"The End of 'The Evil Stream'" 12
Michael gets a phone call.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh
"Hey, Mikey."
"Asshole!" Michael cried into the phone. He had only heard briefly
from Brian since he had relocated permanently to Los Angeles a
few weeks before, at the beginning of April, 2006. "I wondered
when you were going to bother to call me back! How the hell is
it going?"
"Fabulous," Brian said languidly. "Things in the Land of the
Lotus Eaters are totally fabulous. I'm opening the new office
next week -- Kinnetik Consulting, Inc. I already have meetings
set up with Jimmy Hardy's production company and an Australian
firm that wants to tout its resorts to American queers. If things
keep up this way, I'll have to hire a couple more people to handle
the logistics."
"I thought you were going to keep it low-key, Brian?" said Michael.
"Just you consulting with the studios on how to market to the gay
community? I didn't think you were actually going to have an office
and everything. Or be talking to foreign companies."
"I didn't think so, either," admitted Brian. "It's all been word-of-mouth.
But Ron thought I'd be taken a lot more seriously if I had an office and
a staff and used the buzz Kinnetik has already built up in advertising.
If I'm only working out of the house, it seems kind of Mom-and-Pop,
you know? But consulting is a different vibe, Mikey, a whole different
game from doing an entire ad campaign. You don't have the kind of
control you do in advertising, but it's a lot less stressful. You go into
the meeting, let them know what the hell they're doing wrong, tell
them how to change it, and collect a fucking gigantic fee! Then you go
home and drink a Cosmo by the pool for the rest of the day. It's a
piece of cake!"
"Sounds right up your alley, Brian!" Michael said. He was relieved
to hear Brian sound so good. So upbeat. His entire mood had turned
around since he returned from visiting Ron for the first time just
after last Christmas.
"Yeah, it looks like I'm really in business out here, Mikey. Good
thing that John and Cynthia are handling things so well in the
Pitts. I don't have to keep flying back there to kick some ass!"
Michael sighed. He was glad that Brian was doing so well, but he
would be lying if he pretended that he hadn't been devastated by
best friend's decision to move to the West Coast. "I miss you,
Brian. It's not the same around here without you. Even Emmett
says so."
Brian laughed. "You tell Emmett that he can come out here and
visit any time he wants. There are so many clubs and bars it
makes Liberty Avenue seem like Podunk! Same goes for you and
the Professor. Any time. There's plenty of room in the house. Ted's
already been out here to get some ideas for Babylon. Ron and I took
him to some of the best places in West Hollywood and we all had a
great time. Yeah, even Ted got lucky -- if you can believe that!"
"Ted told me," said Michael. "He's been making some changes at
the club already. Ted's really in his element now."
"Ted will be fine as long as he lays off the twinks and doesn't
become the new 'Sap'!" Brian pronounced.
"No, he and Blake are still seeing each other," said Michael. "But
it's on and off. Blake doesn't think Ted should own a club that's
devoted to sex, drinking, and drugs. It doesn't fit with the 12-Step
Program!"
"Blake is a little prig," Brian sniffed. "Ted's sober and he's doing
fine. Which is good, because if he ruins Babylon, I'll have to kill
him. And he knows that!"
"So, are you really heavily involved in the club scene and all that?"
Michael asked. "You told me that Ron took you to all the hot spots
when you were first going out there, but what about now, Brian?
I mean, now that you're in a relationship?"
Brian made a dismissive noise. "You're always judging everyone
else by the standard of Stepford Terrace, aren't you, Michael?
Both Ron and I have had plenty of time to sow our wild oats, and
we still have a few oats to spread around. Ron belongs to some
interesting private clubs here in L.A. and we've made the rounds
of them -- but we always go together and leave together. That's
because we want to, not because we have to. We don't have pre-set
rules or any of that bullshit. Been there, done that -- it didn't
work."
"Maybe because you didn't take those rules seriously," Michael
answered.
"Oh, I took them seriously," Brian retorted. "It was someone
else who didn't take them seriously, and that's the truth. Ron and
I don't play those fucking games. We don't need to. But I have to
admit that after glutting myself on all the candy that Los Angeles
has to offer in the past few months, I find myself a little sick of
candy, believe it or not. I actually look forward to sitting around
here in the evening, having a drink, smoking a joint, and comparing
notes with Ron. He always has a new story about the foibles of
Hollywood or a scurrilous anecdote about the flavor-of-the-month
actor who will be tomorrow's has-been. And I tell him about the
latest horror coming down the advertising pipeline from one of
Kinnetik's rivals. A couple of nights a week we go out and eat a
ludicrously expensive meal at a restaurant that takes reservations
five weeks in advance, hit a few clubs in WeHo or go to a party in
Beverly Hills, and then come home and fuck until we're senseless.
That's my kind of domesticity, Michael."
"Tell me, Brian," Michael asked. "Are you happy? Really?"
"Still trying to take care of poor old Brian, aren't you, Mikey?"
Brian replied. "It's not your job anymore. You can let it go. Ron
takes very good care of me and I take care of him. We're working
things out our own way. Maybe this will last and maybe it won't,
but no one will ever be able to say that we didn't try. Sure, we
both have our drama queen moments, but those pass."
"You haven't answered my question, Brian," said Michael.
"Yes, Michael," Brian affirmed. "I'm happy. I never expected to
be, but I am. Because I'm allowing myself to be happy. I'm not
fighting it. I'm just letting it happen."
Michael took a deep breath. He had called Brian to tell him
something and he knew that he better say it now before he lost
his nerve. "The reason I asked you is that... that someone came
into the store this afternoon. Someone I never expected to see
in here again. Do you know who I mean, Brian?"
There was a long pause at the other end. For a moment Michael
thought Brian had hung up. But he could hear his distinctive
breathing, with the air rasping through his deviated septum.
"And this impacts my life in what way?" Brian said finally.
"No way, I guess," said Michael. "I... I only thought you'd want
to know. He'd been to the loft. Looking for you. When he realized
you weren't there, he came to the store. He seemed upset."
"There's nothing I can do about that," Brian said, his voice even.
"It's not my concern. Not anymore."
"I thought you might want to call him," said Michael. "Just to
explain... you know... everything."
"You mean everything that you didn't already tell him?" Brian
huffed. "No, I can't. And I won't. It's a fucking vicious circle, Michael!
What more can I do and what more can I say to him? What the fuck
do I have left that I haven't already offered him? You want me to start
that up all over? You want me to cut out my heart and offer it to him
on a fucking silver platter? So he can reject it -- again? Well, I won't
do it! I'm using my heart now. It belongs to ME and I'll only give to
someone who wants to love me back for real. That's the lesson Justin
taught me. Don't settle for less than everything you've ever dreamed
of. And that's what I'm doing -- with someone who really wants ME.
Someone who really loves ME." Brian paused for a moment. "And I
love him, Michael. I just realized it, but I fucking do!" He sounded
almost surprised, but also elated. "I'm in love with him."
"Are you... sure, Brian?" Michael asked. "Really sure? Because I
think that Justin wants to...."
"I have to go now," Brian cut him off. "Ron is having a late meeting
at the studio tonight, but he should still be in his office. I'm going
down there now. And I'm going to tell him what I just told you. That
I love him. That's another thing I've finally learned. Don't wait. Don't
let the moment pass you by, because it might never come again. Life
is too fucking short! Bye bye, Mikey. Say hello to the Professor for
me." And Brian signed off.
Michael set down the phone. That was that. If Brian was happy, that
was all that mattered. But Michael still wished that he was in Pittsburgh.
He missed seeing him and talking to him. But that life was now in the
past. They had both moved on. Both grown up. Finally.
He picked up the piece of paper with the phone number that Justin had
left with him. Justin's number in New York. He'd be going back there
in a couple of days. Justin had also left Pittsburgh for good. He was
living with someone else, too. Jennifer had told Ma all about the guy,
who was a stockbroker and had some big bucks. Yeah, Justin always
landed on a velvet pillow. Some guy would always make sure he didn't
starve to death.
But Justin's anguished face as he'd stood in the store had also told
Michael that he wasn't very happy about it. He had been looking for
Brian. He still wanted Brian. But Brian was gone. Michael shrugged.
Brian was lost to both of them. And they'd both have to deal with it.
Michael shoved the piece of paper into the top drawer with all the
other junk that accumulated around the store. Odds and ends. Things
that he should throw away, but hadn't gotten around to yet. Things
that you can always throw away tomorrow.
Things that you might want, but can learn to live without. Eventually.
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh
"Hey, Mikey."
"Asshole!" Michael cried into the phone. He had only heard briefly
from Brian since he had relocated permanently to Los Angeles a
few weeks before, at the beginning of April, 2006. "I wondered
when you were going to bother to call me back! How the hell is
it going?"
"Fabulous," Brian said languidly. "Things in the Land of the
Lotus Eaters are totally fabulous. I'm opening the new office
next week -- Kinnetik Consulting, Inc. I already have meetings
set up with Jimmy Hardy's production company and an Australian
firm that wants to tout its resorts to American queers. If things
keep up this way, I'll have to hire a couple more people to handle
the logistics."
"I thought you were going to keep it low-key, Brian?" said Michael.
"Just you consulting with the studios on how to market to the gay
community? I didn't think you were actually going to have an office
and everything. Or be talking to foreign companies."
"I didn't think so, either," admitted Brian. "It's all been word-of-mouth.
But Ron thought I'd be taken a lot more seriously if I had an office and
a staff and used the buzz Kinnetik has already built up in advertising.
If I'm only working out of the house, it seems kind of Mom-and-Pop,
you know? But consulting is a different vibe, Mikey, a whole different
game from doing an entire ad campaign. You don't have the kind of
control you do in advertising, but it's a lot less stressful. You go into
the meeting, let them know what the hell they're doing wrong, tell
them how to change it, and collect a fucking gigantic fee! Then you go
home and drink a Cosmo by the pool for the rest of the day. It's a
piece of cake!"
"Sounds right up your alley, Brian!" Michael said. He was relieved
to hear Brian sound so good. So upbeat. His entire mood had turned
around since he returned from visiting Ron for the first time just
after last Christmas.
"Yeah, it looks like I'm really in business out here, Mikey. Good
thing that John and Cynthia are handling things so well in the
Pitts. I don't have to keep flying back there to kick some ass!"
Michael sighed. He was glad that Brian was doing so well, but he
would be lying if he pretended that he hadn't been devastated by
best friend's decision to move to the West Coast. "I miss you,
Brian. It's not the same around here without you. Even Emmett
says so."
Brian laughed. "You tell Emmett that he can come out here and
visit any time he wants. There are so many clubs and bars it
makes Liberty Avenue seem like Podunk! Same goes for you and
the Professor. Any time. There's plenty of room in the house. Ted's
already been out here to get some ideas for Babylon. Ron and I took
him to some of the best places in West Hollywood and we all had a
great time. Yeah, even Ted got lucky -- if you can believe that!"
"Ted told me," said Michael. "He's been making some changes at
the club already. Ted's really in his element now."
"Ted will be fine as long as he lays off the twinks and doesn't
become the new 'Sap'!" Brian pronounced.
"No, he and Blake are still seeing each other," said Michael. "But
it's on and off. Blake doesn't think Ted should own a club that's
devoted to sex, drinking, and drugs. It doesn't fit with the 12-Step
Program!"
"Blake is a little prig," Brian sniffed. "Ted's sober and he's doing
fine. Which is good, because if he ruins Babylon, I'll have to kill
him. And he knows that!"
"So, are you really heavily involved in the club scene and all that?"
Michael asked. "You told me that Ron took you to all the hot spots
when you were first going out there, but what about now, Brian?
I mean, now that you're in a relationship?"
Brian made a dismissive noise. "You're always judging everyone
else by the standard of Stepford Terrace, aren't you, Michael?
Both Ron and I have had plenty of time to sow our wild oats, and
we still have a few oats to spread around. Ron belongs to some
interesting private clubs here in L.A. and we've made the rounds
of them -- but we always go together and leave together. That's
because we want to, not because we have to. We don't have pre-set
rules or any of that bullshit. Been there, done that -- it didn't
work."
"Maybe because you didn't take those rules seriously," Michael
answered.
"Oh, I took them seriously," Brian retorted. "It was someone
else who didn't take them seriously, and that's the truth. Ron and
I don't play those fucking games. We don't need to. But I have to
admit that after glutting myself on all the candy that Los Angeles
has to offer in the past few months, I find myself a little sick of
candy, believe it or not. I actually look forward to sitting around
here in the evening, having a drink, smoking a joint, and comparing
notes with Ron. He always has a new story about the foibles of
Hollywood or a scurrilous anecdote about the flavor-of-the-month
actor who will be tomorrow's has-been. And I tell him about the
latest horror coming down the advertising pipeline from one of
Kinnetik's rivals. A couple of nights a week we go out and eat a
ludicrously expensive meal at a restaurant that takes reservations
five weeks in advance, hit a few clubs in WeHo or go to a party in
Beverly Hills, and then come home and fuck until we're senseless.
That's my kind of domesticity, Michael."
"Tell me, Brian," Michael asked. "Are you happy? Really?"
"Still trying to take care of poor old Brian, aren't you, Mikey?"
Brian replied. "It's not your job anymore. You can let it go. Ron
takes very good care of me and I take care of him. We're working
things out our own way. Maybe this will last and maybe it won't,
but no one will ever be able to say that we didn't try. Sure, we
both have our drama queen moments, but those pass."
"You haven't answered my question, Brian," said Michael.
"Yes, Michael," Brian affirmed. "I'm happy. I never expected to
be, but I am. Because I'm allowing myself to be happy. I'm not
fighting it. I'm just letting it happen."
Michael took a deep breath. He had called Brian to tell him
something and he knew that he better say it now before he lost
his nerve. "The reason I asked you is that... that someone came
into the store this afternoon. Someone I never expected to see
in here again. Do you know who I mean, Brian?"
There was a long pause at the other end. For a moment Michael
thought Brian had hung up. But he could hear his distinctive
breathing, with the air rasping through his deviated septum.
"And this impacts my life in what way?" Brian said finally.
"No way, I guess," said Michael. "I... I only thought you'd want
to know. He'd been to the loft. Looking for you. When he realized
you weren't there, he came to the store. He seemed upset."
"There's nothing I can do about that," Brian said, his voice even.
"It's not my concern. Not anymore."
"I thought you might want to call him," said Michael. "Just to
explain... you know... everything."
"You mean everything that you didn't already tell him?" Brian
huffed. "No, I can't. And I won't. It's a fucking vicious circle, Michael!
What more can I do and what more can I say to him? What the fuck
do I have left that I haven't already offered him? You want me to start
that up all over? You want me to cut out my heart and offer it to him
on a fucking silver platter? So he can reject it -- again? Well, I won't
do it! I'm using my heart now. It belongs to ME and I'll only give to
someone who wants to love me back for real. That's the lesson Justin
taught me. Don't settle for less than everything you've ever dreamed
of. And that's what I'm doing -- with someone who really wants ME.
Someone who really loves ME." Brian paused for a moment. "And I
love him, Michael. I just realized it, but I fucking do!" He sounded
almost surprised, but also elated. "I'm in love with him."
"Are you... sure, Brian?" Michael asked. "Really sure? Because I
think that Justin wants to...."
"I have to go now," Brian cut him off. "Ron is having a late meeting
at the studio tonight, but he should still be in his office. I'm going
down there now. And I'm going to tell him what I just told you. That
I love him. That's another thing I've finally learned. Don't wait. Don't
let the moment pass you by, because it might never come again. Life
is too fucking short! Bye bye, Mikey. Say hello to the Professor for
me." And Brian signed off.
Michael set down the phone. That was that. If Brian was happy, that
was all that mattered. But Michael still wished that he was in Pittsburgh.
He missed seeing him and talking to him. But that life was now in the
past. They had both moved on. Both grown up. Finally.
He picked up the piece of paper with the phone number that Justin had
left with him. Justin's number in New York. He'd be going back there
in a couple of days. Justin had also left Pittsburgh for good. He was
living with someone else, too. Jennifer had told Ma all about the guy,
who was a stockbroker and had some big bucks. Yeah, Justin always
landed on a velvet pillow. Some guy would always make sure he didn't
starve to death.
But Justin's anguished face as he'd stood in the store had also told
Michael that he wasn't very happy about it. He had been looking for
Brian. He still wanted Brian. But Brian was gone. Michael shrugged.
Brian was lost to both of them. And they'd both have to deal with it.
Michael shoved the piece of paper into the top drawer with all the
other junk that accumulated around the store. Odds and ends. Things
that he should throw away, but hadn't gotten around to yet. Things
that you can always throw away tomorrow.
Things that you might want, but can learn to live without. Eventually.