"The Enchanted Cottage" -- Part 14
Pillow talk.
Las Encantadas Estate, Erie, Pa., October 2006
"Wow," sighed Justin, sinking back onto the pillow.
"'Wow'?" Brian questioned. "Just 'wow'? 'Wow' is the fucking best you can do?"
Justin grinned. "How about 'Wow! B...Bam! Pow! B... Bang!'?"
"Forget it," said Brian, lighting a joint. "Now you sound like Michael!"
Justin cocked his head. "Wh... why do I sound like Michael?"
"Because he's a comic book geek." Brian took a long, satisfied toke on the joint. It felt good to relax. Good to be in bed with someone who wasn't judging him. "He even owns a comic book store."
"You mentioned that before. I d... don't know much about c... comic books. I've never read one."
"Michael's read thousands! He even got me to go to a couple of Comic Cons with him," Brian said. "Those are real nerd-fests!"
Brian almost never talked about his life back in Pittsburgh, so Justin's interest was immediately piqued. "I can't p... picture you and all those comic books! Michael must be a really good f... friend for you to g... go with him. How long have you kn... known him?"
"Since we were around 13, 14. I was the new kid in school and Mikey latched onto me. He was obsessed with comic books even then." Brian smiled. "He always went for the big guys who looked like superheroes. That was his type. You should have seen his partner, Ben. That guy was built like Captain Astro!"
Justin frowned. "Who's C... Captain Astro?"
"Who is Captain Astro!" Brian raised an eyebrow. "You truly never read comic books when you were a kid?"
Justin shook his head. "My parents thought they were t... trashy."
"Captain Astro was Michael's favorite superhero. He was like a bargain basement Captain America or Superman, but Mikey loved him. You should have seen how depressed he got when the writers killed him off. Like he'd lost his best friend."
Justin leaned against Brian. "I thought you were his b... best friend?"
Brian swallowed hard. "I am.... Or I was. Things are different now. It's... complicated."
"Was he your first lover?" Justin asked.
Brian feigned shock. "What? Me and Mikey? No, never! There was a time when we might have been, but... I could never have done it. He was too much like a brother. And it would have ruined our friendship."
"But you d... did love him," Justin stated. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," Brian admitted. "As much as I could love anyone. Which is another reason we never had sex."
"Because you only have s... sex with people you don't give a damn about." Justin stared into Brian's eyes, challenging him. "Like me."
Brian looked away. "This is... different."
"How?"
Brian took another toke on the joint. "I don't know, but it is. Here. Have some of this." He offered him the joint. "It'll take your mind off all these stupid questions."
Justin hesitated. He'd smoked dope before, but not since the bashing. "I g... guess a little wouldn't hurt me." He took a tentative puff and then handed it back. "That's p...plenty. I get d... dizzy enough without it." He smiled slyly. "You made me dizzy!"
Brian laughed. "That's because all the blood ran to your dick while I was fucking you!" He blew out a smoke ring and watched it float upward. "It was great, kid. I mean it."
"I didn't know I could g... get into those positions!" Justin felt himself blushing. "I g... guess I'm more flexible than I thought. I d... did okay for my first time, didn't I?"
"You went for it," Brian asserted. "You didn't hesitate for a second. Although I thought you were going to faint when I started rimming you."
"I th... thought I was going to, too!" said Justin. "But I'm g... glad I didn't!"
"I hope you learned something," Brian returned. "Because I'll expect a little reciprocation next time."
"Then th... there will be a next time?" Justin said hopefully.
Brian bit his lip. But he couldn't deny that he felt happier than he had in ages. "Yes, there will be a next time. What am I going to do? Kick you out?"
"Out of bed or out of the c... cottage?" Justin ran his left hand down Brian's chest.
"Both." Justin kept touching him. Stroking his chest. Running his fingers over his sensitive nipples. "Stop that. I'm getting hard again."
"G... good," said Justin, wiggling down to take Brian's cock in his mouth.
"Shit!" breathed Brian. "That's great! Yeah... Oh, yeah... Fuck! Wow!"
"Th... thanks," said Justin, pleased with himself.
"My, my, but the boy is a fast learner," said Brian, curling his arm around him.
"That's b... because I have an amazing teacher," Justin replied.
"Naturally."
They were both quiet for a long time. The rain continued its tattoo against the windows and the roof, but they were warm. And safe.
"So," said Brian, finally. "It doesn't bother you?"
"What?"
"You know."
Justin turned towards Brian. "You m... mean the scars? Not really. I have sc... scars, too. Scars where Ch... Chris Hobbs bashed my skull in. And scars where the d... doctors drilled into my head to release the blood. My hair c... covers them now, but they're there. I can feel them every day. And then there are the sc... scars that aren't so obvious. My g... gimp hand. My bad leg. The way I c... can't always get the w... words out when I want them. The fact that I c... can't remember huge chunks of my life. Those are w... worse scars than the ones on my skin."
"Scars are fucked up," said Brian. "You understand. Maybe that's why I... I sort of trust you."
"You can tr... trust me, Brian," he replied. "I do understand. I think that's why Mrs. M... Minnett thought I should live here with you. I was a wr... wreck when I first came to Las Encantadas. I n... never thought I'd be able to deal with what had happened to me. I'm n... not cured. I'll n... never be cured. But I can find a way to live. I kn... know that now."
"I wish I knew it." Brian stared at the joint in his hand as it smoldered out.
"You got me that c... computer. You knew what I needed to make me feel like my... myself again."
"But a computer isn't going help me, kid," said Brian. "I can still do my advertising work, but that's not going to fill every moment of my fucking life. I took for granted that I'd always be what I was -- a hot fuck who everyone would want. That I'd always be... be young and beautiful. I knew that was stupid, but I believed it somehow. Or that I'd die before I passed my natural gay expiration date."
"What's that?" Justin asked.
"The day that a guy loses his sex appeal," Brian explained. "The day you become a troll. The creep everyone avoids, except as a pity fuck."
"Only th... those who don't kn... know you," said Justin. "Only those who don't lo... lo... love you. Because if someone loves you, th... they don't give a shit about your expiration date -- which I think is the d... dumbest thing I ever heard of! Because I th... think you're beautiful! I love your body! I love your sc... scars! And I love you! You have to b... believe me. So l... let me prove it!"
"Prove it?" Brian frowned.
"Like this." Justin kissed an angry red mark on Brian's right shoulder and another on his upper arm. "These aren't your f... fault. They m... mean you survived! That you're alive! And I'm happy you're alive!" Justin put his face up against Brian's. "I'm n... not afraid of these. I'm not disgusted b... by them." Justin gently kissed a jagged red scar on his right cheek, then one over his eye that slashed through his eyebrow. "They aren't so b... bad. They're only on the surface. You can st... still see. Hear. Feel. And make love. What more do w... we need?"
"I need to forget," said Brian, his voice haunted. "And I can't forget! I can never fucking forget!"
"Then t... tell me," said Justin. "Share it with me. I c... can't remember what happened to me, so it'll always be a bl... black hole. A blank place in my life. G... give me some of your p... pain, Brian. Give it to me, and then you won't have so m... much to carry."
Brian closed his eyes and for moment Justin thought he'd gone to sleep. But then he coughed softly, as if something was caught in his throat.
"It was March of 2005," he said. "And they were having a fund raiser at a gay dance club on Liberty Avenue called Babylon..."
***
Las Encantadas Estate, Erie, Pa., October 2006
"Wow," sighed Justin, sinking back onto the pillow.
"'Wow'?" Brian questioned. "Just 'wow'? 'Wow' is the fucking best you can do?"
Justin grinned. "How about 'Wow! B...Bam! Pow! B... Bang!'?"
"Forget it," said Brian, lighting a joint. "Now you sound like Michael!"
Justin cocked his head. "Wh... why do I sound like Michael?"
"Because he's a comic book geek." Brian took a long, satisfied toke on the joint. It felt good to relax. Good to be in bed with someone who wasn't judging him. "He even owns a comic book store."
"You mentioned that before. I d... don't know much about c... comic books. I've never read one."
"Michael's read thousands! He even got me to go to a couple of Comic Cons with him," Brian said. "Those are real nerd-fests!"
Brian almost never talked about his life back in Pittsburgh, so Justin's interest was immediately piqued. "I can't p... picture you and all those comic books! Michael must be a really good f... friend for you to g... go with him. How long have you kn... known him?"
"Since we were around 13, 14. I was the new kid in school and Mikey latched onto me. He was obsessed with comic books even then." Brian smiled. "He always went for the big guys who looked like superheroes. That was his type. You should have seen his partner, Ben. That guy was built like Captain Astro!"
Justin frowned. "Who's C... Captain Astro?"
"Who is Captain Astro!" Brian raised an eyebrow. "You truly never read comic books when you were a kid?"
Justin shook his head. "My parents thought they were t... trashy."
"Captain Astro was Michael's favorite superhero. He was like a bargain basement Captain America or Superman, but Mikey loved him. You should have seen how depressed he got when the writers killed him off. Like he'd lost his best friend."
Justin leaned against Brian. "I thought you were his b... best friend?"
Brian swallowed hard. "I am.... Or I was. Things are different now. It's... complicated."
"Was he your first lover?" Justin asked.
Brian feigned shock. "What? Me and Mikey? No, never! There was a time when we might have been, but... I could never have done it. He was too much like a brother. And it would have ruined our friendship."
"But you d... did love him," Justin stated. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," Brian admitted. "As much as I could love anyone. Which is another reason we never had sex."
"Because you only have s... sex with people you don't give a damn about." Justin stared into Brian's eyes, challenging him. "Like me."
Brian looked away. "This is... different."
"How?"
Brian took another toke on the joint. "I don't know, but it is. Here. Have some of this." He offered him the joint. "It'll take your mind off all these stupid questions."
Justin hesitated. He'd smoked dope before, but not since the bashing. "I g... guess a little wouldn't hurt me." He took a tentative puff and then handed it back. "That's p...plenty. I get d... dizzy enough without it." He smiled slyly. "You made me dizzy!"
Brian laughed. "That's because all the blood ran to your dick while I was fucking you!" He blew out a smoke ring and watched it float upward. "It was great, kid. I mean it."
"I didn't know I could g... get into those positions!" Justin felt himself blushing. "I g... guess I'm more flexible than I thought. I d... did okay for my first time, didn't I?"
"You went for it," Brian asserted. "You didn't hesitate for a second. Although I thought you were going to faint when I started rimming you."
"I th... thought I was going to, too!" said Justin. "But I'm g... glad I didn't!"
"I hope you learned something," Brian returned. "Because I'll expect a little reciprocation next time."
"Then th... there will be a next time?" Justin said hopefully.
Brian bit his lip. But he couldn't deny that he felt happier than he had in ages. "Yes, there will be a next time. What am I going to do? Kick you out?"
"Out of bed or out of the c... cottage?" Justin ran his left hand down Brian's chest.
"Both." Justin kept touching him. Stroking his chest. Running his fingers over his sensitive nipples. "Stop that. I'm getting hard again."
"G... good," said Justin, wiggling down to take Brian's cock in his mouth.
"Shit!" breathed Brian. "That's great! Yeah... Oh, yeah... Fuck! Wow!"
"Th... thanks," said Justin, pleased with himself.
"My, my, but the boy is a fast learner," said Brian, curling his arm around him.
"That's b... because I have an amazing teacher," Justin replied.
"Naturally."
They were both quiet for a long time. The rain continued its tattoo against the windows and the roof, but they were warm. And safe.
"So," said Brian, finally. "It doesn't bother you?"
"What?"
"You know."
Justin turned towards Brian. "You m... mean the scars? Not really. I have sc... scars, too. Scars where Ch... Chris Hobbs bashed my skull in. And scars where the d... doctors drilled into my head to release the blood. My hair c... covers them now, but they're there. I can feel them every day. And then there are the sc... scars that aren't so obvious. My g... gimp hand. My bad leg. The way I c... can't always get the w... words out when I want them. The fact that I c... can't remember huge chunks of my life. Those are w... worse scars than the ones on my skin."
"Scars are fucked up," said Brian. "You understand. Maybe that's why I... I sort of trust you."
"You can tr... trust me, Brian," he replied. "I do understand. I think that's why Mrs. M... Minnett thought I should live here with you. I was a wr... wreck when I first came to Las Encantadas. I n... never thought I'd be able to deal with what had happened to me. I'm n... not cured. I'll n... never be cured. But I can find a way to live. I kn... know that now."
"I wish I knew it." Brian stared at the joint in his hand as it smoldered out.
"You got me that c... computer. You knew what I needed to make me feel like my... myself again."
"But a computer isn't going help me, kid," said Brian. "I can still do my advertising work, but that's not going to fill every moment of my fucking life. I took for granted that I'd always be what I was -- a hot fuck who everyone would want. That I'd always be... be young and beautiful. I knew that was stupid, but I believed it somehow. Or that I'd die before I passed my natural gay expiration date."
"What's that?" Justin asked.
"The day that a guy loses his sex appeal," Brian explained. "The day you become a troll. The creep everyone avoids, except as a pity fuck."
"Only th... those who don't kn... know you," said Justin. "Only those who don't lo... lo... love you. Because if someone loves you, th... they don't give a shit about your expiration date -- which I think is the d... dumbest thing I ever heard of! Because I th... think you're beautiful! I love your body! I love your sc... scars! And I love you! You have to b... believe me. So l... let me prove it!"
"Prove it?" Brian frowned.
"Like this." Justin kissed an angry red mark on Brian's right shoulder and another on his upper arm. "These aren't your f... fault. They m... mean you survived! That you're alive! And I'm happy you're alive!" Justin put his face up against Brian's. "I'm n... not afraid of these. I'm not disgusted b... by them." Justin gently kissed a jagged red scar on his right cheek, then one over his eye that slashed through his eyebrow. "They aren't so b... bad. They're only on the surface. You can st... still see. Hear. Feel. And make love. What more do w... we need?"
"I need to forget," said Brian, his voice haunted. "And I can't forget! I can never fucking forget!"
"Then t... tell me," said Justin. "Share it with me. I c... can't remember what happened to me, so it'll always be a bl... black hole. A blank place in my life. G... give me some of your p... pain, Brian. Give it to me, and then you won't have so m... much to carry."
Brian closed his eyes and for moment Justin thought he'd gone to sleep. But then he coughed softly, as if something was caught in his throat.
"It was March of 2005," he said. "And they were having a fund raiser at a gay dance club on Liberty Avenue called Babylon..."
***