Mean Glee
Mean Glee
Media: Fic
Title: Mean Glee (A Mean Girls and Glee Cross Over Fic).
Rating: T
Spoilers: Mean Girls and Glee characters?
Warnings: None.
Word Count:
Summary: What if someone re-wrote the Mean Girls movie to match the Glee Verse? This is my take on it.
Notes: First fanfic in 9 years so forgive me my mistakes…
Disclaimer: I own nothing, seriously not a damn thing. The book Queen Bees and Wannabes is © to Rosalind Wiseman, and the Screenplay/Movie is © to Tina Fey. And Glee is property of Ryan Murphy.
Also, mods, may I have an author's tag please?
“Talking” | //Voice Over// | *Thinking* | ~~~Scene Change~~~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
-Kurt’s POV-
I looked up to see my parents smiling down at me. Then my dad handed me this brown paper bag.
“This is your lunch, OK? Now, I put a dollar in there, so you can buy some milk. You can ask one of the big kids where to do that.” I smiled back at him indulgently. Like I couldn’t figure that part out for myself… Dad meant well, but he was extremely over protective sometimes.
“You remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you, just in case. Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it.” That was Carole, she was a lovely woman who I’d introduced my dad to about seven years ago. It had been a couple of years since my mother had died and I wanted him to be happy and Carole was a wonderful woman. She was really caring and sweet. She grinned at me and said “OK? You ready?”
I stood up and smiled back at them “I think so.”
“It's Kurty's big day.” My dad beamed at me and took a picture of me and Carole to celebrate my first day of school. I was wearing a red and black stripped top with faded black jeans and a pale pea-coat. And of course my hair was fixed perfectly. As soon as the flash had gone off Carole started crying and hugging me closely, like she was afraid if she let go I’d disappear.
// I guess it's natural for parents to cry on their kid's first day of school. But, you know, this usually happens when the kid is five. I'm sixteen and until today, I was home-schooled. I know what you're thinking.
"Home-schooled kids are freaks."
~~~Scene Change~~~
You probably think of a small Filipino girl with a black beret, a red sweater and black mini skirt on stage at a spelling bee is speaking into a microphone…
“X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P, Xylocarp” the audience claps as she undoubtedly gets it right.
//Or that we're weirdly religious or something.//
~~~Scene change~~~
Here you’d probably think of a bunch of kids together in the countryside, probably a load of hicks, saying things like “And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals”
His fellow hillbilly friend’s clime in with a chorus of “Amen”
~~~Scene Change~~~
//But my family's totally normal. Except for the fact that; both my parents were in the peace core. And that we've spent the last 12 years in Africa. I had a great life…//
an image pops up in my mind of me in the wide open plains of Africa with a boa constrictor around my neck. Another of my dad and I; working together on this vehicle that had broken down. Some of me playing with some of the smaller animals we were taking care of…
//But then Carole got offered tenure at Lima Ohio’s number one hospital. And they both figured that I should get to have a ‘real teenage life’//
A few images of my slightly devastated face when I was told we’d be leaving crop in there too…
//So it was goodbye Africa, and hello high school.//
~~~School~~~
My new life looms before me now. I guess it’s also known as William McKinley High School. Here goes nothing I guess. I go to cross the road when a bus whizzes past me almost running me over. Hearing gaps behind me I turn to see my parents with shocked and simultaneously afraid looks on their faces. “I'm OK. Sorry. I'll be careful.” And with that my first day of School had begun.
I walked across the parking lot and as I did I had to dodge out of the way of footballs and other flying projectiles. I looked to the left and saw a bunch of boys in letter jackets tossing smaller kids into a dumpster. I scrunched my nose up a little and couldn’t help but think that they were a bunch of Neanderthals. In all honesty the lions on the plains were more civilised than that. I hurried past them and into the building itself.
//As I walked through the halls everyone kept staring at me. I guess I understood it, if I’d been them I’d have stared at me too. I wasn’t the most ‘typical’ of guys. For one I looked more feminine than half of the ladies here. I wasn’t the tallest of guy’s; I had a small heart shaped face with a small little upturned nose. A slightly wide mouth, pale skin, which seems ridiculous since I’d come here from Africa but I always took pride in my skin care. I was slim if you ignored my shapely hips, no they were not pear hips thank you very much, and I didn’t walk down the hallway. I strutted down them as if I were on the runway.//
~~~Classroom~~~
I found the right room number after a little searching and it appears I’d arrived just in time as when I stepped through the door the bell rang. At least my dad said a bell rang to show when to enter and leave rooms here… I walked to the front desk. There was a guy in a red and white check shirt standing there looking through papers. I guess he must be the teacher. I’d better introduce myself…
I walked over to him and held my hand out “Hi. I don't know if anyone told you about me. I'm a new student here. My name is Kurt Hummel”
He looked at me weird then sneered at me with a lot of distain and disgust “Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass” and with that he walked off and took a seat in the front row. I heard laughing and looked up to see three people snickering behind their hands.
One was an Asian girl with blue and violet streaks in her black hair, dressed in an ebony lace top with a crushed velvet jacket and a long flowing midnight blue skirt with bit bots underneath. Another was a boy with light curls who was dressed pretty smartly in a pink collared shirt with a charcoal vest over the top of it and charcoal slacks to match and a pair of highly shined shoes. The last was a freakishly tall boy with a friendly smile on his face; he had a grey t-shirt with a long sleeves white shirt underneath it and a pair of loose fitting jeans and some black converse on his feet.
I hesitated before deciding to sit next to the angry guy when a voice stopped me. I turned to the source of it and found the girl who’d been laughing at me had been the one to speak.
“You don’t wanna sit there. Dave Karofsky’s boyfriend is gonna sit there” As she said it a boy with dark skin with closely shaved hair in a letter jacket sunk into the seat I was going to take “Hey, baby” and started kissing the angry guy.
I moved to the next aisle and went to sit behind a hunched over guy when the girl spoke again “Ah-uh. He farts a lot” the boy turned to look at me and turned back quickly. Before I could get the desk behind him someone else took the seat. I started to look around the room as I walked back to the front when I knocked into someone.
“Oh, God, I'm so sorry.” I bent down to help her pick up her things and when I stood back up I noticed I’d spilled her coffee all over her. I felt really bad since she was pretty petite and she had a nice blouse that was now ruined. She had soft ginger hair and big eyes, like Disney movie big. It was like looking at Bambi if I was completely honest. “It's not you. I'm bad luck.” She turned around to lift her sweater up over her head but her blouse had gotten caught too. But before I could tell her there was another voice. I looked over at the door and saw this really hot man with caramel coloured skin and dark hair standing there with this kind of scary looking woman with blonde hair.
“Miss Pillsbury?”
“My Blouse is stuck to my sweater, isn't it?” she said in a panicked voice.
“Yes it is” I said turning away to get her some paper towels.
“Fantastic. I can’t believe this is happening” She fixed her shirt and then turned to look at the man who had come into the room properly. He was absolutely gorgeous. Muscled, but not obscenely so. And those big brown eyes were just amazing. The blond woman was wearing a blue tracksuit with white piping down the sides and she looked bored beyond belief.
“Is everything all right in here?” the man asked. I really needed to find out his name. Oh and maybe, a phone number. Did I mention I was gay?
“Oh, yeah.” She replied.
“So… how was your summer?”
“I got divorced.”
“My carpal tunnel came back.” He held up a bandaged hand.
“I win.” She said with a sad smile.
“Yes, yes you, do.” He looked away for a moment.
Then the intimidating blond woman spoke up in a tone that was both bored and sarcastic “Well as entertaining as watching you two doe eyes idiots make small talk is I’d like to get down to business. I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. He just moved here all the way from Africa.”
The woman, Miss Pillsbury turned to a black girl in the third row with some wonderful accessories and a fabulous sense of style, and raised her arms as she said “Welcome.”
“I’m from Michigan” A potential diva too, I think I could probably get along with her.
“Great” she put her arms down and smiled a little nervously.
“His name is Kort. Kort Hummel. Where are you, Kort?”
“That's me.” I put my hand up shyly and she turned to look at me, as did everyone else. “It’s pronounced like Kurt”
“My apologies lady face. I have a brother nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my mother named him Anfernee. Well, welcome, Porcelain.”
“And thank you, Miss Sylvester” said our home room teacher with a worried face. But she was already gone.
The man who’d been with her was about to leave when he turned back to Miss Pillsbury and said “And Emma... if you need anything or if you wanna talk to somebody...”
“Thanks, Carl. Maybe some other time, when my shirt isn't see-through” she nodded carefully with the big eyes wider than ever.
“OK. OK. Good day, everybody” and with that he left and our first lesson began.
//The first day of school was a blur. A stressful; surreal blur. I got in trouble for the most random things…//
During my History class I got up to go to the bathroom and the teacher, this old balding man in a pink shirt with little glasses stopped me.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“You need the lavatory pass.”
“OK. Can I have the lavatory pass?”
“Nice try. Have a seat.”
//I had never lived in a world where adults didn't trust me, where they were always yelling at me//
Images of various teachers yelling at me for various things popped into my mind, like my English teacher: “Don't read ahead!”… My science teacher: “No green pen!”… My art teacher: “No food in class!
~~~Cafeteria~~~
I went to the lunch line and got a bottle of water. After paying I tried to figure out where I should sit… I walked past a table with some boys talking “I told you, I saw the whole thing. Everything”
“Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple.”
“That's true, dude.”
I decided to pass on that table.
//I had a lot of friends in Africa…//
The next had a bunch of people who looked like they could be from Africa so I tried to talk to them “Jambo!” I smiled at them but they sort of gave me looks that could be read as ‘what the hell?’ so I moved swiftly on.
//But so far, none in Evanston.//
I ended up eating my lunch alone in the girl’s bathroom. I tried the boys first but the over powering stench was too much for me to handle. It wasn’t exactly the greatest dining spot in the world but at least it was quiet and free from the ‘look at the freak’ looks I’d been getting.
~~~Home~~~
When I got home my parents were waiting on the veranda for me. I looked over at them and then my dad said “Hey. How was your first day?” I just gave him a pained look and went inside.
Media: Fic
Title: Mean Glee (A Mean Girls and Glee Cross Over Fic).
Rating: T
Spoilers: Mean Girls and Glee characters?
Warnings: None.
Word Count:
Summary: What if someone re-wrote the Mean Girls movie to match the Glee Verse? This is my take on it.
Notes: First fanfic in 9 years so forgive me my mistakes…
Disclaimer: I own nothing, seriously not a damn thing. The book Queen Bees and Wannabes is © to Rosalind Wiseman, and the Screenplay/Movie is © to Tina Fey. And Glee is property of Ryan Murphy.
Also, mods, may I have an author's tag please?
“Talking” | //Voice Over// | *Thinking* | ~~~Scene Change~~~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
-Kurt’s POV-
I looked up to see my parents smiling down at me. Then my dad handed me this brown paper bag.
“This is your lunch, OK? Now, I put a dollar in there, so you can buy some milk. You can ask one of the big kids where to do that.” I smiled back at him indulgently. Like I couldn’t figure that part out for myself… Dad meant well, but he was extremely over protective sometimes.
“You remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you, just in case. Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it.” That was Carole, she was a lovely woman who I’d introduced my dad to about seven years ago. It had been a couple of years since my mother had died and I wanted him to be happy and Carole was a wonderful woman. She was really caring and sweet. She grinned at me and said “OK? You ready?”
I stood up and smiled back at them “I think so.”
“It's Kurty's big day.” My dad beamed at me and took a picture of me and Carole to celebrate my first day of school. I was wearing a red and black stripped top with faded black jeans and a pale pea-coat. And of course my hair was fixed perfectly. As soon as the flash had gone off Carole started crying and hugging me closely, like she was afraid if she let go I’d disappear.
// I guess it's natural for parents to cry on their kid's first day of school. But, you know, this usually happens when the kid is five. I'm sixteen and until today, I was home-schooled. I know what you're thinking.
"Home-schooled kids are freaks."
~~~Scene Change~~~
You probably think of a small Filipino girl with a black beret, a red sweater and black mini skirt on stage at a spelling bee is speaking into a microphone…
“X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P, Xylocarp” the audience claps as she undoubtedly gets it right.
//Or that we're weirdly religious or something.//
~~~Scene change~~~
Here you’d probably think of a bunch of kids together in the countryside, probably a load of hicks, saying things like “And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals”
His fellow hillbilly friend’s clime in with a chorus of “Amen”
~~~Scene Change~~~
//But my family's totally normal. Except for the fact that; both my parents were in the peace core. And that we've spent the last 12 years in Africa. I had a great life…//
an image pops up in my mind of me in the wide open plains of Africa with a boa constrictor around my neck. Another of my dad and I; working together on this vehicle that had broken down. Some of me playing with some of the smaller animals we were taking care of…
//But then Carole got offered tenure at Lima Ohio’s number one hospital. And they both figured that I should get to have a ‘real teenage life’//
A few images of my slightly devastated face when I was told we’d be leaving crop in there too…
//So it was goodbye Africa, and hello high school.//
~~~School~~~
My new life looms before me now. I guess it’s also known as William McKinley High School. Here goes nothing I guess. I go to cross the road when a bus whizzes past me almost running me over. Hearing gaps behind me I turn to see my parents with shocked and simultaneously afraid looks on their faces. “I'm OK. Sorry. I'll be careful.” And with that my first day of School had begun.
I walked across the parking lot and as I did I had to dodge out of the way of footballs and other flying projectiles. I looked to the left and saw a bunch of boys in letter jackets tossing smaller kids into a dumpster. I scrunched my nose up a little and couldn’t help but think that they were a bunch of Neanderthals. In all honesty the lions on the plains were more civilised than that. I hurried past them and into the building itself.
//As I walked through the halls everyone kept staring at me. I guess I understood it, if I’d been them I’d have stared at me too. I wasn’t the most ‘typical’ of guys. For one I looked more feminine than half of the ladies here. I wasn’t the tallest of guy’s; I had a small heart shaped face with a small little upturned nose. A slightly wide mouth, pale skin, which seems ridiculous since I’d come here from Africa but I always took pride in my skin care. I was slim if you ignored my shapely hips, no they were not pear hips thank you very much, and I didn’t walk down the hallway. I strutted down them as if I were on the runway.//
~~~Classroom~~~
I found the right room number after a little searching and it appears I’d arrived just in time as when I stepped through the door the bell rang. At least my dad said a bell rang to show when to enter and leave rooms here… I walked to the front desk. There was a guy in a red and white check shirt standing there looking through papers. I guess he must be the teacher. I’d better introduce myself…
I walked over to him and held my hand out “Hi. I don't know if anyone told you about me. I'm a new student here. My name is Kurt Hummel”
He looked at me weird then sneered at me with a lot of distain and disgust “Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass” and with that he walked off and took a seat in the front row. I heard laughing and looked up to see three people snickering behind their hands.
One was an Asian girl with blue and violet streaks in her black hair, dressed in an ebony lace top with a crushed velvet jacket and a long flowing midnight blue skirt with bit bots underneath. Another was a boy with light curls who was dressed pretty smartly in a pink collared shirt with a charcoal vest over the top of it and charcoal slacks to match and a pair of highly shined shoes. The last was a freakishly tall boy with a friendly smile on his face; he had a grey t-shirt with a long sleeves white shirt underneath it and a pair of loose fitting jeans and some black converse on his feet.
I hesitated before deciding to sit next to the angry guy when a voice stopped me. I turned to the source of it and found the girl who’d been laughing at me had been the one to speak.
“You don’t wanna sit there. Dave Karofsky’s boyfriend is gonna sit there” As she said it a boy with dark skin with closely shaved hair in a letter jacket sunk into the seat I was going to take “Hey, baby” and started kissing the angry guy.
I moved to the next aisle and went to sit behind a hunched over guy when the girl spoke again “Ah-uh. He farts a lot” the boy turned to look at me and turned back quickly. Before I could get the desk behind him someone else took the seat. I started to look around the room as I walked back to the front when I knocked into someone.
“Oh, God, I'm so sorry.” I bent down to help her pick up her things and when I stood back up I noticed I’d spilled her coffee all over her. I felt really bad since she was pretty petite and she had a nice blouse that was now ruined. She had soft ginger hair and big eyes, like Disney movie big. It was like looking at Bambi if I was completely honest. “It's not you. I'm bad luck.” She turned around to lift her sweater up over her head but her blouse had gotten caught too. But before I could tell her there was another voice. I looked over at the door and saw this really hot man with caramel coloured skin and dark hair standing there with this kind of scary looking woman with blonde hair.
“Miss Pillsbury?”
“My Blouse is stuck to my sweater, isn't it?” she said in a panicked voice.
“Yes it is” I said turning away to get her some paper towels.
“Fantastic. I can’t believe this is happening” She fixed her shirt and then turned to look at the man who had come into the room properly. He was absolutely gorgeous. Muscled, but not obscenely so. And those big brown eyes were just amazing. The blond woman was wearing a blue tracksuit with white piping down the sides and she looked bored beyond belief.
“Is everything all right in here?” the man asked. I really needed to find out his name. Oh and maybe, a phone number. Did I mention I was gay?
“Oh, yeah.” She replied.
“So… how was your summer?”
“I got divorced.”
“My carpal tunnel came back.” He held up a bandaged hand.
“I win.” She said with a sad smile.
“Yes, yes you, do.” He looked away for a moment.
Then the intimidating blond woman spoke up in a tone that was both bored and sarcastic “Well as entertaining as watching you two doe eyes idiots make small talk is I’d like to get down to business. I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. He just moved here all the way from Africa.”
The woman, Miss Pillsbury turned to a black girl in the third row with some wonderful accessories and a fabulous sense of style, and raised her arms as she said “Welcome.”
“I’m from Michigan” A potential diva too, I think I could probably get along with her.
“Great” she put her arms down and smiled a little nervously.
“His name is Kort. Kort Hummel. Where are you, Kort?”
“That's me.” I put my hand up shyly and she turned to look at me, as did everyone else. “It’s pronounced like Kurt”
“My apologies lady face. I have a brother nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my mother named him Anfernee. Well, welcome, Porcelain.”
“And thank you, Miss Sylvester” said our home room teacher with a worried face. But she was already gone.
The man who’d been with her was about to leave when he turned back to Miss Pillsbury and said “And Emma... if you need anything or if you wanna talk to somebody...”
“Thanks, Carl. Maybe some other time, when my shirt isn't see-through” she nodded carefully with the big eyes wider than ever.
“OK. OK. Good day, everybody” and with that he left and our first lesson began.
//The first day of school was a blur. A stressful; surreal blur. I got in trouble for the most random things…//
During my History class I got up to go to the bathroom and the teacher, this old balding man in a pink shirt with little glasses stopped me.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“You need the lavatory pass.”
“OK. Can I have the lavatory pass?”
“Nice try. Have a seat.”
//I had never lived in a world where adults didn't trust me, where they were always yelling at me//
Images of various teachers yelling at me for various things popped into my mind, like my English teacher: “Don't read ahead!”… My science teacher: “No green pen!”… My art teacher: “No food in class!
~~~Cafeteria~~~
I went to the lunch line and got a bottle of water. After paying I tried to figure out where I should sit… I walked past a table with some boys talking “I told you, I saw the whole thing. Everything”
“Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple.”
“That's true, dude.”
I decided to pass on that table.
//I had a lot of friends in Africa…//
The next had a bunch of people who looked like they could be from Africa so I tried to talk to them “Jambo!” I smiled at them but they sort of gave me looks that could be read as ‘what the hell?’ so I moved swiftly on.
//But so far, none in Evanston.//
I ended up eating my lunch alone in the girl’s bathroom. I tried the boys first but the over powering stench was too much for me to handle. It wasn’t exactly the greatest dining spot in the world but at least it was quiet and free from the ‘look at the freak’ looks I’d been getting.
~~~Home~~~
When I got home my parents were waiting on the veranda for me. I looked over at them and then my dad said “Hey. How was your first day?” I just gave him a pained look and went inside.