a_thousand_napkins...+more
i am just going to talk. because i uh, never get to do that anymore.
school starts soon. i quit smoking, drinking, cursing, fighting, whatever bad things people easily recognize in a person. (look deeper to see more change.) insomnia still here. fan not helping. now i just have to start eating again. which reminds me:
i ran out of money. or something like that.
havent seen or talked to mike in two weeks.
only certain people are worth changing for. (good or bad.)
first loves teach you your body, and that will hurt/heal you for the rest of your life. you know scars are always there but the torn flesh there has lost all of its feeling...
you know, i drive with the windows down, my hand out and the wind blows thru my fingertips, and it almost feels like my hand running thru your hair.
i dont want to be in school anymore. i hate college. no not school and studying and all that jazz in general. i just honestly hate college. sure, this is the best time in your life, the age, the blah blah blah (the days that will last forever) but college isnt my thing.
everyone is a total junkie or thirty-two and think they are eighteen. love it. but: i have no concept of social interactions or boundaries or relationships or blah blah blah (some mental bullcrap). a gorgeous and interesting person (...are there really any interesting people left in the world?) asks me out the other day. of course, i decline. and i honestly wonder if it even had anythign to do with the fact she moved away to another city the next day. who do people think they are? i see her photos in encore next day, right after she moved away and oh, she's a model. (apparently, i know nothing about anyone) people and their ambiguities are so........ ambiguous. eli is gone, gets to start over and i didnt get a final goodbye. i think i am terrible with goodbyes. i feel like i am missing a thousand important people in my life and i never got to say goodbye.
there goes sasha and eli and soon chris and and and blah blah blah we are all moving apart; might as well make it physical.
(closest person becomes furthest away and you're expected to deal with it appropriately?)
trip up on my words. so i draw on a thousand napkins a day. everyone says they are all so sad. i would ask jessica to marry me if she didnt have children and didnt smoke pot (so many exceptions to everything in the world.) but please dont take that literally.
people talk about other people when they are not present. doesnt matter if they are kind words or hurting words.... needs to be said/done. now we avoid, haha, fitting.
well, there is one girl and i like to look at her in the eyes; she looks back. but we have shy eyes and wouldnt stand a snowball's chance in hell anyway. better to keep to yourself. hey, keep your mouth shut, kid. (hipocrite)
one napkin says:
i want to remember the good times....
(guy peers into an attic full of dusty, stacked boxes)
...but i forget where i put them.
if you start having crushes again, does that mean you are safe(r)?
everything is easier when you just believe its okay exactly the way it is.
so tired of writing, creating, tired of art when mother, brother, everyone i would like to see (close to me again), arent at show, arent here, are so far far away. miss you but cannot tell you that.
anyway, does anybody understand me anymore? sure we can agree i totally dont make sense.
i dont think anyone is here anymore. i dont see anyone. we dont think about eachother anymore (i mean, pretend we dont; nobody else knows your own dreams). i wonder what the world is like now. i think it is all bitter because that is the way i left it behind. somebody take my hand.
i can't believe i'm twenty.
"and one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. but for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see"
school starts soon. i quit smoking, drinking, cursing, fighting, whatever bad things people easily recognize in a person. (look deeper to see more change.) insomnia still here. fan not helping. now i just have to start eating again. which reminds me:
i ran out of money. or something like that.
havent seen or talked to mike in two weeks.
only certain people are worth changing for. (good or bad.)
first loves teach you your body, and that will hurt/heal you for the rest of your life. you know scars are always there but the torn flesh there has lost all of its feeling...
you know, i drive with the windows down, my hand out and the wind blows thru my fingertips, and it almost feels like my hand running thru your hair.
i dont want to be in school anymore. i hate college. no not school and studying and all that jazz in general. i just honestly hate college. sure, this is the best time in your life, the age, the blah blah blah (the days that will last forever) but college isnt my thing.
everyone is a total junkie or thirty-two and think they are eighteen. love it. but: i have no concept of social interactions or boundaries or relationships or blah blah blah (some mental bullcrap). a gorgeous and interesting person (...are there really any interesting people left in the world?) asks me out the other day. of course, i decline. and i honestly wonder if it even had anythign to do with the fact she moved away to another city the next day. who do people think they are? i see her photos in encore next day, right after she moved away and oh, she's a model. (apparently, i know nothing about anyone) people and their ambiguities are so........ ambiguous. eli is gone, gets to start over and i didnt get a final goodbye. i think i am terrible with goodbyes. i feel like i am missing a thousand important people in my life and i never got to say goodbye.
there goes sasha and eli and soon chris and and and blah blah blah we are all moving apart; might as well make it physical.
(closest person becomes furthest away and you're expected to deal with it appropriately?)
trip up on my words. so i draw on a thousand napkins a day. everyone says they are all so sad. i would ask jessica to marry me if she didnt have children and didnt smoke pot (so many exceptions to everything in the world.) but please dont take that literally.
people talk about other people when they are not present. doesnt matter if they are kind words or hurting words.... needs to be said/done. now we avoid, haha, fitting.
well, there is one girl and i like to look at her in the eyes; she looks back. but we have shy eyes and wouldnt stand a snowball's chance in hell anyway. better to keep to yourself. hey, keep your mouth shut, kid. (hipocrite)
one napkin says:
i want to remember the good times....
(guy peers into an attic full of dusty, stacked boxes)
...but i forget where i put them.
if you start having crushes again, does that mean you are safe(r)?
everything is easier when you just believe its okay exactly the way it is.
so tired of writing, creating, tired of art when mother, brother, everyone i would like to see (close to me again), arent at show, arent here, are so far far away. miss you but cannot tell you that.
anyway, does anybody understand me anymore? sure we can agree i totally dont make sense.
i dont think anyone is here anymore. i dont see anyone. we dont think about eachother anymore (i mean, pretend we dont; nobody else knows your own dreams). i wonder what the world is like now. i think it is all bitter because that is the way i left it behind. somebody take my hand.
i can't believe i'm twenty.
"and one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. but for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see"