long, long while

[gaiasliege]

So yeah, I know no one reads this anymore, I figured this would be as good of place as any to write my feelings down. I'm swimming right now, and I don't know how to get myself back on solid ground. I met a girl, things didn't work out, so why do I still think about her? She doesn't even talk to me anymore, or if she does, its very brief, I'm pretty much over her, but my mind won't shut up. Things were completely out of my hands, and yet I feel like I could have done things better. Its not even about her anymore, its about my shortcomings as a person, I can't forgive myself for whatever it is I fucked up on. Same thing with the others, people I don't even talk to, I still think about how I fucked up somehow and that this loneliness I feel is completely and utterly my fault. I know it isn't, but the illogical/crazy part of me thinks it is. I'm a mess, and I don't know how to get back on my feet. My only hope is that I'm forced to when I go on this 3 month trip with my school in February. Hopefully the back-country will do some good and put my head back where it should be.

Please don't take this as a cry for help, or that I have no self worth, I do, I just have my crazy moments.