(no subject)
A clipping from the back pages of a newspaper in rural British Columbia, Earth 616:
SASQUATCH AND SON
Sunday, April 9, 2000
Mystery species sighted in local park has experts suspicious of a ruse.
Late Saturday afternoon, a pair of hikers on Mt. T____ reportedly sighted a pair of unusual creatures. Photographic evidence and eyewitness accounts describe them as a female and her young. Both display near-human figures: bipedal with blue flesh and, most distinctive of all, a large mouth bisecting what would have been the cranium of a normal human. The hikers described it as "a cross between a man, a venus flytrap, and a crocodile."
The witnesses were able to approach the juvenile creature. "We were pretty scared of it at first, because of the teeth, but it didn't try to bite or anything. We offered it some trail mix, but it didn't seem interested. It kept parroting us, though...repeating syllables kind of like a baby," the witness stated. The "sasquatch" followed the pair of hikers for several hundred yards, until the adult appeared. "We barely saw it, it moved so fast. It just scooped up the baby and kept going. Didn't try to touch us."
Local naturalists and park officials were unable to provide any insight on the matter, and have dismissed it as a hoax. Others have suggested connections to the recent incident in New York City involving a similarly unidentifiable animal.
Police and park officials emphasize the importance of exercising caution when dealing with any wildlife, which should not be approached or fed under any circumstances.
SASQUATCH AND SON
Sunday, April 9, 2000
Mystery species sighted in local park has experts suspicious of a ruse.
Late Saturday afternoon, a pair of hikers on Mt. T____ reportedly sighted a pair of unusual creatures. Photographic evidence and eyewitness accounts describe them as a female and her young. Both display near-human figures: bipedal with blue flesh and, most distinctive of all, a large mouth bisecting what would have been the cranium of a normal human. The hikers described it as "a cross between a man, a venus flytrap, and a crocodile."
The witnesses were able to approach the juvenile creature. "We were pretty scared of it at first, because of the teeth, but it didn't try to bite or anything. We offered it some trail mix, but it didn't seem interested. It kept parroting us, though...repeating syllables kind of like a baby," the witness stated. The "sasquatch" followed the pair of hikers for several hundred yards, until the adult appeared. "We barely saw it, it moved so fast. It just scooped up the baby and kept going. Didn't try to touch us."
Local naturalists and park officials were unable to provide any insight on the matter, and have dismissed it as a hoax. Others have suggested connections to the recent incident in New York City involving a similarly unidentifiable animal.
Police and park officials emphasize the importance of exercising caution when dealing with any wildlife, which should not be approached or fed under any circumstances.