bah humbug
Today has been shitty so far. I made it to work for 8.55am..which was good. And I was actually in a really good mood. Of course that changed in no time. My dad had to run some errands which was cool, then daryioosh came in. I dont know what he was here for, except to get a breakfast voucher, for the cafe next door. Generally we only give those to staff that are working, but whatever, i didnt say anything i just gave it to him. Then him and my dad talked outside until my dad left..then he left too. I didnt think anymore about it. Till about 20 mins later, when Daryioosh came back in. Apparently he was looking for a fight. Right away he starts talking shit. I try to ignore him and just brush everything he says off. Then he finally breaks me, asking me about my private life, and how Jason and I are. Now this might not seem like such a big deal. but if i tell him anything, he casts it up to me later in a fight and uses shit against me. SO i held my anger and told him i didnt want to talk to him about it, that i just didnt feel comfortable telling him anything about my private life. He freaks out, starts yelling at me, telling me that it was a joke and that he didnt expect me to talk to him anyway. Hes totally yelling at me and then he storms out. meanwhile i'm shook up that he just went fucking psycho on me for no good reason. So I hold it together and I finally call Jason, he agrees that hes a fucking moron. Then my mum called and I told her too, she said I was to just ignore him. thats so much easier said than done. When someone is constantly trying to get a rise out of you and you ignore it for so long, eventually it's going to fucking piss you off. Which ultimately it did. So when my dad got back I told him what happened and because I was so worked up I started to get choked up and my eyes watered. He called Daryioosh and asked wtf his deal was...why he felt the need to pick a fight with me all the time. Of course he denied it and said I was lying, cuz you know how you can just put on shaking and crying for now reas ::Rolls eyes:: But lets look at it...everyone who works here has had a problem with Daryioosh at one time or another..what does that say about him??? Anyway, it seems to be dealt with for now. We'll see, everytime things seem fixed, the shit hits the fan again.
So recently things have been fine. I'm still going to physical Therapy for my back and neck. I wish i could finish so that I can get all my money back, i'm not due any money until i'm back to good again. So that sucks. I got my car back last week. So it's cool to have it again. Although I need to take it to Honda tomorrow, for an oil change and to get my throttle fixed..my gas pedal keeps sticking when i push on it, and thats not good. So 1pm tomorrow i'll take it to get it fixed. it needs fixing before Jason and I go to Tahoe on Thurday for our anniversary. God I can't believe we've been married for a year. Thats insane. Sometimes it feels like a year sometimes it feels like a month. So i dunno.
I've been a basket case recently. I have this major phobia of dying. Ive never been scared of dying before, infact when I was about 16 i was so crazy when it came to partying, that I used to say i'd never see it to 21. I made it to 21 and then I said I'd never see 30. The thing is that it never bothered me when I said it before..maybe i knew it wasnt true...but for some reason i do actually feel like im going to die..not like tomorrow, but sooner than I would like. Maybe it was my car accident that triggered the feelings, or maybe its just because for the first time in my life i actually have a reason to live and can see a happy future for me with kids and a house and being happy. Maybe i'm just finally seeing all the after effects of being on drugs for 7 years. Who knows. In anycase its freaky. I can actually see myself laying dead, and just having my body rotting away. Which is fine unless I feel it cuz then that would really suck :\
My back is sore today, I can never tell if its from the accident or just my daily chronic pain..I havent eaten anything yet in order to take my pain meds. I really dont have an appitite after the fight earlier with Daryioosh, and my dad needs to leave early to go to home depot and pick up a dishwasher. I would like to leave early. I feel exhausted. Then again, that's nothing new. I can't wait for the summer to come in, I can't wait to have motivation to move myself and actually be active. Hiding behind this pain and constant fear of being sore isnt doing me any good. If I make it to 90 years of age, i'm going to really regret not pushing myself more, and actually enjoying being somewhat fit and healthy. Maybe in the summer i'll feel better. Maybe I won't be so sore if it's warmer. I hope so cuz feeling 60 when im only 24 is pissing me the hell off.
So recently things have been fine. I'm still going to physical Therapy for my back and neck. I wish i could finish so that I can get all my money back, i'm not due any money until i'm back to good again. So that sucks. I got my car back last week. So it's cool to have it again. Although I need to take it to Honda tomorrow, for an oil change and to get my throttle fixed..my gas pedal keeps sticking when i push on it, and thats not good. So 1pm tomorrow i'll take it to get it fixed. it needs fixing before Jason and I go to Tahoe on Thurday for our anniversary. God I can't believe we've been married for a year. Thats insane. Sometimes it feels like a year sometimes it feels like a month. So i dunno.
I've been a basket case recently. I have this major phobia of dying. Ive never been scared of dying before, infact when I was about 16 i was so crazy when it came to partying, that I used to say i'd never see it to 21. I made it to 21 and then I said I'd never see 30. The thing is that it never bothered me when I said it before..maybe i knew it wasnt true...but for some reason i do actually feel like im going to die..not like tomorrow, but sooner than I would like. Maybe it was my car accident that triggered the feelings, or maybe its just because for the first time in my life i actually have a reason to live and can see a happy future for me with kids and a house and being happy. Maybe i'm just finally seeing all the after effects of being on drugs for 7 years. Who knows. In anycase its freaky. I can actually see myself laying dead, and just having my body rotting away. Which is fine unless I feel it cuz then that would really suck :\
My back is sore today, I can never tell if its from the accident or just my daily chronic pain..I havent eaten anything yet in order to take my pain meds. I really dont have an appitite after the fight earlier with Daryioosh, and my dad needs to leave early to go to home depot and pick up a dishwasher. I would like to leave early. I feel exhausted. Then again, that's nothing new. I can't wait for the summer to come in, I can't wait to have motivation to move myself and actually be active. Hiding behind this pain and constant fear of being sore isnt doing me any good. If I make it to 90 years of age, i'm going to really regret not pushing myself more, and actually enjoying being somewhat fit and healthy. Maybe in the summer i'll feel better. Maybe I won't be so sore if it's warmer. I hope so cuz feeling 60 when im only 24 is pissing me the hell off.