remember
some other things i want to remember:
alan said 'will you (or do you) still know me?'
i assured him i still know him, that i know he is still in there, and that i will always know him...that i will, when it is my time, look for the brightest star...
he looks over my shoulder alot. i asked him what he saw. he said, 'there is a (cup? cop?) on the ceiling.'
he has been talking, whispering, alot to me. unfortunately, with the darn brain cancer, i cannot understand what he is saying most of the time...it flat out sucks...
in the middle of December, he asked my brother Bob, 'where did your brother go? he was sitting right here.' (our brother, Phil, died at 17, about 18 yrs ago)
in the middle of December, he asked, 'who is that person over there?' and looked toward his right, where no one (that we could see) was.
in the middle of December, he waved alot to people we couldn't see and even snapped off a military-worthy salute to someone.
he told me, in his whispery, hoarse voice, 'i love you' yesterday.
he has been refusing water, although today he had a few sips of a beer!
he hasn't eaten much the last 3 days...he had 2 applesauces yesterday and 1 today, along with some spoonfuls of broth from a ravioli soup that his dad brought over.
the strength in his neck is all but gone. he lays his head to the left. i propped it up in a forward position with a rolled blanket and asked him if that was better. he said, 'yes.'
the kids are holding up fairly well. samara doesn't want to go to school (and she is an A student). ceara is having full-on panic attacks every 2 weeks or so. jake seems to be holding in there the best. he is playing a new game on the computer and says he loves it. he is my hero, i am his #1 fan.
joy, alan's mom, comes over about 3pm each day and i take a walk...so nice to be walking again. i go to town and back, about 3.5 miles. alan's dad, hal, stops by most days.
my dad comes over when he gets off work, then mom comes over when she gets off work. my brother does the same and we eat dinner (joy usually goes home by then). after dinner, we watch videos, talk, and just enjoy each other's company.
it has been so helpful to me and to the kids.
samara loves playing puzzle games on the computer with her uncle bob. his visits have really perked her up.
today was lily's, my supermodel dog, #5 birthday. dad bought ice cream (both serta and lily had a bit, too) and we sang 'happy bday' to lily.
the best part of singing the bday song (to anyone) is that lily sings with us! whoever said domesticated canines don't howl is goofy. lily tilts her head back and howls with the bday song!! it is a great time!
alan was awake for a few hours today, around 2pm. samara fed him some applesauce! that was nice for both of them.
he has been sleeping since.
he doesn't move anymore, although he sometimes lifts his left hand slightly and we hold it.
we are trying to ward off bedsores, by repositioning his arms on the pillows and using a special gel-filled pillow for his bum.
that is all i can think of, for now.
i certainly wish the darn cancer hadn't made it so hard for alan to talk. sometimes, he finds the words, but mostly he is speaking (ever so quietly and with much effort) in words we don't know. he doesn't just mix up words in a wrong order, he just says words that aren't 'real'...i don't think it is a different language, it is just the darn cancer causing him to put sounds together in a way we cannot understand.
goodness bless.
us.
all.
alan said 'will you (or do you) still know me?'
i assured him i still know him, that i know he is still in there, and that i will always know him...that i will, when it is my time, look for the brightest star...
he looks over my shoulder alot. i asked him what he saw. he said, 'there is a (cup? cop?) on the ceiling.'
he has been talking, whispering, alot to me. unfortunately, with the darn brain cancer, i cannot understand what he is saying most of the time...it flat out sucks...
in the middle of December, he asked my brother Bob, 'where did your brother go? he was sitting right here.' (our brother, Phil, died at 17, about 18 yrs ago)
in the middle of December, he asked, 'who is that person over there?' and looked toward his right, where no one (that we could see) was.
in the middle of December, he waved alot to people we couldn't see and even snapped off a military-worthy salute to someone.
he told me, in his whispery, hoarse voice, 'i love you' yesterday.
he has been refusing water, although today he had a few sips of a beer!
he hasn't eaten much the last 3 days...he had 2 applesauces yesterday and 1 today, along with some spoonfuls of broth from a ravioli soup that his dad brought over.
the strength in his neck is all but gone. he lays his head to the left. i propped it up in a forward position with a rolled blanket and asked him if that was better. he said, 'yes.'
the kids are holding up fairly well. samara doesn't want to go to school (and she is an A student). ceara is having full-on panic attacks every 2 weeks or so. jake seems to be holding in there the best. he is playing a new game on the computer and says he loves it. he is my hero, i am his #1 fan.
joy, alan's mom, comes over about 3pm each day and i take a walk...so nice to be walking again. i go to town and back, about 3.5 miles. alan's dad, hal, stops by most days.
my dad comes over when he gets off work, then mom comes over when she gets off work. my brother does the same and we eat dinner (joy usually goes home by then). after dinner, we watch videos, talk, and just enjoy each other's company.
it has been so helpful to me and to the kids.
samara loves playing puzzle games on the computer with her uncle bob. his visits have really perked her up.
today was lily's, my supermodel dog, #5 birthday. dad bought ice cream (both serta and lily had a bit, too) and we sang 'happy bday' to lily.
the best part of singing the bday song (to anyone) is that lily sings with us! whoever said domesticated canines don't howl is goofy. lily tilts her head back and howls with the bday song!! it is a great time!
alan was awake for a few hours today, around 2pm. samara fed him some applesauce! that was nice for both of them.
he has been sleeping since.
he doesn't move anymore, although he sometimes lifts his left hand slightly and we hold it.
we are trying to ward off bedsores, by repositioning his arms on the pillows and using a special gel-filled pillow for his bum.
that is all i can think of, for now.
i certainly wish the darn cancer hadn't made it so hard for alan to talk. sometimes, he finds the words, but mostly he is speaking (ever so quietly and with much effort) in words we don't know. he doesn't just mix up words in a wrong order, he just says words that aren't 'real'...i don't think it is a different language, it is just the darn cancer causing him to put sounds together in a way we cannot understand.
goodness bless.
us.
all.