"Dog Days" 4
Unconditional.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, August 2005
Jennifer Taylor approached the diner on Liberty Avenue with trepidation.
This was enemy territory. Or that's what it felt like. A world about which she knew nothing. A world in which she was stranger. The epicenter of Gay Pittsburgh.
But this was the world where her son now belonged. Where her son now worked. The Liberty Diner.
She took a deep breath before she opened the door and stepped inside.
The diner was about half-full in the hour before the dinner rush began. As Jennifer glanced around, it looked like a normal diner -- the garish colors, the faux-Fifties ambience, music blaring from a jukebox. But something about the place was slightly off.
She noticed two men kissing in a front booth. And a hefty woman with a shaved head and multiple piercings sitting at the counter.
And the waitress...
"Can I help you, sweetheart?" asked the waitress, a very tall woman with red hair and heavy, clown-like make-up.
"Are... are you Debbie?" Jennifer asked. All she knew was that the woman she was looking for was a waitress at the Liberty Diner and had red hair.
"No, sweetie," the waitress laughed. "I'm Kiki. Deb's on break. Hang on a sec." The waitress turned and yelled in a loud, gruff voice, "Hey, Deb! You got a visitor!"
"Thank you," said Jennifer politely. But as she stared more closely at Kiki she realized that this person wasn't a woman at all, but a middle-aged man in a wig and a waitress uniform. A drag queen! And this was where Justin worked! With these people!
"Keep you pants on!" a voiced shouted from the back. Then a woman -- a real woman, this time, Jennifer noted -- burst out of the kitchen. "I'm coming! What's so important it can't wait for five more minutes until I'm off my break?"
"This lady is looking for you," said Kiki, indicating Jennifer.
"Well, you're seeing me!" Debbie laughed. "I'm Debbie Horvath, but you can call me Debbie, like everybody else! What can I do for you, honey?"
"I'm Jennifer Taylor," she replied. "And I'm told by my son that you can tell me something about an organization called P-FLAG."
"Jennifer Taylor?" Debbie repeated. "Are you Sunshine's mom?"
Jennifer blinked. "Sunshine? If you mean Justin, then yes, I'm his mother. I thought he might be here today. I know he works at this diner."
Debbie guffawed. "He hasn't worked here in over a month, hon. When was the last time you talked to him?"
Jennifer swallowed. "Last week. He never told me he'd quit his job." He never tells me anything anymore, Jennifer thought, fighting back tears.
"He got a better gig at the Watermark down on the Boardwalk," Debbie explained. "Much better tips here. He only worked here for a couple of weeks. Justin is a cutie and has a great ass. All the guys loved him!"
"Oh, dear," sighed Jennifer, feeling shaky. "Do you mind if I sit down?" She sank into the nearest booth and put her head in her hands.
Debbie frowned at the blonde woman. She had on an expensive outfit and she seemed like a nice lady, but something was definitely wrong with her. Deb sat herself down on the seat opposite Justin's mother and leaned over the table. "Are you gonna tell me what's the trouble?"
"Everything," Jennifer whimpered. "I feel like I'm losing my son! He never told me that he changed jobs. He... he never tells me what he's doing now. He used to confide in me about everything in his life. His friends, his classes -- everything! That is, he did before he met that... that Brian!"
"You mean before he told you he was gay?" Deb said gently. "When did he tell you, honey?"
"Last Christmas Eve," she sniffed. Debbie reached into the pocket of her apron and pulled out a handful of kleenex, handing them to Jennifer. "Thanks."
"But you already knew," said Deb. "You've known a long time, haven't you?"
"Maybe," Jennifer admitted. "But it was only a... a feeling. But when Justin said it out loud, that made it real. That made it true. And that's when everything changed. That's when that Brian came into the picture!"
"Listen, hon," Debbie reached over and patted Jennifer's hand. "I've known Brian Kinney since he was a tall, gangly kid who Mikey brought home for dinner one night. They were only about 13 or 14 years old, but Brian already had a chip on his shoulder the size of a fucking tree! His old man was an abusive drunk and his mother spent more time on her knees in church than looking out for her kids. Brian was pretty much left to fend for himself, to make his own way. I took one look at him and knew he was trouble. And I was right, because not long after that I came home and found the two of them in my house in the middle of day, drunk!"
"Is this supposed to reassure me?" Jennifer choked out. "Because it isn't working!"
Debbie shook her head. "I'm only telling you this to show you what Brian's had to survive. He could have been a total loss, like his old man. And it looked like that's the way he was headed. He ran away from home and got mixed up with some bad people. But eventually he pulled himself together. He was a smart kid and he got a scholarship to Penn State, so he went off to college and made something of himself. Brian's got a good job and he makes great money. He's a successful man."
"I know," said Jennifer. "He bought Justin a Jeep for his graduation. But that makes me think that... that he's buying my son! I hate to think that, but I can't help it!"
Debbie threw her head back and laughed. "Jennifer, honey, the last thing Brian Kinney needs to do is buy sex! All he has to do is walk down the street and he could find ten guys who'd have sex with him in a heartbeat! He bought Sunshine that Jeep so he'd be able to get around. And so he'd be safe. Pittsburgh is not an easy place for any gay man, but especially a young gay boy who can't defend himself. Brian knows that."
"I wish I could believe that this man has my son's best interests at heart," said Jennifer. "But it's hard! He's so much older than Justin. So much more experienced. I'm afraid Justin will get hurt by him." Jennifer leveled her eyes at Debbie. "He's going to hurt my son, isn't he? Tell me the truth."
Debbie sat back in the booth. She couldn't very well tell this woman that her son wouldn't get hurt. That he'd never get his heart broken. Or that Brian wouldn't be the one who broke it. That was the way of the world. That was life.
"Listen, Jennifer -- I don't have my crystal ball with me today," she said. "I can't predict the future. But everybody gets hurt. Everybody gets their heart broken eventually. But I've seen Brian and Justin together. They've been to my house. I've seen them here at the diner and at Woody's, the bar down the street. And I can tell you one thing -- Sunshine is in love with Brian. Head over heels in love. But Brian is in love with Justin, too. I can tell. You can see it in his face when he looks at the kid. Hear it in his voice. I've never seen him like that before. Never. Never seen him so gentle with anyone, except maybe his son, Gus."
"Son?" said Jennifer, in surprise. "Brian has a son?"
"Yup. Gus'll be five in a couple of weeks," Debbie informed her. "And Brian loves him like crazy, although he'd never admit it. The same with Justin. He loves him, even if he won't say it. But he does. I know."
"This is so hard for me," Jennifer whispered. "But I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to accept it. Especially since I know I can't change it."
"Then why don't you come with me to the next meeting of P-FLAG?" Deb suggested. "You'll meet a lot of people in the same boat as you. All parents of gay kids. And we all have one thing in common -- we love our kids. But we love them the way they are, not the way we want 'em to be. Unconditionally."
"That's the way I want to love Justin," Jennifer nodded. "But why is it so hard to accept?"
"You'll find a way," said Deb. She took Jennifer's hand and squeezed it. "Just open up your heart. Justin is already in there. But maybe one day you'll find a little room for Brian, too. Because he needs love even more than Justin. But I think they're finding it -- together."
Jennifer tried to smile, but to was difficult. So very difficult. Difficult to accept Justin's new life. And Brian. But she'd try.
She had no other choice.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, August 2005
Jennifer Taylor approached the diner on Liberty Avenue with trepidation.
This was enemy territory. Or that's what it felt like. A world about which she knew nothing. A world in which she was stranger. The epicenter of Gay Pittsburgh.
But this was the world where her son now belonged. Where her son now worked. The Liberty Diner.
She took a deep breath before she opened the door and stepped inside.
The diner was about half-full in the hour before the dinner rush began. As Jennifer glanced around, it looked like a normal diner -- the garish colors, the faux-Fifties ambience, music blaring from a jukebox. But something about the place was slightly off.
She noticed two men kissing in a front booth. And a hefty woman with a shaved head and multiple piercings sitting at the counter.
And the waitress...
"Can I help you, sweetheart?" asked the waitress, a very tall woman with red hair and heavy, clown-like make-up.
"Are... are you Debbie?" Jennifer asked. All she knew was that the woman she was looking for was a waitress at the Liberty Diner and had red hair.
"No, sweetie," the waitress laughed. "I'm Kiki. Deb's on break. Hang on a sec." The waitress turned and yelled in a loud, gruff voice, "Hey, Deb! You got a visitor!"
"Thank you," said Jennifer politely. But as she stared more closely at Kiki she realized that this person wasn't a woman at all, but a middle-aged man in a wig and a waitress uniform. A drag queen! And this was where Justin worked! With these people!
"Keep you pants on!" a voiced shouted from the back. Then a woman -- a real woman, this time, Jennifer noted -- burst out of the kitchen. "I'm coming! What's so important it can't wait for five more minutes until I'm off my break?"
"This lady is looking for you," said Kiki, indicating Jennifer.
"Well, you're seeing me!" Debbie laughed. "I'm Debbie Horvath, but you can call me Debbie, like everybody else! What can I do for you, honey?"
"I'm Jennifer Taylor," she replied. "And I'm told by my son that you can tell me something about an organization called P-FLAG."
"Jennifer Taylor?" Debbie repeated. "Are you Sunshine's mom?"
Jennifer blinked. "Sunshine? If you mean Justin, then yes, I'm his mother. I thought he might be here today. I know he works at this diner."
Debbie guffawed. "He hasn't worked here in over a month, hon. When was the last time you talked to him?"
Jennifer swallowed. "Last week. He never told me he'd quit his job." He never tells me anything anymore, Jennifer thought, fighting back tears.
"He got a better gig at the Watermark down on the Boardwalk," Debbie explained. "Much better tips here. He only worked here for a couple of weeks. Justin is a cutie and has a great ass. All the guys loved him!"
"Oh, dear," sighed Jennifer, feeling shaky. "Do you mind if I sit down?" She sank into the nearest booth and put her head in her hands.
Debbie frowned at the blonde woman. She had on an expensive outfit and she seemed like a nice lady, but something was definitely wrong with her. Deb sat herself down on the seat opposite Justin's mother and leaned over the table. "Are you gonna tell me what's the trouble?"
"Everything," Jennifer whimpered. "I feel like I'm losing my son! He never told me that he changed jobs. He... he never tells me what he's doing now. He used to confide in me about everything in his life. His friends, his classes -- everything! That is, he did before he met that... that Brian!"
"You mean before he told you he was gay?" Deb said gently. "When did he tell you, honey?"
"Last Christmas Eve," she sniffed. Debbie reached into the pocket of her apron and pulled out a handful of kleenex, handing them to Jennifer. "Thanks."
"But you already knew," said Deb. "You've known a long time, haven't you?"
"Maybe," Jennifer admitted. "But it was only a... a feeling. But when Justin said it out loud, that made it real. That made it true. And that's when everything changed. That's when that Brian came into the picture!"
"Listen, hon," Debbie reached over and patted Jennifer's hand. "I've known Brian Kinney since he was a tall, gangly kid who Mikey brought home for dinner one night. They were only about 13 or 14 years old, but Brian already had a chip on his shoulder the size of a fucking tree! His old man was an abusive drunk and his mother spent more time on her knees in church than looking out for her kids. Brian was pretty much left to fend for himself, to make his own way. I took one look at him and knew he was trouble. And I was right, because not long after that I came home and found the two of them in my house in the middle of day, drunk!"
"Is this supposed to reassure me?" Jennifer choked out. "Because it isn't working!"
Debbie shook her head. "I'm only telling you this to show you what Brian's had to survive. He could have been a total loss, like his old man. And it looked like that's the way he was headed. He ran away from home and got mixed up with some bad people. But eventually he pulled himself together. He was a smart kid and he got a scholarship to Penn State, so he went off to college and made something of himself. Brian's got a good job and he makes great money. He's a successful man."
"I know," said Jennifer. "He bought Justin a Jeep for his graduation. But that makes me think that... that he's buying my son! I hate to think that, but I can't help it!"
Debbie threw her head back and laughed. "Jennifer, honey, the last thing Brian Kinney needs to do is buy sex! All he has to do is walk down the street and he could find ten guys who'd have sex with him in a heartbeat! He bought Sunshine that Jeep so he'd be able to get around. And so he'd be safe. Pittsburgh is not an easy place for any gay man, but especially a young gay boy who can't defend himself. Brian knows that."
"I wish I could believe that this man has my son's best interests at heart," said Jennifer. "But it's hard! He's so much older than Justin. So much more experienced. I'm afraid Justin will get hurt by him." Jennifer leveled her eyes at Debbie. "He's going to hurt my son, isn't he? Tell me the truth."
Debbie sat back in the booth. She couldn't very well tell this woman that her son wouldn't get hurt. That he'd never get his heart broken. Or that Brian wouldn't be the one who broke it. That was the way of the world. That was life.
"Listen, Jennifer -- I don't have my crystal ball with me today," she said. "I can't predict the future. But everybody gets hurt. Everybody gets their heart broken eventually. But I've seen Brian and Justin together. They've been to my house. I've seen them here at the diner and at Woody's, the bar down the street. And I can tell you one thing -- Sunshine is in love with Brian. Head over heels in love. But Brian is in love with Justin, too. I can tell. You can see it in his face when he looks at the kid. Hear it in his voice. I've never seen him like that before. Never. Never seen him so gentle with anyone, except maybe his son, Gus."
"Son?" said Jennifer, in surprise. "Brian has a son?"
"Yup. Gus'll be five in a couple of weeks," Debbie informed her. "And Brian loves him like crazy, although he'd never admit it. The same with Justin. He loves him, even if he won't say it. But he does. I know."
"This is so hard for me," Jennifer whispered. "But I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to accept it. Especially since I know I can't change it."
"Then why don't you come with me to the next meeting of P-FLAG?" Deb suggested. "You'll meet a lot of people in the same boat as you. All parents of gay kids. And we all have one thing in common -- we love our kids. But we love them the way they are, not the way we want 'em to be. Unconditionally."
"That's the way I want to love Justin," Jennifer nodded. "But why is it so hard to accept?"
"You'll find a way," said Deb. She took Jennifer's hand and squeezed it. "Just open up your heart. Justin is already in there. But maybe one day you'll find a little room for Brian, too. Because he needs love even more than Justin. But I think they're finding it -- together."
Jennifer tried to smile, but to was difficult. So very difficult. Difficult to accept Justin's new life. And Brian. But she'd try.
She had no other choice.