"Coup de Foudre" 29
Summer's over and I'm out of the condo and getting ready
for class. That means I'll have other responsibilities
besides the fic. And my presentation on AU fanfiction is
in November -- I'll be asking for your input, of course.
But I'll be posting as often as I can. Things are heating
up here!
So...
Drive me crazy?
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, June 2016
“That was a nice school,” said Brian as they walked back to the car. Coventry Prep was ultra-snobby, but it was also academically first-rate, with top-notch facilities. Brian would have hated the pretentious assholes who went there and he didn’t want Gus to become one of them, but time was running short to pick something - anything! - before Gus left for Toronto.
“It was okay,” said Gus, shrugging. He wanted to say that it wasn’t as nice as St. James, but he already knew what his father would say to that. Sometimes Brian was so stubborn it made Gus crazy! He had a gripe against St. James, but Jeez! Something that happened ages ago shouldn’t stop Gus from going to a cool school, should it? It wasn’t fair at all!
And things were looking even suckier as June drew to a close. July meant going back up to Canada for his “Mom Time.” Except “Mom Time” also meant soccer camp. Not that he didn’t enjoy soccer camp, but not this year. Camp was for little kids and he wasn’t a fucking little kid anymore, although Lindsay didn’t seem to notice that fact. He’d rather stay here in the Pitts and practice driving. September and 16 wasn’t that far off…
“Can I drive?”
Brian narrowed his eyes at his son. “You want to drive me?”
“Why not?” Gus narrowed his eyes back at Brian.
“I thought you were practicing with Carmel riding shotgun?”
“I am,” said Gus. “But she makes me nervous. She’s always crossing herself and saying, ‘Dios mio, chico! You drive too fast!’ And I’m not driving all that fast. I need more practice with someone who won’t freak out whenever I make a left turn.”
Brian hesitated. He hated to have anyone else in the driver’s seat - that lack of control made him antsy. But Gus had a good point. He did need the practice.
“Okay.” Brian handed him the keys. “Don’t crash.”
Gus grinned. “I won’t. I promise!”
Brian was nervous, but he didn’t want to show it. He knew Gus was a thoughtful kid and not a hotshot, but he was a Kinney, after all - taking chances and living on the edge was in his blood. Of course, he was half Peterson, too - WASP-bland and hesitant of what the neighbors might think, but also liable to do the unexpected just when you were least expecting it.
Gus, for his part, decided to be extra-careful. He wanted to impress his old man with how grown-up he was, how in control. Brian respected control, being a control-freak himself. But he also didn’t want his father to think he was afraid of the car, or of the responsibility of driving it. He wanted to seem like a guy who should have his own vehicle, preferably sooner rather than later.
“Drive out a ways,” Brian directed. “You know where that big mall is?”
“Sure!” said Gus. He’d gone there with Brian once to look for clothes and another time with Carmel to get things for the kitchen.
“Let’s see how you handle just driving,” said Brian. “No funny stuff.”
“Right,” Gus affirmed. “No funny stuff.” Gus merged easily into traffic and headed out towards Monroeville.
Gus enjoyed being in the car with his father. It reminded him of all the times in L.A. when he’d drive along with Ron. That’s when they had real talks about real stuff - important stuff. School, friends, and girls, mostly, but also about Gus’s interests. Sometimes sports. Sometimes cars. Sometimes the movies. Ron encouraged Gus to take an interest in the movie business. He often talked about his favorite films and how they’d influenced his directing and screenwriting career. Gus wasn’t certain about what he wanted to do with his life, but working in films had always been a possibility, especially with Ron’s guidance. But now that Ron was gone… it was difficult. Gus had yet to find something he was truly passionate about.
But Gus found it harder to talk to Brian about things. Brian closed up like a clam when certain topics came up. His family. His childhood and adolescence. His feelings about things like love. He had no problem discussing sex - Gus knew everything about how to have safe sex and use a condom even though he’d had no chance to put any of that knowledge to use, not yet. But love and romance and dating - things Gus was thinking seriously about - Brian was absolutely no help in that department. He’d asked his father once about going on a date, but Brian had claimed that he’d never been on one in his life.
Ron had laughed at that. “Dating isn’t something Brian would ever admit he’d done, even if he obviously has. He’s gone on dates, but to call it that would be too ‘hetero,’ so he’ll deny it forever. But he has, believe me, he has.”
That answer told him a lot about his old man, but it was no help to Gus in practical terms.
He glanced over at his father.
“Keep your eyes on the road.”
“I am.” Gus clutched the wheel tightly. “Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you… happy?”
What the fuck? That question blindsided Brian. “Huh?”
“I asked if you were you happy.”
Brian squirmed. “Of course. I’m happy.” Whatever the fuck happy meant. “Why do you ask such a ridiculous question?”
“I don’t know.” But Gus did know. He wanted his father to be happy. And he knew that since Ron’s death, he’d been anything but happy. “It’s not ridiculous. I think it’s important. Being happy is important. You want me to be happy, don’t you?”
“If this is leading to ‘Happiness is a New Mustang,’ then the answer is ‘no,’” Brian said firmly.
Gus winced. He hadn’t planned on bringing up the car at this point. He knew it was way too early to play that card.
“This isn’t about me,” Gus insisted. “It’s about you.”
“Well, forget about me,” Brian returned. “You should only worry about yourself, because I can take care of myself.”
“But I don’t think you can,” Gus said bluntly. “When I go up to Toronto next week and Carmel goes on her vacation, I don’t want you sitting in that big house all alone for a month, brooding and smoking and drinking and not eating. I don’t want you becoming a recluse.”
“A recluse?” Brian tried not to laugh. He understood where this was all coming from, but that didn’t mean he liked it. “I get it, kid. You had dinner at Deb’s and she’s been talking to you, filling your head with tales of my ultimate tragic demise. And Michael joined the chorus with his two cents. I’m sure both of them think butting into my life is exactly what will make me happy.”
“Well… something like that,” Gus admitted. “But they have a good point. Don’t you ever want to, you know, go out with anybody? Like… on a date?”
This was getting weirder by the moment. “A date? Why the hell would I want to go on a date?”
Now Gus was at a loss. He knew that for gay men dating was all about sex - especially when that gay man was Brian Kinney. He didn’t like to imagine his father having sex with anyone but his husband, Ron. But Ron wasn’t around, that was the reality. And Brian’s unhappiness was palpable.
“Because… you’re lonely,” Gus stated. “You’re unhappy. Don’t lie, Dad, and say you’re not. Because I know you are. You don’t eat. You wander around the house in the middle of the night. You work, but you don’t have any fun.”
Brian fumbled for a cigarette, but realized that he wasn’t carrying any. He was still trying to cut back and driving around with Gus had seemed like a good way to force the issue. Now he was regretting that fucking stupid decision. “Adult fun is different than kid fun.”
“I know that, Dad.” Gus knew Brian meant sex, but Gus was thinking about more than sex. He was thinking about… life. About love. About… everything. He was thinking about Brian finding someone. About recreating the family they’d lost. “But sex isn’t all you and Ron did together.”
“Jesus!” Brian did not like the turn this conversation was taking. “My sex life is none of your business!”
“But it is!” Gus persisted. “Especially when having a partner - having a husband - was so important to you. And to me, too. Sex is part of that. Ron and I talked about it.”
Brian’s heart skipped. “You… you talked about that? With Ron?”
“Yes,” said Gus. He stopped at a red light and resisted the urge to rev up the engine. “We talked about a lot of things. Sex was one of them. He talked about how you guys met at Michael and Ben’s. And then how you got together. I know ‘getting together’ means fucking. I’m almost 16, Dad, and I know what fucking is. That’s one thing you did talk to me about. But what you left out was the ‘love’ part. But Ron didn’t leave that out. He talked about love.”
“That kind of shit is private.” Brian stared out the window. This part of the Pitts was an area he’d rarely seen when he’d lived there as a kid. Too suburban. The kind of place his mother had aspired to. The kind of place Ron was from on Long Island. “It’s nobody else’s business - not even yours.”
“You and Ron are my dads,” Gus said. “Were my dads. Now it’s only you. Ron is… dead.” Gus swallowed hard. He’d never wished that Ron was still there more than at that moment. Because Ron would have understood. There were so many things Ron seemed to understand, but Brian had trouble with. “But you’re alive. I want you to really, really be alive. And that’s why I want you to be happy. That’s why I don’t want you to hide yourself away all summer and act like some creepy ghost!” He almost added, like back in L.A. after Ron died, but he was afraid to go there.
“Brian Kinney is no creepy ghost!” Brian retorted. “Listen, kid, if I have to… to get my needs met, then I’ll get my needs met. Don’t you worry about it.”
“You mean finding some stranger to hook up with on Grindr?” Gus sniffed.
Brian almost choked. “How the fuck do you know about Grindr?”
Gus rolled his eyes. “Come on, Dad! I live with two gay men. I’m not an idiot. I know what Grindr is. I know about gay hook-up sites. I also know about straight hook-up sites.”
“You fucking stay out of those places!” Brian growled. “I mean that!”
“I’m not into that,” said Gus. “And I wouldn’t be into any girl who was into that. If I have a relationship, I want it to mean something. I want it to be about love.”
Brian shook his head. “Shit! I’ve spawned a romantic!”
“What’s wrong with romance?” Gus asked.
“What’s wrong with it?” Brian exclaimed. “Everything! It’s bullshit!”
“I don’t believe you,” Gus replied. “And Ron didn’t believe it was bull.”
“This is a fucking nightmare,” Brian moaned. “This is Lindsay’s influence, because that’s totally lesbianic. No Kinney believes in any of that romantic crap!”
“I call b.s.,” Gus said calmly.
“Turn the car around,” Brian ordered.
“Why?” said Gus. “Because we’re finally talking about something important?”
“No,” said Brian, although he meant yes. “It’s getting close to dinner time and Carmel will be waiting for you.”
Gus sighed and pulled into a parking lot. He turned the Lexus around, going back the other way, back into Pittsburgh.
“You have to eat, too, Dad.”
“I’m going to dinner at Michael and Ben’s tonight,” Brian said grimly. “And believe me, I’m going to ream Michael out for getting you on this stupid happiness, love, and sunshine kick. And then I’ll go after Deb.”
“Go ahead,” Gus said. “It doesn’t change the fact that you need to do something, Dad. You know you do. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”
Brian rubbed his aching forehead. Carmel started her vacation Friday, while Gus was leaving for Lindsay’s on Saturday morning. He’d already arranged to meet Justin at the loft Saturday afternoon. He hoped they could manage to extend the fuck session to at least Sunday morning, depending on what story Sunshine fed to his clueless boyfriend. Maybe even Sunday evening.
But that was about fucking. Period. Not love. Not a relationship. Not even close.
But this happiness bullshit Gus was so obsessed with… That was too much. Too fucking much!
What was happiness, anyway? Money and health and a good, hard fuck. What more did he need?
But what did Gus need? A father who wasn’t an asshole? A father who was - God forbid! - in a relationship? A family? But that couldn’t happen again. Could it? Lightning couldn’t strike again. He’d already been in love twice in his life and the fact that one of those times had worked for 10 years was already a fucking miracle.
Brian’s heart had already been broken twice. A third time was not an option.
Gus needed to think about his own future and his own reality before he tried to mess around with Brian’s.
“Drive home,” Brian said to his son. “And make it snappy. You need to get ready to go to Toronto. I want you to call Lindz tonight and finalize everything.”
“That’s the other thing, Dad,” Gus offered. “Maybe instead of going to Canada I could stay here and we could…”
“No!” Brian cut off that idea immediately. “If you stayed here, Lindsay would have my balls, so it’s not an option. You’re going and you’re not to think about me or worry about me the entire time you’re there. Worry about getting along with the bitch, Mavis - that should take up all the time you aren’t playing soccer.”
“Aw, shit,” Gus mumbled.
“What?”
“Crap,” he said. “I said crap.”
“Good,” said Brian. “Keep it that way.”
for class. That means I'll have other responsibilities
besides the fic. And my presentation on AU fanfiction is
in November -- I'll be asking for your input, of course.
But I'll be posting as often as I can. Things are heating
up here!
So...
Drive me crazy?
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, June 2016
“That was a nice school,” said Brian as they walked back to the car. Coventry Prep was ultra-snobby, but it was also academically first-rate, with top-notch facilities. Brian would have hated the pretentious assholes who went there and he didn’t want Gus to become one of them, but time was running short to pick something - anything! - before Gus left for Toronto.
“It was okay,” said Gus, shrugging. He wanted to say that it wasn’t as nice as St. James, but he already knew what his father would say to that. Sometimes Brian was so stubborn it made Gus crazy! He had a gripe against St. James, but Jeez! Something that happened ages ago shouldn’t stop Gus from going to a cool school, should it? It wasn’t fair at all!
And things were looking even suckier as June drew to a close. July meant going back up to Canada for his “Mom Time.” Except “Mom Time” also meant soccer camp. Not that he didn’t enjoy soccer camp, but not this year. Camp was for little kids and he wasn’t a fucking little kid anymore, although Lindsay didn’t seem to notice that fact. He’d rather stay here in the Pitts and practice driving. September and 16 wasn’t that far off…
“Can I drive?”
Brian narrowed his eyes at his son. “You want to drive me?”
“Why not?” Gus narrowed his eyes back at Brian.
“I thought you were practicing with Carmel riding shotgun?”
“I am,” said Gus. “But she makes me nervous. She’s always crossing herself and saying, ‘Dios mio, chico! You drive too fast!’ And I’m not driving all that fast. I need more practice with someone who won’t freak out whenever I make a left turn.”
Brian hesitated. He hated to have anyone else in the driver’s seat - that lack of control made him antsy. But Gus had a good point. He did need the practice.
“Okay.” Brian handed him the keys. “Don’t crash.”
Gus grinned. “I won’t. I promise!”
Brian was nervous, but he didn’t want to show it. He knew Gus was a thoughtful kid and not a hotshot, but he was a Kinney, after all - taking chances and living on the edge was in his blood. Of course, he was half Peterson, too - WASP-bland and hesitant of what the neighbors might think, but also liable to do the unexpected just when you were least expecting it.
Gus, for his part, decided to be extra-careful. He wanted to impress his old man with how grown-up he was, how in control. Brian respected control, being a control-freak himself. But he also didn’t want his father to think he was afraid of the car, or of the responsibility of driving it. He wanted to seem like a guy who should have his own vehicle, preferably sooner rather than later.
“Drive out a ways,” Brian directed. “You know where that big mall is?”
“Sure!” said Gus. He’d gone there with Brian once to look for clothes and another time with Carmel to get things for the kitchen.
“Let’s see how you handle just driving,” said Brian. “No funny stuff.”
“Right,” Gus affirmed. “No funny stuff.” Gus merged easily into traffic and headed out towards Monroeville.
Gus enjoyed being in the car with his father. It reminded him of all the times in L.A. when he’d drive along with Ron. That’s when they had real talks about real stuff - important stuff. School, friends, and girls, mostly, but also about Gus’s interests. Sometimes sports. Sometimes cars. Sometimes the movies. Ron encouraged Gus to take an interest in the movie business. He often talked about his favorite films and how they’d influenced his directing and screenwriting career. Gus wasn’t certain about what he wanted to do with his life, but working in films had always been a possibility, especially with Ron’s guidance. But now that Ron was gone… it was difficult. Gus had yet to find something he was truly passionate about.
But Gus found it harder to talk to Brian about things. Brian closed up like a clam when certain topics came up. His family. His childhood and adolescence. His feelings about things like love. He had no problem discussing sex - Gus knew everything about how to have safe sex and use a condom even though he’d had no chance to put any of that knowledge to use, not yet. But love and romance and dating - things Gus was thinking seriously about - Brian was absolutely no help in that department. He’d asked his father once about going on a date, but Brian had claimed that he’d never been on one in his life.
Ron had laughed at that. “Dating isn’t something Brian would ever admit he’d done, even if he obviously has. He’s gone on dates, but to call it that would be too ‘hetero,’ so he’ll deny it forever. But he has, believe me, he has.”
That answer told him a lot about his old man, but it was no help to Gus in practical terms.
He glanced over at his father.
“Keep your eyes on the road.”
“I am.” Gus clutched the wheel tightly. “Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you… happy?”
What the fuck? That question blindsided Brian. “Huh?”
“I asked if you were you happy.”
Brian squirmed. “Of course. I’m happy.” Whatever the fuck happy meant. “Why do you ask such a ridiculous question?”
“I don’t know.” But Gus did know. He wanted his father to be happy. And he knew that since Ron’s death, he’d been anything but happy. “It’s not ridiculous. I think it’s important. Being happy is important. You want me to be happy, don’t you?”
“If this is leading to ‘Happiness is a New Mustang,’ then the answer is ‘no,’” Brian said firmly.
Gus winced. He hadn’t planned on bringing up the car at this point. He knew it was way too early to play that card.
“This isn’t about me,” Gus insisted. “It’s about you.”
“Well, forget about me,” Brian returned. “You should only worry about yourself, because I can take care of myself.”
“But I don’t think you can,” Gus said bluntly. “When I go up to Toronto next week and Carmel goes on her vacation, I don’t want you sitting in that big house all alone for a month, brooding and smoking and drinking and not eating. I don’t want you becoming a recluse.”
“A recluse?” Brian tried not to laugh. He understood where this was all coming from, but that didn’t mean he liked it. “I get it, kid. You had dinner at Deb’s and she’s been talking to you, filling your head with tales of my ultimate tragic demise. And Michael joined the chorus with his two cents. I’m sure both of them think butting into my life is exactly what will make me happy.”
“Well… something like that,” Gus admitted. “But they have a good point. Don’t you ever want to, you know, go out with anybody? Like… on a date?”
This was getting weirder by the moment. “A date? Why the hell would I want to go on a date?”
Now Gus was at a loss. He knew that for gay men dating was all about sex - especially when that gay man was Brian Kinney. He didn’t like to imagine his father having sex with anyone but his husband, Ron. But Ron wasn’t around, that was the reality. And Brian’s unhappiness was palpable.
“Because… you’re lonely,” Gus stated. “You’re unhappy. Don’t lie, Dad, and say you’re not. Because I know you are. You don’t eat. You wander around the house in the middle of the night. You work, but you don’t have any fun.”
Brian fumbled for a cigarette, but realized that he wasn’t carrying any. He was still trying to cut back and driving around with Gus had seemed like a good way to force the issue. Now he was regretting that fucking stupid decision. “Adult fun is different than kid fun.”
“I know that, Dad.” Gus knew Brian meant sex, but Gus was thinking about more than sex. He was thinking about… life. About love. About… everything. He was thinking about Brian finding someone. About recreating the family they’d lost. “But sex isn’t all you and Ron did together.”
“Jesus!” Brian did not like the turn this conversation was taking. “My sex life is none of your business!”
“But it is!” Gus persisted. “Especially when having a partner - having a husband - was so important to you. And to me, too. Sex is part of that. Ron and I talked about it.”
Brian’s heart skipped. “You… you talked about that? With Ron?”
“Yes,” said Gus. He stopped at a red light and resisted the urge to rev up the engine. “We talked about a lot of things. Sex was one of them. He talked about how you guys met at Michael and Ben’s. And then how you got together. I know ‘getting together’ means fucking. I’m almost 16, Dad, and I know what fucking is. That’s one thing you did talk to me about. But what you left out was the ‘love’ part. But Ron didn’t leave that out. He talked about love.”
“That kind of shit is private.” Brian stared out the window. This part of the Pitts was an area he’d rarely seen when he’d lived there as a kid. Too suburban. The kind of place his mother had aspired to. The kind of place Ron was from on Long Island. “It’s nobody else’s business - not even yours.”
“You and Ron are my dads,” Gus said. “Were my dads. Now it’s only you. Ron is… dead.” Gus swallowed hard. He’d never wished that Ron was still there more than at that moment. Because Ron would have understood. There were so many things Ron seemed to understand, but Brian had trouble with. “But you’re alive. I want you to really, really be alive. And that’s why I want you to be happy. That’s why I don’t want you to hide yourself away all summer and act like some creepy ghost!” He almost added, like back in L.A. after Ron died, but he was afraid to go there.
“Brian Kinney is no creepy ghost!” Brian retorted. “Listen, kid, if I have to… to get my needs met, then I’ll get my needs met. Don’t you worry about it.”
“You mean finding some stranger to hook up with on Grindr?” Gus sniffed.
Brian almost choked. “How the fuck do you know about Grindr?”
Gus rolled his eyes. “Come on, Dad! I live with two gay men. I’m not an idiot. I know what Grindr is. I know about gay hook-up sites. I also know about straight hook-up sites.”
“You fucking stay out of those places!” Brian growled. “I mean that!”
“I’m not into that,” said Gus. “And I wouldn’t be into any girl who was into that. If I have a relationship, I want it to mean something. I want it to be about love.”
Brian shook his head. “Shit! I’ve spawned a romantic!”
“What’s wrong with romance?” Gus asked.
“What’s wrong with it?” Brian exclaimed. “Everything! It’s bullshit!”
“I don’t believe you,” Gus replied. “And Ron didn’t believe it was bull.”
“This is a fucking nightmare,” Brian moaned. “This is Lindsay’s influence, because that’s totally lesbianic. No Kinney believes in any of that romantic crap!”
“I call b.s.,” Gus said calmly.
“Turn the car around,” Brian ordered.
“Why?” said Gus. “Because we’re finally talking about something important?”
“No,” said Brian, although he meant yes. “It’s getting close to dinner time and Carmel will be waiting for you.”
Gus sighed and pulled into a parking lot. He turned the Lexus around, going back the other way, back into Pittsburgh.
“You have to eat, too, Dad.”
“I’m going to dinner at Michael and Ben’s tonight,” Brian said grimly. “And believe me, I’m going to ream Michael out for getting you on this stupid happiness, love, and sunshine kick. And then I’ll go after Deb.”
“Go ahead,” Gus said. “It doesn’t change the fact that you need to do something, Dad. You know you do. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”
Brian rubbed his aching forehead. Carmel started her vacation Friday, while Gus was leaving for Lindsay’s on Saturday morning. He’d already arranged to meet Justin at the loft Saturday afternoon. He hoped they could manage to extend the fuck session to at least Sunday morning, depending on what story Sunshine fed to his clueless boyfriend. Maybe even Sunday evening.
But that was about fucking. Period. Not love. Not a relationship. Not even close.
But this happiness bullshit Gus was so obsessed with… That was too much. Too fucking much!
What was happiness, anyway? Money and health and a good, hard fuck. What more did he need?
But what did Gus need? A father who wasn’t an asshole? A father who was - God forbid! - in a relationship? A family? But that couldn’t happen again. Could it? Lightning couldn’t strike again. He’d already been in love twice in his life and the fact that one of those times had worked for 10 years was already a fucking miracle.
Brian’s heart had already been broken twice. A third time was not an option.
Gus needed to think about his own future and his own reality before he tried to mess around with Brian’s.
“Drive home,” Brian said to his son. “And make it snappy. You need to get ready to go to Toronto. I want you to call Lindz tonight and finalize everything.”
“That’s the other thing, Dad,” Gus offered. “Maybe instead of going to Canada I could stay here and we could…”
“No!” Brian cut off that idea immediately. “If you stayed here, Lindsay would have my balls, so it’s not an option. You’re going and you’re not to think about me or worry about me the entire time you’re there. Worry about getting along with the bitch, Mavis - that should take up all the time you aren’t playing soccer.”
“Aw, shit,” Gus mumbled.
“What?”
“Crap,” he said. “I said crap.”
“Good,” said Brian. “Keep it that way.”