FIC: Picking Up the Pieces
Title: Picking Up the Pieces
Author: lls_mutant
Pairing: Gaeta/Hoshi
Rating: No higher than Sometimes a Great Notion
Spoilers: Through Sometimes a Great Notion and the webisodes
Summary: Because damn it, someone on that ship gave a shit about what Gaeta was going through, even if the Adamas didn't.
When the news circulated that Lieutenant Dualla had killed herself forty-five minutes ago, Louis's first thought was one he would spend the rest of his life trying to forget. Can't we get a break? And he sat down heavily, partly because he was stunned but mainly because he was exhausted.
"You okay?" Timmins was watching him with concern.
"Yeah. I mean, no, not really, but yeah." Louis waved him off. Timmins got the hint and drifted away, but Louis was aware that he was eying him warily.
He'd liked Dee well enough, certainly. Eventually. Finally. He buried his head in his hands, pulling his fingers through his hair which he hadn't bothered to keep cut. But the problem wasn't with what Timmins had first told him -- Dualla shot herself. The problem was with the second part. Gaeta found her.
First there had been Baltar's return. Then Baltar's trial. Then two months of separation, and Felix returning only to lose a leg. Then Earth. Now this. So, a tiny selfish part of Louis thought he couldn't be blamed for his first thought being Can't we get a break?
He sighed, thinking he should get up and go. But no… one more minute here in the CIC. Time to get his own head together first.
***
Felix wasn't in the racks, which wasn't surprising. Louis debated searching through the lab, the mess hall, the heads, the sickbay, and then just sighed, because it was all futile and he knew exactly where Felix was. The question was how long he should let him stay there.
He decided to search all those places anyway.
***
Four hours and twenty three minutes after he'd gotten the news. Louis hesitated outside the morgue door, and then pushed it open. And he was not at all surprised to see Felix huddled there, holding Dee's cold hand.
Felix didn't look up as he entered. He just kept Dee's hand pressed to his forehead, hunched over as he sat awkwardly on a stood. Louis opened his mouth, and then shut it again because there was nothing- absolutely nothing- he could say that Felix would possibly want to hear.
So he crossed the room swiftly and wrapped his arms around Felix's shoulders, his cheek against Felix's as he held his silence and his lover. And that was when the tears finally came for both of them.
***
They stopped in front of the bulkhead to the racks, and Felix shook his head. "No," he said, pulling away. "Let's find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I can't go back in there."
"You have to sometime," Louis said, tightening his grip on Felix's arm. "The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get."
"No."
"Yes." Louis opened the bulkhead.
Felix pulled back as if he'd been struck, but the mess had been cleared away. Louis had made sure of that. Even Dee's locker was already emptied, her bed empty and made by regulation standards. He put his hand on the small of Felix's back and pushed. Gently, but it was still a push. Felix glared at him and then entered.
Louis exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
***
He pretended to sleep that night, lying on his side next to Felix, arm draped heavily over his waist. But he could feel that Felix wasn't sleeping, that he was lying awake and staring into the darkness, picturing what he'd seen over and over in his mind. At one point Louis almost gave in and suggested they find another rack, because listening to Felix's quiet ragged breathing was hurting worse than he'd thought it would. But he stayed where he was, eyes closed, anchoring Felix to the bed. Once they got through tonight, it would be easier.
It would be.
***
The alarm went off, startling them both out of a restless doze. Louis sat up, rubbing his face with his hand and then rubbing Felix's shoulder.
"Come on," he whispered. "It's time for our shift."
Felix nodded, his eyes dull. But when he turned and looked at Louis, there was a spark there. Small, but there. "Thank you," he said, and Louis smiled.
"You're welcome."
***
"I still can't sleep," Felix confessed four days later.
"I know," Louis said, sitting down beside him. "It's not something that's going to go away quickly."
Felix looked at him, his expression surprised and grateful. "You're the only one that seems to believe that."
Louis shrugged. "I know how much she meant to you," he said simply. "She was like a sister." He smiled. "She was to me, too. A bossy, annoying sister who kept stealing all my stuff and getting me in trouble with Mom and Dad-" his smiled as Felix laughed a little- "but a sort of sister just the same."
Felix leaned against him a little. "Remember that time… that time that I don't even remember how it started, but she kept telling us to be quiet and we started loudly faking orgasms until she came around and hit us both?"
Louis chuckled and leaned back on his hands. "I do. You were quiet for two months after that because you were afraid you sounded that stupid for real."
Felix smiled, but it leeched away quickly. The moment was already fading, and Louis let it go gracefully. Felix began to push up, wincing in pain as he did so. "I should get over to the CIC." He adjusted his crutches.
"All right. My shift starts in an hour; I'll see you there."
"Okay." He hesitated for a moment, and then leaned over and kissed Louis gently. "You're about the only reason I've got left to smile right now."
"We'll find more," Louis promised him. "It will just take time."
When Felix left, Louis pulled out the report he'd almost finished writing. He read it over carefully, and prayed that Tigh or Adama would actually take it to heart and get Felix off the ship for a week. Someplace where no memories lurked, where there were no reminders. The worst was over; Felix had faced it and accepted it. Now he needed to be able to sleep and recover.
Louis took a deep breath and went to hand his report in to Colonel Tigh. If Felix knew he was doing this, he'd kill him. But really, it was for the best.
Author: lls_mutant
Pairing: Gaeta/Hoshi
Rating: No higher than Sometimes a Great Notion
Spoilers: Through Sometimes a Great Notion and the webisodes
Summary: Because damn it, someone on that ship gave a shit about what Gaeta was going through, even if the Adamas didn't.
When the news circulated that Lieutenant Dualla had killed herself forty-five minutes ago, Louis's first thought was one he would spend the rest of his life trying to forget. Can't we get a break? And he sat down heavily, partly because he was stunned but mainly because he was exhausted.
"You okay?" Timmins was watching him with concern.
"Yeah. I mean, no, not really, but yeah." Louis waved him off. Timmins got the hint and drifted away, but Louis was aware that he was eying him warily.
He'd liked Dee well enough, certainly. Eventually. Finally. He buried his head in his hands, pulling his fingers through his hair which he hadn't bothered to keep cut. But the problem wasn't with what Timmins had first told him -- Dualla shot herself. The problem was with the second part. Gaeta found her.
First there had been Baltar's return. Then Baltar's trial. Then two months of separation, and Felix returning only to lose a leg. Then Earth. Now this. So, a tiny selfish part of Louis thought he couldn't be blamed for his first thought being Can't we get a break?
He sighed, thinking he should get up and go. But no… one more minute here in the CIC. Time to get his own head together first.
***
Felix wasn't in the racks, which wasn't surprising. Louis debated searching through the lab, the mess hall, the heads, the sickbay, and then just sighed, because it was all futile and he knew exactly where Felix was. The question was how long he should let him stay there.
He decided to search all those places anyway.
***
Four hours and twenty three minutes after he'd gotten the news. Louis hesitated outside the morgue door, and then pushed it open. And he was not at all surprised to see Felix huddled there, holding Dee's cold hand.
Felix didn't look up as he entered. He just kept Dee's hand pressed to his forehead, hunched over as he sat awkwardly on a stood. Louis opened his mouth, and then shut it again because there was nothing- absolutely nothing- he could say that Felix would possibly want to hear.
So he crossed the room swiftly and wrapped his arms around Felix's shoulders, his cheek against Felix's as he held his silence and his lover. And that was when the tears finally came for both of them.
***
They stopped in front of the bulkhead to the racks, and Felix shook his head. "No," he said, pulling away. "Let's find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I can't go back in there."
"You have to sometime," Louis said, tightening his grip on Felix's arm. "The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get."
"No."
"Yes." Louis opened the bulkhead.
Felix pulled back as if he'd been struck, but the mess had been cleared away. Louis had made sure of that. Even Dee's locker was already emptied, her bed empty and made by regulation standards. He put his hand on the small of Felix's back and pushed. Gently, but it was still a push. Felix glared at him and then entered.
Louis exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
***
He pretended to sleep that night, lying on his side next to Felix, arm draped heavily over his waist. But he could feel that Felix wasn't sleeping, that he was lying awake and staring into the darkness, picturing what he'd seen over and over in his mind. At one point Louis almost gave in and suggested they find another rack, because listening to Felix's quiet ragged breathing was hurting worse than he'd thought it would. But he stayed where he was, eyes closed, anchoring Felix to the bed. Once they got through tonight, it would be easier.
It would be.
***
The alarm went off, startling them both out of a restless doze. Louis sat up, rubbing his face with his hand and then rubbing Felix's shoulder.
"Come on," he whispered. "It's time for our shift."
Felix nodded, his eyes dull. But when he turned and looked at Louis, there was a spark there. Small, but there. "Thank you," he said, and Louis smiled.
"You're welcome."
***
"I still can't sleep," Felix confessed four days later.
"I know," Louis said, sitting down beside him. "It's not something that's going to go away quickly."
Felix looked at him, his expression surprised and grateful. "You're the only one that seems to believe that."
Louis shrugged. "I know how much she meant to you," he said simply. "She was like a sister." He smiled. "She was to me, too. A bossy, annoying sister who kept stealing all my stuff and getting me in trouble with Mom and Dad-" his smiled as Felix laughed a little- "but a sort of sister just the same."
Felix leaned against him a little. "Remember that time… that time that I don't even remember how it started, but she kept telling us to be quiet and we started loudly faking orgasms until she came around and hit us both?"
Louis chuckled and leaned back on his hands. "I do. You were quiet for two months after that because you were afraid you sounded that stupid for real."
Felix smiled, but it leeched away quickly. The moment was already fading, and Louis let it go gracefully. Felix began to push up, wincing in pain as he did so. "I should get over to the CIC." He adjusted his crutches.
"All right. My shift starts in an hour; I'll see you there."
"Okay." He hesitated for a moment, and then leaned over and kissed Louis gently. "You're about the only reason I've got left to smile right now."
"We'll find more," Louis promised him. "It will just take time."
When Felix left, Louis pulled out the report he'd almost finished writing. He read it over carefully, and prayed that Tigh or Adama would actually take it to heart and get Felix off the ship for a week. Someplace where no memories lurked, where there were no reminders. The worst was over; Felix had faced it and accepted it. Now he needed to be able to sleep and recover.
Louis took a deep breath and went to hand his report in to Colonel Tigh. If Felix knew he was doing this, he'd kill him. But really, it was for the best.