Review | 8x03 | Heartache
I will be the first one to admit that Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming do not exactly have a good track record with their scripts for Supernatural. I mean, episodes like Route 666 or What’s Up, Dr. Phil are not exactly in Supernatural’s hall of fame. So I went into Heartache with very low expectations, only to be pleasantly surprised by how much I loved it. I daresay that Heartache is the first episode this season that managed to truly engage me, emotionally, and that is most certainly owed to the fact that it takes a step back from the mytharc and focuses entirely on the exploration of Sam and Dean’s current issues. Character driven episodes just appeal so much more to me than plot driven ones, and obviously Heartache is no exception to that rule.
I guess it is well-known by now that episodes like Heartache are my favourite kind of Supernatural episode - Sam and Dean on the road, working a case that is a thinly veiled metaphor for the state of the brotherly relationship and dealing with their various personal issues along the way. In short, Sam and Dean’s relationship is at the centre of every aspect of the narrative. Moreover, throughout the episode the brothers actively engage in an honest exchange about their different perspectives, about their emotions and future goals - even if they still hold things back, of course - and that is one thing that was sorely lacking from the brothers’ interaction in S7. Now, I know that, as usual, the majority of fandom will hold Sam’s position in the brothers’ argument about hunting versus a normal life against him, but there is nothing inherently wrong about Sam and Dean finding different purposes in life. After all, two people can love each other deeply and still want/need different things. Sam’s desire to quit hunting is no more selfish than Dean’s desire to continue hunting, and it is hardly fair to expect either of them to sacrifice his dream for the other. And the fact that Sam finds meaning in a life outside hunting does not devaluate Dean’s desire to keep hunting and vice versa. There is simply no right or wrong position in their argument, just two equally valid points of view. It is important to keep in mind though that we still have no idea how the brothers got from point A (Dean being clinically depressed, Sam being terrified and desperate) to point B (both having found a new, albeit different, purpose in life), so any interpretation of their positions is inevitably flawed. It may be easier to track Dean’s journey at this point in the season than Sam’s, but that does not mean that Sam’s journey will be any less comprehensible once we know his full story.
Dean: "I know where I’m at my best. And that is right here, driving down crazy street, next to you."
Sam: "Makes sense."
Dean: "Yes, it does."
Sam: "Or maybe you don’t need me. Maybe you’re at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world’s crap alone. Not having to explain yourself to anybody."
Dean: "Yeah, that makes sense. Seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff."
Sam: "Look, I’m not saying I’m bailing on you. I’m just saying, make room for the possibility that we want different things."
The brothers’ conflict in the episode revolves almost entirely around their different positions regarding hunting versus a normal life. Of course, this is not a new argument between them; it was the main source of friction between Sam and Dean back in S1, and it frequently re-emerged over the years in different contexts. However, I think that revisiting the theme now - ten years later (in Supernatural years) and with characters that have significantly changed - can serve as an interesting starting point to contrast and compare Sam and Dean’s different journeys and work towards a final resolution to this ever-present dualism in the show. That said, I think this thematic approach can only work if the writers make the brothers’ personal histories relevant to their current points of view and refrain from using the year Sam and Dean spent apart as a simple reset button. I mean, there has to be a true sense of continuity for the familiar argument to be productive at this point in the brothers’ story. It is too early to tell if the writers will actually manage to create a new angle here, but Heartache at least motivated me enough to give the theme new thought. I know I could be reaching, but I will give the writers the benefit of a doubt for now.
Let’s talk about Sam first! It is a well-known fact that, from a young age on, Sam rejected the life John forced upon him. He dreamt of a life that made him feel normal and safe; a dream that motivated him to leave his family and go to Stanford. At the time, Sam’s decision to leave was part of his teenage rebellion against John. He was not only driven by youthful anger, but also by the need to set himself apart from his family and establish an identity of his own. Now, considering the time he spent at Stanford, Sam’s statement that he never had a normal life may seem odd at first, but it is important to keep in mind that Stanford and everything it used to stand for - choice, freedom, normality, safety - has been tainted for Sam ever since it was revealed to him that he was manipulated by demons even back then. In The Devil You Know Sam learned that Brady, his best friend at university, had been replaced by a demon and that Jessica had been introduced to him on Azazel’s order. Unsurprisingly, the realisation that an important part of his 'normal life' at Stanford was never actually real, ruined Sam’s positive memories of that time. Moreover, in Swan Song Lucifer took great delight in taunting Sam with the number of people in his life that had actually been Azazel’s minions, thus demonstrating that Sam had never truly been in charge of his own life. So, all in all, it makes perfect sense that Sam feels his life was never even remotely normal. However, even before those revelations disillusioned Sam, he had gradually lost the belief that he can live a life of his own choosing. "Life doesn't turn out the way you thought when you were fourteen years old. We were never gonna be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up," Sam told his younger self in When The Levee Breaks, and everything that happened to him since, only served to cement his fatalistic perspective.
Sam last believed that it is possible to quit hunting when he pushed Dean towards the pursuit of a normal life in Swan Song, but when even that hope was cruelly crushed, he gave that belief up altogether. By the time Sam was freed from Lucifer’s cage and got his soul back, retirement was obviously not an option anymore. I mean, in Frontierland Sam told Samuel Colt that there is no such thing as a retired hunter, that there is no getting out of the life - and he clearly talked about his own experience. His mother tried to quit hunting and it cost Mary her life; Sam thought he had escaped hunting and it turned out to be an illusion; Dean tried to retire from the hunt, but he was violently pulled back in. Ultimately, I think that Sam’s unwavering commitment to the family business these last couple of years was largely the result of resignation and had little to do with a true renunciation of the apple pie life. Of course, Dean played a huge part in Sam’s commitment to hunting as well. Over time, they had both become so co-dependent from each other that leaving Dean behind to fend for himself became unthinkable. Remember, in The Man Who Knew Too Much Sam willingly took his hell memories back and battled his way out of his coma, just because he was convinced that Dean could not survive without him, and subsequently he fought for his sanity tooth and nails, so he could provide support and backup for his brother. That is not to say that Sam did not find meaning in the act of hunting itself, quite the contrary, actually, but I think it is not unreasonable to assume that it never fulfilled him the way college and a normal life did.
Now, I think whether Sam’s decision to stop hunting and pursue a normal life when Dean disappeared was forced by external or internal factors is really not all that important in this context; the important thing is that he rediscovered how much he appreciates it. The past year obviously rekindled something in Sam he long thought lost, namely his ability to dream. However, this time around, Sam’s dream of a normal life is not driven by angry rebellion or the need to set himself apart from his family; instead it is driven by the need for peace in his life, at least that is what the world-weary and tired demeanour Sam displayed throughout the season so far suggests to me. Moreover, this time there is no reason to believe that he is manipulated into anything; he is no longer on heaven, hell or purgatory’s 'Most Wanted' list; he is free of his destiny and for the first time in a long time, he sees a future for himself. Most importantly though, Sam’s steadfast belief that Dean needs him and cannot survive without him has been proven wrong. Dean survived purgatory just fine; he held his ground in a hostile environment that makes Sam and Dean’s usual hunting gigs look like a walk in the park, and he even seems to have enjoyed it to an extent. So it is not surprising that Sam comes to the conclusion that Dean is perfectly capable of hunting alone, especially once all demons are banished and all that is left are routine monster hunts. Obviously, that does not mean that Sam’s conclusion is correct - after all, Dean did not even tell him about Benny yet - but it is not difficult to see that Dean’s current psyched up demeanour would give him that impression. Overall, I have nothing but sympathy for Sam’s position, and I love that he, calmly but firmly, asserts what he wants, despite Dean’s confrontational and judgmental reaction.
I think in Dean’s case things are a little more straightforward than in Sam’s. When we first met Dean, he was a consummate hunter, and while part of his motivation to join the family business was rooted in his desire to meet John’s expectations, he also genuinely loved it. It was something he was good at, something that gave his life purpose and, most importantly, it gave him the means to protect his family from the kind of monsters that took his mother away. And yet, all his dedication and skill did not allow him to save John or Sam; it did not allow him to save Ellen, Jo, Rufus, Lisa, Ben or Bobby either, so over the years, hunting became just another synonym for failure to Dean, and thus just another burden. Furthermore, the constant loss and sacrifice associated with hunting gradually undermined his life-affirming attitude and self-confidence and threw him into a perpetual state of depression - a process that was only exacerbated by his time in hell, where even his basic ability to fight back was taken from him and he was forced into the role of a helpless victim. Now, the more disillusioned Dean became with hunting, the more the idea of a normal family life appealed to him, but when even his attempt at building a steady home for himself failed, he lost any and all purpose. Sure, he continued to hunt, but not because he felt that it still gave his life meaning, he simply did not know what else to do. Of course, just like Dean was a huge factor in Sam’s commitment to the hunt, Sam was a factor in Dean’s, too. He freely admitted to Frank that, despite his burn-out syndrome, retiring from the hunt was not an option for him, because he could not leave Sam behind. However, even his dedication to Sam was not enough to give him a sense of purpose at that point. "To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm doing much of anything anymore," Dean confessed to Eliot Ness in Time after Time, and even though he wanted to break out of his self-destructive mindset, he had no idea of how to achieve that.
Now, for all that his time in purgatory has damaged Dean further and continued to erode his moral boundaries, it at least gave Dean that missing sense of purpose back, and I think that is hardly surprising. In purgatory 'saving people, hunting things' boiled down to only one part of the equation, namely hunting things. There was only one measure of success, i.e. his own survival, and the crippling fear of failing innocent people was pretty much eliminated. For once, Dean did not carry the burden of the whole world on his shoulders, his only responsibility was to himself - and Benny and Castiel to an extent. As Dean so rightly stated in the season opener, purgatory was pure. Moreover, unlike in hell, Dean was not reduced to a helpless victim in purgatory. On the contrary, he was a predator - and one who was obviously superior to the other predators at that, or he would not have survived for a whole year, even with Benny (and Castiel) as his companion. Ultimately, Dean’s life-long experience as a monster hunter gave him the exact skill-set he needed to come through his ordeal, and I think that provided Dean with the validation he missed these last couple of years. In effect, purgatory allowed Dean to rediscover that he is pretty damn good at what he does and regain a clear sense of who he is and what he wants. So, naturally, Dean is irritated to come back to a brother who turned his back on hunting and thus seems to call his newfound purpose into question.
Still, I find Dean’s reaction to Sam's announcement that he wants to quit hunting once they closed the gates of hell noteworthy. He not only instantly jumps into outright denial and dismisses Sam’s earnest assertions as a fleeting fancy, but also constantly puts Sam’s life choices down and tries to make him feel guilty about wanting different things than Dean. In short, he takes the offensive. If we compare this reaction to his reaction to Sam’s similar announcement back in Shadow, the contrast is quite stunning. Back then, Dean was visibly crushed by Sam’s statement that, once they avenged Mary and Jess, he intends to go back to school again, and he offered little opposition to his brother’s plans. He rather kept his hurt bottled up inside. This time around, Dean seems intent on fighting Sam every step of the way. Now, I do not approve of Dean’s attempts at emotional manipulation, and I am not overly fond of his confrontational methods either - not that I think it will get him very far with Sam, but still - but I am glad that he keeps asserting his own position. Ever since he came back from purgatory, Dean is emotionally more open, and he is increasingly vocal about what he wants and feels, and I definitely consider that a progress for the character. Dean always had the tendency to subordinate his own needs and desires to those of others, and I wanted to see him grow out of that for a while now, so I am excited about these glimpses of a true character growth for Dean. Now he only needs to work on his communication strategy.
All in all, I come out of Heartache with the clear impression that, despite their many differences, Sam and Dean both want to be with each other first and foremost, not only now, but also in the future. Dean openly states as much, and Sam proves it through his actions. After all, he returns to a life that holds no meaning for him, simply because Dean wants him to, and I think that shows his commitment to his brother. I know that some fans equate Sam's desire to leave hunting with a desire to leave Dean, but that is not the case at all. Sam is not desperate to leave Dean; he is desperate to leave the life that cost them their entire family and friends, the life that damaged them beyond repair and will most likely end in an early, violent death for both of them if they do not quit. Of course, Dean identifies with his job and hence tends to misinterpret Sam’s rejection of hunting as a rejection of his person, but I hope that this time around he will be able to understand that hunting does not make them a family, their love for each other does. ♥ Besides, hunting or a normal life are not the only two choices, there is always a middle ground, and I am sure that Sam and Dean will be able to find an alternative that suits both their needs; a place where they can be together, but also themselves. I just hope that the writers work towards a final solution for this conflict that does the perspective of both characters equal justice.
Betsy: "I am so tired. You can’t imagine the burden of it all. I think even Brick was through. He could see the end of my days were at hand. He had lived centuries. All alone. But I don’t think he could bear the thought of life without me."
Like in many of the more interesting monster-of-the-week episodes in Supernatural, the one-off characters in Heartache, Brick and Betsy, serve as a reflection for Sam and Dean, respectively, and in this particular case the parallels actually work in every direction. On the one hand, Dean is Betsy. Just like Betsy’s love for Brick overcame the fact that he was a heart-stealing monster, Dean’s love for Sam overcame his life-long hatred of the supernatural, even when he discovered that his brother had visions or demon blood or dark powers. Moreover, Dean was willing to sacrifice his own needs and desires in order to protect his little brother, just like Betsy was willing to make personal sacrifices in order to protect her husband’s true identity. And just like Betsy, Dean had come to the point where he was tired of his burdens and just wanted for everything to be over; he wanted to finally be at peace and did not care about the how. Of course, Sam is Brick in this scenario, a warrior who no longer sees his only reason for living in combat and who wants more from his life. And just like Brick, who anticipated Betsy’s death and could not bear the thought of living without her, Sam knows that Dean’s days are numbered if he does not give up hunting - the fact that Dean almost gets his heart ripped out in front of Sam, again, certainly serves as a cruel reminder of that eventuality - and obviously he cannot bear living without his brother either.
On the other hand, Dean is also Brick, a person so devoted to a cause - though in Dean’s case that cause is hunting rather than sports - that he is willing to become something less than human in the pursuit of it. Brick made a deal with a monster in order to prolong his life, just like Dean made a deal with a monster to survive in purgatory, and I am pretty sure that said deal will cost Dean just as dearly as it cost Brick. I guess it goes without saying that Dean is just as unwilling to live without Sam, as Brick is to live without Betsy - or Sam without Dean for that matter. Last but not least, Sam is also Betsy, tired of a life full of sacrifices and just desperate to find a measure of peace after everything he went through. However, I think maybe the most important parallel we can take from the comparison between Brick & Betsy and Sam & Dean is that, despite their differences in temperament and perspective, Brick and Betsy shared the same mindset at the end. They both wanted it to be over, they both preferred death to a continued existence without each other, and if that is not the Winchester credo, I do not know what is. While I hope that the 'death' part is not meant as a foreshadowing, I think the 'shared mindset' part is. Sam and Dean may only be in the negotiating stages of their relationship yet, but as I said before, I have little doubt that they will find a way to overcome their differences and arrive at the same endpoint.
What else is noteworthy:
(1) The episode gives us a second glimpse of Amelia, and this time she is considerably more likeable than when we first met her. Still, it is difficult to feel truly invested in Sam’s memory of Amelia preparing a birthday picnic for him, because the writers neglected to show us how they went from chance acquaintances to lovers. It is hard to reconcile the hostile veterinarian from the season opener with the affectionate, cheerful woman we see in Heartache, and even though I understand that the writers keep us wilfully in the dark about Sam’s past year so they can use the reveal later in the season, I feel that this kind of retroactive storytelling is really detrimental to the narrative flow as well as the characters’ transparency and thus to the viewers’ emotional response to Sam’s flashbacks. I think a more straightforward narrative style would have served the characters better. Anyway, I think Sam’s picnic with Amelia is actually the least interesting aspect of his flashback. I am way more interested in Sam’s panicked response to Amelia’s 'disappearance'. It seems entirely out of proportion - they are in a public park, after all - and it reminds me of Sam’s similarly frantic response to having injured the dog in the season premiere. In both scenes, he hardly makes the impression of a man who has adjusted well to his new situation, and I can’t help but wonder if there is something more going on than just Sam reacting to trigger-y situations of his past. By the way, I know that some fans feel the flashback insinuates that Sam never before had a birthday cake - which is rather unlikely, of course; Jessica baked cookies for Sam, so I think it is safe to assume that she baked him cakes, too - but the scene never read like that to me. Amelia’s question is quite obviously meant teasingly, and Sam is so caught up in his relief and pleasant surprise that he is rendered speechless. So, actually, I find the scene rather sweet.
In conclusion: Heartache is an enjoyable 'monster of the week' episode that not only explores Sam and Dean’s current issues, but also gives us a reprieve of angels, demons and the word of God - and that is definitely what I needed at this point to finally connect to the season. I am still not happy about the way the writers chose to handle the narrative this season, and I probably never will, but if the show continues to give me episodes like Heartache, I am a lot more willing to give the writers some leeway and wait patiently for the slow reveal of Sam and Dean’s time apart.
* * *
Did you know? The homicide detective Sam and Dean interrogate about the jogger who got his heart ripped out is played by Alan Ackles, Jensen’s father
I guess it is well-known by now that episodes like Heartache are my favourite kind of Supernatural episode - Sam and Dean on the road, working a case that is a thinly veiled metaphor for the state of the brotherly relationship and dealing with their various personal issues along the way. In short, Sam and Dean’s relationship is at the centre of every aspect of the narrative. Moreover, throughout the episode the brothers actively engage in an honest exchange about their different perspectives, about their emotions and future goals - even if they still hold things back, of course - and that is one thing that was sorely lacking from the brothers’ interaction in S7. Now, I know that, as usual, the majority of fandom will hold Sam’s position in the brothers’ argument about hunting versus a normal life against him, but there is nothing inherently wrong about Sam and Dean finding different purposes in life. After all, two people can love each other deeply and still want/need different things. Sam’s desire to quit hunting is no more selfish than Dean’s desire to continue hunting, and it is hardly fair to expect either of them to sacrifice his dream for the other. And the fact that Sam finds meaning in a life outside hunting does not devaluate Dean’s desire to keep hunting and vice versa. There is simply no right or wrong position in their argument, just two equally valid points of view. It is important to keep in mind though that we still have no idea how the brothers got from point A (Dean being clinically depressed, Sam being terrified and desperate) to point B (both having found a new, albeit different, purpose in life), so any interpretation of their positions is inevitably flawed. It may be easier to track Dean’s journey at this point in the season than Sam’s, but that does not mean that Sam’s journey will be any less comprehensible once we know his full story.
Dean: "I know where I’m at my best. And that is right here, driving down crazy street, next to you."
Sam: "Makes sense."
Dean: "Yes, it does."
Sam: "Or maybe you don’t need me. Maybe you’re at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world’s crap alone. Not having to explain yourself to anybody."
Dean: "Yeah, that makes sense. Seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff."
Sam: "Look, I’m not saying I’m bailing on you. I’m just saying, make room for the possibility that we want different things."
The brothers’ conflict in the episode revolves almost entirely around their different positions regarding hunting versus a normal life. Of course, this is not a new argument between them; it was the main source of friction between Sam and Dean back in S1, and it frequently re-emerged over the years in different contexts. However, I think that revisiting the theme now - ten years later (in Supernatural years) and with characters that have significantly changed - can serve as an interesting starting point to contrast and compare Sam and Dean’s different journeys and work towards a final resolution to this ever-present dualism in the show. That said, I think this thematic approach can only work if the writers make the brothers’ personal histories relevant to their current points of view and refrain from using the year Sam and Dean spent apart as a simple reset button. I mean, there has to be a true sense of continuity for the familiar argument to be productive at this point in the brothers’ story. It is too early to tell if the writers will actually manage to create a new angle here, but Heartache at least motivated me enough to give the theme new thought. I know I could be reaching, but I will give the writers the benefit of a doubt for now.
Let’s talk about Sam first! It is a well-known fact that, from a young age on, Sam rejected the life John forced upon him. He dreamt of a life that made him feel normal and safe; a dream that motivated him to leave his family and go to Stanford. At the time, Sam’s decision to leave was part of his teenage rebellion against John. He was not only driven by youthful anger, but also by the need to set himself apart from his family and establish an identity of his own. Now, considering the time he spent at Stanford, Sam’s statement that he never had a normal life may seem odd at first, but it is important to keep in mind that Stanford and everything it used to stand for - choice, freedom, normality, safety - has been tainted for Sam ever since it was revealed to him that he was manipulated by demons even back then. In The Devil You Know Sam learned that Brady, his best friend at university, had been replaced by a demon and that Jessica had been introduced to him on Azazel’s order. Unsurprisingly, the realisation that an important part of his 'normal life' at Stanford was never actually real, ruined Sam’s positive memories of that time. Moreover, in Swan Song Lucifer took great delight in taunting Sam with the number of people in his life that had actually been Azazel’s minions, thus demonstrating that Sam had never truly been in charge of his own life. So, all in all, it makes perfect sense that Sam feels his life was never even remotely normal. However, even before those revelations disillusioned Sam, he had gradually lost the belief that he can live a life of his own choosing. "Life doesn't turn out the way you thought when you were fourteen years old. We were never gonna be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up," Sam told his younger self in When The Levee Breaks, and everything that happened to him since, only served to cement his fatalistic perspective.
Sam last believed that it is possible to quit hunting when he pushed Dean towards the pursuit of a normal life in Swan Song, but when even that hope was cruelly crushed, he gave that belief up altogether. By the time Sam was freed from Lucifer’s cage and got his soul back, retirement was obviously not an option anymore. I mean, in Frontierland Sam told Samuel Colt that there is no such thing as a retired hunter, that there is no getting out of the life - and he clearly talked about his own experience. His mother tried to quit hunting and it cost Mary her life; Sam thought he had escaped hunting and it turned out to be an illusion; Dean tried to retire from the hunt, but he was violently pulled back in. Ultimately, I think that Sam’s unwavering commitment to the family business these last couple of years was largely the result of resignation and had little to do with a true renunciation of the apple pie life. Of course, Dean played a huge part in Sam’s commitment to hunting as well. Over time, they had both become so co-dependent from each other that leaving Dean behind to fend for himself became unthinkable. Remember, in The Man Who Knew Too Much Sam willingly took his hell memories back and battled his way out of his coma, just because he was convinced that Dean could not survive without him, and subsequently he fought for his sanity tooth and nails, so he could provide support and backup for his brother. That is not to say that Sam did not find meaning in the act of hunting itself, quite the contrary, actually, but I think it is not unreasonable to assume that it never fulfilled him the way college and a normal life did.
Now, I think whether Sam’s decision to stop hunting and pursue a normal life when Dean disappeared was forced by external or internal factors is really not all that important in this context; the important thing is that he rediscovered how much he appreciates it. The past year obviously rekindled something in Sam he long thought lost, namely his ability to dream. However, this time around, Sam’s dream of a normal life is not driven by angry rebellion or the need to set himself apart from his family; instead it is driven by the need for peace in his life, at least that is what the world-weary and tired demeanour Sam displayed throughout the season so far suggests to me. Moreover, this time there is no reason to believe that he is manipulated into anything; he is no longer on heaven, hell or purgatory’s 'Most Wanted' list; he is free of his destiny and for the first time in a long time, he sees a future for himself. Most importantly though, Sam’s steadfast belief that Dean needs him and cannot survive without him has been proven wrong. Dean survived purgatory just fine; he held his ground in a hostile environment that makes Sam and Dean’s usual hunting gigs look like a walk in the park, and he even seems to have enjoyed it to an extent. So it is not surprising that Sam comes to the conclusion that Dean is perfectly capable of hunting alone, especially once all demons are banished and all that is left are routine monster hunts. Obviously, that does not mean that Sam’s conclusion is correct - after all, Dean did not even tell him about Benny yet - but it is not difficult to see that Dean’s current psyched up demeanour would give him that impression. Overall, I have nothing but sympathy for Sam’s position, and I love that he, calmly but firmly, asserts what he wants, despite Dean’s confrontational and judgmental reaction.
I think in Dean’s case things are a little more straightforward than in Sam’s. When we first met Dean, he was a consummate hunter, and while part of his motivation to join the family business was rooted in his desire to meet John’s expectations, he also genuinely loved it. It was something he was good at, something that gave his life purpose and, most importantly, it gave him the means to protect his family from the kind of monsters that took his mother away. And yet, all his dedication and skill did not allow him to save John or Sam; it did not allow him to save Ellen, Jo, Rufus, Lisa, Ben or Bobby either, so over the years, hunting became just another synonym for failure to Dean, and thus just another burden. Furthermore, the constant loss and sacrifice associated with hunting gradually undermined his life-affirming attitude and self-confidence and threw him into a perpetual state of depression - a process that was only exacerbated by his time in hell, where even his basic ability to fight back was taken from him and he was forced into the role of a helpless victim. Now, the more disillusioned Dean became with hunting, the more the idea of a normal family life appealed to him, but when even his attempt at building a steady home for himself failed, he lost any and all purpose. Sure, he continued to hunt, but not because he felt that it still gave his life meaning, he simply did not know what else to do. Of course, just like Dean was a huge factor in Sam’s commitment to the hunt, Sam was a factor in Dean’s, too. He freely admitted to Frank that, despite his burn-out syndrome, retiring from the hunt was not an option for him, because he could not leave Sam behind. However, even his dedication to Sam was not enough to give him a sense of purpose at that point. "To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm doing much of anything anymore," Dean confessed to Eliot Ness in Time after Time, and even though he wanted to break out of his self-destructive mindset, he had no idea of how to achieve that.
Now, for all that his time in purgatory has damaged Dean further and continued to erode his moral boundaries, it at least gave Dean that missing sense of purpose back, and I think that is hardly surprising. In purgatory 'saving people, hunting things' boiled down to only one part of the equation, namely hunting things. There was only one measure of success, i.e. his own survival, and the crippling fear of failing innocent people was pretty much eliminated. For once, Dean did not carry the burden of the whole world on his shoulders, his only responsibility was to himself - and Benny and Castiel to an extent. As Dean so rightly stated in the season opener, purgatory was pure. Moreover, unlike in hell, Dean was not reduced to a helpless victim in purgatory. On the contrary, he was a predator - and one who was obviously superior to the other predators at that, or he would not have survived for a whole year, even with Benny (and Castiel) as his companion. Ultimately, Dean’s life-long experience as a monster hunter gave him the exact skill-set he needed to come through his ordeal, and I think that provided Dean with the validation he missed these last couple of years. In effect, purgatory allowed Dean to rediscover that he is pretty damn good at what he does and regain a clear sense of who he is and what he wants. So, naturally, Dean is irritated to come back to a brother who turned his back on hunting and thus seems to call his newfound purpose into question.
Still, I find Dean’s reaction to Sam's announcement that he wants to quit hunting once they closed the gates of hell noteworthy. He not only instantly jumps into outright denial and dismisses Sam’s earnest assertions as a fleeting fancy, but also constantly puts Sam’s life choices down and tries to make him feel guilty about wanting different things than Dean. In short, he takes the offensive. If we compare this reaction to his reaction to Sam’s similar announcement back in Shadow, the contrast is quite stunning. Back then, Dean was visibly crushed by Sam’s statement that, once they avenged Mary and Jess, he intends to go back to school again, and he offered little opposition to his brother’s plans. He rather kept his hurt bottled up inside. This time around, Dean seems intent on fighting Sam every step of the way. Now, I do not approve of Dean’s attempts at emotional manipulation, and I am not overly fond of his confrontational methods either - not that I think it will get him very far with Sam, but still - but I am glad that he keeps asserting his own position. Ever since he came back from purgatory, Dean is emotionally more open, and he is increasingly vocal about what he wants and feels, and I definitely consider that a progress for the character. Dean always had the tendency to subordinate his own needs and desires to those of others, and I wanted to see him grow out of that for a while now, so I am excited about these glimpses of a true character growth for Dean. Now he only needs to work on his communication strategy.
All in all, I come out of Heartache with the clear impression that, despite their many differences, Sam and Dean both want to be with each other first and foremost, not only now, but also in the future. Dean openly states as much, and Sam proves it through his actions. After all, he returns to a life that holds no meaning for him, simply because Dean wants him to, and I think that shows his commitment to his brother. I know that some fans equate Sam's desire to leave hunting with a desire to leave Dean, but that is not the case at all. Sam is not desperate to leave Dean; he is desperate to leave the life that cost them their entire family and friends, the life that damaged them beyond repair and will most likely end in an early, violent death for both of them if they do not quit. Of course, Dean identifies with his job and hence tends to misinterpret Sam’s rejection of hunting as a rejection of his person, but I hope that this time around he will be able to understand that hunting does not make them a family, their love for each other does. ♥ Besides, hunting or a normal life are not the only two choices, there is always a middle ground, and I am sure that Sam and Dean will be able to find an alternative that suits both their needs; a place where they can be together, but also themselves. I just hope that the writers work towards a final solution for this conflict that does the perspective of both characters equal justice.
Betsy: "I am so tired. You can’t imagine the burden of it all. I think even Brick was through. He could see the end of my days were at hand. He had lived centuries. All alone. But I don’t think he could bear the thought of life without me."
Like in many of the more interesting monster-of-the-week episodes in Supernatural, the one-off characters in Heartache, Brick and Betsy, serve as a reflection for Sam and Dean, respectively, and in this particular case the parallels actually work in every direction. On the one hand, Dean is Betsy. Just like Betsy’s love for Brick overcame the fact that he was a heart-stealing monster, Dean’s love for Sam overcame his life-long hatred of the supernatural, even when he discovered that his brother had visions or demon blood or dark powers. Moreover, Dean was willing to sacrifice his own needs and desires in order to protect his little brother, just like Betsy was willing to make personal sacrifices in order to protect her husband’s true identity. And just like Betsy, Dean had come to the point where he was tired of his burdens and just wanted for everything to be over; he wanted to finally be at peace and did not care about the how. Of course, Sam is Brick in this scenario, a warrior who no longer sees his only reason for living in combat and who wants more from his life. And just like Brick, who anticipated Betsy’s death and could not bear the thought of living without her, Sam knows that Dean’s days are numbered if he does not give up hunting - the fact that Dean almost gets his heart ripped out in front of Sam, again, certainly serves as a cruel reminder of that eventuality - and obviously he cannot bear living without his brother either.
On the other hand, Dean is also Brick, a person so devoted to a cause - though in Dean’s case that cause is hunting rather than sports - that he is willing to become something less than human in the pursuit of it. Brick made a deal with a monster in order to prolong his life, just like Dean made a deal with a monster to survive in purgatory, and I am pretty sure that said deal will cost Dean just as dearly as it cost Brick. I guess it goes without saying that Dean is just as unwilling to live without Sam, as Brick is to live without Betsy - or Sam without Dean for that matter. Last but not least, Sam is also Betsy, tired of a life full of sacrifices and just desperate to find a measure of peace after everything he went through. However, I think maybe the most important parallel we can take from the comparison between Brick & Betsy and Sam & Dean is that, despite their differences in temperament and perspective, Brick and Betsy shared the same mindset at the end. They both wanted it to be over, they both preferred death to a continued existence without each other, and if that is not the Winchester credo, I do not know what is. While I hope that the 'death' part is not meant as a foreshadowing, I think the 'shared mindset' part is. Sam and Dean may only be in the negotiating stages of their relationship yet, but as I said before, I have little doubt that they will find a way to overcome their differences and arrive at the same endpoint.
What else is noteworthy:
(1) The episode gives us a second glimpse of Amelia, and this time she is considerably more likeable than when we first met her. Still, it is difficult to feel truly invested in Sam’s memory of Amelia preparing a birthday picnic for him, because the writers neglected to show us how they went from chance acquaintances to lovers. It is hard to reconcile the hostile veterinarian from the season opener with the affectionate, cheerful woman we see in Heartache, and even though I understand that the writers keep us wilfully in the dark about Sam’s past year so they can use the reveal later in the season, I feel that this kind of retroactive storytelling is really detrimental to the narrative flow as well as the characters’ transparency and thus to the viewers’ emotional response to Sam’s flashbacks. I think a more straightforward narrative style would have served the characters better. Anyway, I think Sam’s picnic with Amelia is actually the least interesting aspect of his flashback. I am way more interested in Sam’s panicked response to Amelia’s 'disappearance'. It seems entirely out of proportion - they are in a public park, after all - and it reminds me of Sam’s similarly frantic response to having injured the dog in the season premiere. In both scenes, he hardly makes the impression of a man who has adjusted well to his new situation, and I can’t help but wonder if there is something more going on than just Sam reacting to trigger-y situations of his past. By the way, I know that some fans feel the flashback insinuates that Sam never before had a birthday cake - which is rather unlikely, of course; Jessica baked cookies for Sam, so I think it is safe to assume that she baked him cakes, too - but the scene never read like that to me. Amelia’s question is quite obviously meant teasingly, and Sam is so caught up in his relief and pleasant surprise that he is rendered speechless. So, actually, I find the scene rather sweet.
In conclusion: Heartache is an enjoyable 'monster of the week' episode that not only explores Sam and Dean’s current issues, but also gives us a reprieve of angels, demons and the word of God - and that is definitely what I needed at this point to finally connect to the season. I am still not happy about the way the writers chose to handle the narrative this season, and I probably never will, but if the show continues to give me episodes like Heartache, I am a lot more willing to give the writers some leeway and wait patiently for the slow reveal of Sam and Dean’s time apart.
* * *
Did you know? The homicide detective Sam and Dean interrogate about the jogger who got his heart ripped out is played by Alan Ackles, Jensen’s father