The thought of not exisiting
I have to say my fear of "not exisitng" has subsided the past few days. For a long time now, the thought of not exisiting has really freaked me out. I believe in Jesus and God and Heaven........that's not the point. If you stop, hold perfectly still and think about not exisiting anymore, no heart beat, no breath, no anything.........it's a freaky thought. I don't know why I've been like that lately, but I think it has something to do with trying to get me on the ball with something. Like its a sign that I should be out there living a little more in some way. But the past week, I really haven't thought about it so much. Weird. Has anyone else sorta felt like that? I mean it seems anytime I bring that up to someone they don't get what I'm saying. I don't know.
I went back to my original college church today. It was phenomenal. We has a guest speaker from Russia....he went through all of the persecutions of communist Russia and was simply amazing to hear speak...his accent and word choice was funny too. I think that was my first time going to church solo though. Kinda weird, but it felt great. I also put out a prayer request for all of the soliders, their families and especially any girlfriends/fiancees/wives going through rough patches. Pastor also announced that the church would be sending $500 to each apartment that burnt down Friday to help get them in hotels, food, clothes, and whatever they can to get by for a little bit. I thought that was incredible. My church is in a little bit different part of town and I don't think any families really live there cause it's very collegey...I was proud to be somewhat associated with that church...even though I never officially joined (like the whole process and papers) but went and gave tithings.
I felt really cute starting out the day, and by 13:00 felt ugly and fat. Isn't it funny how we go through these feelings? I need to stop stressing out about not being pretty enough. I know that I'm stressed out, and very sad at points, but I feel like I'm wearing it all on my sleeve and it's making me very un-pretty. I don't know why I'm so concerned about it....I mean Bobby isn't even here to judge me! haha. But I really do want to loose some weight and stuff before he comes back. I want him to be like, "WoW! That's my girlfriend!"
I got a Specialized bicycle today. I am planning on biking to work in the morning...at 5am! yuk. But hey, I get to play hockey tommorrow night! That's great. I love hockey and it's kinda like I can do it for Bobby since that is his love.
My roomates saw my breakdown on the phone with my mother and two of them have been SUPER NICE and considerate. I don't know what to think about that. I shut my door and they haven't talked to me about it so..........idk
Alright well I'm headed off to sleep. God Bless.
I went back to my original college church today. It was phenomenal. We has a guest speaker from Russia....he went through all of the persecutions of communist Russia and was simply amazing to hear speak...his accent and word choice was funny too. I think that was my first time going to church solo though. Kinda weird, but it felt great. I also put out a prayer request for all of the soliders, their families and especially any girlfriends/fiancees/wives going through rough patches. Pastor also announced that the church would be sending $500 to each apartment that burnt down Friday to help get them in hotels, food, clothes, and whatever they can to get by for a little bit. I thought that was incredible. My church is in a little bit different part of town and I don't think any families really live there cause it's very collegey...I was proud to be somewhat associated with that church...even though I never officially joined (like the whole process and papers) but went and gave tithings.
I felt really cute starting out the day, and by 13:00 felt ugly and fat. Isn't it funny how we go through these feelings? I need to stop stressing out about not being pretty enough. I know that I'm stressed out, and very sad at points, but I feel like I'm wearing it all on my sleeve and it's making me very un-pretty. I don't know why I'm so concerned about it....I mean Bobby isn't even here to judge me! haha. But I really do want to loose some weight and stuff before he comes back. I want him to be like, "WoW! That's my girlfriend!"
I got a Specialized bicycle today. I am planning on biking to work in the morning...at 5am! yuk. But hey, I get to play hockey tommorrow night! That's great. I love hockey and it's kinda like I can do it for Bobby since that is his love.
My roomates saw my breakdown on the phone with my mother and two of them have been SUPER NICE and considerate. I don't know what to think about that. I shut my door and they haven't talked to me about it so..........idk
Alright well I'm headed off to sleep. God Bless.