{infinite; ot7} redemption (o6/?)
Title: redemption (6/?)
Fandom: infinite + ukiss, block b, etc.
Pairing: various
Word count: ~4500
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lee Howon has long accepted his life as a Beta, at the bottom of South Korea's social class. However, the government gives him and his family an opportunity to join the Alpha class, through the Omega Plan at Sanghwan Academy, but this chance isn't as wonderful as it seems.
A/N: SHIT GOING DOWN (AKA FINALLY SOME DANCING) ETC ETC CAN YOU SEE MY OTPS??? things havent started picking up yet but heres an exciting speed bump for now! sorry this chapter took forever, but im well into summer vacation and there will be lots of writing going on c:
thank you sfm for everything that reads this story! there are more of you than the ones commenting, but all of you are unbelievably lovely and it means so much that you guys are reading my words :(
also check out my super qt new hoya icon ;; i wont be tagging any otps until the very end bcos theyre going to fluctuate a bit throughout the story, plus theyre kind of spoilers :(
redemption
"Now, turn, and put your arm out like this..." Hyukjae demonstrates the move in one fluid movement. Dongwoo follows suit, then Howon, slightly stiffly. Not for the first time, Hyukjae puts his arm down and goes to adjust Howon's, jabbing a sharp elbow into his back admonishingly. "Relax, Howon. You can't dance if you don't let yourself."
Howon sighs and tries to loosen the knots in his shoulders, but the one in the pit of his stomach tightens instead. To tell the truth, Dongwoo and Eli and the others made it look much easier when they danced to any song that came on those late nights, laughing and sweating and trying to outdo the others for fun. Now, he feels very clumsy and awkward, afraid to do badly.
They work on Hyukjae's choreography as they have for the past two weeks for a while longer, completing their hour-long class, and then Hyukjae bids them both goodbye, slinging a casual arm around Howon's shoulders on his way out. "Don't think about messing up or looking stupid. Because you won't."
A nod and a half-hearted smile from Howon is enough for Hyukjae to let go and disappear out the door, pulling his thick jacket over his wifebeater, and Howon groans, sinking to the floor and rolling onto his stomach.
"You did well today," says Dongwoo, sitting down beside him, his hip pressing into Howon's side.
"No, I didn't," Howon mutters, trying to ignore the heat seeping into his body from the spot of contact they share. "I'm not cut out for dancing."
"Yes, you are," Dongwoo insists. "You just have to let yourself."
"Dongwoo!" Howon groans when the other boy jumps to his feet and tugs on one of Howon's arms in an attempt to pull him up. Because it feels like his arm is about to rip off, Howon sits up reluctantly, trying to tug free the hand Dongwoo has clasped in his own.
"Come on," Dongwoo says, urging him into a standing position. When Howon finally acquiesces, Dongwoo runs to the stereo and presses play, the song turned up so loud that Howon can feel his chest vibrating with every note of the bass.
When Howon takes the starting position of the choreo, he feels Dongwoo wind his arms around his body, fingers latching onto Howon's wrists, and freezes. "What are you doing?" he chokes out, unsure whether he's imagining the sensation of Dongwoo's fingers reaching under his skin or not. He can't be, because it feels much too real, fingertips dipping into his nerves and setting them alight.
"When you dance," Dongwoo says softly into his ear instead, making him shiver, "don't think so much. Close your eyes. Hyukjae has taught us the moves so many times, I know you know them. Just feel."
I feel you, Howon thinks, but obeys wordlessly, letting the music command the pull and stretch of his body, guided further by the gentle pressure of Dongwoo's touch. He goes by instinct, stretching out the slower moves and snapping the sharper ones with more flare than Hyukjae or Dongwoo would with their leaner arms. The whole time, he can sense Dongwoo like a ghost surrounding his body, only released when Howon executes the turn and finishes. When he opens his eyes and looks into Dongwoo's face, Dongwoo's own eyes are bright with excitement, fiery and exhilarated. "That was amazing, Howon, I knew you could do it."
"I--yeah." Howon curses his awkward words for ruining the magic of the moment, tentatively reaching out to touch Dongwoo's hand. "Thanks."
"No problem," Dongwoo tells him with an easy smile. However, when Howon lies back down on the floor, he stares at him in confusion. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Howon says into the crook of his elbow. There's still some time before dinner, and he won't be coming back to the dance room after eating because he has to study for tomorrow's weekly test. It's been two weeks since he finally discovered why he was at Sanghwan as well, and he's had more than enough of dirty glares and blatant stares to last him a lifetime. In the dance practice room, he's not "the genius." He's with Hyukjae, who only thinks about dancing, and Dongwoo, who doesn't seem to care about how high Howon's IQ is. It's easy with them.
Dongwoo happily sprawls on the floor with him, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. If Howon looks through the dark curtain over hair over his eyes and at the mirrors spanning the wall beside them, he can see just enough Dongwoo's face to see those lips stretched in a content grin, the sweat beading on Dongwoo's temple and slipping slowly down his skin. He closes his eyes to stop from staring too long.
The sweat is incongruous with the weather, which is cooling down as Seoul moves drearily into winter. Howon hates winter the most out of the four seasons, reminded of icy, blued toes after walking home through the snowy streets, of the horrible shock of sleet soaking through his thin clothing and dripping slowly down his back. Even worse, game is harder to come by during the winter and money is the tightest it ever is in the year. All of the nights he spent curled up with Hojun on their scrappy cot, pressing close for warmth, talking and talking to keep his brother's mind off of their growling stomachs and the goosebumps rising on their skin as if the thin hairs on their arms and legs could insulate any warmth. He made up stories of princes and dragons, burglars and soldiers, heroic epics that would never be able to play out in their lives but Hojun adored. Once, he forgot himself between the uncontrollable shivering and the aching of his muscles, and confessed his dreams of a better life; at the idea of rich food and thick blankets and time for leisure, Hojun cried, little, shuddering sobs as the tears on his thin face froze before they soaked into Howon's shirt. When he was completely sure Hojun had drifted off, Hojae had snapped angrily at Howon for upsetting their brother like that. As always, Howon had nodded. "I know," he'd said quietly, his chest aching more than the burn of his arms and legs because Hojae loved Hojun just as much as he did but it was Howon that Hojun looked at with gleaming, admiring eyes. Even when Hojae was the least impatient and prickly around him, Hojun still chose to trail after Howon reverently, beaming whenever Howon agreed to teach him something or tell him a story.
"Howon?"
Dongwoo is looking at him with concern, arm on his shoulder, and Howon does his best to blink back the tears collecting in his eyes. "I'm fine," Howon insists, his voice coming out roughly.
Refusing to believe him, Dongwoo scoots closer and curls an arm gently around Howon's neck, making Howon's breath catch in his throat. "Are you sure?" he presses.
Howon is silent, inhaling the scent of sweat and shampoo and Dongwoo. "Do you have any siblings?" he asks finally.
"Two sisters, actually," Dongwoo answers, his voice cheerful and unsuspicious; if the subject change was unexpected, he doesn't show it. "They're both nurses, and we've all been working in the our family clinic since we were young."
"Are you close? With both of them?" Howon asks.
"Yes," Dongwoo says easily. "Ever since we were little."
Howon nods into Dongwoo's collarbone and just lets Dongwoo hold him for a while. Dongwoo is warm and solid and calm, breathing slowly so that Howon's body moves with every expanding and shrinking of Dongwoo's lungs. A pulse thrums where Howon's cheek is pressed to Dongwoo's throat. If he were braver, Howon would wrap his arms around Dongwoo's waist and twine their legs together, but he doesn't want to ruin this just yet.
The sound of the door opening startles him, pushing Dongwoo away from him and scrambling to his feet to see Hoon and Jaeseop. Hoon has a big of a teasing leer curling his lips, eyeing Howon suggestively. "We thought you guys were done with your lesson already."
"Howon needed some extra help," Dongwoo says, sitting up.
"Extra help, huh?" Hoon smirks. Howon decides that he would very much like to sink into the ground and disappear into order to escape the expression on Hoon's face.
"Yes," he says defensively.
"It's almost time to eat," Jaeseop says, intercepting the innuendo Hoon is about to say, and Howon seizes the opportunity to run for it. Sungjong meet him and Dongwoo halfway down the hall, excitedly showing off the little pillow Zhou Mi helped him make for sewing practice. He refuses to let it go even while eating, not even to Sungyeol's curious hands, and they end up whining and fighting playfully for it. When Sungjong is distracted by Sungyeol's hands tickling his ribs, Dongwoo slips the pillow out of Sungjong's relaxed grip and laughs at the resulting shriek. When Sungjong grabs at it, Dongwoo quickly passes it to Howon, who easily caves and returns it to Sungjong.
"Howon is my favorite and the rest of you are all mean," Sungjong proclaims with a pout, clutching the pillow tightly. Howon blushes at the declaration, pleased.
They discuss a short passage in Literature while Professor Boa sits, cross-legged in black jeans up on her desk with her clipboard, nudging the conversation sometimes but otherwise quiet. Howon expects Sunggyu's insights and admires the thoughtful responses Myungsoo offers, and Dongwoo is a refreshing perspective as well. Woohyun drops his barriers a bit to put in his thoughts but snaps at a confused remark from Sungyeol. During their break afterwards, Sungjong clings to Dongwoo and Hoya, complaining, "I don't get it," so they and Sunggyu do their best to explain the themes and motifs they were talking about.
"Can you repeat the part about the main character's internal conflict?" Sungyeol begs, fingers flying furiously across his keyboard. Howon does so, still not used to the blind faith Sungjong and Sungyeol put into him for the correct answer.
When they ask for help on the science problems from Professor Seunggi, he hurriedly passes them to Dongwoo and sits beside Sunggyu. Myungsoo has pulled his seat over to Sunggyu's desk, reading a book, and Woohyun has disappeared as he does with every break between classes. Sungyeol is almost completely certain Woohyun is just retouching his appearance in the bathroom, complaining about the parade of beauty products Woohyun has lined up along the counter in their own dorm's bathroom. Dongwoo had found the image hilarious.
Professor Seunggi interrupts them, transitioning into a math lecture. Howon is best at math, and as much as he likes thinking through literary devices, the idea of one exact answer has a sense of security that appeals to him. The concepts are the same, tested and true, whether the teacher or student is a Beta or Alpha. In this subject, he may be better than Sunggyu.
History and Science pass quickly, and they are released for dinner. Everyone has started their specialized courses by now, some later than others, and is eager to share.
Sungjong, unsurprisingly, is first, brandishing his precious pillow but careful not to lose it to Sungyeol's mischief again. He presses into Howon's side, crying for Howon to protect him, and Howon laughs before wrapping his arm around Sungjong's skinny shoulders. It's a familiar sensation, the warmth and the strength necessary when a thin body leans back against his touch. It settles him.
Myungsoo had chosen to take martial arts lessons with Sungmin, and he talks about the nanchuks they are practicing with. The black rods are heavier than Howon expected, the chain links clicking loudly as they bump into each other, and Myungsoo handles them with care. "I'll be practicing in our dorm room later tonight, if you want to see," Myungsoo tells Howon. At once, the others demand to be there too, and suddenly an impromptu study session is arranged in their room for that night. Howon can foresee a night of laughter and fooling around, neglecting homework until late, but he agrees anyways. Sungjong persuades Sunggyu to leave his single-occupancy room--a privacy he, Soohyun, and presumably Zico received for some certain excellence--to join them.
They finish dinner but all agree to return to their own rooms and then meet up in Howon and Myungsoo's at 9pm. Howon quickly takes a long-overdue shower, washing the lingering sweat from dancing away, and worriedly examines his reflection while toweling his hair. Without all of the grueling field work and a much richer diet, his muscles are softening, especially in his arms and abdomen. He's losing definition in the lines of his hips, stomach subsiding into what he hopes isn't fat, and flexing his biceps doesn't have the same effect he used to be secretly proud of. It feels a bit too much conceited and shallow for his taste, but Howon can't help it. "Do they have a gym here?" Howon calls to Myungsoo.
"Yes," Myungsoo replies. "I think it's between the dance rooms and the libraries. Woohyun is spending all of his free time there, though, just to let you know."
Howon frowns at himself in the mirror, conflicted. There's no doubt Woohyun won't like his presence in the gym with him--though, now that Howon has proved his worth at the Academy, he might be more lenient--but being out of shape unsettles Howon more than he could ever have imagined. So much of his life has been spent depending on his strength, earning a living and helping feed his family, that he feels weak and unprepared without it. Surely working out in the gyms won't be as bad as working in the fields.
"Woohyun's been taking physical fitness lessons with Siwon for his specialized course. Apparently, several of the Level 2's and a Level 3 are in the class as well, and he's always trying to outdo them. I'm sure they wouldn't mind another student," says Myungsoo.
"Thank you," Howon says with relief. The Level 2's will be much easier to approach and ask for times and dates. He hurries to get dressed at the sound of a knock on the door, pulling on sweatpants and a sweater rather than the tank top he usually would have. No one will notice, probably, but he feels self-conscious.
It's Dongwoo and Sungjong who have arrived first, dumping their bags down by Howon's desk and making themselves at home. Howon notices Dongwoo lingering at his dresser, gazing at the picture of Howon's family again, but doesn't say anything when Dongwoo flops down beside Sungjong on Howon's bed. "You didn't leave any space for me," Howon laughs.
"Your bed looks more comfortable," Sungjong shrugs, giggling when Dongwoo rolls on top of him, chest to Sungjong's back. "Can't breathe, Dongwoo!" Sungjong gasps.
"Now there's room," Dongwoo says cheekily, reaching out to pull on Howon's wrist and yank the other boy onto the bed with him. What results is a flailing mess of limbs and bodies, Sungjong shrieking about how he's about to fall onto the floor because both Dongwoo and Howon are squishing him. Myungsoo just laughs, sitting at his desk chair rather than help them untangle themselves.
Howon notices how closely he and Dongwoo are pressed together the moment they stop in order to catch their breaths, legs locked because of Dongwoo's heel hooked around his ankle, and hips slanted parallel, and scrambles to get free with a vague sense of deja vu. The flush rising to his face is no doubt telling, and he ducks his head and snatches up the plastic bin on the edge of his desk. "I--I'm going to go get ice," he stammers out, and just remembers to grab his key from the counter as he leaves.
The door closes behind him with a muffled thud, and he's glad he didn't see any of their expressions in his dash out the door. Howon is no stranger to physical contact, with his frequent touches with his mother and Hojun, to the natural touchiness to Sungjong and the Level 2's, but something about being so close to Dongwoo makes him panic. The mere memory of his body flush against Dongwoo's has the heat flooding his face again. Howon is so distracted that he hardly notices the door opening ahead of him, just barely catching himself midstep and stumbling back to prevent himself from colliding with the panel of wood. He shuffles back, out of the way of whoever is leaving their room, into a shadowed bend in the hallway.
"You know, you could come with me," Sungyeol is saying to the person still inside their room. It can only be Woohyun, and it's not the civility of Sungyeol's tone but the obvious fondness that surprises Howon the most.
"It's fine, Sungyeol," Woohyun says, a bit exasperated, but the affection is even more shockingly returned in his voice. "Go on and have fun."
Sungyeol steps back into the dorm room but is still holding the door open, backpack slung over his shoulder. "If you just let yourself relax and be yourself, I know they'd all like you too. Honestly."
"I don't want to. Not tonight." Woohyun's voice sounds closer, and Howon can barely make him out behind Sungyeol's tall frame.
"Please?" Sungyeol coaxes, taking Woohyun's hand with his free one.
Woohyun shakes his head, gentle but firm. Allowing his defeat, Sungyeol leans in to kiss Woohyun quickly, but Woohyun tightens his grip on him and refuses to let go when Sungyeol is about to pull back until he is satisfied. A slow smile curls his lips, hiding his eyes a bit, and he pecks Sungyeol one more time before pushing him out the door. "Go, idiot."
This time, Sungyeol obeys, grinning to himself as he walks down the hall to Howon and Myungsoo's room. Thankfully, Woohyun has distracted him enough that he doesn't notice Howon's wide-eyed stare, and Sungyeol's purposeful footsteps quickly fade out in the distance. Howon hears him greet Sunggyu normally, then the cries of welcome when they reach the room at the end of the hall.
Clutching the ice bin to his chest, unable to process the exchange he just witnessed, Howon stumbles down to the lobby of their dorm building and watches blankly as the ice machine noisily yields ice cubes into his container. Maybe it was an illusion, he decides. It was an illusion, because there was no way he saw Sungyeol and Woohyun--Sungyeol and Woohyun--talking without arguing. There was no way he saw them kissing. It was one thing to see Eli and Kevin cuddling at dinner, Eli's arm around Kevin's waist and Kevin turning into him and laughing into his shoulder at a joke, another to see the two who had hated each other since their first meeting get along so intimately. It was impossible.
Even back in the village, Howon never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl because he was so preoccupied in his studies and his family's survival. The growing thing between him and Dongwoo is strange, new territory for Howon, and he can't picture himself holding hands and kissing Dongwoo, or anybody, with the ease Sungyeol and Woohyun somehow have. And he truly believed they hated each other.
Howon realizes he is still staring uncomprehendingly at the ice that now fills his bin, and the Beta behind the receptionist's desk is giving him a look of concern and suspicion. He hurriedly picks it up and goes back down the hall, grateful that Woohyun doesn't leave his room at that precise moment. There's no avoiding Sungyeol, or Dongwoo, but an awkward confrontation is something Howon dreads.
"I'm back," he announces, depositing the ice on the table and sitting down where Sunggyu has scooted over to make room for him. To his relief, everyone save Myungsoo has moved away from the beds and are now crowded around the other room of the suite. Dongwoo and Sungjong aren't in the spots they would have taken in their own room; they share a couch, Sungyeol in the last one. Howon determinedly avoids Sungyeol's eyes, unsure if he can handle speaking to him like they always do, and silently thanks Sungjong for talking to him and preventing him from noticing Howon's odd behavior. For all Sungyeol knows, his relationship with Woohyun is still a secret.
They are more productive than Howon predicted, and by midnight they are all huddled around Myungsoo's laptop on his bed, watching a movie. Howon made sure Sungjong was wedged firmly between him and Dongwoo, and leaned himself against the reassuring strength of Sunggyu's right shoulder in order to see the monitor. They all decided going to find a common room with a television would be too far, seeing as the common rooms are only accessed from the lobby with Myungsoo and Howon's room on the other end of the building, but Howon can see everyone regretting the cramped set up of six people pressed around one computer. Even with Myungsoo's wide screen, it is still uncomfortable.
Sunggyu and Sungyeol call it a night by the first half of the movie, one of the many animes Myungsoo has downloaded onto his laptop by the name of One Piece, and Howon abruptly wants to ask Sungyeol something--anything--about Woohyun. Looking at his friend's face traps the questions in his chest, and Howon smiles and waves from the doorway as they return to their rooms on the other side of the hallway. Dongwoo and Sungjong decide a bit longer couldn't hurt, and they settle down to finish the film, Howon taking a spot on Myungsoo's other side when he returns. It's as far as he can get.
One Piece is over before Howon knows it, and Dongwoo extracts a promise from Myungsoo for more anime in the future as he pulls a sleeping Sungjong onto his back. They begin discussing something called Death Note and Howon takes the chance to go brush his teeth. He and Myungsoo say goodbye to Dongwoo, the toothbrush and froth occupying Howon's mouth ending all chances of further conversation on his part. Howon is grateful when Myungsoo doesn't bring up his earlier bolt from the room, unprepared to talk about Dongwoo when he is still struggling to wrap his mind around Sungyeol and Woohyun. Despite keeping their relationship a secret and covering all hints up with insults and glares, they seem happy together. As he rolls over in bed and closes his eyes against the light of the lamp Myungsoo has yet to turn off, Howon wonders just when their hostile fighting became tender kisses, when the familiarity of his own friendship began to fall apart into something awkward and afraid.
☬
"Physical fitness?" Soohyun repeats when Howon asks after it. "Yes, that's Choi Siwon's specialized course. We meet in the gym on Tuesdays after dinner but all of us hit the gym for our private workouts almost every day. Were you considering taking that class?"
Howon nods ruefully. "I'm not in shape anymore and wanted to work off all the food."
Eli laughs. "It's too delicious! Hoon, Soohyun, me, and sometimes Jaeseop and Kiseop take the class. Siwon loves us."
"What do you have, then?" Sungjong asks Kevin. Today, Howon, Dongwoo, and Sungjong decided to sit with the Level 2's instead of the other way around, something Howon proposed to escape Woohyun and Sungyeol's renewed arguing and his growing suspicion that he really had imagined what he had seen. Soohyun was more than happy to make room for them at the table, and they were generally well-received and tolerated.
"Kiseop and I take singing lessons with Yesung and Ryeowook, respectively, and sometimes a turn dancing with whoever will take us, usually Donghae or Sungmin," Kevin answers cheerfully. "We have to improve while we're here, so that way we can return to the entertainment industry easily after we graduate from Sanghwan."
If he fails the final exam at the end of Sanghwan, Howon thinks unhappily, he'll need to be in perfect shape to work all those long hours in the fields anyways.
"You're not going to take dance with me anymore?" Dongwoo asks, looking at Howon straight in the eye. The hurt flickers in his gaze before he can conceal it; hiding his emotions comes with difficulty for someone as bright and open as Dongwoo, and it makes Howon feel like a horrible person--a horrible friend--for doing this to him.
"Just until I get started on my own work out. Then I'll be back to classes with Hyukjae, and I'll still practice outside of specialized courses. It's nothing personal," Howon says, except it might just be personal. Walking down to breakfast, he immersed himself in a conversation with Sungjong after a hasty greeting to Dongwoo, then decided to eat with the Level 2's on his own before Dongwoo and Sungjong said that'd join him. Being subtle is not one of Howon's strong points, and Dongwoo is more observant than he seems.
Dongwoo lowers his eyes down to his cereal, and Howon mumbles an apology he's almost certain the other boy didn't hear. Throughout the rest of the day, he is worse at hiding his hurt than Howon is at avoiding him as surreptitiously as possible, and it breaks free when Howon turns down his invitation to dance after dinner with the excuse of homework. "What did I do to you?" Dongwoo bursts out, making even Woohyun turn and stare in alarm.
"Nothing--nothing at all," Howon says hastily, shocked. "I just wanted to work on my Science assignment."
"I could've helped you, if you'd only look at me and ask!" Dongwoo cries and picks up his tray with a clatter, his food untouched, and leaves the cafeteria.
"What did you do?" asks Sungyeol in bewilderment, staring after him. The others are similarly astonished at this uncharacteristic outburst. Howon looks away from Sunggyu's disapproving frown.
"It's nothing," he says again quietly. His tone is enough to discourage conversation, and he retreats to his room immediately after he's done eating. Fortunately, Woohyun invited Myungsoo to his room to see the new jacket and jeans he'd bought the day before, and Howon is left to his own miserable thoughts.
Fandom: infinite + ukiss, block b, etc.
Pairing: various
Word count: ~4500
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lee Howon has long accepted his life as a Beta, at the bottom of South Korea's social class. However, the government gives him and his family an opportunity to join the Alpha class, through the Omega Plan at Sanghwan Academy, but this chance isn't as wonderful as it seems.
A/N: SHIT GOING DOWN (AKA FINALLY SOME DANCING) ETC ETC CAN YOU SEE MY OTPS??? things havent started picking up yet but heres an exciting speed bump for now! sorry this chapter took forever, but im well into summer vacation and there will be lots of writing going on c:
thank you sfm for everything that reads this story! there are more of you than the ones commenting, but all of you are unbelievably lovely and it means so much that you guys are reading my words :(
also check out my super qt new hoya icon ;; i wont be tagging any otps until the very end bcos theyre going to fluctuate a bit throughout the story, plus theyre kind of spoilers :(
redemption
"Now, turn, and put your arm out like this..." Hyukjae demonstrates the move in one fluid movement. Dongwoo follows suit, then Howon, slightly stiffly. Not for the first time, Hyukjae puts his arm down and goes to adjust Howon's, jabbing a sharp elbow into his back admonishingly. "Relax, Howon. You can't dance if you don't let yourself."
Howon sighs and tries to loosen the knots in his shoulders, but the one in the pit of his stomach tightens instead. To tell the truth, Dongwoo and Eli and the others made it look much easier when they danced to any song that came on those late nights, laughing and sweating and trying to outdo the others for fun. Now, he feels very clumsy and awkward, afraid to do badly.
They work on Hyukjae's choreography as they have for the past two weeks for a while longer, completing their hour-long class, and then Hyukjae bids them both goodbye, slinging a casual arm around Howon's shoulders on his way out. "Don't think about messing up or looking stupid. Because you won't."
A nod and a half-hearted smile from Howon is enough for Hyukjae to let go and disappear out the door, pulling his thick jacket over his wifebeater, and Howon groans, sinking to the floor and rolling onto his stomach.
"You did well today," says Dongwoo, sitting down beside him, his hip pressing into Howon's side.
"No, I didn't," Howon mutters, trying to ignore the heat seeping into his body from the spot of contact they share. "I'm not cut out for dancing."
"Yes, you are," Dongwoo insists. "You just have to let yourself."
"Dongwoo!" Howon groans when the other boy jumps to his feet and tugs on one of Howon's arms in an attempt to pull him up. Because it feels like his arm is about to rip off, Howon sits up reluctantly, trying to tug free the hand Dongwoo has clasped in his own.
"Come on," Dongwoo says, urging him into a standing position. When Howon finally acquiesces, Dongwoo runs to the stereo and presses play, the song turned up so loud that Howon can feel his chest vibrating with every note of the bass.
When Howon takes the starting position of the choreo, he feels Dongwoo wind his arms around his body, fingers latching onto Howon's wrists, and freezes. "What are you doing?" he chokes out, unsure whether he's imagining the sensation of Dongwoo's fingers reaching under his skin or not. He can't be, because it feels much too real, fingertips dipping into his nerves and setting them alight.
"When you dance," Dongwoo says softly into his ear instead, making him shiver, "don't think so much. Close your eyes. Hyukjae has taught us the moves so many times, I know you know them. Just feel."
I feel you, Howon thinks, but obeys wordlessly, letting the music command the pull and stretch of his body, guided further by the gentle pressure of Dongwoo's touch. He goes by instinct, stretching out the slower moves and snapping the sharper ones with more flare than Hyukjae or Dongwoo would with their leaner arms. The whole time, he can sense Dongwoo like a ghost surrounding his body, only released when Howon executes the turn and finishes. When he opens his eyes and looks into Dongwoo's face, Dongwoo's own eyes are bright with excitement, fiery and exhilarated. "That was amazing, Howon, I knew you could do it."
"I--yeah." Howon curses his awkward words for ruining the magic of the moment, tentatively reaching out to touch Dongwoo's hand. "Thanks."
"No problem," Dongwoo tells him with an easy smile. However, when Howon lies back down on the floor, he stares at him in confusion. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Howon says into the crook of his elbow. There's still some time before dinner, and he won't be coming back to the dance room after eating because he has to study for tomorrow's weekly test. It's been two weeks since he finally discovered why he was at Sanghwan as well, and he's had more than enough of dirty glares and blatant stares to last him a lifetime. In the dance practice room, he's not "the genius." He's with Hyukjae, who only thinks about dancing, and Dongwoo, who doesn't seem to care about how high Howon's IQ is. It's easy with them.
Dongwoo happily sprawls on the floor with him, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. If Howon looks through the dark curtain over hair over his eyes and at the mirrors spanning the wall beside them, he can see just enough Dongwoo's face to see those lips stretched in a content grin, the sweat beading on Dongwoo's temple and slipping slowly down his skin. He closes his eyes to stop from staring too long.
The sweat is incongruous with the weather, which is cooling down as Seoul moves drearily into winter. Howon hates winter the most out of the four seasons, reminded of icy, blued toes after walking home through the snowy streets, of the horrible shock of sleet soaking through his thin clothing and dripping slowly down his back. Even worse, game is harder to come by during the winter and money is the tightest it ever is in the year. All of the nights he spent curled up with Hojun on their scrappy cot, pressing close for warmth, talking and talking to keep his brother's mind off of their growling stomachs and the goosebumps rising on their skin as if the thin hairs on their arms and legs could insulate any warmth. He made up stories of princes and dragons, burglars and soldiers, heroic epics that would never be able to play out in their lives but Hojun adored. Once, he forgot himself between the uncontrollable shivering and the aching of his muscles, and confessed his dreams of a better life; at the idea of rich food and thick blankets and time for leisure, Hojun cried, little, shuddering sobs as the tears on his thin face froze before they soaked into Howon's shirt. When he was completely sure Hojun had drifted off, Hojae had snapped angrily at Howon for upsetting their brother like that. As always, Howon had nodded. "I know," he'd said quietly, his chest aching more than the burn of his arms and legs because Hojae loved Hojun just as much as he did but it was Howon that Hojun looked at with gleaming, admiring eyes. Even when Hojae was the least impatient and prickly around him, Hojun still chose to trail after Howon reverently, beaming whenever Howon agreed to teach him something or tell him a story.
"Howon?"
Dongwoo is looking at him with concern, arm on his shoulder, and Howon does his best to blink back the tears collecting in his eyes. "I'm fine," Howon insists, his voice coming out roughly.
Refusing to believe him, Dongwoo scoots closer and curls an arm gently around Howon's neck, making Howon's breath catch in his throat. "Are you sure?" he presses.
Howon is silent, inhaling the scent of sweat and shampoo and Dongwoo. "Do you have any siblings?" he asks finally.
"Two sisters, actually," Dongwoo answers, his voice cheerful and unsuspicious; if the subject change was unexpected, he doesn't show it. "They're both nurses, and we've all been working in the our family clinic since we were young."
"Are you close? With both of them?" Howon asks.
"Yes," Dongwoo says easily. "Ever since we were little."
Howon nods into Dongwoo's collarbone and just lets Dongwoo hold him for a while. Dongwoo is warm and solid and calm, breathing slowly so that Howon's body moves with every expanding and shrinking of Dongwoo's lungs. A pulse thrums where Howon's cheek is pressed to Dongwoo's throat. If he were braver, Howon would wrap his arms around Dongwoo's waist and twine their legs together, but he doesn't want to ruin this just yet.
The sound of the door opening startles him, pushing Dongwoo away from him and scrambling to his feet to see Hoon and Jaeseop. Hoon has a big of a teasing leer curling his lips, eyeing Howon suggestively. "We thought you guys were done with your lesson already."
"Howon needed some extra help," Dongwoo says, sitting up.
"Extra help, huh?" Hoon smirks. Howon decides that he would very much like to sink into the ground and disappear into order to escape the expression on Hoon's face.
"Yes," he says defensively.
"It's almost time to eat," Jaeseop says, intercepting the innuendo Hoon is about to say, and Howon seizes the opportunity to run for it. Sungjong meet him and Dongwoo halfway down the hall, excitedly showing off the little pillow Zhou Mi helped him make for sewing practice. He refuses to let it go even while eating, not even to Sungyeol's curious hands, and they end up whining and fighting playfully for it. When Sungjong is distracted by Sungyeol's hands tickling his ribs, Dongwoo slips the pillow out of Sungjong's relaxed grip and laughs at the resulting shriek. When Sungjong grabs at it, Dongwoo quickly passes it to Howon, who easily caves and returns it to Sungjong.
"Howon is my favorite and the rest of you are all mean," Sungjong proclaims with a pout, clutching the pillow tightly. Howon blushes at the declaration, pleased.
They discuss a short passage in Literature while Professor Boa sits, cross-legged in black jeans up on her desk with her clipboard, nudging the conversation sometimes but otherwise quiet. Howon expects Sunggyu's insights and admires the thoughtful responses Myungsoo offers, and Dongwoo is a refreshing perspective as well. Woohyun drops his barriers a bit to put in his thoughts but snaps at a confused remark from Sungyeol. During their break afterwards, Sungjong clings to Dongwoo and Hoya, complaining, "I don't get it," so they and Sunggyu do their best to explain the themes and motifs they were talking about.
"Can you repeat the part about the main character's internal conflict?" Sungyeol begs, fingers flying furiously across his keyboard. Howon does so, still not used to the blind faith Sungjong and Sungyeol put into him for the correct answer.
When they ask for help on the science problems from Professor Seunggi, he hurriedly passes them to Dongwoo and sits beside Sunggyu. Myungsoo has pulled his seat over to Sunggyu's desk, reading a book, and Woohyun has disappeared as he does with every break between classes. Sungyeol is almost completely certain Woohyun is just retouching his appearance in the bathroom, complaining about the parade of beauty products Woohyun has lined up along the counter in their own dorm's bathroom. Dongwoo had found the image hilarious.
Professor Seunggi interrupts them, transitioning into a math lecture. Howon is best at math, and as much as he likes thinking through literary devices, the idea of one exact answer has a sense of security that appeals to him. The concepts are the same, tested and true, whether the teacher or student is a Beta or Alpha. In this subject, he may be better than Sunggyu.
History and Science pass quickly, and they are released for dinner. Everyone has started their specialized courses by now, some later than others, and is eager to share.
Sungjong, unsurprisingly, is first, brandishing his precious pillow but careful not to lose it to Sungyeol's mischief again. He presses into Howon's side, crying for Howon to protect him, and Howon laughs before wrapping his arm around Sungjong's skinny shoulders. It's a familiar sensation, the warmth and the strength necessary when a thin body leans back against his touch. It settles him.
Myungsoo had chosen to take martial arts lessons with Sungmin, and he talks about the nanchuks they are practicing with. The black rods are heavier than Howon expected, the chain links clicking loudly as they bump into each other, and Myungsoo handles them with care. "I'll be practicing in our dorm room later tonight, if you want to see," Myungsoo tells Howon. At once, the others demand to be there too, and suddenly an impromptu study session is arranged in their room for that night. Howon can foresee a night of laughter and fooling around, neglecting homework until late, but he agrees anyways. Sungjong persuades Sunggyu to leave his single-occupancy room--a privacy he, Soohyun, and presumably Zico received for some certain excellence--to join them.
They finish dinner but all agree to return to their own rooms and then meet up in Howon and Myungsoo's at 9pm. Howon quickly takes a long-overdue shower, washing the lingering sweat from dancing away, and worriedly examines his reflection while toweling his hair. Without all of the grueling field work and a much richer diet, his muscles are softening, especially in his arms and abdomen. He's losing definition in the lines of his hips, stomach subsiding into what he hopes isn't fat, and flexing his biceps doesn't have the same effect he used to be secretly proud of. It feels a bit too much conceited and shallow for his taste, but Howon can't help it. "Do they have a gym here?" Howon calls to Myungsoo.
"Yes," Myungsoo replies. "I think it's between the dance rooms and the libraries. Woohyun is spending all of his free time there, though, just to let you know."
Howon frowns at himself in the mirror, conflicted. There's no doubt Woohyun won't like his presence in the gym with him--though, now that Howon has proved his worth at the Academy, he might be more lenient--but being out of shape unsettles Howon more than he could ever have imagined. So much of his life has been spent depending on his strength, earning a living and helping feed his family, that he feels weak and unprepared without it. Surely working out in the gyms won't be as bad as working in the fields.
"Woohyun's been taking physical fitness lessons with Siwon for his specialized course. Apparently, several of the Level 2's and a Level 3 are in the class as well, and he's always trying to outdo them. I'm sure they wouldn't mind another student," says Myungsoo.
"Thank you," Howon says with relief. The Level 2's will be much easier to approach and ask for times and dates. He hurries to get dressed at the sound of a knock on the door, pulling on sweatpants and a sweater rather than the tank top he usually would have. No one will notice, probably, but he feels self-conscious.
It's Dongwoo and Sungjong who have arrived first, dumping their bags down by Howon's desk and making themselves at home. Howon notices Dongwoo lingering at his dresser, gazing at the picture of Howon's family again, but doesn't say anything when Dongwoo flops down beside Sungjong on Howon's bed. "You didn't leave any space for me," Howon laughs.
"Your bed looks more comfortable," Sungjong shrugs, giggling when Dongwoo rolls on top of him, chest to Sungjong's back. "Can't breathe, Dongwoo!" Sungjong gasps.
"Now there's room," Dongwoo says cheekily, reaching out to pull on Howon's wrist and yank the other boy onto the bed with him. What results is a flailing mess of limbs and bodies, Sungjong shrieking about how he's about to fall onto the floor because both Dongwoo and Howon are squishing him. Myungsoo just laughs, sitting at his desk chair rather than help them untangle themselves.
Howon notices how closely he and Dongwoo are pressed together the moment they stop in order to catch their breaths, legs locked because of Dongwoo's heel hooked around his ankle, and hips slanted parallel, and scrambles to get free with a vague sense of deja vu. The flush rising to his face is no doubt telling, and he ducks his head and snatches up the plastic bin on the edge of his desk. "I--I'm going to go get ice," he stammers out, and just remembers to grab his key from the counter as he leaves.
The door closes behind him with a muffled thud, and he's glad he didn't see any of their expressions in his dash out the door. Howon is no stranger to physical contact, with his frequent touches with his mother and Hojun, to the natural touchiness to Sungjong and the Level 2's, but something about being so close to Dongwoo makes him panic. The mere memory of his body flush against Dongwoo's has the heat flooding his face again. Howon is so distracted that he hardly notices the door opening ahead of him, just barely catching himself midstep and stumbling back to prevent himself from colliding with the panel of wood. He shuffles back, out of the way of whoever is leaving their room, into a shadowed bend in the hallway.
"You know, you could come with me," Sungyeol is saying to the person still inside their room. It can only be Woohyun, and it's not the civility of Sungyeol's tone but the obvious fondness that surprises Howon the most.
"It's fine, Sungyeol," Woohyun says, a bit exasperated, but the affection is even more shockingly returned in his voice. "Go on and have fun."
Sungyeol steps back into the dorm room but is still holding the door open, backpack slung over his shoulder. "If you just let yourself relax and be yourself, I know they'd all like you too. Honestly."
"I don't want to. Not tonight." Woohyun's voice sounds closer, and Howon can barely make him out behind Sungyeol's tall frame.
"Please?" Sungyeol coaxes, taking Woohyun's hand with his free one.
Woohyun shakes his head, gentle but firm. Allowing his defeat, Sungyeol leans in to kiss Woohyun quickly, but Woohyun tightens his grip on him and refuses to let go when Sungyeol is about to pull back until he is satisfied. A slow smile curls his lips, hiding his eyes a bit, and he pecks Sungyeol one more time before pushing him out the door. "Go, idiot."
This time, Sungyeol obeys, grinning to himself as he walks down the hall to Howon and Myungsoo's room. Thankfully, Woohyun has distracted him enough that he doesn't notice Howon's wide-eyed stare, and Sungyeol's purposeful footsteps quickly fade out in the distance. Howon hears him greet Sunggyu normally, then the cries of welcome when they reach the room at the end of the hall.
Clutching the ice bin to his chest, unable to process the exchange he just witnessed, Howon stumbles down to the lobby of their dorm building and watches blankly as the ice machine noisily yields ice cubes into his container. Maybe it was an illusion, he decides. It was an illusion, because there was no way he saw Sungyeol and Woohyun--Sungyeol and Woohyun--talking without arguing. There was no way he saw them kissing. It was one thing to see Eli and Kevin cuddling at dinner, Eli's arm around Kevin's waist and Kevin turning into him and laughing into his shoulder at a joke, another to see the two who had hated each other since their first meeting get along so intimately. It was impossible.
Even back in the village, Howon never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl because he was so preoccupied in his studies and his family's survival. The growing thing between him and Dongwoo is strange, new territory for Howon, and he can't picture himself holding hands and kissing Dongwoo, or anybody, with the ease Sungyeol and Woohyun somehow have. And he truly believed they hated each other.
Howon realizes he is still staring uncomprehendingly at the ice that now fills his bin, and the Beta behind the receptionist's desk is giving him a look of concern and suspicion. He hurriedly picks it up and goes back down the hall, grateful that Woohyun doesn't leave his room at that precise moment. There's no avoiding Sungyeol, or Dongwoo, but an awkward confrontation is something Howon dreads.
"I'm back," he announces, depositing the ice on the table and sitting down where Sunggyu has scooted over to make room for him. To his relief, everyone save Myungsoo has moved away from the beds and are now crowded around the other room of the suite. Dongwoo and Sungjong aren't in the spots they would have taken in their own room; they share a couch, Sungyeol in the last one. Howon determinedly avoids Sungyeol's eyes, unsure if he can handle speaking to him like they always do, and silently thanks Sungjong for talking to him and preventing him from noticing Howon's odd behavior. For all Sungyeol knows, his relationship with Woohyun is still a secret.
They are more productive than Howon predicted, and by midnight they are all huddled around Myungsoo's laptop on his bed, watching a movie. Howon made sure Sungjong was wedged firmly between him and Dongwoo, and leaned himself against the reassuring strength of Sunggyu's right shoulder in order to see the monitor. They all decided going to find a common room with a television would be too far, seeing as the common rooms are only accessed from the lobby with Myungsoo and Howon's room on the other end of the building, but Howon can see everyone regretting the cramped set up of six people pressed around one computer. Even with Myungsoo's wide screen, it is still uncomfortable.
Sunggyu and Sungyeol call it a night by the first half of the movie, one of the many animes Myungsoo has downloaded onto his laptop by the name of One Piece, and Howon abruptly wants to ask Sungyeol something--anything--about Woohyun. Looking at his friend's face traps the questions in his chest, and Howon smiles and waves from the doorway as they return to their rooms on the other side of the hallway. Dongwoo and Sungjong decide a bit longer couldn't hurt, and they settle down to finish the film, Howon taking a spot on Myungsoo's other side when he returns. It's as far as he can get.
One Piece is over before Howon knows it, and Dongwoo extracts a promise from Myungsoo for more anime in the future as he pulls a sleeping Sungjong onto his back. They begin discussing something called Death Note and Howon takes the chance to go brush his teeth. He and Myungsoo say goodbye to Dongwoo, the toothbrush and froth occupying Howon's mouth ending all chances of further conversation on his part. Howon is grateful when Myungsoo doesn't bring up his earlier bolt from the room, unprepared to talk about Dongwoo when he is still struggling to wrap his mind around Sungyeol and Woohyun. Despite keeping their relationship a secret and covering all hints up with insults and glares, they seem happy together. As he rolls over in bed and closes his eyes against the light of the lamp Myungsoo has yet to turn off, Howon wonders just when their hostile fighting became tender kisses, when the familiarity of his own friendship began to fall apart into something awkward and afraid.
☬
"Physical fitness?" Soohyun repeats when Howon asks after it. "Yes, that's Choi Siwon's specialized course. We meet in the gym on Tuesdays after dinner but all of us hit the gym for our private workouts almost every day. Were you considering taking that class?"
Howon nods ruefully. "I'm not in shape anymore and wanted to work off all the food."
Eli laughs. "It's too delicious! Hoon, Soohyun, me, and sometimes Jaeseop and Kiseop take the class. Siwon loves us."
"What do you have, then?" Sungjong asks Kevin. Today, Howon, Dongwoo, and Sungjong decided to sit with the Level 2's instead of the other way around, something Howon proposed to escape Woohyun and Sungyeol's renewed arguing and his growing suspicion that he really had imagined what he had seen. Soohyun was more than happy to make room for them at the table, and they were generally well-received and tolerated.
"Kiseop and I take singing lessons with Yesung and Ryeowook, respectively, and sometimes a turn dancing with whoever will take us, usually Donghae or Sungmin," Kevin answers cheerfully. "We have to improve while we're here, so that way we can return to the entertainment industry easily after we graduate from Sanghwan."
If he fails the final exam at the end of Sanghwan, Howon thinks unhappily, he'll need to be in perfect shape to work all those long hours in the fields anyways.
"You're not going to take dance with me anymore?" Dongwoo asks, looking at Howon straight in the eye. The hurt flickers in his gaze before he can conceal it; hiding his emotions comes with difficulty for someone as bright and open as Dongwoo, and it makes Howon feel like a horrible person--a horrible friend--for doing this to him.
"Just until I get started on my own work out. Then I'll be back to classes with Hyukjae, and I'll still practice outside of specialized courses. It's nothing personal," Howon says, except it might just be personal. Walking down to breakfast, he immersed himself in a conversation with Sungjong after a hasty greeting to Dongwoo, then decided to eat with the Level 2's on his own before Dongwoo and Sungjong said that'd join him. Being subtle is not one of Howon's strong points, and Dongwoo is more observant than he seems.
Dongwoo lowers his eyes down to his cereal, and Howon mumbles an apology he's almost certain the other boy didn't hear. Throughout the rest of the day, he is worse at hiding his hurt than Howon is at avoiding him as surreptitiously as possible, and it breaks free when Howon turns down his invitation to dance after dinner with the excuse of homework. "What did I do to you?" Dongwoo bursts out, making even Woohyun turn and stare in alarm.
"Nothing--nothing at all," Howon says hastily, shocked. "I just wanted to work on my Science assignment."
"I could've helped you, if you'd only look at me and ask!" Dongwoo cries and picks up his tray with a clatter, his food untouched, and leaves the cafeteria.
"What did you do?" asks Sungyeol in bewilderment, staring after him. The others are similarly astonished at this uncharacteristic outburst. Howon looks away from Sunggyu's disapproving frown.
"It's nothing," he says again quietly. His tone is enough to discourage conversation, and he retreats to his room immediately after he's done eating. Fortunately, Woohyun invited Myungsoo to his room to see the new jacket and jeans he'd bought the day before, and Howon is left to his own miserable thoughts.