate behaviors and emotions are valid. We must make room for the entire range of human emotions and teach students the skills to identify them and make appropriate and safe choices about how to handle them. That means we need room for students to express those emotions when they do not have the skills yet to respond appropriately, so that we can teach those skills. It means valuing learning over classroom decorum: my administration will not be happy.
My students spent the last year learning to connect their feelings to their behaviors. This is the next step in their education. So, what will this system look like? It requires regular check-ins where students are asked to rate their emotions. It requires regular self-assessment of the implications of student behavior. It requires debriefing sessions after behaviors do occur to identify the difference between assessment and reality and to brainstorm strategies to change behavior (while still validating emotion.) It is not going to be easy, and it is going to take a significant amount of instructional time, but it is quite possibly the most important lesson that I can teach my students. Thus, it is more than worth it.
First, I need to meet with the students' educational team. I need to explain to them how to model using this instructional strategy and how to use it directly with students. I need to get their buy-in for prioritizing learning over decorum, for prioritizing understanding over control. These are not the priorities we are used to. We work in an environment where the administration defines how good a day we had in my classroom by how often they did or did not hear us call for behavior support. However, they are the priorities my students need in ordered to be successful. These are the building blocks of self-monitoring, self-control, and self-advocacy; there are no more important, or more fundamental skills for my students to learn.