Untitled Fix-It Fic (Post "Sometimes A Great Notion")
I haven't titled this fix-it fic. It was meant to be drawer fic but prophetkristy convinced me to share. It's as AU and self-indulgent as can be, but hey, I'm forgiven a little self-indulgence now and then, aren't I? Oh, and Gaeta/Hoshi are still canon in this but there's enough Gaeta/Dee love here to view things any way you like.
He pins her down with a strength he didn't know he had.
She fights him like a wild animal, with huge, mad eyes and teeth bared. It's hard to hold her down, especially minus a leg but he does it somehow, his heart thudding with terror. A second or two later ...
The gun is somewhere beneath the bunk. She's arching up, trying to throw him off and get it, so he does the one thing he'd have never dreamed of doing in a thousand years. He slaps her, hard, a sharp crack across her cheek. Shocked, she stills momentarily before resuming the struggle.
So he slaps her again with the back of his hand and she cries out in pain and disbelief. "Stop it," he grinds out. "You need to stop this now."
She screams something incoherent at him, but the sheer strength of her ferocity has abandoned her.
He, on the other hand, is finding energy enough for two. It's a quick lunge toward the bunks, her wrist wrapped in his fist, her dress-clad body sliding over the smooth metal floor. The handcuffs on the shelf of his rack are a joke, a gag gift from some smartass years ago, but he still has the key. It's a flick and snap later and Dee can no longer do the terrible thing she intended to.
She screams again, as if she's being attacked, but he's ready, rolling the lock shut and ramming one cane into the spokes of the door's wheel. Good luck getting through that, he thinks, sitting down and breathing hard, unable to speak.
Fortunately there's noise and yelling everywhere throughout the ship and no one bothers coming to her 'aid'. He's shaking all over, sick to the core and Dee doesn't make it any better by glaring at him like a wraith. "Let me go, Felix," she hisses, her chest heaving. "You frakking asshole. You have no right ..."
"You have no right!" he shoots back. "Who the frak do you think you are? You're not allowed to do this."
"I have a right!"
"If I don't have the right, you don't." His heart is calming, slightly. "If I can survive with one leg, you can survive this. Try on my shoe sometime. Then tell me how hard your life is."
Her face crumples and he can imagine that this must have been what she looked like as a child when she cried. "I don't want this anymore. I can't deal with this anymore. I just wanted one minute of happiness to remember forever. Why did you take that from me?"
His jaw hurts from being clenched so tightly. "And what would I have left to remember?"
She sags a little. "This isn't about you," she protests weakly. Her cheek is still red from where he hit her and his heart sinks. "I don't want this anymore," she repeats, beseechingly. "Can't you understand?"
"I don't want it anymore either. But I'll be damned if I leave my mess behind for everyone else to clean up. That's what you do when you take your own life. You take a life away from those who love you." He pauses. "I'm sorry, but you're not taking me with you. You don't have the right to do that and I won't let you. I'll lock you in the frakkin brig first and you won't find anyone who'll disagree with me."
Furious, she yanks at the single cuff encircling her right wrist. She even tries spitting at him but Dee isn't very good at spitting, Felix notes. "I hate you," she snarls. "You hear that? I ... hate ... you."
"That's okay," he sighs, his eyes burning. "If that makes you feel better, I'm all for it. Not so crazy about myself anyway."
She continues to berate him, cursing like a sailor, which makes him smile a little. He takes a few minutes to retrieve the gun from beneath the bunk, disabling it with a sure hand. He tosses the ammo cartridge into the head, which makes Dee shriek in rage. He ignores her, painfully hobbling to her locker and searching through it for more weapons. Finding none, he limps to the opposite rack, sitting down with a grimace.
Her tirade slows, then stops altogether. She's fighting within herself, holding onto something lest she break but Felix is patient. He knows the dam has to burst soon, but she's not quite done yet. Not yet.
She glances at him, her eyes huge and sad, her mouth pursed, almost kittenishly. "If you loved me, you'd let me go."
He bursts out laughing at her; he simply can't help it. "You need to try that one on someone who doesn't know you, Ana. And don't offer me a farewell frak either. We'll save that for when the algae runs out."
Defeated, she slumps, but not before she kicks off her heels at him, forcing him to duck out of their way. Draws her knees up and tucks her feet beneath her. "You can't be around all the time. I'm going to do it when you're not here," she says, without too much conviction. "You'll see."
The crisis has passed, sort of. "We'll see," he agrees, sliding off the bunk and over to sit next to her on the cold floor. Scowling, she edges away. He looks down at his hands - his knuckles are still red from striking her. "I'm sorry I hit you. Please forgive me?"
She rolls her eyes. "I'll think about it." Her mouth starts to tremble and twitch, her eyes welling up. "Felix ..."
"I know," he says, gathering her in his arms, allowing the terrible storm to pass there, her entire body shaking with grief as if she's flying apart at the seams. He holds on tightly, letting her sob against him, taking the blows from her fist hitting his shoulder without a sound. It goes on for a very long time and he's scared that she might not come back, but she does, eventually, sniffling and spent. He wipes her nose with his sleeve, kissing her forehead.
Her hair is tangled, her dress is torn at the hem, her makeup smeared and he thanks the gods for the sight of her.
The silence that follows is heavy. Then ... "I'm sorry," she says thickly. "I guess that was stupid."
He shrugs, not bothering to agree. "We've all been tempted."
"Have you?"
"Every day," he says. He kisses her temple again, only because he can. Undoes the cuff and absently rubs at her wrist. "This isn't the end of the line. I won't let it be."
She gives him a weak, lopsided grin. "When did you get so gung-ho?"
He stares at her hand in his. "About two minutes ago."
"What about our farewell frak?" she jokes, pushing herself up from the floor. She holds a hand out to him and hauls him up to stand beside her. She leans into him, arms around his waist as if she's holding him up but in truth ...
Without her shoes, she's even tinier than he'd imagined. He glances over to the picture of her as a little girl and determination rips at his gut, like fire. "We're not going to need that. Besides, my boyfriend is the jealous type. He knows I've been trying to jump you for years and never got the chance."
Dualla laughs, an honest crackle of delight. "Now it's my turn to pine?"
"Something like that," he says, unwinding her arms from his waist and setting her down on the lower bunk. His bunk. She climbs in obediently and he pulls the blanket over her, up to her chin, watching her face carefully. The sorrow is still there but its knife-like edge is gone, the madness disappeared from her eyes. It's a hard hobble to retrieve his other cane, another exhausting bit of work to pull a chair over but he manages both.
She stares at him. It's a guilty look. "You're not going to sleep, are you?"
"Nope." He pulls off his jacket and crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm going to go over some system stats. Earth may suck but who knows what else is out there. We've hit three life-supporting planets so far. The odds aren't all that bad for another."
"You don't have any charts," she says, fighting a yawn and losing.
"Got all I need," he says, tapping his temple. It's a lie; his memory isn't that good but who cares? He'll be hitting the charts soon enough. "Now sleep."
She already is. He can't help but stare at her, wondering what she might have looked like had he failed her. Maybe the blanket would be over her head. Maybe he'd be allowed to weep over her, after the Adamas took their turns, probably fighting around the morgue table like fools. Maybe ...
He shudders. No, not yet.
Not yet. No ...
Never.
xXx
end
And remember, the Fix-It fic challenge is still on! GO FORTH AND DENY! ;)
He pins her down with a strength he didn't know he had.
She fights him like a wild animal, with huge, mad eyes and teeth bared. It's hard to hold her down, especially minus a leg but he does it somehow, his heart thudding with terror. A second or two later ...
The gun is somewhere beneath the bunk. She's arching up, trying to throw him off and get it, so he does the one thing he'd have never dreamed of doing in a thousand years. He slaps her, hard, a sharp crack across her cheek. Shocked, she stills momentarily before resuming the struggle.
So he slaps her again with the back of his hand and she cries out in pain and disbelief. "Stop it," he grinds out. "You need to stop this now."
She screams something incoherent at him, but the sheer strength of her ferocity has abandoned her.
He, on the other hand, is finding energy enough for two. It's a quick lunge toward the bunks, her wrist wrapped in his fist, her dress-clad body sliding over the smooth metal floor. The handcuffs on the shelf of his rack are a joke, a gag gift from some smartass years ago, but he still has the key. It's a flick and snap later and Dee can no longer do the terrible thing she intended to.
She screams again, as if she's being attacked, but he's ready, rolling the lock shut and ramming one cane into the spokes of the door's wheel. Good luck getting through that, he thinks, sitting down and breathing hard, unable to speak.
Fortunately there's noise and yelling everywhere throughout the ship and no one bothers coming to her 'aid'. He's shaking all over, sick to the core and Dee doesn't make it any better by glaring at him like a wraith. "Let me go, Felix," she hisses, her chest heaving. "You frakking asshole. You have no right ..."
"You have no right!" he shoots back. "Who the frak do you think you are? You're not allowed to do this."
"I have a right!"
"If I don't have the right, you don't." His heart is calming, slightly. "If I can survive with one leg, you can survive this. Try on my shoe sometime. Then tell me how hard your life is."
Her face crumples and he can imagine that this must have been what she looked like as a child when she cried. "I don't want this anymore. I can't deal with this anymore. I just wanted one minute of happiness to remember forever. Why did you take that from me?"
His jaw hurts from being clenched so tightly. "And what would I have left to remember?"
She sags a little. "This isn't about you," she protests weakly. Her cheek is still red from where he hit her and his heart sinks. "I don't want this anymore," she repeats, beseechingly. "Can't you understand?"
"I don't want it anymore either. But I'll be damned if I leave my mess behind for everyone else to clean up. That's what you do when you take your own life. You take a life away from those who love you." He pauses. "I'm sorry, but you're not taking me with you. You don't have the right to do that and I won't let you. I'll lock you in the frakkin brig first and you won't find anyone who'll disagree with me."
Furious, she yanks at the single cuff encircling her right wrist. She even tries spitting at him but Dee isn't very good at spitting, Felix notes. "I hate you," she snarls. "You hear that? I ... hate ... you."
"That's okay," he sighs, his eyes burning. "If that makes you feel better, I'm all for it. Not so crazy about myself anyway."
She continues to berate him, cursing like a sailor, which makes him smile a little. He takes a few minutes to retrieve the gun from beneath the bunk, disabling it with a sure hand. He tosses the ammo cartridge into the head, which makes Dee shriek in rage. He ignores her, painfully hobbling to her locker and searching through it for more weapons. Finding none, he limps to the opposite rack, sitting down with a grimace.
Her tirade slows, then stops altogether. She's fighting within herself, holding onto something lest she break but Felix is patient. He knows the dam has to burst soon, but she's not quite done yet. Not yet.
She glances at him, her eyes huge and sad, her mouth pursed, almost kittenishly. "If you loved me, you'd let me go."
He bursts out laughing at her; he simply can't help it. "You need to try that one on someone who doesn't know you, Ana. And don't offer me a farewell frak either. We'll save that for when the algae runs out."
Defeated, she slumps, but not before she kicks off her heels at him, forcing him to duck out of their way. Draws her knees up and tucks her feet beneath her. "You can't be around all the time. I'm going to do it when you're not here," she says, without too much conviction. "You'll see."
The crisis has passed, sort of. "We'll see," he agrees, sliding off the bunk and over to sit next to her on the cold floor. Scowling, she edges away. He looks down at his hands - his knuckles are still red from striking her. "I'm sorry I hit you. Please forgive me?"
She rolls her eyes. "I'll think about it." Her mouth starts to tremble and twitch, her eyes welling up. "Felix ..."
"I know," he says, gathering her in his arms, allowing the terrible storm to pass there, her entire body shaking with grief as if she's flying apart at the seams. He holds on tightly, letting her sob against him, taking the blows from her fist hitting his shoulder without a sound. It goes on for a very long time and he's scared that she might not come back, but she does, eventually, sniffling and spent. He wipes her nose with his sleeve, kissing her forehead.
Her hair is tangled, her dress is torn at the hem, her makeup smeared and he thanks the gods for the sight of her.
The silence that follows is heavy. Then ... "I'm sorry," she says thickly. "I guess that was stupid."
He shrugs, not bothering to agree. "We've all been tempted."
"Have you?"
"Every day," he says. He kisses her temple again, only because he can. Undoes the cuff and absently rubs at her wrist. "This isn't the end of the line. I won't let it be."
She gives him a weak, lopsided grin. "When did you get so gung-ho?"
He stares at her hand in his. "About two minutes ago."
"What about our farewell frak?" she jokes, pushing herself up from the floor. She holds a hand out to him and hauls him up to stand beside her. She leans into him, arms around his waist as if she's holding him up but in truth ...
Without her shoes, she's even tinier than he'd imagined. He glances over to the picture of her as a little girl and determination rips at his gut, like fire. "We're not going to need that. Besides, my boyfriend is the jealous type. He knows I've been trying to jump you for years and never got the chance."
Dualla laughs, an honest crackle of delight. "Now it's my turn to pine?"
"Something like that," he says, unwinding her arms from his waist and setting her down on the lower bunk. His bunk. She climbs in obediently and he pulls the blanket over her, up to her chin, watching her face carefully. The sorrow is still there but its knife-like edge is gone, the madness disappeared from her eyes. It's a hard hobble to retrieve his other cane, another exhausting bit of work to pull a chair over but he manages both.
She stares at him. It's a guilty look. "You're not going to sleep, are you?"
"Nope." He pulls off his jacket and crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm going to go over some system stats. Earth may suck but who knows what else is out there. We've hit three life-supporting planets so far. The odds aren't all that bad for another."
"You don't have any charts," she says, fighting a yawn and losing.
"Got all I need," he says, tapping his temple. It's a lie; his memory isn't that good but who cares? He'll be hitting the charts soon enough. "Now sleep."
She already is. He can't help but stare at her, wondering what she might have looked like had he failed her. Maybe the blanket would be over her head. Maybe he'd be allowed to weep over her, after the Adamas took their turns, probably fighting around the morgue table like fools. Maybe ...
He shudders. No, not yet.
Not yet. No ...
Never.
xXx
end
And remember, the Fix-It fic challenge is still on! GO FORTH AND DENY! ;)