Ash Wednesday and England So Far...
It was nice to go to mass in the middle of the week with a Catholic friend. I went down a new path in Central London which was bad because I got to see more shops that I can't afford. BOOO!!
Anyways, I was reading my horoscope in the tube and guess what I read:
"Is it something you've done? Was it something you said? It's probably becoming increasingly obvious that someone is deliberately ignoring you or making a concerted effort to be elusive. An uncomfortable distance exists between you and someone you thought was more reliable or trustworthy. Get ready for a surprise. Someone really does care after all."
Bullshit with the caring but it explains everything that happened since last Wednesday. Basically I was lusting over the wrong guy but I think the thought of dating a French guy sounded romantic and dreamy. He def. took advantage of that very fact because he built high hopes for me and fed me lies. I don't know what went over me but I was def. brave for going after him. But damn..he was young meat (two years younger than me) and I was out of my head. Keep me away from EU countries because when they speak their native tongue..it's over!!! But anyways, I made a silly, blind mistake but at least I know how he is now instead of later where it could have been worse. Geesh..I haven't seen the little scum bag since that night I talked to him and danced (very awkwardly) with him last Monday. Damn..I tried too hard and I just want to slap my past self. Gawd…what the hell will it take for me to move on from this painful debacle? Seriously, NOBODY hurt me like he did and I partly blame myself for this because I was super into him and I was lead on like a blind puppy, looking for some French lovin..haha. I learned my lesson but there is always something there to remind me…mainly the kitchen and knowing his room number. So close, yet so far.
I talked to another Frenchie who came to the kitchen to chillax after the Undercroft (campus pub) on Monday and he said my name was French, well okay if it was spelled “G-A-L-E” but thank god my spelling is “G-A-I-L” which is Gaelic for “lively.” Yeah..I knew that already but that French guy reminded me too much of the main dude from Clockwork Orange. I thought he def. looked the part if he only had the getup on because that would be so badass. Anyways I noticed an air about the French that I can’t stand and it’s not just because of Steve but I think it is just the way they carry themselves with their noses in the air and smoking a cigarette like it’s the law. I’m sorry but I’m just being very scornful and mean, but I can still superficially love them for their beautiful language.
So it was pretty horrific today (which I will explain in the next paragraph) so I did some major retail therapy. Quick question: Why do the male employees at that till like to hit on me? I’m not being conceited but they are very chatty and the one at Uniqlo hopes to see me again. He wasn’t cute despite the English accent but c’mon..it’s always the ones I don’t fancy. Ugh…anyways, I bought the cutest gray jacket, black flat shoes, black belt and thermals. My feet are still killing me. So I am feeling much better after hearing the horrific news which only piles on to my many worries right now.
I come into my internship, only to be told some shitty news. Basically my boss feels like it is not working out because it feels like things are going slowly around work. I feel terrible because I know I am not exactly his best intern because I am relatively new to PR and the writing style. Although we get along very well and he is very personable, but I am still in disbelief because it came at the weirdest time. I meet with my internship tutor on Friday and with Dave to discuss my future at Seriously Groovy. What a nightmare because I really feel at home going to Soho and getting to know my co-workers. I am gutted because it feels like I am in some bad dream because everything terrible in my life happens to take place in London. I can’t imagine anything getting better unless I go shopping and make up for the depression lapses in my dorm room. I truly fight out sadness, loneliness and worthlessness. I don’t know why I can’t be the same confident, efficient person I am back home because I don’t want to leave my study abroad experience feeling sad or full of regret. I desperately dreamed and fought for this opportunity. No way. I don't want everything to end full of painful memories. It’s not supposed to be like this because everybody looks to be having a ball. I am not denying that I enjoy the places I’ve been to (Bath, Avebury, Stonehenge and Oxford) but I just hate the fact that I am the only real CEA person in Harrow despite the flaky girl that lives above me from CEA. She’s cool but I have this feeling she thinks I’m annoying and needy. I just like her company…goodness gracious me. But I end up going by myself from Harrow to excursions and finding myself praying I get to the meeting point.
So I can continue this for days because I haven’t actually put down my complete thoughts down on paper. Well this is only half of what I’m feeling but you get a sense of my mindset at the moment.
Oh yeah…Lent. what am I giving up or improving about myself? I got it...Stay Positive and productive in school, meaning getting this essay done, researched and WRITTEN before the due date.
Pray for me or keep me in your thoughts.
Cheers.
Anyways, I was reading my horoscope in the tube and guess what I read:
"Is it something you've done? Was it something you said? It's probably becoming increasingly obvious that someone is deliberately ignoring you or making a concerted effort to be elusive. An uncomfortable distance exists between you and someone you thought was more reliable or trustworthy. Get ready for a surprise. Someone really does care after all."
Bullshit with the caring but it explains everything that happened since last Wednesday. Basically I was lusting over the wrong guy but I think the thought of dating a French guy sounded romantic and dreamy. He def. took advantage of that very fact because he built high hopes for me and fed me lies. I don't know what went over me but I was def. brave for going after him. But damn..he was young meat (two years younger than me) and I was out of my head. Keep me away from EU countries because when they speak their native tongue..it's over!!! But anyways, I made a silly, blind mistake but at least I know how he is now instead of later where it could have been worse. Geesh..I haven't seen the little scum bag since that night I talked to him and danced (very awkwardly) with him last Monday. Damn..I tried too hard and I just want to slap my past self. Gawd…what the hell will it take for me to move on from this painful debacle? Seriously, NOBODY hurt me like he did and I partly blame myself for this because I was super into him and I was lead on like a blind puppy, looking for some French lovin..haha. I learned my lesson but there is always something there to remind me…mainly the kitchen and knowing his room number. So close, yet so far.
I talked to another Frenchie who came to the kitchen to chillax after the Undercroft (campus pub) on Monday and he said my name was French, well okay if it was spelled “G-A-L-E” but thank god my spelling is “G-A-I-L” which is Gaelic for “lively.” Yeah..I knew that already but that French guy reminded me too much of the main dude from Clockwork Orange. I thought he def. looked the part if he only had the getup on because that would be so badass. Anyways I noticed an air about the French that I can’t stand and it’s not just because of Steve but I think it is just the way they carry themselves with their noses in the air and smoking a cigarette like it’s the law. I’m sorry but I’m just being very scornful and mean, but I can still superficially love them for their beautiful language.
So it was pretty horrific today (which I will explain in the next paragraph) so I did some major retail therapy. Quick question: Why do the male employees at that till like to hit on me? I’m not being conceited but they are very chatty and the one at Uniqlo hopes to see me again. He wasn’t cute despite the English accent but c’mon..it’s always the ones I don’t fancy. Ugh…anyways, I bought the cutest gray jacket, black flat shoes, black belt and thermals. My feet are still killing me. So I am feeling much better after hearing the horrific news which only piles on to my many worries right now.
I come into my internship, only to be told some shitty news. Basically my boss feels like it is not working out because it feels like things are going slowly around work. I feel terrible because I know I am not exactly his best intern because I am relatively new to PR and the writing style. Although we get along very well and he is very personable, but I am still in disbelief because it came at the weirdest time. I meet with my internship tutor on Friday and with Dave to discuss my future at Seriously Groovy. What a nightmare because I really feel at home going to Soho and getting to know my co-workers. I am gutted because it feels like I am in some bad dream because everything terrible in my life happens to take place in London. I can’t imagine anything getting better unless I go shopping and make up for the depression lapses in my dorm room. I truly fight out sadness, loneliness and worthlessness. I don’t know why I can’t be the same confident, efficient person I am back home because I don’t want to leave my study abroad experience feeling sad or full of regret. I desperately dreamed and fought for this opportunity. No way. I don't want everything to end full of painful memories. It’s not supposed to be like this because everybody looks to be having a ball. I am not denying that I enjoy the places I’ve been to (Bath, Avebury, Stonehenge and Oxford) but I just hate the fact that I am the only real CEA person in Harrow despite the flaky girl that lives above me from CEA. She’s cool but I have this feeling she thinks I’m annoying and needy. I just like her company…goodness gracious me. But I end up going by myself from Harrow to excursions and finding myself praying I get to the meeting point.
So I can continue this for days because I haven’t actually put down my complete thoughts down on paper. Well this is only half of what I’m feeling but you get a sense of my mindset at the moment.
Oh yeah…Lent. what am I giving up or improving about myself? I got it...Stay Positive and productive in school, meaning getting this essay done, researched and WRITTEN before the due date.
Pray for me or keep me in your thoughts.
Cheers.