"Coup de Foudre" 131
I wanted to get this chapter out before I went in for surgery on
Monday. I should be back on my feet in a couple of days and after
that I'll press on to the end of "Coup de Foudre."
Meanwhile…
Things that need to be said.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, August 2016
“What the fuck is that? Justin!” Brian rolled over and put a pillow over his head. “Shut that thing off! And tell Mikey or Deb or whoever it is to fuck off.”
“Calm down, Brian. I’m getting it.”
Justin put down his brushes and wiped his hands. He’d been working on a watercolor sketch for a new cologne campaign Kinnetik was developing. Even though he was stuck in the loft almost 24/7, there was no reason why he couldn’t do a little work. And Cynthia was encouraging him to keep his hand in, hoping that soon he’d return to the office, even if Brian still wasn’t ready to come back.
It was rare that he heard the buzzer these days. He’d warned Michael and Debbie and his mother that there were to be no surprise visits. There was no need to tell Ted - he was still afraid enough of Brian to make certain that he called multiple times before he showed up. But Deb was the hardest to dissuade - she believed that neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor cranky Brian was reason enough to keep her from delivering a lasagna or tuna casserole or a lop-sided chocolate cake directly to their door.
“If it’s Deb, tell her I’m defunct. Tell her that last stomach bomb she brought over here killed me stone dead,” said Brian from deep in the bed.
“That wasn’t a stomach bomb,” said Justin. “It was meatloaf.”
“The same fucking thing,” came the muffled reply.
Justin pressed the button. “Yes?” He tried to keep his voice businesslike and distant.
“It… it’s Gus.”
Gus. Justin stood there, unsure of what to say to him.
“What are you doing here? Brian’s resting.”
“I... I need to talk…” The rest was garbled.
“Gus, this isn’t a good time for you to talk to your dad. Maybe you can call him later this evening.” That is, if Brian will even speak to you, Justin did not add.
“I don’t want to talk to him. I want to talk to you. If I can’t come up, can you come down here?”
Well, that was new.
“Sure,” Justin said. “I’ll come down.”
Justin looked over at the bed, but Brian was quiet. He was either sound asleep or almost there, fitfully dozing. Justin buzzed open the main door, unlocked the heavy loft door, and slipped out.
Gus was standing in the lobby, next to the mailbox. He was dressed in his St. James Academy uniform, a book bag at his feet. The uniform looked pretty much the same as Justin’s old one, with the dark blue jacket and the crest. Some things never change, he mused.
“It looks sharp,” said Justin.
“Huh?” Gus frowned. “Sharp?”
“The uniform. It’s good. It fits well. It suits you.”
Gus shifted his weight uneasily. “Yeah, I guess.”
“But shouldn’t you be in class?” Justin asked. “It’s 2:00. I know they didn’t let you out this early.”
“We only had to go this morning,” said Gus. “For orientation.”
“Oh,” said Justin.
They stood for a few moments, the silence growing more and more awkward.
“If you want to see your dad,” Justin finally said. “You’ll have to call him and ask. Maybe we can come over to Deb’s on Sunday. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see you, it’s just that the last few times have been a huge upset and Brian can’t afford to get upset right now…”
“I know!” said Gus. “That’s not why I’m here. I heard Debbie and Michael talking about him being in the hospital again. Is he… okay?”
“He’s going to be fine,” said Justin. Better not to mention the fever or the seizure. No reason to freak the kid out. “They think he had a touch of the flu. They were afraid he might have an infection, but Dr. Sun did some tests and he’s in the clear.” Yeah, more CT scans and MRI’s. That wasn’t fun.
“That’s what Michael and Debbie said.” Gus looked down at his feet, gathering his thoughts. Then he looked up at Justin. “You’re the one I need to talk to.”
“Me?” Justin was surprised. “Why do you want to talk to me?”
“About… about…” Gus tugged at his uniform jacket. “This!”
“What’s wrong with it?” Justin was puzzled. “If it doesn’t fit, tell Deb. But like I said, it looks fine to me.”
“Not the uniform!” said Gus. “St. James! That’s what’s wrong!”
Justin shook his head. “You’ve lost me. All summer you’ve been bitching about going to St. James Academy. So what’s the problem?”
“Debbie and Michael told me,” said Gus. “About what you did.”
“Oh.”
Fuck, thought Justin. The two of them would, wouldn’t they? Neither of them could ever keep a fucking secret!
“It’s not a problem,” said Justin dismissively. “If you need more money, just call Ted. Michael has the number. He’ll take care of it.”
“That’s not what I mean!” Gus insisted. “I want to know… why?”
Justin shrugged. “Brian wouldn’t pay. It was time for the tuition to be due, so…”
“But you didn’t have to do it! And I’ve… well, I’ve been a shit to you,” Gus admitted. “Worse than a shit! And then that stuff with Jimmy. I don’t know what I was thinking. I… I thought you were a creep. A user. That you were taking advantage of my dad!”
Justin smiled. “Believe me, no one takes advantage of Brian Kinney. We’ve had our problems over the years, but…” He paused. How to explain the saga of Brian and Justin to this kid? It was so long and complicated that Justin himself didn’t completely understand it. “I love him. And I think - I’m pretty sure - that he loves me. I’ve loved him since I was 17 years old. Since the night you were born, in fact. A lot of crap has happened between us over the years, but that one thing has never changed.”
“But I still want to know why!” Gus said. “That tuition - that’s a lot of money!” Gus had never thought about how much things cost before, like tuition for private school. He’d always gone to one, that was just the way things were. But then Debbie read him the riot act. It was a privilege. An expensive privilege. A privilege he had certainly not earned by his actions all summer. “Don’t you hate me? How can you not hate me?”
Justin took a deep breath. “No, I don’t hate you, Gus. I’ve never hated you. I love you, even though you don’t believe it. I was there only hours after you were born. I helped name you. I loved you from the moment I saw Brian pick you up in his arms and hold you. He looked at you so… so tenderly. And proudly. And he said, ‘Gus! It’s a good butch name!’ And that’s when I knew I loved both of you.”
Gus hung his head. “Shit.”
Justin laughed. “You might say that. Now you better go back to Deb’s. If you didn’t have a full day of school, she’s probably wondering where you are.”
“I told her I was going to the comic book store to help Michael,” Gus said. “Even though he’s not really too happy with me right now. No one is very happy with my right now. And… and Dad won’t even see me! Or talk to me! I understand why he didn’t want to pay my tuition. But… but I don’t want him to hate me! And I don’t want you to hate me, either.”
Justin felt so sorry for the kid. He was young and he was confused and he was hurting. Justin could relate to that. He’d been a prime little brat when he was a teenager, too. And it had taken him a long time to get over it. He hoped Gus wouldn’t have to go through what Justin had to get on the right track - if, in fact, he was finally on that right track.
“I told you that I don’t hate you. And Brian certainly doesn’t hate you. He loves you more than anything. But you hurt him…”
“I know!” Tears began to roll down Gus’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to cause the accident! I really didn’t! It… happened! And now he’ll never forgive me!”
Without thinking, Justin reached out and took Gus into his arms, hugging him tightly while the boy cried. And the kid had a good long cry. Justin let him. It was good to cry… sometimes. Good to release all that emotion. Even Dr. Deutsch said it was a good thing, although Brian still didn’t want anyone, not even Justin, see him do it.
“I’m a fucking mess,” Gus sniffed, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his uniform jacket. “Shit. Now I won’t be able to return this.”
Justin frowned. “Why would you want to return it?”
Gus straightened his clothes and picked up his book bag. “Because I’ve decided that I’m not going to St. James Academy. Debbie says there’s a public school high school that starts next week. She was trying to convince me to go there before… before all this trouble started. And I’d rather go there than the all-boy Catholic high school. And I’ll return your money, Justin. I promise. I’ll call Dad’s lawyer in L.A. Ron left me a trust fund for when I turn 21. I’m sure he’ll let me get some money out or borrow enough from it to pay you back. Or else I’ll go to work. Get a real job and not just busy work at Red Cape. Michael says they always have jobs at the Liberty Diner. I could be a busboy, like you were. I can do that. Then I won’t be just another entitled little fuck who thinks he knows everything, but doesn’t know shit.”
“Oh, Gus!” Justin sighed.
“I better go now. Tell Dad to call me - if he still wants to talk to me after all this. I’ll be waiting to hear from him. Hoping to hear from him.”
“Gus, wait a minute…”
But he was out the door, leaving Justin standing there, watching him disappear down Fuller, heading in the direction of Liberty Avenue.
Monday. I should be back on my feet in a couple of days and after
that I'll press on to the end of "Coup de Foudre."
Meanwhile…
Things that need to be said.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, August 2016
“What the fuck is that? Justin!” Brian rolled over and put a pillow over his head. “Shut that thing off! And tell Mikey or Deb or whoever it is to fuck off.”
“Calm down, Brian. I’m getting it.”
Justin put down his brushes and wiped his hands. He’d been working on a watercolor sketch for a new cologne campaign Kinnetik was developing. Even though he was stuck in the loft almost 24/7, there was no reason why he couldn’t do a little work. And Cynthia was encouraging him to keep his hand in, hoping that soon he’d return to the office, even if Brian still wasn’t ready to come back.
It was rare that he heard the buzzer these days. He’d warned Michael and Debbie and his mother that there were to be no surprise visits. There was no need to tell Ted - he was still afraid enough of Brian to make certain that he called multiple times before he showed up. But Deb was the hardest to dissuade - she believed that neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor cranky Brian was reason enough to keep her from delivering a lasagna or tuna casserole or a lop-sided chocolate cake directly to their door.
“If it’s Deb, tell her I’m defunct. Tell her that last stomach bomb she brought over here killed me stone dead,” said Brian from deep in the bed.
“That wasn’t a stomach bomb,” said Justin. “It was meatloaf.”
“The same fucking thing,” came the muffled reply.
Justin pressed the button. “Yes?” He tried to keep his voice businesslike and distant.
“It… it’s Gus.”
Gus. Justin stood there, unsure of what to say to him.
“What are you doing here? Brian’s resting.”
“I... I need to talk…” The rest was garbled.
“Gus, this isn’t a good time for you to talk to your dad. Maybe you can call him later this evening.” That is, if Brian will even speak to you, Justin did not add.
“I don’t want to talk to him. I want to talk to you. If I can’t come up, can you come down here?”
Well, that was new.
“Sure,” Justin said. “I’ll come down.”
Justin looked over at the bed, but Brian was quiet. He was either sound asleep or almost there, fitfully dozing. Justin buzzed open the main door, unlocked the heavy loft door, and slipped out.
Gus was standing in the lobby, next to the mailbox. He was dressed in his St. James Academy uniform, a book bag at his feet. The uniform looked pretty much the same as Justin’s old one, with the dark blue jacket and the crest. Some things never change, he mused.
“It looks sharp,” said Justin.
“Huh?” Gus frowned. “Sharp?”
“The uniform. It’s good. It fits well. It suits you.”
Gus shifted his weight uneasily. “Yeah, I guess.”
“But shouldn’t you be in class?” Justin asked. “It’s 2:00. I know they didn’t let you out this early.”
“We only had to go this morning,” said Gus. “For orientation.”
“Oh,” said Justin.
They stood for a few moments, the silence growing more and more awkward.
“If you want to see your dad,” Justin finally said. “You’ll have to call him and ask. Maybe we can come over to Deb’s on Sunday. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see you, it’s just that the last few times have been a huge upset and Brian can’t afford to get upset right now…”
“I know!” said Gus. “That’s not why I’m here. I heard Debbie and Michael talking about him being in the hospital again. Is he… okay?”
“He’s going to be fine,” said Justin. Better not to mention the fever or the seizure. No reason to freak the kid out. “They think he had a touch of the flu. They were afraid he might have an infection, but Dr. Sun did some tests and he’s in the clear.” Yeah, more CT scans and MRI’s. That wasn’t fun.
“That’s what Michael and Debbie said.” Gus looked down at his feet, gathering his thoughts. Then he looked up at Justin. “You’re the one I need to talk to.”
“Me?” Justin was surprised. “Why do you want to talk to me?”
“About… about…” Gus tugged at his uniform jacket. “This!”
“What’s wrong with it?” Justin was puzzled. “If it doesn’t fit, tell Deb. But like I said, it looks fine to me.”
“Not the uniform!” said Gus. “St. James! That’s what’s wrong!”
Justin shook his head. “You’ve lost me. All summer you’ve been bitching about going to St. James Academy. So what’s the problem?”
“Debbie and Michael told me,” said Gus. “About what you did.”
“Oh.”
Fuck, thought Justin. The two of them would, wouldn’t they? Neither of them could ever keep a fucking secret!
“It’s not a problem,” said Justin dismissively. “If you need more money, just call Ted. Michael has the number. He’ll take care of it.”
“That’s not what I mean!” Gus insisted. “I want to know… why?”
Justin shrugged. “Brian wouldn’t pay. It was time for the tuition to be due, so…”
“But you didn’t have to do it! And I’ve… well, I’ve been a shit to you,” Gus admitted. “Worse than a shit! And then that stuff with Jimmy. I don’t know what I was thinking. I… I thought you were a creep. A user. That you were taking advantage of my dad!”
Justin smiled. “Believe me, no one takes advantage of Brian Kinney. We’ve had our problems over the years, but…” He paused. How to explain the saga of Brian and Justin to this kid? It was so long and complicated that Justin himself didn’t completely understand it. “I love him. And I think - I’m pretty sure - that he loves me. I’ve loved him since I was 17 years old. Since the night you were born, in fact. A lot of crap has happened between us over the years, but that one thing has never changed.”
“But I still want to know why!” Gus said. “That tuition - that’s a lot of money!” Gus had never thought about how much things cost before, like tuition for private school. He’d always gone to one, that was just the way things were. But then Debbie read him the riot act. It was a privilege. An expensive privilege. A privilege he had certainly not earned by his actions all summer. “Don’t you hate me? How can you not hate me?”
Justin took a deep breath. “No, I don’t hate you, Gus. I’ve never hated you. I love you, even though you don’t believe it. I was there only hours after you were born. I helped name you. I loved you from the moment I saw Brian pick you up in his arms and hold you. He looked at you so… so tenderly. And proudly. And he said, ‘Gus! It’s a good butch name!’ And that’s when I knew I loved both of you.”
Gus hung his head. “Shit.”
Justin laughed. “You might say that. Now you better go back to Deb’s. If you didn’t have a full day of school, she’s probably wondering where you are.”
“I told her I was going to the comic book store to help Michael,” Gus said. “Even though he’s not really too happy with me right now. No one is very happy with my right now. And… and Dad won’t even see me! Or talk to me! I understand why he didn’t want to pay my tuition. But… but I don’t want him to hate me! And I don’t want you to hate me, either.”
Justin felt so sorry for the kid. He was young and he was confused and he was hurting. Justin could relate to that. He’d been a prime little brat when he was a teenager, too. And it had taken him a long time to get over it. He hoped Gus wouldn’t have to go through what Justin had to get on the right track - if, in fact, he was finally on that right track.
“I told you that I don’t hate you. And Brian certainly doesn’t hate you. He loves you more than anything. But you hurt him…”
“I know!” Tears began to roll down Gus’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to cause the accident! I really didn’t! It… happened! And now he’ll never forgive me!”
Without thinking, Justin reached out and took Gus into his arms, hugging him tightly while the boy cried. And the kid had a good long cry. Justin let him. It was good to cry… sometimes. Good to release all that emotion. Even Dr. Deutsch said it was a good thing, although Brian still didn’t want anyone, not even Justin, see him do it.
“I’m a fucking mess,” Gus sniffed, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his uniform jacket. “Shit. Now I won’t be able to return this.”
Justin frowned. “Why would you want to return it?”
Gus straightened his clothes and picked up his book bag. “Because I’ve decided that I’m not going to St. James Academy. Debbie says there’s a public school high school that starts next week. She was trying to convince me to go there before… before all this trouble started. And I’d rather go there than the all-boy Catholic high school. And I’ll return your money, Justin. I promise. I’ll call Dad’s lawyer in L.A. Ron left me a trust fund for when I turn 21. I’m sure he’ll let me get some money out or borrow enough from it to pay you back. Or else I’ll go to work. Get a real job and not just busy work at Red Cape. Michael says they always have jobs at the Liberty Diner. I could be a busboy, like you were. I can do that. Then I won’t be just another entitled little fuck who thinks he knows everything, but doesn’t know shit.”
“Oh, Gus!” Justin sighed.
“I better go now. Tell Dad to call me - if he still wants to talk to me after all this. I’ll be waiting to hear from him. Hoping to hear from him.”
“Gus, wait a minute…”
But he was out the door, leaving Justin standing there, watching him disappear down Fuller, heading in the direction of Liberty Avenue.