Robin/Secret is so underappreciated
This is something old that I found on a disc, probably two or more years old, back when the series was still running and there was *no* Secret fic. Technically there still isn't considering what's found is either the same as mine or...disturbing. So I figured I should clear up some space and wonder if I write better or worse from that time period.
Title: A Firm Grasp
Fandom: Young Justice
Warnings: Set in nebulous 30's of YJ, continuity errors from there on in. Robin's a tad OOC for Peter David's portrayal, probably because I wrote him based on early nineties interpretation more. Totally without plot because I just wanted Secret to get some kind of comfort. Because I ♥ Secret.
Word Count: 2,067
Robin silently careened through the night air of Gotham City. This was one of the patrol routes that he usually kept, but this wasn't a day for him to go out searching for the darkness that lurked in the corners, preying on the citizens of the city. Instead, it was to keep himself from the darkness growing in his mind.
He alighted on a rooftop, feeling the familiar cold beneath his boots. It was strange how fate worked. He was still trying so hard to follow in his mentor's footsteps in becoming an apprentice worthy of the mantle, and at the same time trying to guide the other members of Young Justice as a leader. It was a taxing life, leaving him little time for fun or friendships. All he could ask for was trust from them and hope respect would follow. He could never hope for friendship. He was the leader or he was the follower. In neither position was he the equal.
Robin leaned over the ledge, wondering if he was starting to look more like Batman in his moments of brooding, because he was sure feeling more like the grim crimefighter. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to keep his distance from his teammates? Batman was always telling him it was for his sake and for the team. They needed a leader who wasn't human, he had to appear as flawless as possible to inspire and unite them. But Robin never had the charisma that Batman did, and he was so tired of being lonely.
Superboy and Wonder Girl got to flirt, they got to be the ones that could sneak kisses in the small moments of quiet before danger. Impulse could joke and play pranks like the child he was. Even Arrowette-no, it was just Cissie now-was more at ease on the team than he could afford to be, despite her family life and the turmoil she had to overcome. Empress had her father, even if the rest of the team was slow to warm up to her. And she was accepted immediately by Slobo, even if that person wasn't her first choice of a friend. And Slobo? He didn't care about anything as long as he could frag somebody in the intervals he needed for a violent fix.
Robin sighed, it seemed he was destined to live his life out as a solitary knight. Maybe Batman could hack it, but he couldn't. He was too human, too dependant for others, for contact, for love. And the main difference is that he wanted it. He could fool himself for as long as he wanted about that need, but it was always there and he didn't study under the tutelage of the world's greatest detective to ignore such a nagging question in his head.
A strained gasp came out as Robin tried to suppress the growing need to scream that he felt. It wasn't fair. The mask's glue was thankfully waterproof, or else it would have slipped off with the tears that threatened to let out. Each one reminding him of a human flaw. It wasn't fair.
"It's not fair," he seethed quietly.
"Robin?"
Robin nearly fell of the edge as he sprung away, tensing into a battle stance. How could he have been so stupid! Letting his guard down in a place like this wasn't just foolish, it could very well get him killed.
"What's wrong?"
The panic subsided and Robin relaxed. He recognized the voice. It belonged to the last member of Young Justice, and he inwardly winced for forgetting her in his wallow of self-pity. It was the girl known only as Secret, and she was the one who he should be concerned about. He at least had a father, estranged though they were, as well as the luxury Bruce could afford for him as a ward, along with the care that came with it. Oracle was just a mic tap away, and Nightwing had grown to be the admirable older brother in his life. He had people who loved him, who would miss him. Secret had nothing.
The girl's wispy form floated beside him, and Robin noticed for the first time that her eyes were blue. She was very shy, so he really couldn't blame himself that he forgot her in the midst of the rest of Young Justice's happiness. But she was always alone, and Young Justice seemed to be her only home. No close friendships, nobody who knew more than how well she fought. And yet they were her family.
"I didn't mean to startle you," she whispered in that demure tone she always used.
Robin winced again at mention of his mistake. "Not a problem."
Secret brushed a stray lock of her dirty blonde hair away with her hand. It seemed a bit useless as her hair faded into mist with the wind blowing so hard. Robin almost off-handily offered her his cloak but it probably wouldn't do much good for her anyway. Could she even hold a solid form? he wondered not for the first time.
Silence fell between them, then...
"What are you doing here?" Simultaneously.
Robin turned away, "This is my patrol. What are you doing here?"
"You don't patrol this route tonight," Secret said back, then covered her mouth with both hands.
Robin raised an eyebrow, rather pointless with the mask on but it was still there. "You know my routes?"
"Not really, I just see you sometimes and..." Secret let her head droop, "Yes."
So much for the skilled detective title, Robin thought.
"Why?"
"Um," Secret fidgeted, "So in case you needed help, I could...I just wanted to be useful." She looked away, and the grey coat she always wore seemed to shift in agitation.
Robin suspected it wasn't merely that, but he let her half-truth alone. "Truth is I just wanted to get away for a while. Stop being myself and just think."
"How can you stop being yourself?"
"Denial," Robin retorted grimly, only to find Secret's confused expression was still there. "I just wanted to get my mind off the things that usually bother me. You know, shirk responsibility every once in a while."
"Oh."
"What do you do in your spare time?" Robin asked.
Secret looked at him as if she couldn't comprehend the words. "I don't understand."
"When you're not with us, what do you like to do?"
"I...don't." Secret curled up into a ball, looking very strange as a girl suspended in the sky and holding onto herself for fear of falling. "Sometimes I watch people."
Robin smiled, "I do too."
Secret, who looked for all the world like she was a loathsome being for doing so, brightened suddenly. "You do? I mean, you're not just saying that?"
"No, it's...relaxing sometimes. You can really learn from humanity this way."
Secret pondered this for a moment. "Does that mean the more you watch, the better you are at acting...at being human?"
"Well, in a way it makes you learn certain nuances," Robin thought of all the work Batman forced him through in his undercover missions. Voice inflections, movements to throw people’s perceptions off, eye contact were ways of measuring the threats. Batman never taught him how to deal with awkward silences when there wasn’t a gun trained on him. "And you are more aware of your own little gestures and traits after it."
"Is it fun?"
"Is what fun?"
Secret floated down to him, close enough that he could feel her mist creep across his boots. "...Being human. Is it fun? I...I think I'm beginning to forget."
"Human?" Robin's eyes went wide. He was one of the least likely people to be asked what it's like to be human. Superboy was an alien’s clone and he had a better idea of the concept than he did. "Human is just-it's the little things. Like waking up, walking to somewhere you have to be, talking to friends, being touched."
Secret looked crestfallen at the last one. "Oh."
Why was it that he was trained say exactly the right thing to get information out of someone, but when it came to consoling people Robin could never get it right.
"Secret...I'm sorry. I didn't think..."
"How couldn't you think?" Secret whispered. "It's so obvious I'm not one of you. You only let me join because you pitied me. I was never really part of the team...never...never like you."
Robin drew himself up, trying to look imposing and human at the same time. "That's not true. We all risked our lives to save you when A.P.E.S. captured you, and we'd do so again. You are part of us."
Secret drew in a ragged breath. "What about you?"
"What?"
Secret moved closer to him. "You said you'd always be there for me. If I was scared, you'd be there."
"I meant what I said."
"Okay," Secret sighed, "I'm scared now, Robin. I'm scared that every day that goes by I become more..." She looked down at the white jumpsuit and the grey jacket, "me."
"What do you want me to do?" Robin asked.
"Let me be...human with you." She gulped and quickly added, "Just pretending. Just for a little bit."
Robin tensed, but this time for a different reason. Right then, she looked so vulnerable and innocent, it made him remember why he had given up so much of his own humanity, just looking at her. He became Robin because he wanted to help those like her. Those more human than he could be but they needed the chance. They needed the steady hand to lift them up and brace them.
Secret wafted closer and put a hand on his face. No, she couldn't be touched like a person. And yet he found himself leaning in and noting happily that she was warm. For some reason he found tears slipping from behind his green mask as he felt himself enveloped in her loneliness the same way the mist had covered him.
Robin wondered if this was the right thing to do, if maybe it was just his human need manifesting itself right now. She was a child, and he was too but she was so much more naïve in the ways of the world. But she was also human, wasn't she? And Secret was warm. He could feel the warmth beneath his skin.
"I wanted to touch you for a long time," Secret murmured shyly, her blue eyes downcast and ashamed. "But I was scared."
His heart beat a little faster in its chest. How strange that Secret was the most scared of the two and yet she was the one holding on to him, wanting to be closer, letting her need show when he was too much of a coward to do the same. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping her in his arms. He wanted to reassure her that it didn't matter at all, that he was there for her. But he didn't know if that was true or not.
Secret looked up, and he wondered if she saw merely the mask and title of Robin, or perhaps she saw beneath that to what lay below. The human, flawed, scared little boy named Tim Drake. Did she cling to him because she saw him as stronger, or did she see the same pain in him she felt so constantly?
"Can I stay this way a little longer?" Secret pleaded. "I know it's not real, but if I can just pretend..."
"Yes, Secret," Robin whispered. Maybe with a little want of his own.
Secret pulled her arms close to rest on his collar and leaned into his arms. She wasn't real or solid, more like the phantom touch of a dream, but maybe this was a dream to her. Maybe this is what ghosts dream when they fall asleep. He couldn't feel the pressure, but he knew she had put her head to lie beside his chest, where the 'R' of Robin was emblazoned on. He knew he couldn't escape being Robin anymore than she could stop being Secret. Maybe it was even harder, because he made the choice. For those like her.
"Robin?" Secret whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Is this what it's like to be human?"
Robin thought about it. The pain. The loneliness. The anguish. And the simple warmth of touch. He pulled his cape around her and let her lie against him in the darkness.
"Yeah, this is exactly what's like to be human."
Title: A Firm Grasp
Fandom: Young Justice
Warnings: Set in nebulous 30's of YJ, continuity errors from there on in. Robin's a tad OOC for Peter David's portrayal, probably because I wrote him based on early nineties interpretation more. Totally without plot because I just wanted Secret to get some kind of comfort. Because I ♥ Secret.
Word Count: 2,067
Robin silently careened through the night air of Gotham City. This was one of the patrol routes that he usually kept, but this wasn't a day for him to go out searching for the darkness that lurked in the corners, preying on the citizens of the city. Instead, it was to keep himself from the darkness growing in his mind.
He alighted on a rooftop, feeling the familiar cold beneath his boots. It was strange how fate worked. He was still trying so hard to follow in his mentor's footsteps in becoming an apprentice worthy of the mantle, and at the same time trying to guide the other members of Young Justice as a leader. It was a taxing life, leaving him little time for fun or friendships. All he could ask for was trust from them and hope respect would follow. He could never hope for friendship. He was the leader or he was the follower. In neither position was he the equal.
Robin leaned over the ledge, wondering if he was starting to look more like Batman in his moments of brooding, because he was sure feeling more like the grim crimefighter. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to keep his distance from his teammates? Batman was always telling him it was for his sake and for the team. They needed a leader who wasn't human, he had to appear as flawless as possible to inspire and unite them. But Robin never had the charisma that Batman did, and he was so tired of being lonely.
Superboy and Wonder Girl got to flirt, they got to be the ones that could sneak kisses in the small moments of quiet before danger. Impulse could joke and play pranks like the child he was. Even Arrowette-no, it was just Cissie now-was more at ease on the team than he could afford to be, despite her family life and the turmoil she had to overcome. Empress had her father, even if the rest of the team was slow to warm up to her. And she was accepted immediately by Slobo, even if that person wasn't her first choice of a friend. And Slobo? He didn't care about anything as long as he could frag somebody in the intervals he needed for a violent fix.
Robin sighed, it seemed he was destined to live his life out as a solitary knight. Maybe Batman could hack it, but he couldn't. He was too human, too dependant for others, for contact, for love. And the main difference is that he wanted it. He could fool himself for as long as he wanted about that need, but it was always there and he didn't study under the tutelage of the world's greatest detective to ignore such a nagging question in his head.
A strained gasp came out as Robin tried to suppress the growing need to scream that he felt. It wasn't fair. The mask's glue was thankfully waterproof, or else it would have slipped off with the tears that threatened to let out. Each one reminding him of a human flaw. It wasn't fair.
"It's not fair," he seethed quietly.
"Robin?"
Robin nearly fell of the edge as he sprung away, tensing into a battle stance. How could he have been so stupid! Letting his guard down in a place like this wasn't just foolish, it could very well get him killed.
"What's wrong?"
The panic subsided and Robin relaxed. He recognized the voice. It belonged to the last member of Young Justice, and he inwardly winced for forgetting her in his wallow of self-pity. It was the girl known only as Secret, and she was the one who he should be concerned about. He at least had a father, estranged though they were, as well as the luxury Bruce could afford for him as a ward, along with the care that came with it. Oracle was just a mic tap away, and Nightwing had grown to be the admirable older brother in his life. He had people who loved him, who would miss him. Secret had nothing.
The girl's wispy form floated beside him, and Robin noticed for the first time that her eyes were blue. She was very shy, so he really couldn't blame himself that he forgot her in the midst of the rest of Young Justice's happiness. But she was always alone, and Young Justice seemed to be her only home. No close friendships, nobody who knew more than how well she fought. And yet they were her family.
"I didn't mean to startle you," she whispered in that demure tone she always used.
Robin winced again at mention of his mistake. "Not a problem."
Secret brushed a stray lock of her dirty blonde hair away with her hand. It seemed a bit useless as her hair faded into mist with the wind blowing so hard. Robin almost off-handily offered her his cloak but it probably wouldn't do much good for her anyway. Could she even hold a solid form? he wondered not for the first time.
Silence fell between them, then...
"What are you doing here?" Simultaneously.
Robin turned away, "This is my patrol. What are you doing here?"
"You don't patrol this route tonight," Secret said back, then covered her mouth with both hands.
Robin raised an eyebrow, rather pointless with the mask on but it was still there. "You know my routes?"
"Not really, I just see you sometimes and..." Secret let her head droop, "Yes."
So much for the skilled detective title, Robin thought.
"Why?"
"Um," Secret fidgeted, "So in case you needed help, I could...I just wanted to be useful." She looked away, and the grey coat she always wore seemed to shift in agitation.
Robin suspected it wasn't merely that, but he let her half-truth alone. "Truth is I just wanted to get away for a while. Stop being myself and just think."
"How can you stop being yourself?"
"Denial," Robin retorted grimly, only to find Secret's confused expression was still there. "I just wanted to get my mind off the things that usually bother me. You know, shirk responsibility every once in a while."
"Oh."
"What do you do in your spare time?" Robin asked.
Secret looked at him as if she couldn't comprehend the words. "I don't understand."
"When you're not with us, what do you like to do?"
"I...don't." Secret curled up into a ball, looking very strange as a girl suspended in the sky and holding onto herself for fear of falling. "Sometimes I watch people."
Robin smiled, "I do too."
Secret, who looked for all the world like she was a loathsome being for doing so, brightened suddenly. "You do? I mean, you're not just saying that?"
"No, it's...relaxing sometimes. You can really learn from humanity this way."
Secret pondered this for a moment. "Does that mean the more you watch, the better you are at acting...at being human?"
"Well, in a way it makes you learn certain nuances," Robin thought of all the work Batman forced him through in his undercover missions. Voice inflections, movements to throw people’s perceptions off, eye contact were ways of measuring the threats. Batman never taught him how to deal with awkward silences when there wasn’t a gun trained on him. "And you are more aware of your own little gestures and traits after it."
"Is it fun?"
"Is what fun?"
Secret floated down to him, close enough that he could feel her mist creep across his boots. "...Being human. Is it fun? I...I think I'm beginning to forget."
"Human?" Robin's eyes went wide. He was one of the least likely people to be asked what it's like to be human. Superboy was an alien’s clone and he had a better idea of the concept than he did. "Human is just-it's the little things. Like waking up, walking to somewhere you have to be, talking to friends, being touched."
Secret looked crestfallen at the last one. "Oh."
Why was it that he was trained say exactly the right thing to get information out of someone, but when it came to consoling people Robin could never get it right.
"Secret...I'm sorry. I didn't think..."
"How couldn't you think?" Secret whispered. "It's so obvious I'm not one of you. You only let me join because you pitied me. I was never really part of the team...never...never like you."
Robin drew himself up, trying to look imposing and human at the same time. "That's not true. We all risked our lives to save you when A.P.E.S. captured you, and we'd do so again. You are part of us."
Secret drew in a ragged breath. "What about you?"
"What?"
Secret moved closer to him. "You said you'd always be there for me. If I was scared, you'd be there."
"I meant what I said."
"Okay," Secret sighed, "I'm scared now, Robin. I'm scared that every day that goes by I become more..." She looked down at the white jumpsuit and the grey jacket, "me."
"What do you want me to do?" Robin asked.
"Let me be...human with you." She gulped and quickly added, "Just pretending. Just for a little bit."
Robin tensed, but this time for a different reason. Right then, she looked so vulnerable and innocent, it made him remember why he had given up so much of his own humanity, just looking at her. He became Robin because he wanted to help those like her. Those more human than he could be but they needed the chance. They needed the steady hand to lift them up and brace them.
Secret wafted closer and put a hand on his face. No, she couldn't be touched like a person. And yet he found himself leaning in and noting happily that she was warm. For some reason he found tears slipping from behind his green mask as he felt himself enveloped in her loneliness the same way the mist had covered him.
Robin wondered if this was the right thing to do, if maybe it was just his human need manifesting itself right now. She was a child, and he was too but she was so much more naïve in the ways of the world. But she was also human, wasn't she? And Secret was warm. He could feel the warmth beneath his skin.
"I wanted to touch you for a long time," Secret murmured shyly, her blue eyes downcast and ashamed. "But I was scared."
His heart beat a little faster in its chest. How strange that Secret was the most scared of the two and yet she was the one holding on to him, wanting to be closer, letting her need show when he was too much of a coward to do the same. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping her in his arms. He wanted to reassure her that it didn't matter at all, that he was there for her. But he didn't know if that was true or not.
Secret looked up, and he wondered if she saw merely the mask and title of Robin, or perhaps she saw beneath that to what lay below. The human, flawed, scared little boy named Tim Drake. Did she cling to him because she saw him as stronger, or did she see the same pain in him she felt so constantly?
"Can I stay this way a little longer?" Secret pleaded. "I know it's not real, but if I can just pretend..."
"Yes, Secret," Robin whispered. Maybe with a little want of his own.
Secret pulled her arms close to rest on his collar and leaned into his arms. She wasn't real or solid, more like the phantom touch of a dream, but maybe this was a dream to her. Maybe this is what ghosts dream when they fall asleep. He couldn't feel the pressure, but he knew she had put her head to lie beside his chest, where the 'R' of Robin was emblazoned on. He knew he couldn't escape being Robin anymore than she could stop being Secret. Maybe it was even harder, because he made the choice. For those like her.
"Robin?" Secret whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Is this what it's like to be human?"
Robin thought about it. The pain. The loneliness. The anguish. And the simple warmth of touch. He pulled his cape around her and let her lie against him in the darkness.
"Yeah, this is exactly what's like to be human."