Dec 30, 2005 13:13
I couldn't sleep last night. I tried and tried. I ended up pacing around the darkness in my house, up and down stairwells, trying to shut down my brain. Somehow, I got the idea to go online and check out chat rooms to see who I could mess with. I don't know about you, but when Instant Messenger and the internet started getting really popular, I had just started high school. My brother and I would go into dumb chat rooms like "I love knitting" and tell them to go fuck themselves. I missed those times, so I decided to revisit them at 4 in the morning.
Below is a list of a few ridiculous chat rooms I found. Along the way, I stop in and say a few things. Keep in mind that it is 4 IN THE MORNING. These conversations are totally unedited. I AM GAIRECAILIN1.
Browsing, hmmm..
Trucker chat
Mental health, rooms 1 through 9
Native American Chat
Conspiracy Theories
21 people in the Metaphysics chat room at 4am!
There were 18 rowdy people in "Ford vs. Chevy" room
Elvis Sightings
Born Again Online
26 chatters in "Abducted by UFOs"...users were 'girl in a THONG' and "GIMME THE KEG"
When I went in there, they were NOT talking about UFOs. I just observed:
Hoosiersrat ll: cheesecake got you bloated keg?
LSD TOADSTOOL: whats up with this peanut butter crap
EVERY0NELUVSJUDY: SUPERCALAFRAGALITICESPYALADOECHUS
LSD TOADSTOOL: :: burps good night to keg::
DarthToma27: * farts* f u keg
DarthToma27: 8 shits his panties*
Fsb747isbak: YES HE DOES AND MAY I ADD YOU HAVE A VERY UNDERSTANDING KING ON YOUR PLANET WISH I COULD BE THERE AGAIN SOON
Fsb747isbak: IM AM VISITED A DISQUSTING LITTLE TOWN CALLED RIVERSIDE
Buzz Saw Killer: look , cowards say the cowards words . you are all cowardly nerds , go and say you pissed me off, go and jerk off to your microsoft. you are cool ,in cowards eyes. that comes as no suprise.
klhi1999: hey friends i been watching about UFOS since i was a kid i seen a special on tv about UFOS they said a UFO landed in 1897 and crashed and theese christian people barried the space guy and stuff if thats true there wasnt aircraft bac
Fsb747isbak: ANYONE HAVE ANY SPARE EGG SHELLS FOR MY FUEL?
Elugbo1959: i AM ON EARTH BECAUSE I AM ON A MISSION TO COLLECT ANIMORPH BOOKS FOR THE Tankerankerliopianakatak TRIBE
klhi1999: there wasnt aircraft intil 1903 all theese stroies about UFOS i dont know if i belvie inthem but there could be other life out there
LSD TOADSTOOL: i have some rotten eggs coming out of my bootay
Fsb747isbak: I AM RUNNING LOW AND MUST RETURN TO MY PLANET
DARRYLBALLZ: i have some wallmart tuna
Buzz Saw Killer: now go and nut in each others eyes , then exchange your fag goodbyes
..20 people in "Lonely"
Avril Lavigne Chat
Harry Potter Chat: Watch me single-handedly drive every single chatter out of Harry Potter Chat
BabyGirl099: drink blood?
Bubba4121: ppick up a cherry with ure butt?
SquirrelArcher: a gallon of cows blood
SquirrelArcher: i swear i puked 8 times when i got back to my dorm
ME-->GaireCailin1: does anyone here love Jesus?
Bubba4121: *passes out and starts snoring*
GaireCailin1: Jesus? no?
OnlineHost: CrAzYGiRl8392 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Bubba4121 has left the room.
OnlineHost: SquirrelArcher has left the room.
OnlineHost: XxMistnShadowxX has left the room.
BabyGirl099: Well. I'm leaving.
OnlineHost: BabyGirl099 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Alfreda973 has left the room.
(3 people left)GaireCailin1: YOU THREE!
GaireCailin1: i see you! dont leave!
GaireCailin1: jesus loves you!
OnlineHost: Alexand0rLuth0r has left the room.
OnlineHost: PsYourGay has left the room.
OnlineHost: Kmw1506 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Gugalina08 has entered the room.
Gugalina08: Hey,what did u guys think about the 4th movie?
GaireCailin1: I think there should have been more jesus in it
Gugalina08: jesus?
GaireCailin1: remember, that guy that only saved your SOUL!
OnlineHost: Gugalina08 has left the room.
Wow, that was awesome. I can't believe I cleard out Harry Potter chat by bringing up a lil' Hay-seuss.
I saw one lonely little soul in "Ebony 30's Chat" so I decided to make her/him feel special.
GaireCailin1: hey
GaireCailin1: so are you like, just waiting for another 30 something ebony to come in here?
GaireCailin1: because Im white and 24, so you are shit out of luck
I get no response. so I move on.
Then, it seems too good to be true: "Cross Dressers"
LIVIN THE LIFE1: Hello Room... Scott here in Kentucky close to Nashville TN
Me-->GaireCailin1: they let you crossdress in TN?
LIVIN THE LIFE1: LOL I don't know
LIVIN THE LIFE1: I'm not a crossdresser
GaireCailin1: you should check out the Ebony 30 something room then
LIVIN THE LIFE1: Why Ebony 30?
GaireCailin1: because theres only one person in there
GaireCailin1: just dont tell her youre from the south, and you're golden. I believe your kind used to hang her kind.
No response. God, this no response thing is annoying! What happened to the good old times, when I could single-handedly drive out an entire chat room?
So I go to "Latin" and I see: "Lesbianas Latinas"
Nlinda12: Y ENTRAN MUCHOS HOMBRES HACIENDOSE PASAR POR MUJERES
OnlineHost: EskIsoFReMIa has left the room.
Shipaya: NENA ACASO TE GUSTAN LOS HOMBRES
Maryesparati: ESO SI
MariMoral5: si gustas
Me-->GaireCailin1: Um, I like chose to take French instead of Spanish in school (no offense, I LOVE burritos) so can we speak French or something? Also, I like penis.
Nlinda12: Y POR ESO QUIERO ESTAR SEGURA
OnlineHost: EskIsoFReMIa has entered the room.
ok, bad idea.. the OnlineHost was the only one speaking English.
Senior Citizen Chat, 4:21 a.m.
LukeWarmSr: the warm feelings here helps cut through the aloneness and fear
Me-->GaireCailin1: does it suck to be old?
TLK2FR: Gaire who the L are you
GaireCailin1: im just wondering
SELDOMBINLAID1: I DONT NO NEVE RBEEN OLD YET\
NancyLadyWolffe: MOLLY...U NEVER WILL BE OLD SWEETIE...
God people, I'd rather break a hip than keep talking to you. So I move on to...
"Big N Beautiful"
Potvin7883: Plus I don't think you'd wanna sit down and be drawin stuff with yer ass.
Me-->GaireCailin1: I would DIE for a banana cream pie right now!
DJoh464814: sound exited lol
GaireCailin1: I would also DIE for some baked alaska
Potvin7883: Do you have big hips ?
de la fatty: wtf
de la fatty: stop talking about food
GaireCailin1: why is someone with the name De La Fatty telling me to stop talking about food
de la fatty: I'm being summoned back to bed
GaireCailin1: I didnt know they made talking vibrators
And for my last stop, "Smokers lounge":
Me-->GaireCailin1: CANCER
GaireCailin1: CANCER
GaireCailin1: CANCER
GaireCailin1: CANCER
rebind: cancer on my vag
Criggins308: radiation
Criggins308: radiation
GaireCailin1: just kidding, cancer isnt real
JCBURKEEN: weird
And just as I had begun, I had ended:
OnlineHost: Chloegottago4 has left the room.
OnlineHost: INTEGRA ASHES has left the room.
OnlineHost: Deathbed has left the room.
OnlineHost: rebind has left the room.
OnlineHost: Satennightmare has left the room.
but then, there was hope:
OnlineHost: Stoners1 has entered the room.
copyright Jane Callahan 2005