Just your little ampersand
Here's the thing.
Would these little things annoy you? When I get spirited and inadvertently start talking in a bad Scottish accent. When I crack my knuckles. Would you fall just a litte out of love with me every time my sentences are communicated with song? When I'm shooting people in the face in an online video game with loud noises.
How well would we fare if we were more than just ideas, voices with names? Real living beings with shadows and scents and sounds. At the end of the night would the closeness be enough to make up for it all? We're all so flawed. Me especially.
I've always thought of myself as a hopeless romantic. But suddenly I find myself wondering if I'm a victim of a more common ailment. Am I afraid of commitment? As someone who's always thought that I was waiting for that perfect person to grow old with, could it be that I'm only looking for today's excitement? After 33 years the longest relationship that I've had has been only a year.
At the moment....
I am drunk off whiskey. On the fence on whether or not I should go out tonight with friends. Still in my gym clothes. Listening to John K. Samson's latest solo album. The song "The Last End" on repeat. At the show a few weeks back he revealed to the audience that it was about the disintegration of a teacher's affair with her principle. inspired by the relationship between Mrs. Crabapple and Principle Skinner from The Simpsons.
More than any other song writer, I feel like John K. Samson from the Weakerthans really gets it. The softness, the honesty; I feel like I can cling to his words. Everyday life. Quiet, sad, longing. A sad perfection. "I realized that I'm just your little ampersand (&).
(I want to hold your words (life) together)
When your voice springs from the intercom
with announcements and reminders and a prayer,
I remember how you made me feel
I was funny, I was thoughtful, I was rare.
But like the jokes about my figure kids think I don't understand,
I know I'm just your little "&."
http://deadly-nightshade.tumblr.com/post/13547609204/john-k-samson-the-last-end