"Coup de Foudre" 84
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, July 2016
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Lindsay couldn’t process what Debbie was telling her.
“Lindsay, hon? Did you hear what I said? Lindsay, are you still there?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m still here. But I don’t understand. Did you say there was an accident?”
“Yes,” said Deb. “Brian was in an accident. And… and it was bad, hon. He’s in the hospital in critical condition.”
No. It wasn’t possible. Not Brian. Nothing could happen to Brian.
But Gus…
“Is Gus all right?” Lindsay’s voice lifted closer to hysteria. “My son! What about Gus?”
“Gus is fine,” Debbie reassured her. “He was there, but he wasn’t hurt. He’s very upset, but he’s okay.”
“What do you mean Gus was there?” Lindsay’s heart was pounding out of her chest. “What happened? Was Brian drunk? Was he high? Did he crash his car?”
“No,” Debbie confirmed. “He was on his motorcycle. I’m not exactly sure about the details, but it was in front of that house he’s renting. Justin was there, too, and he says it was a freak accident. But Brian was the only one on the bike. He was the only one who got hurt. But Gus and Justin saw it happen.”
“Where is my son?” Lindsay demanded. “I want to talk to him right now!”
“Honey, he’s here with me. He’s upstairs trying to get some rest. Neither of us slept a wink last night. Gus didn’t want to leave the hospital, but since Brian isn’t gonna wake up for a while, I told him he was better off back here with me and Carl.”
“Wait,” Lindsay breathed. “What do you mean, wake up?”
“I told you,” said Debbie. “Brian is… he’s not doing so good, hon. He’s in a coma. The doc says they’re going to keep him unconscious for a couple of days. But he’ll be okay. Sunshine was in a coma, too, and so was Vic, and they both came out of it. But Gus is still pretty upset.”
“A… a coma?” Lindsay’s throat tightened. She could feel a scream inside, but it wouldn’t come out, it couldn’t come out. “You’re telling me Brian is in a coma?”
“I thought I said that,” Debbie replied patiently. “Listen, I know this is a shock, but you need to know. They all thought I’d be the best person to tell you - I wasn’t about to let poor Gus do it, because the kid is a fucking wreck.”
“I have to get down there! Brian might need me! And Gus will need me! But… but I’m teaching a summer art class at the LGBT Centre on Church Street. I’ll have to let them know so they can find a substitute. I… I…” That’s when Lindsay burst into tears. “I don’t know what to do! Tell me the truth, Deb - is Brian going to die? Because this sounds bad! Oh, so bad!”
“I’m not gonna lie to you,” said Debbie. “He’s had a bad knock on the noggin. That fucking motorcycle! I told Carl it was a bad idea for him to get that thing. But you know how men are. You think Brian would listen to anybody? He always was a daredevil, but I don’t have to tell you that, am I right, hon?”
“You said he’s in critical condition! I want to know the truth!”
Mavis walked into the kitchen, yawning and frowning. “Jesus, Lindz. What the hell are you yelling about?”
“It’s Brian,” Lindsay said in desperation. “He’s been in a motorcycle accident!”
“Oh,” said Mavis. “Is he alive?”
Lindsay gulped. “Yes.”
“Was your son involved?”
“No. Debbie Horvath says Gus saw the accident, but he wasn’t hurt,” said Lindsay. “She’s on the phone now.”
“Oh.” Mavis shrugged. “Then what’s the problem?”
Lindsay held her breath. “Brian is in very serious condition. He’s in a coma!”
“Yeah. Okay, I get that,” said Mavis. “Does that mean Gus will be coming up here? Because I thought we discussed making his room into the nursery for the baby. If he’s coming back, we’ll have to talk about this. Because I think the baby has priority.”
“Maybe we should discuss this later,” Lindsay said through gritted teeth.
Mavis poured herself a large glass of milk. “We need more milk. I’ll make a list and you can go grocery shopping before your class. And if Gus is coming, we’ll need to stock up on junk food. That’s all that kid eats.”
“Lindsay? Honey? Are you still there?” said Debbie.
“Yes, Deb, I’m here,” said Lindsay into the phone. “Mavis just got up. But I want to talk to Gus! Can you put him on, please?”
“You’ll have to call him yourself,” said Deb. “But wait a couple of hours. If he’s finally asleep, I’d let him go. He’s exhausted, poor kid.”
“I need to go down there,” said Lindsay. “Who’s at the hospital? Someone should be there looking after Brian! Is Michael in charge?”
“No,” said Debbie. “Michael and Ben were there last night. But Justin’s there now. He and Ted are dealing with the doctors and the insurance and all that stuff.”
“Justin?” said Lindsay with surprise. “What’s Justin doing there? Are Brian and Justin back together? When did this happen?”
Debbie snorted. “The more things change, the more they stay the same, isn’t that the fucking truth? Yeah, they seem to be back together. I think it happened a few weeks ago. See, Justin was seeing this cute boy named Robbie…”
“I don’t need to know this now, Deb!” Lindsay snapped. “I’m sorry, but my head can’t get around this whole thing.”
“No problem, hon,” said Deb. “I know this has thrown you for a loop. You should have seen Michael last night. I thought they were gonna have to put him in Intensive Care, too, he was freaking out so badly. Well, I better get going. I have a lot of stuff to do here before I go back over to Allegheny General. But you take care, all right?”
“Yes, Deb,” said Lindsay. “And thank you for calling.”
When Lindsay set down her phone, her head was spinning. Brian! What was going to happen to Brian? How badly was he really injured? And Gus! Gus must be so shaken up! She wished she could call Justin. He would give her the straight story. The fact that he was there was so strange. Brian and Justin. It always came down to the two of them.
Lindsay then thought of Melanie. The truth is, she thought about Mel a lot, always with regret. This would give a reason to call her, to talk to her. But why would Mel want to know that Brian had been in an accident? She’d always resented Brian, maybe even hated him.
Because Melanie knew how much Lindsay loved him.
And she did love him. She’d loved Brian almost from the moment they met at Penn State in that American Lit survey course freshman year. He’d been the best-looking man she’d ever seen, and she had dated a lot of good-looking guys all through high school. So she sat down next to him in that big lecture hall and asked to borrow a pen. Brian was the kind of guy who always had an extra pen. That’s how it started.
Slowly but surely Lindsay began to realize that Brian was different from the other men she knew, and that she was different as well, but that never seemed an obstacle. She had always thought back then that one day they’d be together - really together. Yes, Brian was gay and she was a lesbian, but if two people loved each other enough…
Unfortunately, Brian didn’t love her that way. Yes, Brian loved her. And yes, they fucked, but it meant more to her than it had to him. For Brian it was a kinky experiment, something he did while he was tripping. But Lindsay hadn’t been tripping. She’d been perfectly serious. So when it came time for her and Mel to have a baby, the only man Lindsay wanted for the father was Brian. Melanie was against it from the start, but she eventually gave in. But Mel never forgot and could never forgive the fact that Brian Kinney could give her partner something she couldn’t - their perfect, beautiful, intelligent son. Who was also the image of Brian in personality as well as looks. Melanie could never get over it and blamed Brian for every problem they ever had, even ones he had absolutely nothing to do with. And always Gus was a reminder, until the baby Melanie had adored became the living embodiment of their failed relationship.
“I said, when did this accident happen?”
Lindsay hadn’t even realized Mavis was speaking to her.
“I think is must have happened last night. Poor Brian is in a coma and Gus is very, very upset.”
“So you said.” Mavis made herself a bowl of whole grain cereal and poured more milk on top. Mavis had been a nominal vegan, but since she was pregnant, she’d been filling up on milk, eggs, and other forbidden foods. The lesbian midwife who would be doing the delivery had ordered a change in her diet and anything Daisy Moonblood, C.M., said was law.
“I think I should go to Pittsburgh,” Lindsay said. “They might need me.”
Mavis looked up from her cereal. “Need you for what? You’re not a doctor. And it sounds like Debbie - What’shername?”
“Novotny,” said Lindsay automatically. “I mean, Horvath. She remarried.”
“Debbie Horvath didn’t say you should fly down there. Sounds like things are under control,” said Mavis. “Gus is a big boy. I doubt he needs his mommy running to wipe his nose.”
“He’s my son!” Lindsay didn’t appreciate Mavis’ lack of empathy. One of the things she had admired about Mavis when they first met was her strength and practicality, two things Lindsay had always lacked. And Mavis never flew off the handle like Melanie, lashing back at her and holding a million grudges. But Mavis was, frankly, a little cold. Or a lot cold. She never seemed to understand the bond Lindsay had with Gus. He was her son! It should have been obvious! But not to Mavis. And explaining Brian’s importance in her life had been next to impossible. To Mavis, Brian was a name on a series of checks and that was all.
“He’ll be fine,” said Mavis. “Put more Kashi on the shopping list. And peanut butter. Daisy says I need a lot of protein. Crunchy peanut butter. A big jar.”
“Are you even listening to me?” said Lindsay. “My son’s father is in critical condition!”
Mavis looked at her, chewing thoughtfully. “If he dies, what’s the situation with the kid’s trust fund? If he’s going to be living with us, we’ll need a larger house. He and the baby can’t share a room. And it’ll be a couple of years before he’s ready to go off to college.”
Lindsay took a deep breath. “Is that all you can think of? That we’ll need a bigger house?”
“Well, we will.” Mavis shrugged. “I’m only stating the obvious. I suppose Kinney has a lot of insurance, too. Gus is his only heir, right?”
“He has a daughter,” said Lindsay. “With a woman in California.”
“That could be a problem,” said Mavis. “But I’m guessing he made sure Gus is well taken care of. If not, we may have to hire a lawyer.”
“You’re talking as if Brian were already… already dead!” Lindsay choked out the words.
“Dead or brain dead,” Mavis reasoned. “Motorcycle accidents are a bitch. Call your ex and ask her about it. I’m sure she could tell you a few stories about what happens when your fucking head hits something hard. What was the name of that woman who bit the big one a few years back? The one who hit that guardrail going 80 MPH?”
“Leda,” Lindsay whispered.
“Right. Leda,” said Mavis, turning back to her cereal. The conversation was over.
“Oh, God!” said Lindsay, running to the bathroom and vomiting into the toilet bowl. “If Brian’s dead, what will I do? And what will Gus do?”
“Oh, by the way,” called Mavis. “If you think you’re going down and hanging out by that guy’s bedside, then think again. This is our life now. If your kid has to come back here to live, that’s one thing, but I don’t want you moaning after some dick you fucked a thousand years ago. I made that clear when we got together. Remember?”
Lindsay wiped her clammy face with a washcloth. Then she came out into the kitchen. “Yes, I remember.”
“Good,” said Mavis. “As long as that’s clear.”
Lindsay nodded miserably.
Clear as mud, she thought. Clear as everything else in my fucking life.
She blinked back the tears and went upstairs to get dressed to go grocery shopping.
Pittsburgh, July 2016
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Lindsay couldn’t process what Debbie was telling her.
“Lindsay, hon? Did you hear what I said? Lindsay, are you still there?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m still here. But I don’t understand. Did you say there was an accident?”
“Yes,” said Deb. “Brian was in an accident. And… and it was bad, hon. He’s in the hospital in critical condition.”
No. It wasn’t possible. Not Brian. Nothing could happen to Brian.
But Gus…
“Is Gus all right?” Lindsay’s voice lifted closer to hysteria. “My son! What about Gus?”
“Gus is fine,” Debbie reassured her. “He was there, but he wasn’t hurt. He’s very upset, but he’s okay.”
“What do you mean Gus was there?” Lindsay’s heart was pounding out of her chest. “What happened? Was Brian drunk? Was he high? Did he crash his car?”
“No,” Debbie confirmed. “He was on his motorcycle. I’m not exactly sure about the details, but it was in front of that house he’s renting. Justin was there, too, and he says it was a freak accident. But Brian was the only one on the bike. He was the only one who got hurt. But Gus and Justin saw it happen.”
“Where is my son?” Lindsay demanded. “I want to talk to him right now!”
“Honey, he’s here with me. He’s upstairs trying to get some rest. Neither of us slept a wink last night. Gus didn’t want to leave the hospital, but since Brian isn’t gonna wake up for a while, I told him he was better off back here with me and Carl.”
“Wait,” Lindsay breathed. “What do you mean, wake up?”
“I told you,” said Debbie. “Brian is… he’s not doing so good, hon. He’s in a coma. The doc says they’re going to keep him unconscious for a couple of days. But he’ll be okay. Sunshine was in a coma, too, and so was Vic, and they both came out of it. But Gus is still pretty upset.”
“A… a coma?” Lindsay’s throat tightened. She could feel a scream inside, but it wouldn’t come out, it couldn’t come out. “You’re telling me Brian is in a coma?”
“I thought I said that,” Debbie replied patiently. “Listen, I know this is a shock, but you need to know. They all thought I’d be the best person to tell you - I wasn’t about to let poor Gus do it, because the kid is a fucking wreck.”
“I have to get down there! Brian might need me! And Gus will need me! But… but I’m teaching a summer art class at the LGBT Centre on Church Street. I’ll have to let them know so they can find a substitute. I… I…” That’s when Lindsay burst into tears. “I don’t know what to do! Tell me the truth, Deb - is Brian going to die? Because this sounds bad! Oh, so bad!”
“I’m not gonna lie to you,” said Debbie. “He’s had a bad knock on the noggin. That fucking motorcycle! I told Carl it was a bad idea for him to get that thing. But you know how men are. You think Brian would listen to anybody? He always was a daredevil, but I don’t have to tell you that, am I right, hon?”
“You said he’s in critical condition! I want to know the truth!”
Mavis walked into the kitchen, yawning and frowning. “Jesus, Lindz. What the hell are you yelling about?”
“It’s Brian,” Lindsay said in desperation. “He’s been in a motorcycle accident!”
“Oh,” said Mavis. “Is he alive?”
Lindsay gulped. “Yes.”
“Was your son involved?”
“No. Debbie Horvath says Gus saw the accident, but he wasn’t hurt,” said Lindsay. “She’s on the phone now.”
“Oh.” Mavis shrugged. “Then what’s the problem?”
Lindsay held her breath. “Brian is in very serious condition. He’s in a coma!”
“Yeah. Okay, I get that,” said Mavis. “Does that mean Gus will be coming up here? Because I thought we discussed making his room into the nursery for the baby. If he’s coming back, we’ll have to talk about this. Because I think the baby has priority.”
“Maybe we should discuss this later,” Lindsay said through gritted teeth.
Mavis poured herself a large glass of milk. “We need more milk. I’ll make a list and you can go grocery shopping before your class. And if Gus is coming, we’ll need to stock up on junk food. That’s all that kid eats.”
“Lindsay? Honey? Are you still there?” said Debbie.
“Yes, Deb, I’m here,” said Lindsay into the phone. “Mavis just got up. But I want to talk to Gus! Can you put him on, please?”
“You’ll have to call him yourself,” said Deb. “But wait a couple of hours. If he’s finally asleep, I’d let him go. He’s exhausted, poor kid.”
“I need to go down there,” said Lindsay. “Who’s at the hospital? Someone should be there looking after Brian! Is Michael in charge?”
“No,” said Debbie. “Michael and Ben were there last night. But Justin’s there now. He and Ted are dealing with the doctors and the insurance and all that stuff.”
“Justin?” said Lindsay with surprise. “What’s Justin doing there? Are Brian and Justin back together? When did this happen?”
Debbie snorted. “The more things change, the more they stay the same, isn’t that the fucking truth? Yeah, they seem to be back together. I think it happened a few weeks ago. See, Justin was seeing this cute boy named Robbie…”
“I don’t need to know this now, Deb!” Lindsay snapped. “I’m sorry, but my head can’t get around this whole thing.”
“No problem, hon,” said Deb. “I know this has thrown you for a loop. You should have seen Michael last night. I thought they were gonna have to put him in Intensive Care, too, he was freaking out so badly. Well, I better get going. I have a lot of stuff to do here before I go back over to Allegheny General. But you take care, all right?”
“Yes, Deb,” said Lindsay. “And thank you for calling.”
When Lindsay set down her phone, her head was spinning. Brian! What was going to happen to Brian? How badly was he really injured? And Gus! Gus must be so shaken up! She wished she could call Justin. He would give her the straight story. The fact that he was there was so strange. Brian and Justin. It always came down to the two of them.
Lindsay then thought of Melanie. The truth is, she thought about Mel a lot, always with regret. This would give a reason to call her, to talk to her. But why would Mel want to know that Brian had been in an accident? She’d always resented Brian, maybe even hated him.
Because Melanie knew how much Lindsay loved him.
And she did love him. She’d loved Brian almost from the moment they met at Penn State in that American Lit survey course freshman year. He’d been the best-looking man she’d ever seen, and she had dated a lot of good-looking guys all through high school. So she sat down next to him in that big lecture hall and asked to borrow a pen. Brian was the kind of guy who always had an extra pen. That’s how it started.
Slowly but surely Lindsay began to realize that Brian was different from the other men she knew, and that she was different as well, but that never seemed an obstacle. She had always thought back then that one day they’d be together - really together. Yes, Brian was gay and she was a lesbian, but if two people loved each other enough…
Unfortunately, Brian didn’t love her that way. Yes, Brian loved her. And yes, they fucked, but it meant more to her than it had to him. For Brian it was a kinky experiment, something he did while he was tripping. But Lindsay hadn’t been tripping. She’d been perfectly serious. So when it came time for her and Mel to have a baby, the only man Lindsay wanted for the father was Brian. Melanie was against it from the start, but she eventually gave in. But Mel never forgot and could never forgive the fact that Brian Kinney could give her partner something she couldn’t - their perfect, beautiful, intelligent son. Who was also the image of Brian in personality as well as looks. Melanie could never get over it and blamed Brian for every problem they ever had, even ones he had absolutely nothing to do with. And always Gus was a reminder, until the baby Melanie had adored became the living embodiment of their failed relationship.
“I said, when did this accident happen?”
Lindsay hadn’t even realized Mavis was speaking to her.
“I think is must have happened last night. Poor Brian is in a coma and Gus is very, very upset.”
“So you said.” Mavis made herself a bowl of whole grain cereal and poured more milk on top. Mavis had been a nominal vegan, but since she was pregnant, she’d been filling up on milk, eggs, and other forbidden foods. The lesbian midwife who would be doing the delivery had ordered a change in her diet and anything Daisy Moonblood, C.M., said was law.
“I think I should go to Pittsburgh,” Lindsay said. “They might need me.”
Mavis looked up from her cereal. “Need you for what? You’re not a doctor. And it sounds like Debbie - What’shername?”
“Novotny,” said Lindsay automatically. “I mean, Horvath. She remarried.”
“Debbie Horvath didn’t say you should fly down there. Sounds like things are under control,” said Mavis. “Gus is a big boy. I doubt he needs his mommy running to wipe his nose.”
“He’s my son!” Lindsay didn’t appreciate Mavis’ lack of empathy. One of the things she had admired about Mavis when they first met was her strength and practicality, two things Lindsay had always lacked. And Mavis never flew off the handle like Melanie, lashing back at her and holding a million grudges. But Mavis was, frankly, a little cold. Or a lot cold. She never seemed to understand the bond Lindsay had with Gus. He was her son! It should have been obvious! But not to Mavis. And explaining Brian’s importance in her life had been next to impossible. To Mavis, Brian was a name on a series of checks and that was all.
“He’ll be fine,” said Mavis. “Put more Kashi on the shopping list. And peanut butter. Daisy says I need a lot of protein. Crunchy peanut butter. A big jar.”
“Are you even listening to me?” said Lindsay. “My son’s father is in critical condition!”
Mavis looked at her, chewing thoughtfully. “If he dies, what’s the situation with the kid’s trust fund? If he’s going to be living with us, we’ll need a larger house. He and the baby can’t share a room. And it’ll be a couple of years before he’s ready to go off to college.”
Lindsay took a deep breath. “Is that all you can think of? That we’ll need a bigger house?”
“Well, we will.” Mavis shrugged. “I’m only stating the obvious. I suppose Kinney has a lot of insurance, too. Gus is his only heir, right?”
“He has a daughter,” said Lindsay. “With a woman in California.”
“That could be a problem,” said Mavis. “But I’m guessing he made sure Gus is well taken care of. If not, we may have to hire a lawyer.”
“You’re talking as if Brian were already… already dead!” Lindsay choked out the words.
“Dead or brain dead,” Mavis reasoned. “Motorcycle accidents are a bitch. Call your ex and ask her about it. I’m sure she could tell you a few stories about what happens when your fucking head hits something hard. What was the name of that woman who bit the big one a few years back? The one who hit that guardrail going 80 MPH?”
“Leda,” Lindsay whispered.
“Right. Leda,” said Mavis, turning back to her cereal. The conversation was over.
“Oh, God!” said Lindsay, running to the bathroom and vomiting into the toilet bowl. “If Brian’s dead, what will I do? And what will Gus do?”
“Oh, by the way,” called Mavis. “If you think you’re going down and hanging out by that guy’s bedside, then think again. This is our life now. If your kid has to come back here to live, that’s one thing, but I don’t want you moaning after some dick you fucked a thousand years ago. I made that clear when we got together. Remember?”
Lindsay wiped her clammy face with a washcloth. Then she came out into the kitchen. “Yes, I remember.”
“Good,” said Mavis. “As long as that’s clear.”
Lindsay nodded miserably.
Clear as mud, she thought. Clear as everything else in my fucking life.
She blinked back the tears and went upstairs to get dressed to go grocery shopping.