(no subject)
Title: Between You & Me
Chapter: 4
Author: Gaia
Rating: FRM (Profanity)
Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of NBC, Inc. No Infringments of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. Any characters not a part of ER are my own so please no touching.
Spoilers: S12 & S13
Content Warning: Profanity
CHAPTER 4
Ray had had a very harrowing day. Weaver’s bitch mode had gone to an all new high today, Morris had been getting on his nerves, the interns couldn’t figure anything out, and then Neela had been acting cold towards him. More so than usual anyway. All Ray wanted right now was an ice cold beer and his guitar.
But he could hear before even opening the door the crying of a baby. Sighing, Ray walked in, yelled out “I’m home!” to anybody who cared, and collapsed on the couch. Meg’s shrieks escalated and Ray began to get upset.
“Laura! Maybe you can’t hear from all Meg’s screaming, but the entire block is yelling at you to put a sock in that baby’s mouth.”
Laura emerged from the bathroom and sent Ray a scowl. “Jeez, Ray, you’re such an ass sometimes. And why don’t you just get up and help the baby?”
“It’s not my probl-” The words had no sooner left his mouth before Laura was sending him a death glare. If Ray hadn’t known her better, he would’ve run the hell out of there. “Look, I’m tired.”
That angered Laura even more it seemed. “Don’t you think I’m ever tired?! I’m exhausted. Between dealing with your crap and Meg’s crap, don’t you think I have a little right to my own crap?”
Ray blinked and didn’t respond. He was still trying to work out if she meant that literally or figuratively. Laura stared at him, sighed with exasperation and moved past him to comfort Meg. Ray got his beer and after a few sips, leaned against the doorframe of Laura and Meg’s room. He watched as Laura cuddled and cooed to Meg, singing silly little rhymes and talking baby-talk. It was too much.
“Laura, I’m leaving.”
“Ray? Where are-”
But by then the doors had already been slammed shut.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ray wandered over to the closest bar and settled onto a bar stool. Besides him, there were only six other people in the bar. All seeming to be there for the same reason he had shown up.
But Ray honestly had no idea what had come over him. Usually, even when he was pissed, he was fairly easygoing and he had always been able to push what was bothering him to the back of his mind. But it had become too much. It seemed like everything was falling and breaking around him but not once did anything fall on him. Relieve him of his misery. Life is not fair.
It was everything. Everything was getting to him. But mostly it was the women. There were too many women in his life. There had been Zoë, Neela, and now Laura and Meg. Too many damn women!
His affair with Zoë had been a complete mess. Just thinking about it now made him cringe. But to be completely fair he had been grateful in a way that he had become involved with Zoë. If he hadn’t, he doubted Zoë would have ever been able to escape her ass of a father.
And Neela. She was the missing piece in his life. The one that made the entire puzzle whole but didn’t fit in any particular spot. Ray loved her. He didn’t know when or how it happened but he just did. She was beautiful and so morally grounded but that never stopped her whip of a tongue from lashing out. She was the only one who felt that he was truly capable of more. According to her, he did have a brain, talent, and a heart. Most people just stereotyped him as a ‘rocker’ and for the longest time Ray had accepted and believed that. But then Neela had come along and she had seen in him someone who was not just a rocker. And then Ray had begun to see what she saw. And then she had left.
“What’s the matter with you?”
Ray turned and saw a beautiful, hazel-eyed blonde and he felt his “special” grin take over his face. But the words that he spoke were honest. “A lot of things.”
“Join the rest of the world.”
Ray felt obligated to ask, “Why, what happened to you?”
“You really want to know?”
Ray looked into her hazel eyes and saw his pain reflected in them. “Yeah, why not?”
She smiled ruefully. “I’ve given up love.”
Ray closed his eyes and matched her grin. “Why?”
“Because he didn’t love me back.”
“So you’re just giving up?”
“I feel like shit. I don’t like feeling like shit. I don’t like other people making me feel like shit. So, yeah.”
“What happened?”
“It’s a long, funny, complicated story. Girl, a.k.a me, dates guy. Girl, a.k.a me, falls in love with guy. Guy breaks up with girl, a.k.a me, and start’s dating best friend. Girl, a.k.a me, is without boyfriend or best friend. Life’s a bitch, ain’t it?”
Ray nodded slowly, sympathizing, “It sure as hell is.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laura didn’t think she’d ever been so angry in her entire life. She knew Ray well and it pissed her off that he wasn’t home yet. He had a habit of keeping things to himself and running off when things got too much to handle. But he had never been this late.
“Ray, where the hell were you?” Laura yelled softly when Ray stumbled through the door.
“Relax, Laura. I’m home. I’m in one piece. So relax.”
Now Laura became really worried. Ray was not drunk. Not even a little tipsy. Something was very, very wrong.
“Ray, what’s the matter? You’re scaring me.”
“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter, Laura. Go to sleep.”
“No, Ray, I want to know what happened.” Laura led him to the sofa and pressed him down and then sat down next to him, tucking her feet beneath her.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Too bad.”
“For fuck’s sake, Laura, no wonder Joel left you.” Ray froze.
Laura smirked-she had been hoping to spark a response like that. Now Ray would have a huge guilt trip and tell her what his problems were. She knew Ray too well.
“God, Laura, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just upset. I’m sorry.”
Laura smiled softly. “I know, Ray. You’ve been so incredibly supportive and haven’t asked for anything in return. I just want to help you. Please tell me what’s bothering you. I’m your best friend, remember?”
Ray squeezed his eyes shut. That sentence sounded familiar. “I don’t know Laura. I guess it’s just people. They disappoint you. They hurt you. Then, they leave you.”
“Was it that Neela girl, who broke your heart? Because if I see her again, I swear to God, I’ll hurt her.”
“No!” Ray interjected quickly. “Go easy on her. Her husband died in the war. She’s picking up a lot of pieces herself.”
Laura smiled guiltily. “I didn’t know. So, do you love her?”
Ray paused and stillness descended upon him. He knew he loved Neela but he had never said it aloud let alone admitted it to someone. “Yes. I love Neela.”
“Oh, Ray,” Laura said. “I’m so sorry. Does she know?”
“I’ve never said it to her. But I think she knows how I feel.”
“How long has it been since she’s known?”
“A few months. She’s going out with this new intern, Gates. Tony Gates.”
They both fell silent, both lost deep in thought.
“Ray has there been anyone, besides Neela, that you’ve ever deeply loved?”
Again the silence. This time Laura thought Ray wouldn’t answer. But he did.
“You.”
“Oh.” Laura muttered. “After our relationship ended, did you think you would ever love someone again?”
“No.”
“But then Neela came along and changed that, didn’t she?”
Ray had no idea where she was going with this but nodded in the affirmative.
“How long have you loved Neela?”
“I don’t really know. But it feels like it’s been a long time.”
“Ray, you need to let go of her.”
“What?!”
“You’re waiting for a woman who’s widowed and dating someone else. You’re suffering and no one knows how much time she’ll need. So are you going to wait forever, if that’s how long it ends up taking?”
“I thought that was what love was about.”
“Ray what about loving yourself? Don’t you think you deserve love?”
“It’s not that easy. You can’t just give up loving someone.”
“I know. Trust me, I know. And I’d be disappointed in you if you did just give up loving her. But you need to start pushing your love to the back of your mind.”
“I work with her. It’s not that easy.”
“Working with her is the ultimate test. Avoiding someone isn’t going to help. You have to face your problems head on.” Laura was quiet for a minute before continuing. “And Ray, I know how hard it is. I’m telling you this from personal experience. We’re going to help each other through this.”
“I don’t know, Laura. I don’t know if I can do that.”
Laura stared at him hard and then abruptly leaned over and gave him a quick hug before getting up. “Think about it. Good night, Ray.”
Ray nodded and remained on the couch. He had a lot of thinking to do.
I've been dreaming
Of the things I've learnt
About a boy who's bleeding
celebrate to elevate
The joy is not the same
Without the pain
~Badly Drawn Boy, Something to Talk About
Between You and Me, Chap. 1
Between You and Me, Chap. 2
Between You and Me, Chap. 3
Chapter: 4
Author: Gaia
Rating: FRM (Profanity)
Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of NBC, Inc. No Infringments of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. Any characters not a part of ER are my own so please no touching.
Spoilers: S12 & S13
Content Warning: Profanity
CHAPTER 4
Ray had had a very harrowing day. Weaver’s bitch mode had gone to an all new high today, Morris had been getting on his nerves, the interns couldn’t figure anything out, and then Neela had been acting cold towards him. More so than usual anyway. All Ray wanted right now was an ice cold beer and his guitar.
But he could hear before even opening the door the crying of a baby. Sighing, Ray walked in, yelled out “I’m home!” to anybody who cared, and collapsed on the couch. Meg’s shrieks escalated and Ray began to get upset.
“Laura! Maybe you can’t hear from all Meg’s screaming, but the entire block is yelling at you to put a sock in that baby’s mouth.”
Laura emerged from the bathroom and sent Ray a scowl. “Jeez, Ray, you’re such an ass sometimes. And why don’t you just get up and help the baby?”
“It’s not my probl-” The words had no sooner left his mouth before Laura was sending him a death glare. If Ray hadn’t known her better, he would’ve run the hell out of there. “Look, I’m tired.”
That angered Laura even more it seemed. “Don’t you think I’m ever tired?! I’m exhausted. Between dealing with your crap and Meg’s crap, don’t you think I have a little right to my own crap?”
Ray blinked and didn’t respond. He was still trying to work out if she meant that literally or figuratively. Laura stared at him, sighed with exasperation and moved past him to comfort Meg. Ray got his beer and after a few sips, leaned against the doorframe of Laura and Meg’s room. He watched as Laura cuddled and cooed to Meg, singing silly little rhymes and talking baby-talk. It was too much.
“Laura, I’m leaving.”
“Ray? Where are-”
But by then the doors had already been slammed shut.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ray wandered over to the closest bar and settled onto a bar stool. Besides him, there were only six other people in the bar. All seeming to be there for the same reason he had shown up.
But Ray honestly had no idea what had come over him. Usually, even when he was pissed, he was fairly easygoing and he had always been able to push what was bothering him to the back of his mind. But it had become too much. It seemed like everything was falling and breaking around him but not once did anything fall on him. Relieve him of his misery. Life is not fair.
It was everything. Everything was getting to him. But mostly it was the women. There were too many women in his life. There had been Zoë, Neela, and now Laura and Meg. Too many damn women!
His affair with Zoë had been a complete mess. Just thinking about it now made him cringe. But to be completely fair he had been grateful in a way that he had become involved with Zoë. If he hadn’t, he doubted Zoë would have ever been able to escape her ass of a father.
And Neela. She was the missing piece in his life. The one that made the entire puzzle whole but didn’t fit in any particular spot. Ray loved her. He didn’t know when or how it happened but he just did. She was beautiful and so morally grounded but that never stopped her whip of a tongue from lashing out. She was the only one who felt that he was truly capable of more. According to her, he did have a brain, talent, and a heart. Most people just stereotyped him as a ‘rocker’ and for the longest time Ray had accepted and believed that. But then Neela had come along and she had seen in him someone who was not just a rocker. And then Ray had begun to see what she saw. And then she had left.
“What’s the matter with you?”
Ray turned and saw a beautiful, hazel-eyed blonde and he felt his “special” grin take over his face. But the words that he spoke were honest. “A lot of things.”
“Join the rest of the world.”
Ray felt obligated to ask, “Why, what happened to you?”
“You really want to know?”
Ray looked into her hazel eyes and saw his pain reflected in them. “Yeah, why not?”
She smiled ruefully. “I’ve given up love.”
Ray closed his eyes and matched her grin. “Why?”
“Because he didn’t love me back.”
“So you’re just giving up?”
“I feel like shit. I don’t like feeling like shit. I don’t like other people making me feel like shit. So, yeah.”
“What happened?”
“It’s a long, funny, complicated story. Girl, a.k.a me, dates guy. Girl, a.k.a me, falls in love with guy. Guy breaks up with girl, a.k.a me, and start’s dating best friend. Girl, a.k.a me, is without boyfriend or best friend. Life’s a bitch, ain’t it?”
Ray nodded slowly, sympathizing, “It sure as hell is.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laura didn’t think she’d ever been so angry in her entire life. She knew Ray well and it pissed her off that he wasn’t home yet. He had a habit of keeping things to himself and running off when things got too much to handle. But he had never been this late.
“Ray, where the hell were you?” Laura yelled softly when Ray stumbled through the door.
“Relax, Laura. I’m home. I’m in one piece. So relax.”
Now Laura became really worried. Ray was not drunk. Not even a little tipsy. Something was very, very wrong.
“Ray, what’s the matter? You’re scaring me.”
“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter, Laura. Go to sleep.”
“No, Ray, I want to know what happened.” Laura led him to the sofa and pressed him down and then sat down next to him, tucking her feet beneath her.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Too bad.”
“For fuck’s sake, Laura, no wonder Joel left you.” Ray froze.
Laura smirked-she had been hoping to spark a response like that. Now Ray would have a huge guilt trip and tell her what his problems were. She knew Ray too well.
“God, Laura, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just upset. I’m sorry.”
Laura smiled softly. “I know, Ray. You’ve been so incredibly supportive and haven’t asked for anything in return. I just want to help you. Please tell me what’s bothering you. I’m your best friend, remember?”
Ray squeezed his eyes shut. That sentence sounded familiar. “I don’t know Laura. I guess it’s just people. They disappoint you. They hurt you. Then, they leave you.”
“Was it that Neela girl, who broke your heart? Because if I see her again, I swear to God, I’ll hurt her.”
“No!” Ray interjected quickly. “Go easy on her. Her husband died in the war. She’s picking up a lot of pieces herself.”
Laura smiled guiltily. “I didn’t know. So, do you love her?”
Ray paused and stillness descended upon him. He knew he loved Neela but he had never said it aloud let alone admitted it to someone. “Yes. I love Neela.”
“Oh, Ray,” Laura said. “I’m so sorry. Does she know?”
“I’ve never said it to her. But I think she knows how I feel.”
“How long has it been since she’s known?”
“A few months. She’s going out with this new intern, Gates. Tony Gates.”
They both fell silent, both lost deep in thought.
“Ray has there been anyone, besides Neela, that you’ve ever deeply loved?”
Again the silence. This time Laura thought Ray wouldn’t answer. But he did.
“You.”
“Oh.” Laura muttered. “After our relationship ended, did you think you would ever love someone again?”
“No.”
“But then Neela came along and changed that, didn’t she?”
Ray had no idea where she was going with this but nodded in the affirmative.
“How long have you loved Neela?”
“I don’t really know. But it feels like it’s been a long time.”
“Ray, you need to let go of her.”
“What?!”
“You’re waiting for a woman who’s widowed and dating someone else. You’re suffering and no one knows how much time she’ll need. So are you going to wait forever, if that’s how long it ends up taking?”
“I thought that was what love was about.”
“Ray what about loving yourself? Don’t you think you deserve love?”
“It’s not that easy. You can’t just give up loving someone.”
“I know. Trust me, I know. And I’d be disappointed in you if you did just give up loving her. But you need to start pushing your love to the back of your mind.”
“I work with her. It’s not that easy.”
“Working with her is the ultimate test. Avoiding someone isn’t going to help. You have to face your problems head on.” Laura was quiet for a minute before continuing. “And Ray, I know how hard it is. I’m telling you this from personal experience. We’re going to help each other through this.”
“I don’t know, Laura. I don’t know if I can do that.”
Laura stared at him hard and then abruptly leaned over and gave him a quick hug before getting up. “Think about it. Good night, Ray.”
Ray nodded and remained on the couch. He had a lot of thinking to do.
I've been dreaming
Of the things I've learnt
About a boy who's bleeding
celebrate to elevate
The joy is not the same
Without the pain
~Badly Drawn Boy, Something to Talk About
Between You and Me, Chap. 1
Between You and Me, Chap. 2
Between You and Me, Chap. 3