"Coup de Foudre" 50
The morning after for Ted...
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, July 2016
Ted Schmidt did not want to go to work the day after the Fourth. He woke up feeling as if he were 10 years old, trying to convince his mother that he had a stomach ache and should stay home, drinking cocoa and watching 'All My Children' instead.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Blake. “You didn’t do anything to be ashamed of at the picnic.”
“It’s not me!” Ted insisted. “It’s facing Brian or Justin. That’s what I’m not looking forward to.”
Blake poured himself a cup of coffee. “Now you’re being crazy.”
Ted halfheartedly got ready for work, but before he left he checked his messages. There was only one - a text from Emmett. It was a single word - Bingo!
Ted showed it to Blake. “What do you think this means?”
Blake raised an eyebrow. “Think about it.” He patted Ted on the shoulder and gave him a quick kiss, wondering how Ted managed to survive in the real world. “I have to go. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Yeah, tonight,” said Ted. Then he sighed and headed off to Kinnetik.
***
Ted Schmidt was always on time. Never a minute late, but also never a minute early. It was the same at the end of the day. John often said that he could set his watch by Schmidt’s comings and goings.
On this morning after the long Fourth of July weekend, Ted was true to his reputation - he was exactly on time, even if it was somewhat reluctantly.
Cynthia was waiting for him at the door of his office.
“I’m not late!” Ted began. “I don’t think my watch is slow. I just got a battery for it three weeks ago. And traffic… traffic was insane. It must be because of the holiday…”
“Ted, please stop,” said Cynthia. For someone so dependable, Ted often seemed on the verge of hysteria. “Do you mind if we have a little talk in your office?”
Ted went cold. The little talk. Here it was, the day he’d been dreading. One of the worst days of his life had been the day when he’d been fired from Wertshafter’s, and now it was about to happen again. He knew he never should have gone to work for Brian! Twelve years of his life he’d given to fucking Kinnetik! He’d almost been exploded into tiny bits watching over Brian’s stupid dance club, and he’d given his blood, sweat, and tears laboring over Brian’s fucking spreadsheets, only to be treated like this! Only to be…
“Ted, will you please sit down and relax,” said Cynthia, indicating his desk. Then she shut the door behind them. “You look like you think I’m about to fire you.”
Ted choked. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course not!” Cynthia rolled her eyes. “Why would I fire you?”
“I…” Ted tried to think of a rational reason, but he couldn’t, only irrational ones. “I don’t know.”
“For heaven’s sake!” said Cynthia. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“No. No coffee,” said Ted, sinking into his swivel chair. “I think I’m jittery enough.”
Cynthia sat on the edge of his desk. “Are you ready to focus?”
“Yes,” said Ted. “Focus. I’m ready.”
“Good.” Cynthia crossed her long legs. “I assume you went to Debbie Horvath’s Fourth of July picnic yesterday?”
“Blake and I both went,” Ted said hesitantly. “How did you know about it?”
Cynthia smiled. “It’s my business to know Brian’s business, remember? Being his personal assistant was the first job I ever had out of college. Brian trained me, but I also trained him, in a way. I trained him to let me know what he was thinking and what he was about to do. That way I’d never be caught with my pants down - figuratively, of course.”
Ted nodded. “Of course.”
“Everyone in the office knows Brian and Justin have picked up where they left off in 2005 when they called off their wedding,” she continued. “Although either they’ve been cooling it lately, or else just covering their tracks better, because I haven’t been able to catch them together in the past few weeks. I also know that Brian’s been seeing a new man, Garrett. I’ve taken a number of messages from him. British accent. Very polite. What do you know about him?”
“Um… not much. He’s about Brian’s age. Blondish. Seems nice,” said Ted. “He was at the picnic yesterday.”
“And Justin was there, too?” Cynthia probed.
“Yes, with his boyfriend.” Now Ted was beginning to sweat. Cynthia looked very mild and lady-like, but she was a shark. A blonde, mini-skirted shark. That’s why her ringtone on Ted’s cellphone was the theme from ‘Jaws.’ “Why are you interrogating me about all this?”
“Oh, Theodore!” she laughed. “If I were interrogating you, you’d be sweating a lot more than you are right now. I’m simply asking a few questions.” Cynthia slipped off the desk and began pacing back and forth, the heels of her Louboutins tapping relentlessly on the tile floor. “As you know, we have a hierarchy here at Kinnetik. Brian is our figurehead and client magnet. John’s job is to make creative decisions. Murph’s job is to ensure that our ads are beautiful and cutting-edge. Your job is to pay the bills and keep track of the money. And my job is to make certain Kinnetik runs like a well-oiled machine. Unfortunately, since Brian’s return from California our machine has been a bit clunky. We both know why that is, don’t we? And its initials are B and J.”
Ted swallowed hard. “But Cynthia - Brian is the boss. And he’s Brian fucking Kinney! He’s going to do what he’s going to do - and he doesn’t give a crap how any of us feel about it.”
“I realize that. Brian will do what Brian will do, obviously,” Cynthia said evenly. “All I can do is mitigate the damage. But in order to do that, I need to know what’s going on, especially if it’s going to be disruptive of our work environment. Brian and Justin were both at the picnic yesterday and today they’re both not here. I need to know if they’re together, holed up in the loft or somewhere else, fucking their brains out, instead of at Kinnetik, doing their jobs.”
“Maybe they really are sick?” Ted suggested. “With food poisoning! Deb’s atomic potato salad has taken down grown men before. And it was a hot day. Very hot.”
“Did you have any potato salad?” Cynthia asked pointedly.
“Yes,” Ted whispered.
“And you’re fine,” she stated.
Ted took out a handkerchief and wiped his brow. “Listen, I can pretty much guarantee Brian and Justin aren’t anywhere fucking their brains out. Believe me! Brian left with Garrett on the motorcycle.”
Cynthia stopped pacing, her blue eyes wide. “On the what?”
“The… the motorcycle,” said Ted. “Brian’s new motorcycle. He and Garrett drove away on it.”
Cynthia threw up her hands. “Wonderful! A fucking motorcycle! I knew Brian was going through a mid-life crisis, but that’s one I didn’t see coming. I hope he talked this over with his therapist.”
Ted blinked. “Brian’s therapist? Brian is seeing a therapist?”
Cynthia frowned. “Yes. And don’t mention it to anyone. I mean that. Not even your partner. If it gets back to Brian that you know, then he’ll certainly have you killed. Get it?”
“Y... yes,” said Ted. “I get it. I’m completely forgetting anything about Brian’s therapist right this minute.”
“See that you do.” Cynthia adjusted her skirt and fluffed her hair, preparing to run Kinnetik for yet another day.
“Cynthia, one thing,” said Ted. “You said something about the loft. As in Brian’s loft? The one that was on Fuller?”
“Yes, there’s only one Brian’s loft,” Cynthia replied.
“But he sold that when he left Pittsburgh!” Ted insisted. “I was his accountant. Jennifer Taylor was the real estate agent on the deal.”
“And he bought it back a few years later,” said Cynthia, obviously finished with this conversation. “It’s his secret lair in the Pitts. He thinks no one else knows about it. But I know. And Ron knew. In fact, Ron told me so I could keep an eye on Brian while he was in town. And who are you going to tell about it?”
“No one,” said Ted. “No one at all. I don’t know a thing about it. Nothing. Nada. Nyet. Bupkis.”
“That’s enough.” Cynthia opened the office door. “If you hear anything from either Brian or Justin, let me know immediately.”
“I will. I promise.”
By the time Cynthia left the office, Ted was a wreck. He should have told her about Brian’s rant, he thought. And that he and Justin went off on the motorcycle to have sex. Or a blowjob, if they considered that sex. For Brian it was a handshake. But it was sex for most normal people. Yes, it was definitely sex. What if Cynthia found out he didn’t tell her every detail of the picnic? That Robbie stormed off and Justin left alone a few minutes later. Those were important details. Then he was fucked if she found out! But he was fucked anyway. One way he’d be fucked with Cynthia, and the other way he’d be fucked with Brian.
His cell jingled the opening notes of ‘Somewhere Out There.’ Emmett calling.
“What?” Ted snapped.
“Hey, Mr. Cranky Pants!” said Emmett. “Someone got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
“Yeah, and the rest of the day isn’t turning out much better. So make it quick, will you, Em?”
“Just checking in with my bestest bestie,” said Emmett. “I, on the other hand, didn’t get out of bed until a little while ago. I canceled all my appointments for this morning. And my morning was completely scrumptious!”
“Great,” said Ted. “Have a nice day.”
“Don’t you want to know why it was so scrumptious?” Emmett crowed. “Don’t you? Can’t you guess? Go ahead, guess!”
“I don’t want to guess, Em!” said Ted, losing his patience. “Either tell me what you called to tell me, or hang up. Because I have work to do.”
“Always the party pooper,” Emmett sighed. “Who did I take home? From the picnic?”
“The picnic?” Ted shivered. He’d never go to one of Debbie’s picnics again as long as he lived! “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Think! Who needed a ride home?” said Emmett. “From the picnic? Teddy, you need to wake up and smell the twink - which I did, believe you me!”
“Robbie?” Ted sat up straight. “You didn’t take Robbie home? I mean to his home?”
“Of course not, silly!” Emmett was positively giddy. “Why would he want to go back to two-timing Justin Taylor’s? So I took him to my place. I offered him a little wine, a little bump, and a friendly shoulder to cry on. More than a shoulder, actually. I offered him the full Fetch Dixon buffet. And he sampled everything on the menu!”
“Oh, Emmett!”
“Yes, he kept saying that,” Emmett said smugly. “Wait until Justin hears about this! He won’t be such a smart-ass after he finds out I appropriated his boytoy.”
“Why do you want to cause trouble, Em? Are you enjoying this?”
“Yes, actually, I am enjoying this,” said Emmett. “And I’m going to continue to enjoy it as long as I can! Ta ta, Teddy!”
Ted shoved his cell back in his pocket. The day had begun at the bottom and only gone down from there. He couldn’t imagine what worse could happen.
His cell rang again. It was the Death Star music from ‘Star Wars.’
Brian.
“Theodore!” boomed Brian’s voice. “I need you to get over here pronto and bring some cash. A lot of cash.”
“Cash?” Ted held his breath. “How much cash?”
“I don’t know. Four… no, five hundred dollars. That should be enough. And call Carl Horvath. Ask him to come down here, too. I need him.”
“Where, Brian?” Ted asked. “Where are you? What the fuck happened?”
“I’m in the downtown lock-up,” said Brian. “I’ve been busted.”
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, July 2016
Ted Schmidt did not want to go to work the day after the Fourth. He woke up feeling as if he were 10 years old, trying to convince his mother that he had a stomach ache and should stay home, drinking cocoa and watching 'All My Children' instead.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Blake. “You didn’t do anything to be ashamed of at the picnic.”
“It’s not me!” Ted insisted. “It’s facing Brian or Justin. That’s what I’m not looking forward to.”
Blake poured himself a cup of coffee. “Now you’re being crazy.”
Ted halfheartedly got ready for work, but before he left he checked his messages. There was only one - a text from Emmett. It was a single word - Bingo!
Ted showed it to Blake. “What do you think this means?”
Blake raised an eyebrow. “Think about it.” He patted Ted on the shoulder and gave him a quick kiss, wondering how Ted managed to survive in the real world. “I have to go. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Yeah, tonight,” said Ted. Then he sighed and headed off to Kinnetik.
***
Ted Schmidt was always on time. Never a minute late, but also never a minute early. It was the same at the end of the day. John often said that he could set his watch by Schmidt’s comings and goings.
On this morning after the long Fourth of July weekend, Ted was true to his reputation - he was exactly on time, even if it was somewhat reluctantly.
Cynthia was waiting for him at the door of his office.
“I’m not late!” Ted began. “I don’t think my watch is slow. I just got a battery for it three weeks ago. And traffic… traffic was insane. It must be because of the holiday…”
“Ted, please stop,” said Cynthia. For someone so dependable, Ted often seemed on the verge of hysteria. “Do you mind if we have a little talk in your office?”
Ted went cold. The little talk. Here it was, the day he’d been dreading. One of the worst days of his life had been the day when he’d been fired from Wertshafter’s, and now it was about to happen again. He knew he never should have gone to work for Brian! Twelve years of his life he’d given to fucking Kinnetik! He’d almost been exploded into tiny bits watching over Brian’s stupid dance club, and he’d given his blood, sweat, and tears laboring over Brian’s fucking spreadsheets, only to be treated like this! Only to be…
“Ted, will you please sit down and relax,” said Cynthia, indicating his desk. Then she shut the door behind them. “You look like you think I’m about to fire you.”
Ted choked. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course not!” Cynthia rolled her eyes. “Why would I fire you?”
“I…” Ted tried to think of a rational reason, but he couldn’t, only irrational ones. “I don’t know.”
“For heaven’s sake!” said Cynthia. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“No. No coffee,” said Ted, sinking into his swivel chair. “I think I’m jittery enough.”
Cynthia sat on the edge of his desk. “Are you ready to focus?”
“Yes,” said Ted. “Focus. I’m ready.”
“Good.” Cynthia crossed her long legs. “I assume you went to Debbie Horvath’s Fourth of July picnic yesterday?”
“Blake and I both went,” Ted said hesitantly. “How did you know about it?”
Cynthia smiled. “It’s my business to know Brian’s business, remember? Being his personal assistant was the first job I ever had out of college. Brian trained me, but I also trained him, in a way. I trained him to let me know what he was thinking and what he was about to do. That way I’d never be caught with my pants down - figuratively, of course.”
Ted nodded. “Of course.”
“Everyone in the office knows Brian and Justin have picked up where they left off in 2005 when they called off their wedding,” she continued. “Although either they’ve been cooling it lately, or else just covering their tracks better, because I haven’t been able to catch them together in the past few weeks. I also know that Brian’s been seeing a new man, Garrett. I’ve taken a number of messages from him. British accent. Very polite. What do you know about him?”
“Um… not much. He’s about Brian’s age. Blondish. Seems nice,” said Ted. “He was at the picnic yesterday.”
“And Justin was there, too?” Cynthia probed.
“Yes, with his boyfriend.” Now Ted was beginning to sweat. Cynthia looked very mild and lady-like, but she was a shark. A blonde, mini-skirted shark. That’s why her ringtone on Ted’s cellphone was the theme from ‘Jaws.’ “Why are you interrogating me about all this?”
“Oh, Theodore!” she laughed. “If I were interrogating you, you’d be sweating a lot more than you are right now. I’m simply asking a few questions.” Cynthia slipped off the desk and began pacing back and forth, the heels of her Louboutins tapping relentlessly on the tile floor. “As you know, we have a hierarchy here at Kinnetik. Brian is our figurehead and client magnet. John’s job is to make creative decisions. Murph’s job is to ensure that our ads are beautiful and cutting-edge. Your job is to pay the bills and keep track of the money. And my job is to make certain Kinnetik runs like a well-oiled machine. Unfortunately, since Brian’s return from California our machine has been a bit clunky. We both know why that is, don’t we? And its initials are B and J.”
Ted swallowed hard. “But Cynthia - Brian is the boss. And he’s Brian fucking Kinney! He’s going to do what he’s going to do - and he doesn’t give a crap how any of us feel about it.”
“I realize that. Brian will do what Brian will do, obviously,” Cynthia said evenly. “All I can do is mitigate the damage. But in order to do that, I need to know what’s going on, especially if it’s going to be disruptive of our work environment. Brian and Justin were both at the picnic yesterday and today they’re both not here. I need to know if they’re together, holed up in the loft or somewhere else, fucking their brains out, instead of at Kinnetik, doing their jobs.”
“Maybe they really are sick?” Ted suggested. “With food poisoning! Deb’s atomic potato salad has taken down grown men before. And it was a hot day. Very hot.”
“Did you have any potato salad?” Cynthia asked pointedly.
“Yes,” Ted whispered.
“And you’re fine,” she stated.
Ted took out a handkerchief and wiped his brow. “Listen, I can pretty much guarantee Brian and Justin aren’t anywhere fucking their brains out. Believe me! Brian left with Garrett on the motorcycle.”
Cynthia stopped pacing, her blue eyes wide. “On the what?”
“The… the motorcycle,” said Ted. “Brian’s new motorcycle. He and Garrett drove away on it.”
Cynthia threw up her hands. “Wonderful! A fucking motorcycle! I knew Brian was going through a mid-life crisis, but that’s one I didn’t see coming. I hope he talked this over with his therapist.”
Ted blinked. “Brian’s therapist? Brian is seeing a therapist?”
Cynthia frowned. “Yes. And don’t mention it to anyone. I mean that. Not even your partner. If it gets back to Brian that you know, then he’ll certainly have you killed. Get it?”
“Y... yes,” said Ted. “I get it. I’m completely forgetting anything about Brian’s therapist right this minute.”
“See that you do.” Cynthia adjusted her skirt and fluffed her hair, preparing to run Kinnetik for yet another day.
“Cynthia, one thing,” said Ted. “You said something about the loft. As in Brian’s loft? The one that was on Fuller?”
“Yes, there’s only one Brian’s loft,” Cynthia replied.
“But he sold that when he left Pittsburgh!” Ted insisted. “I was his accountant. Jennifer Taylor was the real estate agent on the deal.”
“And he bought it back a few years later,” said Cynthia, obviously finished with this conversation. “It’s his secret lair in the Pitts. He thinks no one else knows about it. But I know. And Ron knew. In fact, Ron told me so I could keep an eye on Brian while he was in town. And who are you going to tell about it?”
“No one,” said Ted. “No one at all. I don’t know a thing about it. Nothing. Nada. Nyet. Bupkis.”
“That’s enough.” Cynthia opened the office door. “If you hear anything from either Brian or Justin, let me know immediately.”
“I will. I promise.”
By the time Cynthia left the office, Ted was a wreck. He should have told her about Brian’s rant, he thought. And that he and Justin went off on the motorcycle to have sex. Or a blowjob, if they considered that sex. For Brian it was a handshake. But it was sex for most normal people. Yes, it was definitely sex. What if Cynthia found out he didn’t tell her every detail of the picnic? That Robbie stormed off and Justin left alone a few minutes later. Those were important details. Then he was fucked if she found out! But he was fucked anyway. One way he’d be fucked with Cynthia, and the other way he’d be fucked with Brian.
His cell jingled the opening notes of ‘Somewhere Out There.’ Emmett calling.
“What?” Ted snapped.
“Hey, Mr. Cranky Pants!” said Emmett. “Someone got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
“Yeah, and the rest of the day isn’t turning out much better. So make it quick, will you, Em?”
“Just checking in with my bestest bestie,” said Emmett. “I, on the other hand, didn’t get out of bed until a little while ago. I canceled all my appointments for this morning. And my morning was completely scrumptious!”
“Great,” said Ted. “Have a nice day.”
“Don’t you want to know why it was so scrumptious?” Emmett crowed. “Don’t you? Can’t you guess? Go ahead, guess!”
“I don’t want to guess, Em!” said Ted, losing his patience. “Either tell me what you called to tell me, or hang up. Because I have work to do.”
“Always the party pooper,” Emmett sighed. “Who did I take home? From the picnic?”
“The picnic?” Ted shivered. He’d never go to one of Debbie’s picnics again as long as he lived! “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Think! Who needed a ride home?” said Emmett. “From the picnic? Teddy, you need to wake up and smell the twink - which I did, believe you me!”
“Robbie?” Ted sat up straight. “You didn’t take Robbie home? I mean to his home?”
“Of course not, silly!” Emmett was positively giddy. “Why would he want to go back to two-timing Justin Taylor’s? So I took him to my place. I offered him a little wine, a little bump, and a friendly shoulder to cry on. More than a shoulder, actually. I offered him the full Fetch Dixon buffet. And he sampled everything on the menu!”
“Oh, Emmett!”
“Yes, he kept saying that,” Emmett said smugly. “Wait until Justin hears about this! He won’t be such a smart-ass after he finds out I appropriated his boytoy.”
“Why do you want to cause trouble, Em? Are you enjoying this?”
“Yes, actually, I am enjoying this,” said Emmett. “And I’m going to continue to enjoy it as long as I can! Ta ta, Teddy!”
Ted shoved his cell back in his pocket. The day had begun at the bottom and only gone down from there. He couldn’t imagine what worse could happen.
His cell rang again. It was the Death Star music from ‘Star Wars.’
Brian.
“Theodore!” boomed Brian’s voice. “I need you to get over here pronto and bring some cash. A lot of cash.”
“Cash?” Ted held his breath. “How much cash?”
“I don’t know. Four… no, five hundred dollars. That should be enough. And call Carl Horvath. Ask him to come down here, too. I need him.”
“Where, Brian?” Ted asked. “Where are you? What the fuck happened?”
“I’m in the downtown lock-up,” said Brian. “I’ve been busted.”