Jan 10, 2005 11:06
Last night was the best night ever, up until boys started being dicks. So it started out with Clair giving me and Edward each a giant hickie. My neck still hurts like hell right now. That woman is a vampire. It was one of those nonsexual "hey Clair, give me a hickie" kind of things. I then spent the night, once everyone else arrived, reading Astrology for the Soul with Angie and cuddling with Angie and making out with Angie, and I got to make out with Shayne for the first time too, which was cool because they are two of the three people that I didn't get a chance to get to on New Year's. Oh right, did I mention we had a fondue party last night at Clair's and that's why a bunch of people were there all drunk and stuff? Well yeah, that's what happened. So it was a great night and other things happened too despite my single-mindedness above. I did talk to some other people and eat vegetables and fruit that were not dipped in cheese or caramel. I drank some wine and some beer and yada yada it was fun. And then the boys decided to start some fucking drama with Clair and she kept asking them to leave and they wouldn't and it was a whole big deal and the negative energy just climbed right inside of me and sat for awhile. I was all high from the goings on with Angie, and then she and Shayne had left, and it was after that that shit started getting all bad. So me and Abbey and Jenny left to get away from it and we gave each other good energy over at my house and after everyone was gone I went back to be with Clair for awhile and ended up breaking down crying because Males always seem to ruin everything in my experience and it brought me back to being six years old and I felt like I hadn't cried in 15 years and why do people with penises and too much testosterone always have to fuck everything up and hurt people all the time? I acknowledged that there were good males, and I still do acknowledge that there are good males, but that doesn't change the fact that males are still the ones that hurt us all the time and rape us and fuck everything up and bring all of this horrible negative energy everywhere. All of this anger and jealousy and power trip dynamics and fucked up edness. So I ended up asking Jenny if I could sleep with her and I couldn't explain to her why I needed to other than to say that negative male energies send me to really unhappy and unsafe places and I needed a good, comfortable, safe female to hug all night. I didn't even really want to be near the males that live in my house and are good and sweet and kind, just because they are such BIG men and still a little bit scary to me when I'm feeling so vulnerable. But yes, Jenny was so good and she brought me back to a good energy space by hugging me and reminding me of all the good stuff that had happened all night before the bad shit went down and she let me sleep with her. She is such a good good egg. I love her so much and I've only known her for a few weeks. I'm so glad that she moved into my house.