My Confusion Over Sadness
I'm not sure anymore if I'm sad because I'm just feeling sad, or if I'm just blaming people in my life for my sadness.
If it's just a chemical feeling, am I doomed to be sad my whole life? Will I never find happiness because my mood inhibits me from continuously being happy? Will I drive the ppl around me away by blaming them for my sadness...therefore causing me real pain?
I guess this is where perseverance in my man became so important. Even though JRai isn't a Christian, and that part drives a lot of drama in my family life, he's still the perfect guy for me, because he's stuck it through all my ups and downs in mood. I blame him for my sadness, and I blame him for my tears, but in the end, he'll somehow return with tweaks here and there...making me happy in the midst of my sadness.
So maybe I am doomed to these sad, depressing feelings for the rest of my life...but I guess knowing that JRai will be there to stick it through with me...is comforting.
I hope he never gives up on me. At times he'll shut down on me...but perhaps it's for the best because I drill into things and compound the idea of an issue over and over in my mind. I say things I don't mean...but the negative thoughts brew in my head and I sometimes become vengeful.
I wonder if I'll ever allow myself to be happy...
If it's just a chemical feeling, am I doomed to be sad my whole life? Will I never find happiness because my mood inhibits me from continuously being happy? Will I drive the ppl around me away by blaming them for my sadness...therefore causing me real pain?
I guess this is where perseverance in my man became so important. Even though JRai isn't a Christian, and that part drives a lot of drama in my family life, he's still the perfect guy for me, because he's stuck it through all my ups and downs in mood. I blame him for my sadness, and I blame him for my tears, but in the end, he'll somehow return with tweaks here and there...making me happy in the midst of my sadness.
So maybe I am doomed to these sad, depressing feelings for the rest of my life...but I guess knowing that JRai will be there to stick it through with me...is comforting.
I hope he never gives up on me. At times he'll shut down on me...but perhaps it's for the best because I drill into things and compound the idea of an issue over and over in my mind. I say things I don't mean...but the negative thoughts brew in my head and I sometimes become vengeful.
I wonder if I'll ever allow myself to be happy...