sos
I can't believe it is august 27th already. Where did this summer go? Mostly working, I guess. I have to admit this is my favorite time of year, though. Right inbetween summer and fall when it is still sunny and beautiful but it starts to cool off. So... I haven't written in a while, maybe I haven't had much to say. But it's sad that I come back now becuase I have so much on my mind. I'm inching closer to being very depressed. The stress from my new job is weighing on me so heavily. It seems like I can never do enough. Working 40 hours a week can really bring you down when it's not what you are used to. I'm struggling with time management, how can I possibly do everything I'd like when I only have 2 days off a week? How can I possibly afford anything if I don't work 5 days a week? It's not just work, time, and money. Lately I feel like some of my friends have become unreliable. I'm not saying that to hurt any feelings, It just needs to be said. No one likes waiting around or being stood up, am I right? It makes you feel like shit and I think people should be a little more considerate of others' feelings when they act. I thought maybe I had gotten down to the few friends who I could count on and now it feels maybe thats not true. I could be overreacting, being depressed has made everything 10 times harder to take. I've been sick and miserable. I don't feel good about myself anymore. I guess I'm a good person but I don't like the way I look, or dress, I've kind of given up on any hope of a boyfriend, which is another issue. It is so hard when everyone you know is in a long term relationship, married, or engaged. I can't even have a good time with my friends without being constantly reminded that becuase of some invisible fault I am still alone. It just becomes this endless circle. I don't have time to go out and meet anyone new, I am drinking too much, it's just a disaster. So, I have decided to go back to counseling, hopefully starting first thing tomorrow. I am going to wake up early and see if I can make an appointment before I have to work. I was supposed to do it on Wednesday, but I guess being depressed can make you procrastinate. I think I just wished it would go away on its own, but it's not going anywhere yet. Sorry if I dampered the mood, just needed to get this off my chest. Supportive comments only please, thanx.