Now I bleed for you, burn for me
I should be using this time to study a bit more for German... BUT:
Jackyl's B-Movie Review!
Featuring:
Kaw (2007)
Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery, some whiney teen girls, and the most amazing fake beards.
"Plot:" For some reason the ravens in a small town start killing people.
We start off in the obligatory spooky farm field, simply enough.
Pretty!
From there we see a man walking, and down a dirt path into a barn and also a couple sleeping in bed when, horror of horros… the alarm goes off!! Aah! Back with the old guy in the barn, he’s getting ready for chores when he hears some odd noises coming from the rafters. We see a very plump (and I think extremely cute) raven. Little raven lands on the ground to play with something shiny when the farmer backs over him with the tractor. Aww, poor little fella. This pisses of the lead raven, lets call him… Edgar ( Ba ha, see what I did there? By the way if, in some magical way I can actually have a pet raven, I’m totally calling him Edgar).
My little buddy Edgar.
So yes, Edgar is angry and he gets all his raven buddies together and they attack the farmer.
Back with the couple in the bed, the alarm goes off again (snooze buttons are bad for you people) and we find out that the couple is none other than Pointy Chin Lady (from an episode of Supernatural… season three I believe…. I KNOW I HAVE AN OBSESSION LEAVE ME ALONE), and our one and only, Sean Patrick, who has some amazingly perfectly styled hair for just waking up. Anyway, they’re being all cuddly and nice and all that mushy crap when they’re interrupted by the dispatcher, Louanne. SPF plays Sheriff Wayne. My nosey old neighbour’s name is Wayne, however, so I’m just going to stick with Sean or SPF for him. After talking with Louanne, Sean comes back over to Pointy looking all distraught, something’s happened at old-whoever’s farm. Oh noes, not on Sean’s last day of work! They have a story-building conversation and SPF is off to see what’s up.
Captain Awesome, off to save the day! *pose*
At the barn, Edgar is up in the rafters with a buddy and a bit of gore on his beak making cute little coo-ing noises.
"Do I have something in my teeth?"
Sean finds Farmer behind the tractor and checks to see if he’s dead… despite the fact he’s lying on the ground unblinking and bloody, but yeah, can’t be too sure.
*pose*
Does any part of this image scream "He might be alive!" to you? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'm amused by the fact that in most movies/shows people check the pulse of very obviously dead individuals. I suppose there's that whole denial thing...
He hears fluttering and looks up!
Scene change to a grizzled guy working on a school bus engine.
"Damn those young'uns anyway. Grr."
I’m pretty sure he was in Supernatural too… He looks up ‘cause he hears rustling too and then his dog starts barking at the roof of the bus. Out pops another raven, I think. Can’t say for sure ‘cause they just use the same footage of Edgar flapping his wings and being angry… yay green screens. Anyhoo, Edgar II squawks at the pooch and he whines and cowers. Grizzles starts throwing empty beer cans at the raven who deftly jumps out of the way. It’s cute (in case you haven’t gathered it by now, I rather like ravens…). While he’s throwing cans he can’t figure out why pooch seems to be barking at him, but behind Grizzles a whole “unkindness” is gathering on the shed roof (yup, the proper term for a group of ravens is an unkindness).
"Nobody here but us chickens!"
So yeah, Grizzles gets attacked by a bunch of CG ravens, retreats into his shed and then pops back out with a shotgun, killing a few. The scene cuts to some time later, I guess… they don’t really show, and Grizzles comes back out of his shed again, only now he’s got a baseball bat. I would’ve kept the gun personally, but hey, what do I know? Eventually he takes off in the bus.
Back with SPF, his deputy finally arrives at the barn and then Louanne calls him up again. All that shooting that Grizzles did got the nosey neighbour’s attention. Sean heads out to find Grizzles while the deputy hangs out waiting for the doctor to arrive and have a look at Farmer.
Scene change to “Betty’s Cookhouse” and we see a young Mennonite girl bring in some milk and such for Betty.
Sadly enough the small town I used to live in had something that looked almost exactly like this too...
They have a chat and Mennonite girl, Rachel, has an amazingly thick German accent… I lived next to a Mennonite town and no one spoke like that there.
But whatever. Betty looks outside to see Grizzles in the bus, just sitting there waiting for a raven to fly away. She clearly thinks he’s crazy or drunk. Finally he gets in and greets her. There’s obviously some history between them. She asks him if he’s been drinking and basically badgers him, character building I guess?
Now we join Pointy driving down a snowy lane, she gets to a locked fence and proceeds on foot. There’s a ninja raven hiding in the trees, watching her.
"You can't see me..."
Getting to a house she gives a knock on the door but no one answers. Turns out it’s the Mennonite… commune? Compound? I dunno, something. No ones around and you can hear flies buzzing about. Always good signs. Pointy continues to snoop ‘cause that’s what people do I guess. An old Mennonite fellow sneaks up behind her. Apparently they know one another… Old Mennonite guy speaks oddly archaic and won’t allow Pointy to give a gift of a photo album. Apparently these Mennonites are more like Amish than anything. We hear a raven kaw and Old Menny gets nervous and peaces out.
Scene change again and we see Grizzle’s pooch wandering around, and he gets attacked by a group of ravens. I really don’t like that part. ;_;
At Betty’s Cookhouse, Sean comes to say hey to everyone, especially Grizzles. They go outside for a chat. Eventually Grizzles tells him about the birds, but naturally he doesn’t believe him. Sean goes inside while Grizzles gets back in the bus. There’s a girls basketball workshop thing.
An old car drives up and a Mennonite fellow is dropping off his daughter. He’s oddly suspicious, telling his girl to be careful, “especially today”. And has an awesome beard.
See? It's awesome.
The girl eventually gets to the bus and the rest show, so they head out.
Back inside, Sean’s being emo and chats up Betty. Eventually she notices the ravens hanging out outside: “Geeze, lookit those crows.”
And now for the best line in the movie, via SPF. Wait for it….
“Those aren’t crows… *dramatic pause* they’re ravens”
*pose*
Dun, dun, DUNNNN.
They trade anecdotes on ravens about how they’re smart and some old mysticism, when HWAH! A raven pops up against the window. Ooh! Scary. Sean takes his coffee to go, his Sheriff Senses tingling. He heads on over to Grizzle’s place and has a look around. Sure enough, he sees a bunch of dead ravens lying around and then stumbles on one pecking at the poor puppy. ;_; Raven doesn’t like having his dinner disturbed so he flutters at Sean’s face, startling him enough that he stumbles a bit and ends up catching his hand on some metal thing. Ouch.
Enter some random folks bitching at one another. There must’ve been a Supernatural actors blowout ‘cause yup, there’s another one. Anyhoo, there’s an old truck broken down in a tunnel, blocking the road. It’s the Mennonite girl, dead in the cab. Aww, she was nice. The couple panic and go to run back to their car but oh noes! A bunch of ravens have taken up residence on the hood.
"Whut up?"
There’s a bunch sitting on the ground too. This whole scene reminds me of the room of babies in “The Simpsons”. Lol. Anyway, the couple finally get into their car, and then the ravens attack. Of course the car doesn’t start on the first try. Finally the guy gets it going but he can’t see through all the ravens and drives it into the ditch.
Back with Sean, he comes out of Grizzle’s shed with his hand freshly wrapped to see smoke in the distance.
"There's a disturbance in The Force!"
The car in the ditch caught fire for whatever reason. He rushes over to investigate and finds the woman still alive with some ravens pecking at her. He valiantly saves the damsel in distress and throws her in the back of his SUV. Like… the trunk.
Now we’re with Pointy again who hasn’t actually left the Mennonite place. She decides to be even more snoopy and goes back to the barn. There’s ravens flitting about and she stumbles onto a pile of dead cows. She hears some voices and goes to investigate. The voices turn out to be the two Mennonite men arguing about something. Hm, suspicious, could they have something to do with the vicious ravens? Gee, I wonder. Basically Old Menny thinks it’s God’s punishment for them mingling with the English. The other guy thinks he’s crazy.
There must have been a sale on at Bob's Bargain Beard Barn.
Edgar’s hanging out in the barn too and alerts the Mennonite guys to Pointy’s presence. She takes off running only to fall into a hidden well filled with decaying cows and goo. She hears the Mennonite guys have found her car and now they “must take care of things”.
"OMG. Ew. Ew. My new shoes."
Sean gets the tourist woman to the local clinic. Some awesomely bad CG ravens flutter on to Sean’s truck. Deputy looks out the window and calls for Sean. Ravens are having a party in town. Of course there’s a young boy caught in the middle of the street.
Freakin’ kids.
Sean heads out to get him, very slowly… Eventually the ravens get pissy and start attacking him. Deputy comes out, shotgun blazing. Edgar doesn’t like that too much so when the gun inevitably runs out he gets his buddies to attack him.
"Go my Pretties! Kill! Kill!"
"Dive! Dive! Dive!"
Sad music plays. Sean gets the kid into the station where his mother randomly appears. Then the ravens fly off. Later on, Doc looks at the deputy whose neck is gored but he still checks to see if he’s alive. The townsfolk flood the doc’s office for whatever reason. Sean tells everyone to go home and phone everyone they know to say the same thing, but *gasp* the phones are down! Eventually he does get everyone to go to their homes.
We’re back with Grizzles and the girls now, on their way back to town after the workshop. Two of the girls are annoying little bitches, so we know what’s going to happen to them. Little Mennonite girl tries to make friends with Grizzle but he’s not so inclined. Little Bitch is messing with a basketball, it gets away from her and hits the stick shift. Basically the bus breaks down.
It’s night time now and Pointy’s still in the well, trying to climb up but of course that doesn’t work.
"Noooo, I'm missing Gossip Girl!"
Cute little raven looks in and is like: “Hah, you suck.”
Sean’s driving around and gets a hold of Louanne to call for some backup from the other counties. Then patches over to get a hold of Pointy, but of course she doesn’t answer… ‘cause she’s stuck in a cow well.
Back with Grizzles and the broken bus. Thar be some ravens lurkin’ in them thar trees. Everyone gets off the bus except little Mennonite girl and a whole bunch of ravens come and dive bomb them.
AMG Birds!
She and another girl manage to get inside, the others huddle under the bus. Coach doesn’t make it.
Old Manny finally comes across Pointy and helps her out of the hole. She thinks he’s trying to kill her, and freaks out at him with a bit of wood.
"I have a board with a nail and I know how to use it!"
He manages to get her to stop freaking out and starts telling her what happened to make the ravens go crazy.
Back with the bus, Little Bitch and her friend are freaking out, little Mennonite girl seems to know the inner workings of the ravens minds, and Grizzles is still trying to get the engine working. The ravens come back around for a second attack which forces him back into the bus.
Pointy’s back at her place all of a sudden, washing off the gore from the well of DOOM. Apparently Sean’s still trying to get a hold of her but she doesn’t hear the radio.
Unhappy with the last plan of attack’s results the ravens go at the bus again. This time with rocks. Yeah.
"I will fuck your shit up!"
They bomb the windows with rocks. Sean shows up with a shotgun that has an amazing supply of shells, and Grizzles joins him to play Duck Hunter with the ravens.
I can't help but think a shotgun is a wee bit... excessive for a bunch of birds.
Louanne gets a hold of Sean to tell him the Staties are on their way and Pointy finally takes notice of the radio.
"Ten-four Good Buddy, Rubber Ducky out."
Grizzles ends up shooting the antenna or whatever off before they can talk though.
So yeah, they manage to get all the whiny girls piled into Sean’s truck and they head over to Betty’s Cookhouse. Very slowly. So, the ravens bombard the truck and they veer off into a cornfield where the 4X4 gets stuck in some mud... *cough* They end up hoofing it from there. The whiniest girl of the bunch gets taken out like, two feet away from the diner where the rest of the introduced characters are cheering them on like it’s a race.
"Run bitches! Ruuuuun!"
SO Pointy, Betty, Doc, Little Bitch, Little Mennonite Girl, Mennonite Dad, Grizzles and Sean are all hanging out in the diner turned fort. Little Mennonite Girl urges her dad to tell them all the truth about what’s going on.
The truth of it all? The angry ravens with Edgar leading them all telepathically or something? Mad Cow Disease.
… that’s it. Zombie Ravens? Nope, just a bit of mad cow.
"For real... *pose*"
The lights across the street start going out. Ravens don't like them apparently.
"Take that electricity!"
The folks board up the place like it’s the zombie apocalypse. They get the windows covered just in time for a bombardment of ravens, but they break through and it all goes to hell from there. These are some resilient ravens, taking hits from pots, flashlights, thrown sugar shakers… Betty ends up getting killed, so Grizzles goes on a rampage, tears into the car park where there’s some gas pumps and lights them up.
S’plosion! Only… for some reason it doesn’t take out the littler diner either.
Sean’s like: Holy shit. O_o
Poor little Edgar got caught in the blast and when he finally dies, all the others do as well.
I guess Mad Cow Disease causes Hivemind as well.
So with things back to normal, Sean and Pointy head home for some much needed rest. Or, nookie, whichever.
"Hehehe...Nookie."
They climb the stairs to their room but, what’s that? A breeze? FNAH! Ravens attack!
The End.
No really, that’s it.
Jackyl's B-Movie Review!
Featuring:
Kaw (2007)
Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery, some whiney teen girls, and the most amazing fake beards.
"Plot:" For some reason the ravens in a small town start killing people.
We start off in the obligatory spooky farm field, simply enough.
Pretty!
From there we see a man walking, and down a dirt path into a barn and also a couple sleeping in bed when, horror of horros… the alarm goes off!! Aah! Back with the old guy in the barn, he’s getting ready for chores when he hears some odd noises coming from the rafters. We see a very plump (and I think extremely cute) raven. Little raven lands on the ground to play with something shiny when the farmer backs over him with the tractor. Aww, poor little fella. This pisses of the lead raven, lets call him… Edgar ( Ba ha, see what I did there? By the way if, in some magical way I can actually have a pet raven, I’m totally calling him Edgar).
My little buddy Edgar.
So yes, Edgar is angry and he gets all his raven buddies together and they attack the farmer.
Back with the couple in the bed, the alarm goes off again (snooze buttons are bad for you people) and we find out that the couple is none other than Pointy Chin Lady (from an episode of Supernatural… season three I believe…. I KNOW I HAVE AN OBSESSION LEAVE ME ALONE), and our one and only, Sean Patrick, who has some amazingly perfectly styled hair for just waking up. Anyway, they’re being all cuddly and nice and all that mushy crap when they’re interrupted by the dispatcher, Louanne. SPF plays Sheriff Wayne. My nosey old neighbour’s name is Wayne, however, so I’m just going to stick with Sean or SPF for him. After talking with Louanne, Sean comes back over to Pointy looking all distraught, something’s happened at old-whoever’s farm. Oh noes, not on Sean’s last day of work! They have a story-building conversation and SPF is off to see what’s up.
Captain Awesome, off to save the day! *pose*
At the barn, Edgar is up in the rafters with a buddy and a bit of gore on his beak making cute little coo-ing noises.
"Do I have something in my teeth?"
Sean finds Farmer behind the tractor and checks to see if he’s dead… despite the fact he’s lying on the ground unblinking and bloody, but yeah, can’t be too sure.
*pose*
Does any part of this image scream "He might be alive!" to you? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'm amused by the fact that in most movies/shows people check the pulse of very obviously dead individuals. I suppose there's that whole denial thing...
He hears fluttering and looks up!
Scene change to a grizzled guy working on a school bus engine.
"Damn those young'uns anyway. Grr."
I’m pretty sure he was in Supernatural too… He looks up ‘cause he hears rustling too and then his dog starts barking at the roof of the bus. Out pops another raven, I think. Can’t say for sure ‘cause they just use the same footage of Edgar flapping his wings and being angry… yay green screens. Anyhoo, Edgar II squawks at the pooch and he whines and cowers. Grizzles starts throwing empty beer cans at the raven who deftly jumps out of the way. It’s cute (in case you haven’t gathered it by now, I rather like ravens…). While he’s throwing cans he can’t figure out why pooch seems to be barking at him, but behind Grizzles a whole “unkindness” is gathering on the shed roof (yup, the proper term for a group of ravens is an unkindness).
"Nobody here but us chickens!"
So yeah, Grizzles gets attacked by a bunch of CG ravens, retreats into his shed and then pops back out with a shotgun, killing a few. The scene cuts to some time later, I guess… they don’t really show, and Grizzles comes back out of his shed again, only now he’s got a baseball bat. I would’ve kept the gun personally, but hey, what do I know? Eventually he takes off in the bus.
Back with SPF, his deputy finally arrives at the barn and then Louanne calls him up again. All that shooting that Grizzles did got the nosey neighbour’s attention. Sean heads out to find Grizzles while the deputy hangs out waiting for the doctor to arrive and have a look at Farmer.
Scene change to “Betty’s Cookhouse” and we see a young Mennonite girl bring in some milk and such for Betty.
Sadly enough the small town I used to live in had something that looked almost exactly like this too...
They have a chat and Mennonite girl, Rachel, has an amazingly thick German accent… I lived next to a Mennonite town and no one spoke like that there.
But whatever. Betty looks outside to see Grizzles in the bus, just sitting there waiting for a raven to fly away. She clearly thinks he’s crazy or drunk. Finally he gets in and greets her. There’s obviously some history between them. She asks him if he’s been drinking and basically badgers him, character building I guess?
Now we join Pointy driving down a snowy lane, she gets to a locked fence and proceeds on foot. There’s a ninja raven hiding in the trees, watching her.
"You can't see me..."
Getting to a house she gives a knock on the door but no one answers. Turns out it’s the Mennonite… commune? Compound? I dunno, something. No ones around and you can hear flies buzzing about. Always good signs. Pointy continues to snoop ‘cause that’s what people do I guess. An old Mennonite fellow sneaks up behind her. Apparently they know one another… Old Mennonite guy speaks oddly archaic and won’t allow Pointy to give a gift of a photo album. Apparently these Mennonites are more like Amish than anything. We hear a raven kaw and Old Menny gets nervous and peaces out.
Scene change again and we see Grizzle’s pooch wandering around, and he gets attacked by a group of ravens. I really don’t like that part. ;_;
At Betty’s Cookhouse, Sean comes to say hey to everyone, especially Grizzles. They go outside for a chat. Eventually Grizzles tells him about the birds, but naturally he doesn’t believe him. Sean goes inside while Grizzles gets back in the bus. There’s a girls basketball workshop thing.
An old car drives up and a Mennonite fellow is dropping off his daughter. He’s oddly suspicious, telling his girl to be careful, “especially today”. And has an awesome beard.
See? It's awesome.
The girl eventually gets to the bus and the rest show, so they head out.
Back inside, Sean’s being emo and chats up Betty. Eventually she notices the ravens hanging out outside: “Geeze, lookit those crows.”
And now for the best line in the movie, via SPF. Wait for it….
“Those aren’t crows… *dramatic pause* they’re ravens”
*pose*
Dun, dun, DUNNNN.
They trade anecdotes on ravens about how they’re smart and some old mysticism, when HWAH! A raven pops up against the window. Ooh! Scary. Sean takes his coffee to go, his Sheriff Senses tingling. He heads on over to Grizzle’s place and has a look around. Sure enough, he sees a bunch of dead ravens lying around and then stumbles on one pecking at the poor puppy. ;_; Raven doesn’t like having his dinner disturbed so he flutters at Sean’s face, startling him enough that he stumbles a bit and ends up catching his hand on some metal thing. Ouch.
Enter some random folks bitching at one another. There must’ve been a Supernatural actors blowout ‘cause yup, there’s another one. Anyhoo, there’s an old truck broken down in a tunnel, blocking the road. It’s the Mennonite girl, dead in the cab. Aww, she was nice. The couple panic and go to run back to their car but oh noes! A bunch of ravens have taken up residence on the hood.
"Whut up?"
There’s a bunch sitting on the ground too. This whole scene reminds me of the room of babies in “The Simpsons”. Lol. Anyway, the couple finally get into their car, and then the ravens attack. Of course the car doesn’t start on the first try. Finally the guy gets it going but he can’t see through all the ravens and drives it into the ditch.
Back with Sean, he comes out of Grizzle’s shed with his hand freshly wrapped to see smoke in the distance.
"There's a disturbance in The Force!"
The car in the ditch caught fire for whatever reason. He rushes over to investigate and finds the woman still alive with some ravens pecking at her. He valiantly saves the damsel in distress and throws her in the back of his SUV. Like… the trunk.
Now we’re with Pointy again who hasn’t actually left the Mennonite place. She decides to be even more snoopy and goes back to the barn. There’s ravens flitting about and she stumbles onto a pile of dead cows. She hears some voices and goes to investigate. The voices turn out to be the two Mennonite men arguing about something. Hm, suspicious, could they have something to do with the vicious ravens? Gee, I wonder. Basically Old Menny thinks it’s God’s punishment for them mingling with the English. The other guy thinks he’s crazy.
There must have been a sale on at Bob's Bargain Beard Barn.
Edgar’s hanging out in the barn too and alerts the Mennonite guys to Pointy’s presence. She takes off running only to fall into a hidden well filled with decaying cows and goo. She hears the Mennonite guys have found her car and now they “must take care of things”.
"OMG. Ew. Ew. My new shoes."
Sean gets the tourist woman to the local clinic. Some awesomely bad CG ravens flutter on to Sean’s truck. Deputy looks out the window and calls for Sean. Ravens are having a party in town. Of course there’s a young boy caught in the middle of the street.
Freakin’ kids.
Sean heads out to get him, very slowly… Eventually the ravens get pissy and start attacking him. Deputy comes out, shotgun blazing. Edgar doesn’t like that too much so when the gun inevitably runs out he gets his buddies to attack him.
"Go my Pretties! Kill! Kill!"
"Dive! Dive! Dive!"
Sad music plays. Sean gets the kid into the station where his mother randomly appears. Then the ravens fly off. Later on, Doc looks at the deputy whose neck is gored but he still checks to see if he’s alive. The townsfolk flood the doc’s office for whatever reason. Sean tells everyone to go home and phone everyone they know to say the same thing, but *gasp* the phones are down! Eventually he does get everyone to go to their homes.
We’re back with Grizzles and the girls now, on their way back to town after the workshop. Two of the girls are annoying little bitches, so we know what’s going to happen to them. Little Mennonite girl tries to make friends with Grizzle but he’s not so inclined. Little Bitch is messing with a basketball, it gets away from her and hits the stick shift. Basically the bus breaks down.
It’s night time now and Pointy’s still in the well, trying to climb up but of course that doesn’t work.
"Noooo, I'm missing Gossip Girl!"
Cute little raven looks in and is like: “Hah, you suck.”
Sean’s driving around and gets a hold of Louanne to call for some backup from the other counties. Then patches over to get a hold of Pointy, but of course she doesn’t answer… ‘cause she’s stuck in a cow well.
Back with Grizzles and the broken bus. Thar be some ravens lurkin’ in them thar trees. Everyone gets off the bus except little Mennonite girl and a whole bunch of ravens come and dive bomb them.
AMG Birds!
She and another girl manage to get inside, the others huddle under the bus. Coach doesn’t make it.
Old Manny finally comes across Pointy and helps her out of the hole. She thinks he’s trying to kill her, and freaks out at him with a bit of wood.
"I have a board with a nail and I know how to use it!"
He manages to get her to stop freaking out and starts telling her what happened to make the ravens go crazy.
Back with the bus, Little Bitch and her friend are freaking out, little Mennonite girl seems to know the inner workings of the ravens minds, and Grizzles is still trying to get the engine working. The ravens come back around for a second attack which forces him back into the bus.
Pointy’s back at her place all of a sudden, washing off the gore from the well of DOOM. Apparently Sean’s still trying to get a hold of her but she doesn’t hear the radio.
Unhappy with the last plan of attack’s results the ravens go at the bus again. This time with rocks. Yeah.
"I will fuck your shit up!"
They bomb the windows with rocks. Sean shows up with a shotgun that has an amazing supply of shells, and Grizzles joins him to play Duck Hunter with the ravens.
I can't help but think a shotgun is a wee bit... excessive for a bunch of birds.
Louanne gets a hold of Sean to tell him the Staties are on their way and Pointy finally takes notice of the radio.
"Ten-four Good Buddy, Rubber Ducky out."
Grizzles ends up shooting the antenna or whatever off before they can talk though.
So yeah, they manage to get all the whiny girls piled into Sean’s truck and they head over to Betty’s Cookhouse. Very slowly. So, the ravens bombard the truck and they veer off into a cornfield where the 4X4 gets stuck in some mud... *cough* They end up hoofing it from there. The whiniest girl of the bunch gets taken out like, two feet away from the diner where the rest of the introduced characters are cheering them on like it’s a race.
"Run bitches! Ruuuuun!"
SO Pointy, Betty, Doc, Little Bitch, Little Mennonite Girl, Mennonite Dad, Grizzles and Sean are all hanging out in the diner turned fort. Little Mennonite Girl urges her dad to tell them all the truth about what’s going on.
The truth of it all? The angry ravens with Edgar leading them all telepathically or something? Mad Cow Disease.
… that’s it. Zombie Ravens? Nope, just a bit of mad cow.
"For real... *pose*"
The lights across the street start going out. Ravens don't like them apparently.
"Take that electricity!"
The folks board up the place like it’s the zombie apocalypse. They get the windows covered just in time for a bombardment of ravens, but they break through and it all goes to hell from there. These are some resilient ravens, taking hits from pots, flashlights, thrown sugar shakers… Betty ends up getting killed, so Grizzles goes on a rampage, tears into the car park where there’s some gas pumps and lights them up.
S’plosion! Only… for some reason it doesn’t take out the littler diner either.
Sean’s like: Holy shit. O_o
Poor little Edgar got caught in the blast and when he finally dies, all the others do as well.
I guess Mad Cow Disease causes Hivemind as well.
So with things back to normal, Sean and Pointy head home for some much needed rest. Or, nookie, whichever.
"Hehehe...Nookie."
They climb the stairs to their room but, what’s that? A breeze? FNAH! Ravens attack!
The End.
No really, that’s it.