CHAPTER XI
Characters: Adama and Roslin (pairing) and various others.
Rating:PG
Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Revelations' we are not aware of any other major spoilers.
Disclaimer: We do not own these characters and are making no profit.
Warnings: None.
Laura and Kara exchanged glances as the back door to the house clicked shut. Bill whistled the tune he always whistled, the exact same one he had sung to Laura on Baltar's ground breaking ceremony on New Caprica. Occasionally he would break into song which always made Laura smile and remember the one good thing that ever happened on that godsforsaken planet.
“Laura?” He called out as he hung his coat up on one of the pegs just inside the back door.
“In here,” Laura called back, still clutching the book tightly in her hands. She had removed her glasses and they were rested on the book and being held just as tightly.
“Hey!” Bill called from the kitchen (which was at the back of the house.) “I never thought I'd see the day when Saul Tigh would be changing diapers.” He continued chuckling as he spoke.
Bill toed off his boots and made his way into the living room. “They certainly look like Saul, just as bald....”He chuckled and looked up to see Laura and Kara sitting side by side on the couch. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “I didn't know you were here!” he said smiling at Kara.
“Hey Admiral,” Kara addressed him half casually and half formally.
“Kara stopped by to show me something,” Laura told him at the same time as idly tapping her fingers on the book, drawing Bill's attention to the item she held in her hands.
Bill's face turned a shade of grey and he could tell by the look in Laura's eyes that whatever was in that book he clearly wasn't going to like. He clasped his hands in front of him and he shuffled nervously on his feet.
Laura put her glasses back on and hoisted herself up from the couch. “You need to see this Bill,” she told him opening the book to the page where the picture of viper was plummeting towards the Temple of Aurora. Hesitantly, she handed it to him.
As Bill lowered his head to read, any colour remaining in his face drained from it. His brow furrowed and his eyes clouded over.
“You.....” he began. “I don't understand.”
“It is me. It was all me,” Kara said, her voice cracking as she watched the man she loved as a father so obviously pained.
“There's more Bill,” Laura brushed her hand down his arm as she leaned over to turn the page.
Bill's gaze fell upon the pictures of himself and Laura. Her with her bright luxurious dresses and him stood by her side. Always by her side.
He felt his legs buckle beneath him and found himself reaching for the arm of the nearest chair and lowering himself into it with a quiet sigh.
“It's us?” he said, his hand cupping the back of his neck and rubbing in an attempt to relieve the tension building there. He snapped the book shut and just stared at it for what Laura and Kara thought was an eternity.
“Bill......” Laura tried to bring him back to reality.
He looked at her and stood up quickly, handing the book back to her. “I can't do this.” He stated and marched back into the kitchen.
Laura followed him, briefly she turned to Kara with a slight shrug of her shoulders.
“Bill we need to talk about this!” she tried to communicate with him in desperation as he pulled on his boots and jacket and cap. “You promised. Bill. No more hiding. That we would face whatever this planet threw at us together......”
“I can't Laura,” he cut her short, his eyes apologetic before he turned from her and exited out of the back door.
She stared after him as his hands plunged into his pockets and his shoulders hunched. She watched him until he was just a tiny spec in the distance and slowly shut the door.
***
Gaius Baltar stood behind his fantasy Six, his hands digging into her waist.
“Gaius there is no need to be afraid.”
The greasy haired minister peered around the Six, “The frak? She’s dead!” he pointed hysterically at the D’Anna sitting in the chair opposite his desk.
They were in the office of his church. Gaius stood, trembling and hiding behind the Six; his doppelganger leant against the wall to his left looking extremely bored, and in front of him sat the apparition of D’Anna Biers.
“You,” he stabbed his finger at the ghostly Three, “You’re dead. Dead! So you just go back to wherever it is the dead go.”
“Heaven Gaius, it’s called heaven.”
“Well then, you go to heaven,” he ordered shakily.
D’Anna smiled serenely, “I have come to assist you brother.”
“No,” Gaius moaned, stepping out from behind Six, “I don’t need anymore head-whatever-they-ares. I have enough.” He looked pleadingly at the Six, “Two seems enough.” Looking skyward he said to God, “Seriously, thank you but two seems enough. Quite adequate!”
“Gaius, you seem mildly displeased to see me,” D’Anna spoke sadly.
“No, no,” he backtracked, “not displeased, just reasonably concerned that perhaps too much energy is being spent on sending me helpers. You should go and see Roslin and Adama, they are important now, I’m sure they would love the help and advice.”
Six frowned, “Gaius, you aren’t questioning the will of God are you?”
“No, no, nononono, I’m just saying that I would personally be ok if you wanted to divide your efforts. I’m being generous.”
His doppelganger snorted, “Yes, you really are the poster child for benevolence and the overflowing capacity to give.”
“Gaius,” D’Anna interrupted, “God’s followers are growing, and it’s time for you to lead them.”
Gaius mumbled, “Thanks, I was so confused about what I have been doing so far…”
The Six grabbed his arm, her nails pinching painfully into his skin, “Be nice to an Angel of God Gaius.”
“Okay,” he sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat, “what do you want me to do?”
“The end is near; we must prepare ourselves for entry into the Promised Land.”The three apparitions spoke at once and Gaius fell to his knees gripping his head in agony.
“How exactly do I do that,” he spluttered out.
“By fulfilling your destiny,” Six said, bending down to help him up.
“What is my destiny?”
Six pressed a kiss against his temple, “You have to die.”
Gaius pulled back, sheer horror twisting his features, “What? Why?”
“The new leader suffered a wasting disease and would not live to enter the new land.”
Baltar recoiled and walked backwards until he bumped into the wall, “No, I’m not the dying leader, Laura is.”
He looked frantically around the room, taking in the sympathetic looks on Six’s and D’Anna’s faces and the condescending smirk on his double’s face. “No, not me. I don’t have a wasting disease!”
Six stepped over to him and brushed her warm fingers over his brow, “Gaius, to know the mind of God is to look into the face of madness.”
He brushed her fingers away, “I’m not mad!”
His double laughed harshly, “My dear fellow, what do you call us? The product of a sound mind?”
“You’re…” he stammered, “You were sent to me, from God!”
“Does that sound sane to you?”
“I’m not crazy!” Gaius yelled desperately.
A familiar laugh sounded behind him, “Of course you aren’t Gaius. I’ve always been fond of you… so very fond. You aren’t crazy, you’re a genius’”
Baltar spun around and felt his gut drop at the sight of Laura Roslin slowly stalking towards him, lust and awe in her eyes.
“You aren’t real,” he whispered as she stepped into his personal space and wrapped her arms around his neck. She leant in for a passionate kiss and whispered, “No, I’m not.”
“I don’t deserve this…” he begged frantically, stalling Laura.
“Oh,” Laura murmured huskily with a lazy grin, “You do. This is your punishment, you knew it was coming, you didn’t think you would get away with it did you?”
Six wiped a tear away from his cheek, “This is your chance at redemption Gaius.”
“You want to be redeemed don’t you?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes…” he finally whispered as Laura leaned in for her kiss.
***
Determined, Bill marched briskly towards the centre of the colony, steadfastly ignoring the blatant stares and whispers as people noticed who he was. He passed Galen Tyrol on the way, walking with a blonde haired boy that must be Nicky but who was so much older now he wasn’t really recognisable. Galen looked at him expectantly but Bill ignored the former Specialist and swiftly made his way towards the government building.
The guards instantly stood aside to let him enter and exchanged questioning looks with each other as, uncharacteristically, the Old Man ignored them, not even uttering a thank you.
Bill strode through the reception area, ignoring the receptionist’s shrill request to sign the visitor book and made his may straight to the storage room.
“Open it,” he ordered flatly to the guard who stood outside.
Instantly the young man fumbled for the key and unlocked the door. The key had barely left the lock before Bill was pushing inside and firmly shutting it behind him.
Rows and rows of labelled storage boxes lined the walls, all important documents and resources linking directly to Earth. Bill stopped at the wheeled large one marked, ‘Earth: miscellaneous relics, sector A1 - E23’ and dragged it towards the table.
Tirelessly the Admiral pulled every relic uncovered from Earth out and onto the table. Spreading them out so he could have a good look.
If he was going to be forced to travel this path, he wanted all the facts.
His eyes roamed over the various broken and warped pieces of decorated metal and stone looking for... something, anything, that would make sense of the world he found himself so brutally thrust into.
No matter how long he stood there, nothing made sense. It was all illegible colours, shapes, text and distorted images.
There was a slight tap on the door and slowly Lee Adama stuck his head into the room, “Everything alright dad?”
“Fine son.”
Lee glanced from the table to his father, “What are you doing?”
“It isn’t your concern.”
Lee almost looked like he wanted to protest - maybe say something about how he was President now and ultimately, everything was his concern - but instead he faltered and then turned away.
Outside the door Bill could hear muted talking, no doubt about what he was doing, but he blocked them out. He picked up a piece of metal that had a flash of red colour at the side, and something that looked like an arm. Without thought he instantly wondered if it was Laura.
He threw the piece onto the desk and rubbed his hand over his eyes.
The door opened against and this time Jack Cottle stepped in, the lingering scent of smoke thick in the air.
“You’re worrying a lot of people, you know?”
Bill leaned forward and rested his hands on the desk.
“I stopped by to see Laura, she sounded pretty concerned. Kara looked in a state as well. Then I get here for a meeting on improving recruitment in the medical sector to find your son going out of his mind with worry. And what’s the correlation? You. So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“This is none of your business,” Bill growled.
Jack raised his eyebrows and slumped down heavily in the corner chair, “It is actually.”
Bill grabbed a piece of stonework that had familiar carvings of a circle, a snake eating it’s own tail. He brushed his fingers over it, “Ouroboros, the never ending circle of life.”
“Or it’s just a snake,” Jack mumbled around his cigarette, lighting it before snapping the lighter shut and chucking it in his medical bag.
“Laura thinks it’s more than just a snake.”
“And there’s ya problem right? She’s giving you earache about it?”
Bill turned his head to glare in Jack’s direction.
Jack shrugged, “So what? You lived before or you didn’t. You will live again or you wont. Does it really matter? What’s important to you?”
Bill looked at him blankly and Jack grumbled, “That wasn’t rhetorical - what’s important to you?”
“Laura,” Bill said instantly and then quickly followed with, “my son, Kara, the family: the fleet.”
Jack nodded, “Far as I see it, that’s all safe, whatever you see or don’t see in that pile of crap,” he pointed to the table, “actually changes frak all.”
Bill frowned and looked back at the piece of metal he thought looked something like his wife.
“It doesn’t change how you feel, it doesn’t change what is real right now,” Jack added.
“I have unanswered questions,” Bill growled.
“Then ask - what is it you want to know?”
Bill flipped the table over, sending the contents crashing loudly to the floor, making the metal walls vibrate with shock.
“I want to know what the hell this means, have I lived before?”
“Yes,” Jack said simply.
Eye’s burning with anger and pain, Bill turned to his old friend, “What?”
“Have you lived before? Yes, but you know this already, you just can’t admit to it.”
Bill stared at the doctor, his face like granite, cold and still.
“You might as well know now,” Jack said casually. “Yes, you’ve lived before. If you can’t hear that from Kara, or your woman, then you can hear it from me. I should know, I was there the first time you had this temper tantrum, many lifetimes before this one. And, I’ll be here in the future when you do it all over again.”
“What the frak are you saying?” Bill growled.
“I’m what you lot are calling ‘the fifth’, when in reality, I’m actually the first. There’s irony for ya.”
“You’re telling me,” Bill bit out harshly, “you’re a cylon?”
“Yes, in a manner of speaking.”
Bill held the doctor’s gaze for a moment and then to Jack’s surprise he simply walked past him and out of the room.
The door clanged shut behind him.
***
Bill walked for miles. His mind barraged with, ifs, buts, when and hows. The dark soil, the scorched earth beneath his feet, crunched with each step and it seemed as if his thoughts stepped into time with the rhythmic thud of his feet hitting the ground.
He certainly hadn't seen this latest revelation coming. In his mental list of possibilities, Jack Cottle hadn't even featured. He himself had ranked pretty high, as had Laura, and more than part of him was relieved it wasn't either of them.
If it had have been Laura, it wouldn't change the way he felt about her. He loved her unconditionally and that would never change. If it had of been him, he probably would have laughed at the irony of it all. Fighting in two cylon wars to find out I’m one of them.
Bill stopped just short of the 'No Man's Land' border; he pulled his cap from his head and absently scratched his forehead before replacing it. He felt the same tugging feeling he had experienced before, it called to him. Stepping over the border he made his way across the baron wasteland until his gaze fell upon the weathered statues of himself and Laura. He stared up at them and ran his hand over the cold stone face of Laura.
Perhaps she was right; they couldn't just ignore this anymore. First the statues and now the book Kara had found. It wasn't possible for him to put it down to coincidence any longer, not that he could in the first place. He knew his reaction to everything was irrational and that he couldn't just make it go away, no matter how hard he tried.
Bill's thoughts then went back to Cottle's reveal. The more he mulled it over the more sense if actually made.
He had known Jack Cottle for years, as far back even as his days as a young viper pilot during the first cylon war. All the time Bill had served in the military, Jack just happened to be there.
So it wasn't a coincidence that the good doctor had been commissioned to the Galactica along side Bill just before the old bucket was due to be decommissioned and turned into a museum. He had a purpose; he was meant to be there.
This in turn led Bill to his next question. Had Jack known all along that the colonies would be attacked and that the remainder of the human race would spend years on the run in search of Earth?
His mind already swimming with un-answered questions, Bill began to think back over the events during their four years fighting the cylons on the way to Earth. He shuddered when his mind cast back to the day he was shot by Boomer. Not one but two bullets had ricocheted through his chest and when the odds should have been stacked against him, Jack Cottle defied them and bought him back to fight another day. Those bullets should have killed him, he should never have survived that really, but was he meant to?
During that time Laura was supposed to have been in the brig but instead Cottle was assisting her and his son in breaking out of their cell and heading down to Kobol. Two things entered his train of thought here. 1: Cottle must have known the significance of that planet as another road sign on the way to Earth and 2: That his relationship with Laura would take a turn in the direction of understanding, respect and friendship.
After the exodus off of New Caprica, Bill was informed of pretty much everything that had occurred on that planet in the absence of Galactica, when the cylons eventually found them and he had no choice but to jump the ship away. During the insurgence Jack had treated both Human and Cylon alike-he never took sides or favoured one over the other. In fact, even on Earth it was no different. During the short time he had been in hospital after Anders had attacked him, Bill noticed that Jack treated everyone the same, with no exceptions.
Then there was Laura’s cancer. Although the first time it had been the foetal blood of Hera Agathon that had saved her and the second time some form of miracle recovery, each time Jack had been there throughout, treating her. Did he know that she would beat the disease on both occasions and that she would live to see Earth?
Bill looked again to the statues and smiled wistfully. Was it possible that he and Laura were always meant to be together? Past, present and future? Did they always start out irritated by one another and slowly fall in love or was each time different but the end result the same?
He thought back to the camping trip they had taken not so long ago and the promise he had made to her then. Whatever this planet throws at them, they would face it- together.
Bill suddenly felt a pang of guilt for his reaction to the book earlier. As he stared at Laura’s beautiful face, carved into the stone, he cursed himself for storming out on her, for breaking his promise.
It's about time you faced things and stopped burying your head in the sand or running away old man.
Dusting himself off he turned his back on the statues and headed back towards the settlement with the same determination as he had had when leaving his wife staring after him a few hours ago.
His last thought as he stepped back over that invisible border to 'No man's Land' was Together.
***
He stopped outside the half built fence around their house and took a deep breath. He hoped she would still be there and that she would forgive him for taking off like he did.
Opening the front door he stepped inside and closed it quietly behind him. Shrugging his jacket off he laid it across a chair and looked around the living room. The book lay closed on the coffee table with her glasses folded and placed on top of them, but there was no sign of Laura.
“Bill. Is that you?” he heard her call from their bedroom.
He removed his boots and walked towards the bedroom, “Yeah, it's me.” He pushed open the door and craned his head around it.
She was laying on the bed her knees tucked up underneath her chest and the hands joined under her chin. “Where have you been?” she asked without moving to look at him.
“For a walk,” he answered as he entered the room and lowered himself onto the edge of the bed.
“Did it help?”
“I had time to think,” he began. “You are right Laura. No more running away from things.”
She pushed herself up into a sitting position and caught his eyes, “What changed?”
“Something Cottle said.”
“Cottle?”
“He is the fifth,” Bill blurted.
Laura looked confused. “The fifth?” she repeated.
“Yes. The final Cylon, the one they call the fifth.”
Laura stared blankly at him for a second and then slowly nodded, a wry smile flicking across her lips, “Of course, that actually makes a lot of sense.”
Bill chuckled lightly, “You’re taking this well.”
“Hmm,” she hummed, “I think I’m beyond the ability to shock now.”
She caught his hand in hers and tightly linked their fingers, “Jack Cottle has been a devoted and loyal friend to us, it shouldn’t change how we feel.”
Bill simply faced her with a grave expression, “Apparently the fifth isn’t like the others.”
“How to you mean?”
“He seems to know a lot about what happened here, he knows about the past, he claims we have lived before. He claims he knows what will happen in the future...”
Clearly it was a hard admission for the Admiral to make and Laura’s eyes widened, “He remembers…”
Bill looked down at the floor, “I don’t know what to do with this Laura, I’m a man of fact and logic….”
Laura made to interrupt but Bill held his hand up to pause her, “I am faced with fact here. Have we lived before? Probably.” He signed and the added, “Most certainly.”
Laura gaped at him and he forced a smiled and tugged her closer.
Wrapping her arms around him she kissed his neck, “It’s scary, I know. You know what I take comfort in?”
He looked at her, his eyes vulnerable.
“What ever happened before, whatever we were - we were together.”
He seemed to think about that for a moment before nodded resolutely and tilting his head until it rested against hers. “So what now?”
“Now we might finally have some answers to all those un-answered questions,” she replied simply before leaning in and kissing him.
***
Jack Cottle walked into his office in the morning, just as dawn was breaking over the camp. He shed his jacket and fumbled in the pocket of his lab coat for his never-ending supply of cigarettes - one vice he had always had; right from the beginning.
He walked into his office, using his medical bag as a ram to shove the door open with a bang. He paused in the doorway as he noticed his office chair facing the wall; slowly it turned around to reveal Laura Adama sitting comfortably with her arms causally laid out on the arm rests.
Jack knew that by now Adama would have told her about his secret and he waited with curiosity to see how she would react.
“Hello,” he said, placing the bag on the desk and taking a long drag of his cigarette.
“Hello Jack,” she replied levelly.
Her face was a professional mask, she gave nothing away. He had once played Caprican Squares with her - a game of intense strategy and tactical bluffing - and she had wiped the floor with him. When he confessed to Adama, the Old Man simply laughed and said she beat him all the time. Something somewhat alarming when one considered he was the Admiral of the fleet.
Then again - Laura Roslin managed to infiltrate those iron walls Adama had put up and snared his heart, bending his will totally to hers. That was a talent. One she successfully deployed every time. In every lifetime.
“I know,” she said finally.
“I know you know,” Jack smirked, stabbing his cigarette out in a kidney dish just in front of her.
Her lips quirked into a slight grin, “I know you know I know.”
There was a moment of silence before they both chuckled. Jack perched on the edge of the desk and smiled at her, “So what are you thinking young lady?”
“Hmmmm,” she looked skyward as if in thought. “It makes sense, lots of little things you said and did fall into place. I’m surprised I didn’t realise.”
“Me too, I gave you that many hints.”
“You did, didn’t you?” she studied him curiously, “why is that?”
“It was approaching the time you needed to know.”
“How do I normally react to this revelation?” Her question was loaded with intent. She was talking about past lives, about the repetition of time. If he answered her question he would be confirming to her what she suspected: that this wasn’t the only life she had led.
“You normally react well,” he confessed and ignored her gasp at that final revelation. “It depends on when exactly you find out in the timeline. If you find out too early you get upset and angry,” he smirked at that comment, “but that rarely happens. Usually you find out around this time and take it well.”
She let out a deep breath, a mixture of a sigh and a huff, “This is a little too big for me to cope with.”
Jack shrugged, “No, you’ll pull it together.” He then smiled wryly, “Then you’ll bombard me with a million questions.”
Laura furrowed her brow at that line and leant forward, her elbows resting on her knees, “How many times have we done this?”
“I lost count.”
Tears seemed to prick at her eyes and yet she wasn’t sure why she wanted to cry - just that she was unable to stop it.
Running a trembling hand through her short hair she finally whispered, “Why are we here? What’s the point to all this?”
What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Why am I important? Why has time repeated itself? Why is this happening?
Jack stood up and dragged a chair over to where she was and sat opposite her. “You aren’t the first person to ask me that,” he confessed. “I didn’t tell her, it wasn’t her place to know.”
Laura looked up as a tear slid woefully down her cheek to splash on the shiny surface of the desk.
“But,” he added, “I’ll tell you.”
She forced a smile, “I’m that special?”
He took her hand and said sincerely, “Oh yes Laura, you are.”
She smiled sadly, “Because I’m the dying leader?”
His gaze softened, “Actually, you aren’t.”
***
We wanted to thank you all again for taking the time to leave us comments. This fic became a lot bigger and more complicated and time consuming than we thought. So feedback always means a great deal. There are only a couple more chapters to go and we hope you are still with us.If that anytime this isn't working or you think it should just end, let us know. No-one wants a flog a dead horse and clatter flists.