(no subject)
I've got the music turned to this new age station where they play music that is all computerized and made to make you feel reflective and think thougtful thoughts. And I can't seem to put down house of sand and fog, even though it is just depressing me further.
growing up is such a trip. I almost wish that I was the girl i was in high school again. god, i was so nieve and protected...though i suppose i still am ignorant of real life, which just scares me further: everyday it seems i understand a bit more that life can't be understood, i guess, which i suppose is both beautiful and shit-your-pants scary. Mostly scary right now. Its scary that it is very possible (and perhaps imminent?) that i can fail...not just a test or class but maybe i can fail my relationships and fail to fill my own shoes and fail to live the kind of life i had pictured myself living.
i read back what i just typed and i feel so drama-full and PMS-y and self involved and i wish i could just write down what i really feel, or maybe just cry it all out, or if i could maybe i would just run for a long time on the trail...that always looks so satisfying.
growing up is such a trip. I almost wish that I was the girl i was in high school again. god, i was so nieve and protected...though i suppose i still am ignorant of real life, which just scares me further: everyday it seems i understand a bit more that life can't be understood, i guess, which i suppose is both beautiful and shit-your-pants scary. Mostly scary right now. Its scary that it is very possible (and perhaps imminent?) that i can fail...not just a test or class but maybe i can fail my relationships and fail to fill my own shoes and fail to live the kind of life i had pictured myself living.
i read back what i just typed and i feel so drama-full and PMS-y and self involved and i wish i could just write down what i really feel, or maybe just cry it all out, or if i could maybe i would just run for a long time on the trail...that always looks so satisfying.