(no subject)
Title: A Man With Any Other Body
Pairing: Ray/Mikey
Rating: pg
Wordcount: 1391
Summary: Four times Ray found himself turned into a woman, and one time he wished Mikey could do the same.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.
Ray’s processes seem to come back to him slowly. Annoying, but really he’s brought it upon himself. It’s been so long since he last uploaded his consciousness to a new body. If it did it every three months, the way you’re supposed to, his upload speed would be a lot faster. As it is he has to incorporate several new updates.
Consciousness comes first, his self-concept and what it means to be alive. Next are swathes of memories. Each packet is overwhelming as it bursts into him, nearly all of it receding immediately. No one remembers everything all the time, it just needs to be processed before it can be lost in his head. Senses are next. Gross and fine motor will be last.
The first sense to come back is always a crapshoot. It depends on what body model a person uploads to, and what updates have been made to the system. This time it’s his ears, and that means he can hear Mikey inform him, “Ray, you’re not quite yourself. Nothing to be scared about, just a small glitch.”
Ray’s not uploaded enough for his emotion track to be fully online, but even an old fashioned computer of a century ago would know glitches are bad. Two hundred years ago pre-uploads were so scared of computer glitches they thought the world would end if the systems couldn’t roll over from 99 to 00. If he could be scared, he would be.
“Do you want to know now, or wait until you’re finished? If we wait you might figure it out yourself, but you don’t have enough uploaded to really feel what you’re being told.”
Ray thinks tellmetellmetellme as hard as he can, and by some miracle he’s uploaded enough that the words come out. “Tell me.”
“The wrong android was ordered.”
“What?” His eyes aren’t switched on yet, so even if Mikey held a mirror in front of him he couldn’t see himself. “What do I look like?”
“You have a female form.”
Well, the next twenty years are going to be an interesting time.
*
Really, Ray should have been expecting this. You have to expect anything and everything when you go to Ward’s School for Magical Intelligence. It’s a private school with a different set of rules. It’s an honour to be invited. Teenagers don’t refuse the offer, and they certainly don’t quibble about ideals of personal space. One of the very first things Ray did upon enrollment was sign a waiver saying he couldn’t sue for any spell done to his person. The only exception to that rule is wrongful death, and that only applies to others killing you. If you cast your own spell that goes very wrong, too bad for your parents.
The thing is, Ray’s been lulled into complacency. He’s only had one or two spells cast on him without his permission, and they’ve been petty things. A stammering hex, a spell that straightened his curls. Nothing life changing. So walking out of Sociology with his clothes ill fitting because they were talking about gender roles and the teacher decided to switch everyone’s bodies Ray feels shellshocked. Stunned and really fucking awkward.
Sociology is the last period before lunch, so Mikey is waiting for him, leaning against his locker. Ray forces himself to keep walking forward. This can’t be any worse than the time he accidentally turned his arms into tentacles for thirty six hours. Yes he got ripped on, but Mikey also made it work in very creative ways.
“Hey. So you look distinctly femme, in case you didn’t know.”
Ray sighs. “Not my doing. Cooper was proving a point.”
“A point that involves you having one hundred percent less testicles?”
“Well I haven’t actually jammed my hand down in pants in the last two minutes. But yeah, I’m assuming.”
Mikey smiles and leans in for a kiss. Ray accommodates him, thoroughly unsurprised by the gesture. “That’s cool,” he says against Ray’s lips. “I’ve always wanted to experiment with girls.”
*
Ray is used to waking up in an altered body. It’s how shapeshifting works. If you don’t use it during the day your subconscious runs it ragged during the night. He’s woken up with different coloured skin, hooves, extra hands. There’s no telling what could happen.
Mikey takes it all in stride. He’s not a shapeshifter, but he understands. Ray’s always been honest about what he is. Not to everyone, of course. There’s no reason for anyone at work to know, or people in his favourite bar. But Frank knows, James and Mike and of course the Ways. Ray can’t imagine a world where he wouldn’t share with his friends.
Mikey knows, and Ray doesn’t have any self-esteem issues about his ability, so most mornings are fine. Today is different. The problem is Mikey married a man, and Ray woke up this morning with breasts and a vagina.
There’s no way he’ll be able to shift them away before Mikey wakes up. Getting back to baseline takes almost an hour. It’s the sole reason Ray gets up this early before work. Coming in one day with one arm might get questions. Not as many as having two again the next day though. These too, will be gone before Ray’s in his car in his suit. It’s just awkward, and he hopes Mikey doesn’t freak out.
*
The Zones have a lot of weird shit Jet Star hasn’t seen before. It feels like every day he’s learning something new. Some of it comes in handy, like the Vend-A-Hacks. Some of it could come in handy if it wasn’t for a specific flaw. The rebreathers filter air for safer breathing, but they also weigh about a thousand pounds. And some things are just completely inexplicable.
Two minutes ago Kobra Kid picked up what looked like a blaster on their gas run. It was slightly modified, but the same could be said about each of the Killjoys’ weapons. It was close enough for Kobra Kid to pick up and claim it as a back-up.
One minute ago Kobra Kid test fired it. He aimed it at a rock formation over Jet Star’s shoulder, and pulled the trigger.
Now Kobra is apologising profusely. Jet isn’t really listening, too busy trying to figure out why he has breasts. He doesn’t need to know how the-obviously-not-a-blaster worked. He’s not an engineer or an inventor; half the machines in the zones are incomprehensible to him. He’s a bit more interested in what good it does. If a Drac is chasing you, it’ll get you whether you turn it female or not.
“Wait-” Kobra Kid interrupts himself. “Are you the first woman in the zones?”
Jet Star shakes his head. “There’s no way I would be. Except I’m not even. I identify male, my body’s just messed up right now. So you need to fix it. You pulled the trigger once and it changed me. Pull it again and it’ll change me back.”
Kobra Kid aims directly at him this time before shooting the machine. He pulls back to rest the butt of the not-a-blaster against his thigh. “I think your boobs are bigger now.”
Jet Star looks down. He’s right. “If you pull it a third time I will fucking kill you.” The last thing he needs is breasts the size of watermelons when he’s running from a SCARECROW operative.
*
Ray is straight. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, he just isn’t. His band is full of guys that kiss guys, and all the power to them. He hopes they enjoy the shit out of it. He just won’t be joining in.
The issue that Ray has is that he thinks sometimes that he’d kiss Mikey, if the world was different. If he was a little gayer, or if Mikey was a woman. Mikey would make a good woman. Sometimes it drives him insane how good of a woman Mikey would be. Ray’s mind will flash to it when he can’t sleep, and of course all the thoughts keep him awake the rest of the night.
Mikey’s just so goddamn pretty. Add that to being funny, and nice, and an animal person, and always having great recommendations for just about any media Ray can imagine? Yeah. He’d be a perfect girlfriend. Too bad Mikey isn’t a girl.