enough already!
Joel needs to just stop it. When we broke up, I was the drunken fool that couldn't stop going up to him at the bar crying and professing my love for him. And he was like a rock. Strong, unyielding. When we had our one and only sober conversation after the breakup, I told him that I respected the fact that he didn't take me back. So last night I was at the Molly talking to my friend when I noticed that Joel was about 3 feet away. And the entire time I was talking to my friend I could see Joel looking at me out of the corner of my eye. He came up to me and started talking, and I told him we should go somewhere else and talk, so we went to one of the tables. He continued with the usual, "I miss you, blah blah blah" So finally I said, "Joel, you can't keep doing this to me. It's not fair to me at all. Not that I deserve any special treatment from you, but you can't keep telling me you miss me, take me home, and then tell me it was a mistake in the morning. Especially when you start talking about getting back together. You're giving me false hope and then I end up crushed every time." He said he didn't remember the "getting back together" conversation, but started up with it again. And yes, he was wasted. Then he started saying that even if he did want to take me back he couldn't because I had told him that I couldn't respect him if he did. I told him that it was different, then and now. At the time it would have been like "you cheated on me but that's okay, I'll allow it". Now it's more like, "you cheated on me in the past, but I know that people grow and change and I'm willing to give you a second chance." Does that make sense? I think it does....Anywho, he repeatedly said "I can't take you back because you won't respect me" to the point where I was starting to get annoyed. He told me that he had already given me second chances because he knew I was cheating on him. He asked me what Brian had that he didn't. He told me that he thought everything had been perfect with us and he didn't understand. Then he told me how he was dreading going home for Thanksgiving because he was going to have to go alone this year (I went with him last year) and he was going to be humiliated. I felt pretty bad at that, because I had such a good time with him and his family. He kept saying how he wanted to take me home but I told him that I couldn't have sex with him because it's not fair to me (I didn't want to tell him I had a boyfriend because I knew it would lead to a conversation somewhat like "so you had no problem cheating on me but you refuse to cheat on some guy you've only known a week?" ------you can see where that would go) I think at one point he asked me something like "Why do you always want to go home with me?" And I just answered bluntly, "Because I love you." Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh so anyway, we walked back to my house and slept in my bed (I don't really know why). He kept trying to touch me but I wouldn't let him. I just don't understand. How did the tables turn from me being the drunk pathetic one and him wanting to have nothing to do with me, to him constantly coming up to me at the bar all teary eyed? I don't know. And now Alex all of a sudden wants to hang out, and I'm getting pretty sick of his shit too. Mr. "I like you when we're having sex but otherwise you don't exist to me, unless you're hooking me and my friends up at the bar with free beer." So over it. And I don't have to worry about it anymore. Harlan and I are going to my dad's birthday party tonight when I get off work. I'm excited. Harlan is such a great guy. I hope my dad likes him. Then again, he'll be so drunk when we get there that he'd probably like anyone I brought. Either that, or he'll threaten Harlan with a shotgun like he did my prom date. Guess we'll see :)