Getting Passed the Past
It's hard! Point blank....
For several reasons:
1. Old habits die hard
2. Good times replay over and over again
3. Attraction doesn't go away
Now this "past" I talk of has to do with an all-encompassing state-of-mind that I was in as a result of being so sprung over...you guessed it- A guy. Not just any guy but a guy that fit so much of what I was searching for that I thought he couldn't be real. Like Lisa Lampanelli said, "I located the unicorn!"
However, this unicorn happened to have a girlfriend whom he was loyal to. Of course, I was in denial and I brushed it or Mariah Carey'ed the situation and "shook it off." Now, mind you, all the evidence was there: pictures of them online, but the fool put "single," on his MySpace. Dammit I sound crazy or I'm just doing my investigating journalism duty! Haha.
And what do I get from all this? I see them together, not like all couple-status but still, they were hanging out together. It was like a dagger was stabbed deep into my heart and went right through the other side. How emo of me! But seriously, I've been hurt but that topped the list. I went crazy on this guy to such an extreme that I actually convinced myself I needed to be a dancer. For a short time, I actually went to classes on a regular basis. I love to dance, don't get me wrong, my choreographer crush was very influential in this decision. After I met him, I was hooked. Even now, I'm so baffled at the degree of lust I had for him. Now why is this important now? Of all the times for me to return to blogging, how does this have an affect on me?
I guess I was curious to read previous posts and see how much I have progressed from my last entry. I've actually grown up A LOT since then, but a lot still troubles me. Why is there always a cycle of trying to get over a guy? I'm so much more than just "recovering from heartache," all the time. I have a career with so many admirable qualities and I feel more independent each day. It's not all about somebody else, there are bigger fish to fry now. But still, it's great to know where I stand about love.
Love means more than what you want that person to be, it's actually accepting them for who they are right now. It's not about comparing or having the ideal "mold" of a guy because Mr. Perfect doesn't exist. It's Mr. Being There When It Counts. I've pined for what feels like decades for guys who don't give me what I want and need in return. They are out of my reach in some shape or form. If I must quote "Sex and the City," the right guy is someone who will stand still with me. The guy who WANTS to be there. To me, that's true love.
As far as my breakdown of old habits, good times and attraction, I still embrace that hormonal teenager that comes out now and then. I can want a fantasy lover, but a real one is always better. I just have to remember that sometimes...
For several reasons:
1. Old habits die hard
2. Good times replay over and over again
3. Attraction doesn't go away
Now this "past" I talk of has to do with an all-encompassing state-of-mind that I was in as a result of being so sprung over...you guessed it- A guy. Not just any guy but a guy that fit so much of what I was searching for that I thought he couldn't be real. Like Lisa Lampanelli said, "I located the unicorn!"
However, this unicorn happened to have a girlfriend whom he was loyal to. Of course, I was in denial and I brushed it or Mariah Carey'ed the situation and "shook it off." Now, mind you, all the evidence was there: pictures of them online, but the fool put "single," on his MySpace. Dammit I sound crazy or I'm just doing my investigating journalism duty! Haha.
And what do I get from all this? I see them together, not like all couple-status but still, they were hanging out together. It was like a dagger was stabbed deep into my heart and went right through the other side. How emo of me! But seriously, I've been hurt but that topped the list. I went crazy on this guy to such an extreme that I actually convinced myself I needed to be a dancer. For a short time, I actually went to classes on a regular basis. I love to dance, don't get me wrong, my choreographer crush was very influential in this decision. After I met him, I was hooked. Even now, I'm so baffled at the degree of lust I had for him. Now why is this important now? Of all the times for me to return to blogging, how does this have an affect on me?
I guess I was curious to read previous posts and see how much I have progressed from my last entry. I've actually grown up A LOT since then, but a lot still troubles me. Why is there always a cycle of trying to get over a guy? I'm so much more than just "recovering from heartache," all the time. I have a career with so many admirable qualities and I feel more independent each day. It's not all about somebody else, there are bigger fish to fry now. But still, it's great to know where I stand about love.
Love means more than what you want that person to be, it's actually accepting them for who they are right now. It's not about comparing or having the ideal "mold" of a guy because Mr. Perfect doesn't exist. It's Mr. Being There When It Counts. I've pined for what feels like decades for guys who don't give me what I want and need in return. They are out of my reach in some shape or form. If I must quote "Sex and the City," the right guy is someone who will stand still with me. The guy who WANTS to be there. To me, that's true love.
As far as my breakdown of old habits, good times and attraction, I still embrace that hormonal teenager that comes out now and then. I can want a fantasy lover, but a real one is always better. I just have to remember that sometimes...