ugh
i'm not sure what to say about today. it was one of the wierd ones. stomach hasn't been behaving itself since yesterday really... definitely continued today. running made me feel HORRENDOUS, but i recovered quickly afterwards. didn't eat much all day, and when i did i paid for it with feeling too full, even when eating barely more than scraps. listened to the same song on repeat from 8:30am to 9:30pm with a few breaks for being at the gym and some meetings and whatnot at work. the work day went by pretty quickly, which i was really surprised about. i thought it would drag on given my emotional state. i was all over the place today- happy, satisfied, melancholy, confused, worried, frustrated, etc. very ansty too, my leg was twitching a mile a minute for a lot of the day. then, to top of my afternoon, i realized that i forgot my freaking fencing shoes at home and had to run back to get them before going to practice. that made me late for my first lesson of the new season. sigh. it was nice to be fencing again though. it felt more foreign than i thought it would. i felt sort of like i had been a world away and wasn't in the same mind set as i used to be. i am sure it will snap back as practice becomes a regular part of my life again. my hand was less rusty than i expected, but my feet and my sense of distance were moreso. i'm sure that will come back too. then i went and lifted. that's even more exhausting after taking a lesson, but not that bad i guess. came home and sucked down a dinner that was all liquid or frozen. not very much food given the level of activity that i underwent today, but i guess i need to accept what my body is telling me to do and try to stay out of my own way. got to talk to irena tonight too. that made me really happy! i don't get to talk to her that often. sounds like school is a whirlwind so far and she's still trying to find her groove. i have total faith that she'll manage it, though. she's good like that. today was actually a really good day for her to have called. i spent a little time laughing and being a bit more at ease than i had the rest of the day, so that was good. anyway, i guess i should probably be getting ready for bed and trying to catch up on some sleep (and it's only tuesday) instead of typing all this inane prattle... my mind is just still so damn awake. make it stop. i really need to learn to let things go, accept the flow of the world around me, and STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERY DAMN ASPECT OF MY LIFE.
waiting is.
waiting is.