my habits
I dont know how to put myself first. Until it's to late and then I want to and it will hurt people. So I am sort of always fucked. As much as all i have ever wanted to do is be alone and be on my own and free. I have to chance to do that now to an extent and can't. I alway just get to scared. I don't know how to not depend on someone for really just for support. I don't know how to take care of myself. I go from one relationship to another all the time. I don't want to keep the cycle up and in large part because I don't want the realtionships I am in to always feel like second best. I want to be the guy the people think I am and that I want to be but keep feeling like I am not doing that. I need to learn to love myself so that I can propely love others. Because I don't love myself..I dont know myself to love myself. So how could I love someone else properly?
I moved away to change my life and I got here and stuck with my habits. I loved there and still love the things I left and I loved and still love here. I find these people and have these intense connections and can't resist them. I want to go live in the woods and think and see noone for week and see how I feel after. God is portland rubbing off on me with the wooness?
I don't know how to take care of myself and maybe I need to do that. If I "give up" and go with it and realize it's ok to be scared maybe there will be a day that if it is meant to be it will be ok to try again.
I moved away to change my life and I got here and stuck with my habits. I loved there and still love the things I left and I loved and still love here. I find these people and have these intense connections and can't resist them. I want to go live in the woods and think and see noone for week and see how I feel after. God is portland rubbing off on me with the wooness?
I don't know how to take care of myself and maybe I need to do that. If I "give up" and go with it and realize it's ok to be scared maybe there will be a day that if it is meant to be it will be ok to try again.